Newbies Nest

[kherriot]

Hi Nesters. made a huge mistake at work yesterday, no harm done, just had to go in and recalculate. I think that the email about my Dad upset me and I couldn't really concentrate. Wasn't looking forward to going in today but everything was great and very fulfilling. I felt really appreciated and worthy, if that makes any sense. Hubby & I had BBQ steak, and tinfoil vegeis. (potatoes, asparagus,mushrooms and spices) It was fantastic. Non alcoholic red wine, fire going feeling relaxed. Looking forward to work tomorrow, at least I have some where to go, which believe it or not gives hubby motive to go and work around the yard (3.5 acres) he has a lot to do. It finally stopped raining for awhile so he is enjoying working outside again. Hopefully work will come but things are really good right now. I am afraid I am going to jinx it. Hope everyone has a good night and a great day tomorrow. Things are looking up!!!!

[KENSHO]

Good to hear your positive vibe Kherriot! I'm just checking in here for the night. Thanks also for your good work Cowboy! You are a force around here!

Have a solidly sober night Everyone. I'm looking forward to that pillow - and to this weekend for a fun time with friends!

[All done drinking]

Non alcoholic red wine, fire going feeling relaxed.

My long time abstainer GF says that eventually I'll get over the need for the "fake" drinks, but for me the social aspect of drinking may have been more appealing than the drinks I wonder? So, yes I do the O'Douls and seltzers with flavors, etc. Wondering about the non-al wine however? Do you like it? If so, what type do you buy and I'll give it a try if I can find it where I live.

Addy :-)

[All done drinking]

I've spent the majority of my day running grandsons around, feeding them, cleaning up, etc
But I am so grateful for this opportunity, I won't complain, much

Lav,

I think the grandson in my life is also a factor that made quitting drinking an easier decision. I could see a pattern this last year of increased drinking and was actually fearful that his mom would start to worry about leaving him with me if she could tell I was drinking at pick up time. Now there is so much more time to spend with him when I am focused on reading to him, or playing with him, and not thinking about when I can have that glass of wine. So freeing.

Addy

[TJAF]

Addy. I'm not a big fan of the non alky drinks. There are a couple of German AF beers that are good but I have not come across a good AF wine. Fre is the only thing out there. I've come to the conclusion though that I'd rather just avoid all of the AF stuff. It's a big reminder about the real deal and so I just don't see the point but heck whatever gets you through the day. If it means not reaching for the real thing good. Just a warning though the beer at least does contain a small amount of alcohol. Personally I stick with a soft drink water or ice tea

[TJAF]

Family is a big reason to quit for sure. For me it was also legacy. I didn't want to be defined after a life of so much more simply as an alcoholic.

[LilBit]

I actually have a pumpkin e juice flavor, I'll put that in there and VAPE it, not smoke....Get with the program...

Oh, put that pumpkin in your pipe and vape it!

Nope, it just doesn't have the same ring to it. I shall have to think of something else...

[All done drinking]

Addy. I'm not a big fan of the non alky drinks. There are a couple of German AF beers that are good but I have not come across a good AF wine. Fre is the only thing out there. I've come to the conclusion though that I'd rather just avoid all of the AF stuff. It's a big reminder about the real deal and so I just don't see the point but heck whatever gets you through the day. If it means not reaching for the real thing good. Just a warning though the beer at least does contain a small amount of alcohol. Personally I stick with a soft drink water or ice tea

Thanks for the input. My friend believes I'll reach that point where I won't be reaching for the fake stuff once I get this quit under my belt a little more. I did hear the AF wine Fre was quite awful. I have tried tart cranberry juice. Has melatonin in it so makes for a good night's sleep.

Addy

[Dutch1988]

I could never do it Addy, I would kill the fake bottle and head right back to the store for the real thing. Don't ask me why, couldn't say. I'm glad that works for you though, drinking my tea was my new DOC, and it still happens to excess. I'll drink 2 liters of tea some days. I haven't felt any negative changes, and but read it can interfere with some b vitamin and iron. Someday I will learn to stop doing things to excess.

