Newbies Nest

[gingerspice]

Hi Dutch, what more can I add.
I wish I had something great and could wave a magic wand ,but it just as you know not like that. -Head Down and Power through this- it is not easy or pretty but it is what it . Making life too hard on yourself can push you into a corner ,corners are dangerous as they give you no room to escape. Own the situation , look for a way out ,-make a new plan.- Hold onto your sobriety for your life -You have the courage don't let the av voice fool you

Take Care
x

[gingerspice]

Almost forgot away for a week in Cornwall tomorrow , wont be able to post ,as the wifi is pants there (too Hilly ,), and I don't own a smart phone .Please keep my Twig warm
x

[Starfish1]

Good Morning Everyone.

Thanks for all the great advice to Dutch. I am taking it all in and agreeing with it wholeheartedly.

All of the comments are great, but the one that sticks with me is that we must find the joy in life. It is not easy, Dutch, but I truly believe that is the secret. Yes, learning about the addiction is extremely important (and interesting) to me, participating in a community and giving back is also important, thinking about how alcohol has ruined your life and the lives of those you love is necessary (as painful as that is), but Dutch, if you allow yourself to continue to think of alcohol as a "fix for everything" (those are your words from above), then I am afraid your fears will come true and you will eventually relapse.

Dutch, I am so proud of you for reaching out for help here. You say you need a bottle of courage? Well, your ARE courageous for admitting that you need help. I have failed at that many times and the next step was relapse. Just the fact that you are asking for help and guidance indicates to me that you do NOT want to drink at all, you just want to feel better. You know in your heart that drinking is not the answer.

Dutch, take the suggestions that have been offered. Start journaling, read the books, maybe do some volunteer work? Take some time to think about what will make Dutch happy...even if it is just for today. Tomorrow you can find another "sober treat"...Just take it one day at a time...

Okay, sorry folks, out of time to write more and hope that makes some sense. Just my 2 cents.

[LilBit]

Dutch, I'd like to add a practical suggestion for finding joy as the others have said: take on a new hobby, discipline, career, level of expertise or other pursuit that you absolutely could not accomplish if you were still drinking. For me, it's the novel-writing and a higher level of skating expertise. But, it's also much more than that. I'm a new human being since last February. 'Never going back to that flaccid, self-absorbed, unreliable, unambitious, boring twit that AL made me. No way, no how. I'm also not going to re-chunkify myself with the 25 pounds (!) I've lost since quitting. I really love the person I am now -- the one who's there for her friends, who likes getting out of bed in the morning to see what the day will hold; the one who relishes walking in a room and seeing peoples' expressions light up.

So, what's on your dream list? What's your vision of the person you'd like to be? It's time to fill that vacuum with positive things so that the negative ones have no room to roost. 'Time to live in abundance and not deprivation.

[LilBit]

Byrdie, sorry about your Twilight Zone Sales Call! I spent some time in B2B sales and know just how that feels. You walk in expecting "A" and instead you get "D-minus!" It's like the customer has been abducted by aliens and had a head transplant. Arrgh. I wish you three more new customers who are way more spend-y than that one ever was.

[Elvis]

I drank a lot more AF beer when I was in my early days of quitting. Which makes sense to me as I was still learning how to deal with the stresses and triggers that would lead me to drink alcohol. So instead of reaching for alcohol, I'd go for the AF stuff. Over time, I learned to deal with the stresses and triggers differently, so now I rarely drink it, opting for soda or water instead. Now I think of the AF stuff as more of an indulgence, kind of like how I imagine normal drinkers think of a glass of beer -- as a treat. I might get one with dinner on vacation, or if my buddy is throwing a party at his place, then he picks up AF beer for me, that kind of stuff.

But yeah, in general I favor keeping the AF stuff around. Anything that keeps you from drinking alcohol, especially in the early days, is good in my book.

[NoSugar]

One time post-quitting when I has home alone for a couple days (used to be a very dangerous thing), I bought a bottle of Fre and tried replicating my previous behavior. For one thing, it didn't taste all that great (but no worse than the gut-rot I was drinking there at the end) but for another, after less than 2 glasses, I felt full of liquid and really didn't want anymore. It amazes me the sheer volume of fluid I used to be able to put in!! Like Elvis, I figured this must be how someone who isn't addicted to alcohol feels after a couple glasses - they're full and don't desire more. They aren't desperately chasing that good hit or, as was my situation towards the end, just trying to feel ok.

Dutch, as you go through your days and have good and bad experiences and feelings, maybe take a second and think what would be different if you'd drunk the night before. I did that intentionally for a long time and now it is pretty much an ingrained habit. No matter how bad I am feeling or how negative an experience is, I realize it would have been worse if I'd been hungover or feeling guilty or down on myself. There has not been one instance where things would have been better if I'd drank and so each time, I'm grateful that I didn't. After awhile it becomes like Byrdie described so well above - drinking won't even cross your mind as a reasonable option. Hang in there, NS

[Quit wining]

Happy Friday fellow nesters!

There have been some excellent, thought provoking, from the heart, posts the last little while. Ever great that so many turn to the Nest for support and non- judgemental advice.

With all the attention being focused on political debates in Canada and the U.S., I was reminded of the saying that politicians, like diapers, should be changed often and for the same reason! This week's debates have proved that true!

