Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Jumping in real quick to wish everyone a safe night in the nest.
My 4 1/2 year old granddaughter is sleeping here tonight, such a joy
I am eternaly grateful for these moments!!

Lav

[LavenderBlue]

LavBlue, reporting in!

Dutch, I also want to applaud you for coming here to talk about what's going on!
Starfish said something that always really hits me - do I actually want to drink, or do I want to be happy? A good chunk of the time, I want to be happy or relaxed or "feel better" and it's the old bad habits trying to tell me AL is how to get there when it's not. Even if I don't yet know what WILL make me feel better (happens a lot) I can be sure AL is not going to do that, even if it ever did it sure wouldn't now. I also wonder if you might be being hard on yourself in terms of what you're doing in life? The path we're on from years of drinking isn't something that gets changed quickly, it takes time to re-find ourselves. It's probably a good thing since too much change all at once would be quite the stressful situation! If you know there's things you want to be doing, I'm not saying not to go for them. But I wonder if slowing down and focusing on one step at a time might be better than wanting to make huge sweeping changes, and feeling bad when you can't do that?

I know I don't tend to have a lot of patience with myself, and I often have to fight the expectation that since I don't drink, I "should" have everything else figured out "by now." But recovery and building a new life aren't things you can achieve by (figuratively) working weekends and putting in overtime, and I don't think there's a shortcut to it either.

[All done drinking]

Ava, I don't know your history so am not sure who Robert is to you but am very sorry :-( . Thank goodness to not be drinking during such a tough time. Who needs a depressant to make one depressed?!

A co-worker asked me to join her for a drink tonight. It was uncomfortable to order the non-al drink and have her be surprised. "What no wine - not drinking...what's up with that?" I was low key about it, stating my liver just didn't process al well (which it doesn't as I'm smashed on 3 drinks) and that I was tired of struggling with trying to keep it to one or two and then craving a third. It was hard as it's a co-worker with a big mouth but it is what it is and I didn't feel comfortable giving a "just not tonight lie" as she'll notice at the next party I'm not drinking, at the Christmas party...etc. I have to share that there were moments when it was really hard. Our drinking together on occasion would be mellowing out, putting our heads together, and solving the problems of the hospital. Not having the buzz makes the social atmosphere different and I struggled with the loss of it, the loss of the nice little buzz and how it's easier to talk more, stay longer, etc. It was really, really hard. However, I kept thinking, "How would my life be better if I had a drink?" Even if I had "just" one, I knew I'd be right back to wanting two. She questioned me about the fact that I am always in control when out with hubby, etc. and thought maybe it's just the party atmosphere where I drink too much. So, she asked, "what about just drinking when you're out with hubby where you are able to control it?" My answer was, "then I'd want to go out more often so I could have a drink." And it's true. You open that door, well...you know, it's like opening Pandora's box. It felt good to drive home AF, it felt good to get home and not be tired or not want another drink because I would have gotten the craving cycle going. We are going to go to a good movie that I'm excited about. That would not have happened if the drinking cycle had started. It would have been another night of a buzz that lasted too little, and regret and remorse that lasted too long. I am simply...All Done Drinking.

Addy

[Pavati]

Hi, Everyone:

I can't remember where I read it last night, but YES to whoever said "find the joy in not drinking."

Addy - sorry that was hard. I HAVE found that I don't like to do the same things I used to all of the time, but some things I thought would DEFINITELY be worse without alcohol have proved to be actually better without. Live music for one. A family reunion for another. As you get more comfortable being a sober person, you will be ok in those situations.

Byrdie - sorry about your hell sales call. But isn't it nice to have those days and not immediately, or ever, think that alcohol would be the solution. I really don't ever have that now with hard days.

I had a 15 hour work day today - very tired and heading to bed.