I have definitely been thinking about drinking more, much more than usual. It has to be stress from work and this feeling of drudgery with it as well. I was reading the relapse thread and folks were talking about a difference between not drinking and being sober. I hate to say I am still just not drinking. I can remember who, but someone had 5 years where they never actually improved their quality of life, they thought not drinking would fix everything and it didn't, so they fell back. I feel the same way.

I don't know when I'll start drinking again, but I feel like it's a matter of when, and I don't like that. Unless I man up and start doing the things I know I need to do, the things I thought that not drinking was preventing me from doing, I'm going to fall back down. So, anyone got a bottle of courage lying around? it turns out my other bottle of courage was just an excuse why I am not really going for things in my life.

[KENSHO]

Hi Dutch! I PM'd you, but I thought it might be helpful to say on the boards. NS can correct me if I am not getting exactly right, but I think it takes more than courage. Understanding addiction and brain chemistry and the things that affect and heal imbalances is invaluable - have you read much on the topic? I have found it really helpful lately! I don't think there is a one-size-fits-all solution to alcohol addiction, but a piece of the puzzle for me has been to better understand what's going on in my brain when it wants alcohol. It's a complex communication process up there, operating on the fact that dopamine surges when we drink. Many of us seem to be inherently low in domanine, and the receptors don't seem to function properly - so alcohol has been tagged as a "fix" for this! I've been reading ways to address neurotransmitter imbalances with nutrition, supplements, meditation, etc. It has also helped me to understand how poisonous alcohol really is - it just happens to be socially accepted, pushed by the companies that make $$$ from it - and highly addictive. Anyway, not sure if that is the least bit helpful, it has just helped me Keep at it please! We are sending you strength!!

[All done drinking]

I don't know when I'll start drinking again, but I feel like it's a matter of when, and I don't like that. Unless I man up and start doing the things I know I need to do, the things I thought that not drinking was preventing me from doing, I'm going to fall back down. So, anyone got a bottle of courage lying around? it turns out my other bottle of courage was just an excuse why I am not really going for things in my life.

Dutch,

My advice would be to start journaling and start writing down goals for yourself. Pick up the book from your library "Write it down, make it happen." I equate non drinking to retiring (which I haven't done yet but have plenty of friends who have). Without goals and things that they are accomplishing - I think self worth goes down. When that goes down - easy to hide in a bottle.

What is the title of the relapse thread? I'll have to find it and check out the comments there. We are all just one drink away from relapsing. The trick is, you want to find joy in recovery. Maybe reminding yourself of how drinking controlled your life and you didn't control it can help you in weak moments. We went to Greece and stayed at a Hilton hotel. The hotel was so beautiful and the executive lounge with the free booze was so enticing that we didn't visit Crete or Santorini because I didn't want to stay overnight on one of those islands where I wouldn't have the free booze. Every vacation became this need to be back to the hotel in time for happy hour! So, what joy now in my life not being dictated by happy hour time schedules etc. Remind yourself about your life in weak moments and how booze was in control of doing things. My holidays were not centered around my boys having fun when they were younger. It was all about the wine with and after dinner and then going into dullsville mode.

I think you have children? Remind yourself how nice it is when you are energized and fully present for them.

Finding fulfillment in helping others is what we all do here when we post and share. So glad you are so honest with us as others certainly struggle too and may not feel comfortable enough to share their feelings. Stay busy. Read. Other good books are Energy, Peace, and Purpose by G. Ken Goorick and Positive Addiction by William Glasser. Also wanted to add "A Day at a time" (Compcare Publications). It's a daily AA book and in today's talk it resonated with me about you. Bill W wrote to a friend "I don't think happiness or unhappiness is the point. How do we best meet problems we face?...In my view, we of this world are pupils in a great school of life. It is intended that we try to grow, and that we try to help fellow travelers to grow in the kind of love that makes no demands...when pain comes, we are expected to learn from it willingly, and help others to learn. When happiness comes, we accept it as a gift, and thank God for it." Can I accept pain and happiness willingly?"

Keep coming back. Keep posting. Stay strong.

Addy

[Pavati]

Hi!

I'm here. Just read all th posts I missed. Can't respond to them all.