Day 27 well underway here. Many times I've signed in to see what's happening in the nest. The comments from newbies as well as long time quitters have been a huge help. Thanks to everyone!

Wishing everyone a safe, AF weekend.

QW

[Byrdlady]

Byrdie, sorry about your Twilight Zone Sales Call! I spent some time in B2B sales and know just how that feels. You walk in expecting "A" and instead you get "D-minus!" It's like the customer has been abducted by aliens and had a head transplant. Arrgh. I wish you three more new customers who are way more spend-y than that one ever was.

Honestly, LilBit, it was as if my customer didn't know her lines at all! I showed up to a whole nuther production where everything was bass-akwards!

NS, great post. I know that at every point in my REAL sobriety, I felt stronger than the day before. Dutch, I wonder if you have slammed the door shut on AL or if you are keeping your options open. I can tell you that while I THOUGHT I was sincere in my previous quits...I really wasn't. I intended to be AF, but I tell you, with my last one I knew I HAD to succeed. It is different when you are holding out hope to drink again...you never can quite make the total commitment. Maybe this is what's happening to you...in your words its as if you have already decided this won't be it. Quoting you: I don't know when I'll start drinking again, but I feel like it's a matter of when, and I don't like that. Unless I man up and start doing the things I know I need to do, the things I thought that not drinking was preventing me from doing, I'm going to fall back down.

As long as you leave that door open, AL will find a way in. Ok, here comes the soapbox. Dragging it over...stepping up....grabbing the mike from Matt M. THIS IS HARD. As long as I have been around, I have seen so many people I care about relapse....some never get back up! We just had one not too long ago and I can't imagine good things are happening since we haven't heard from him. That scares me...A LOT! I don't care HOW long a person has, this disease has a tremendous amount of people who relapse. BUT I don't have to be one of them. If you feel it's only a matter of time before you do, then I would urge you to spend some quality time on this site and dig in and see what happens when we do. Visit an addiction facility and see what a living hell those folks are dealing with. Go to long term abstainers thread and watch the 'Rain in My Heart' documentaries. Those will scare you into next week! I saw MYSELF in those people!! I know that it feels as if you have been at this a long time, but in the scheme of things, we are all relative short-timers!!! With any luck, I've got 40 years left (at least I have enough tiny soaps and shampoos for that long!!) So my nearly 5 years isn't squat compared to how long I have yet to go. I hope you will embrace your quit and be so glad you aren't among the folks still fighting active addiction. I wish I could find the link to those documentaries, they are priceless! Let me go look! Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwv7Utcf-gM

There are 10 in this series, each one a few minutes long. Worth the time. B

[Guitarista]

Hiya Nesters near and not so far,

Sounds like you have a lot going on Dutch. As a former serial relapser, i think it's understandable to consider our usual crutch (AL) to turn to for some quick relief. And it will work.......for about an hour or so - and then for me at least, would always come the regret and self disappointment that would be my headspace for days on end until I'd stop again or just keep drinking and self abusing.

Maybe some sort of a break could be useful to PAUSE, take a step back and reflect/re-assess your position?

I don't know what state you were in when you last quit, but remember why you stopped and never forget it. All the best on the odyssey mate.

Day 29. This is a no chunk no booze zone so off for some gym and a run.

The weekend ain't no ticket to boozeville see.

[available]

Morning nest

A busy week here, Robert is still hanging on, he has a tremendous will to live, earlier this week i thought i would have a funeral to attend and today he wants to go to the movies, so off we go. Whatever he wants he shall have and we deal with tomorrow when it arrives.

Dutch some great advice but at the end of the day it is only you that will decide to drink, we can give advice until the cows come home but unless you take it off the table and give yourself time to heal emotionally then that door will never close. I just knew that i could never ever pick up a glass as much as i wanted to as i knew the consequences of my actions. I still dont know if i could control drinking if i started but it is a chance i am not willing to take. My life has been way too good since i threw that shit out of my life. I look and see Robert dying of cancer and i was killing myself intentionally each and every day. We will be a long time dead, so i have decided to make the most of what time i have left. I care for myself that much that i dont want to die by alcohol and i care for the others around me. They were watching me die a slow death by drinking, not much fun for the ones around me, i just didnt realise it or care.

Today i have a full day at the hospital, i wonder if i was drinking what pathetic excuse i would have used to not be there and i know i would have as i would not be able to function. This is what alcohol did to me, it took and took and took from me and the ones i love. I will be fecked if i will let it take one minute of my life, the one i have worked so hard for.

I have my nieces wedding in November and thats scary to me. We are a great drinking family on special occasions and when i think about it, i think, why worry, you dont drink, you wont drink and you will have just as much fun not drinking. Its all in the mind!

Mary congrats on 600 days, just another day in paradise now!

Take care xx

[Guitarista]

Gr8 post Ava. All the best to Robert and take good care of yourself. :happy2:

[KENSHO]

Hi! I'm via phone, so can't type a lot. Lots of really great advice here, very helpful to read it all. I'm at out friends house to celebrate - they are taking us to dinner. I have thought about drinking and am feeling strong. Opportunities to drink are ALL the time... We must understand that alcohol has NO place, offers NO good for us any longer. Happy to have soda and good food and the company.

[Byrdlady]

Stay strong, Kensho! Order dessert, instead! (Sorry, NoSugar!!!). You will so happy tomorrow when you realize you added another day to your count! b