Night,
Pav

[KENSHO]

Stay strong, Kensho! Order dessert, instead! (Sorry, NoSugar!!!). You will so happy tomorrow when you realize you added another day to your count! b

I ordered a flourless chocolate cake with a side of coffee ice cream. It was divine. And I won't have a hangover from it . I found myself briefly romanticizing that one glass of red that my friend ordered, but then I imagined it was acid she was drinking and that little thought vanished. For some reason I counted my other friend's drinks. 4 double straight vodkas and three restaurant cocktails. Equates to 11 units of AL. Holy shot. He talked about booze the whole night. Problem there. It's not my place to mention it to my girlfriend, but I will be very forthcoming about my specifics if she asks... Thank God that's not me.

Will read more tomorrow - sleep tight Nest!

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters!

I was up on the dot of 7 with a very bubbly 4 year old. Thank goodness for clear headed mornings, ha ha

Kensho, your friend consumed a huge amount of AL at dinner last night, wow! I would say he has a problem in the works, scary.

Addy, I developed the skill of not allowing people to grill me about my abstinence. I don't grill them about their drinking choices either. I figure we should all mind our own business especially in social situations, right?

Let's all stick to our plans & have a fabulous AF day!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Checking in this morning with a MAN FLU. (Head cold) All night I thought my head was going to explode with pressure, but no worries, this morning it is ALL DRIPPING OUT! Holy snot! Sorry. Days like this I used to mix up a Thera Flu with vodka. I didnt feel good, but I didnt care! Wow, that seems a lifetime ago. (And I hope it stays there).

Dutch, I couldn't help but think of you overnight. My heart goes out to you, you have a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. I know the grass always looks greener on the other side, but now that I have been on both sides of the bottle, I can tell you that being AF has its own rewards. Im not going to list them, but if you suffer from depression, I dont have to tell you what AL does for that! It makes it 1000 times worse! Plus you get to add Guilt, shame and remorse! (The GSR Brothers). It sucks! During the last 5-10 years of my not-so-stellar drinking career, AL brought me NO JOY. It was a FIX that I needed. Now in the rear view, its easy for me to see that kind of thinking is one of an addict and Im the very one that must not take the first drink again. It is sad and scary to think that I didnt know how I was going to get thru life without AL!!! I could see that kind of panic if I were being told I was losing a leg or that I could only have oxygen 23 hours a day but ALCOHOL? That is the power of addiction! Let me see if I can find a great post from KTAB about 'Letting Go'.
Hope everyone has a wonderful Sattiday! Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Here we go, it's from KTAB:

Letting go.

Acceptance and denial seem to me to be key elements of moving on. How many of us have truly 100% accepted our alcoholism and let go of the niggling doubt that maybe somehow someday the clock could magically be turned back to a time when we were 'normal'?

As I see it, it is very simple, we have two choices, accept our problem, make the life changing changes necessary or continue to skirt the real issue. I have been clean now for a little while but a couple of weeks ago the friday night feeling hit and the thoughts of how nice a beer or two would be in the local and the cravings of course started. Two beers would have been nice and I am pretty sure I could have stopped at two but it would just have awoken the beast in me again and I would drink again the next day. Maybe its only me but food is somewhat similar, when I get in the mood for say a pizza or an indian meal and dont have it that night, the thought will sit there semi dormant but I will end up eating that food at some time over the next couple of days. I wonder if this is indicative of how the craving and reward centers of my brain are programmed.
Anyway I digress, I didnt drink on the friday but of course the thoughts werent far away and on saturday afternoon I was in the supermarket and found myself in front of the mountain of wine bottles, I picked one up and put it back down, I had allowed the thought to come to me 'hey about a bottle of wine to have with dinner?' I ran with it and then it came the 'maybe you should get two just in case' Then it hit me like a sledge hammer who was I kidding, this addiction wasnt going to go away, the alkie thinking was still there, the lying, the hiding the sneaky drinks were only a breath away. I stopped and bought a bottle of coke.