Welcome Ginger. High five to you, Kensho - you sound strong. Lil- LOVE your writing here. G love the stretch in the present. And Dutch- you impress me with your honesty and willingness to work out the hard part here so we can help you and be helped by you.

Such a full week! But it is all good. Can't imagine how much time I wasted by drinking.

Xo
Pav

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters & happy Friday to all

Dutch, it's time for a shift in your thinking!
I look at it this way - did AL do anything positive for me in the past? Did it make me a better, healthier & happier person? Absolutely not!!!!
So why would allowing AL back into my life now be any different? I just think of all the good things in my life that I would lose, namely my health & my grandkids. That would be devastating for me so I am not going there ever again

Wishing everyone a great AF day! Get your plans together for a healthy & happy AF weekend. You won't be sorry!!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning and happy Friday, all!
Addy, 2 comments (well, maybe 5):
Faux AL. When I was first quitting I bought some and as I looked at that full glass in front of me, I wanted to chug it!!! WTH? So like Dutch, it was sort of a grim reminder of what I wasn't getting (which was the buzz!) This was a hard moment to me, I came into my office and cried. I also called a friend (coworker) of mine who is an AA'er. It was that moment that I saw the writing on the wall...and it said ALKIE! She encouraged me to attend a meeting the next day. Instead, I hunkered down here at MWO and you see where I've been ever since!
Point 2. The FO-AL....it's about 200 calories and tastes like pancake syrup. I'm not hating on pancake syrup, but those 200 calories could be better used!! (like with a bite of cake!!) Funny how my priorities shifted after the choice of AL was removed. Why bother with the fake stuff?? It's a bunch of empty calories and it wasn't cheap either. (remember, I was a cheap drunk!)
Point 3, now that I am almost 5 years older, I watch what I do drink at night because caffeine keeps me awake (from soft drinks or tea) and too much water makes me do the Dr Pepper Dance all night....pee pee at 10, 2 and 4! So when I go out, I do order water as a deterrent. I don't care for it so I don't drink much of it. It works for me.
Point 4! (yikes, this is getting long winded!) I make cookies and cakes in my spare time (which used to be drinking time!). For my real job, I sell security equipment to retailers.
Which leads me into Point #5! I was calling on an established customer yesterday morning and trying to wrestle some business from a competitor. I showed her all the valid reasons that using my stuff would work better and save her money. I was also supposed to be getting a Master Contract signed by her (which only means I don't have to get one signed every time she orders something, she can order it with email instead of having to sign a contract). I have been working on both of these things since March of 2014! Every time I overcome an objection, she hits me with something else. So yesterday I go in expecting to get that contract AND a commitment to buy our stuff completely! Instead, she comes down to a little room and tells me that there is another condition she wants to add to the contract (it will NEVER get approved) so I will have to send it back over to legal where it will get tied up until Christmas. I was P#$$ED. Then, I when I moved on to the other part of buying our widget instead of Brand X's, she started telling me why Brand X's was better. Methodically, I told her the reasons it may SEEM like it, but showed her why that was not the case. Then her phone rang and she had to go! I drove 4.5 hours over there for this (I went to that seminar because I was in town). So when I got back to the car after only a 40 minute meeting and walking out empty handed, I had a BAD CASE OF THE FECKITS. Feck this job.....feck this traveling....feck THIS CUSTOMER.....Feck the homeless guy on the corner asking for money. But as I got underway I realized that even with all this fecking going on....at NO TIME, did I say, FECK THIS QUIT. AL did NOT occur to me as a means to escape this Twilight Zone Sales Call!!!! That was BIG in my book!! And THAT is why we suffer thru the early days....we don't scratch that itch that only rips off the fragile scab. This is the sober muscle I'm talking about!!!
I still have a bad attitude, but by golly, my quit is in place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope everyone is getting ready for the weekend! It's only Friday, not a ticket to Boozeville! Byrdie

[abcowboy]

Dutch, I have no great words to lift you, but after I read your post, one thought came to mind "and drinking will help all this how?" Lots of advice passed on to you, all I can add is just ask yourself how drinking will help, or just make it worse, drinking isn't an answer, it's a temporary escape...

Addy, Relapse in Retrospect... https://www.mywayout.org/community/sh...-in-Retrospect