So I got to thinking about this, was there some part of me still clinging onto the idea that I can drink again? Obviously there is. So what do I do about it? I am back to the two choices, either I accept this or I dont. I believe it is very hard for us to accept that this is our life now and I think that is why so many here keep failing time after time, because they dont give it over totally, I am probably one of the biggest offenders.

If there is a big grey animal in the room with a tusk and a trunk it can only be an elephant. If I am still here posting on an alkie forum after nearly three years looking to help my problem drinking then I am an alcoholic, so if I am born 4 foot 6 with a one ear, green eyes and a big conk I cant change that can I? no more than I can change the fact of my alcoholism either but I can accept the fact. Ok, thats sorted, so without being over dramatic I can stop drinking or I can continue which would undoubtably take years off of my life and result in the quality of the years I have left a hollow shell of what they could be.

After true acceptance comes a sense of relief, a sense of peace and the first step on the path to gratitude for finding however we did the true escape and the right to lead a full and proper life without the ball and chain of AL chaffing the skin on our ankles.
Letting go sounds good to me, how about you?

[Starfish1]

Hi everyone,

Really great days here for me right now. Thanks to being able to come here everyday and read great posts like these. Thank you all!
Kensho and Addy :welldone::welldone: Y'all did great! Aren't you proud? We sure are proud OF you!
Over the past week, I have really felt myself getting stronger by the day. I have desperately wanted to experience this feeling for a long time and it feels great.
I have really been working hard at improving my habits and my health over the past 5 weeks and I am beginning to see it paying off. I feel better mentally (happier, calmer) and physically (more energy). Besides not drinking, I have been eating healthier and walking most days. I have already lost about 5 pounds! I also estimate that I have saved a minimum of 250 bucks! Wow...I'd call that progress. I needed that because now I have some good things invested in my quit. There is no turning back.

P.S. Byrdie, hope you feel better soon.

Have a great day everyone!

[Guitarista]

Brilliant stuff Starfish. Love it. I am feeling similar at..............30 days. The G train is in the house.

Get well soon Byrdie. Love KTAB's post. When did he write that? Hope you're well KTAB.

Remember Nesters, the weekend ain't no ticket to boozeville see. Take it easy.

[available]

Congratulations Mr G on 30 days and what a beautiful day in store to celebrate. Keep smiling!

Star i calculate how many bottles i have not drank since i quite, this is calculated at 2 bottles per day though sometimes more if i needed to be sociable! lol. They now total 1316 bottles that i have not drank, enough to fill a couple of bottle shops. I still shake my head and cant believe anyone could consume that much by themselves over 94 weeks. Not a normal drinker by any standards.

Addy my friend has terminal cancer and he is 51 on the 7th October. We had a lovely day yesterday seeing the movie Everest, not a bad movie. I tried to remember the last time i went to the movies and i think it was Titanic, 2 hours at the movies used to interfere with my drinking or i was too hungover to go.

Housework today, a beautiful spring day in Aus land and i get to enjoy it all.

[Byrdlady]

G Man, around here, 30 days scores you a hat! :guy: Congrats on a job well done! So happy for you!
That note from KTAB was from about 3 tears ago, I believe. Its from my toolbox.

Ava, we dont go to movies, either, but I did go see Titanic by myself at a nearby theater. I imported my drink, spiked it in the bathroom. Kept having to pee and missed key parts of the darn thing.

I hope you'll give Robert our best! B

[NoSugar]

I wasn't able to follow the plot of 'Dumb and Dumber' when for some crazy reason we saw it in the theater ! I had to watch it again alone so I would understand all the in-jokes. Now I'm the one who can follow the plot (except for Memento...).

[NoraC]

Dutch some great advice but at the end of the day it is only you that will decide to drink, we can give advice until the cows come home but unless you take it off the table and give yourself time to heal emotionally then that door will never close. I just knew that i could never ever pick up a glass as much as i wanted to as i knew the consequences of my actions. I still dont know if i could control drinking if i started but it is a chance i am not willing to take. My life has been way too good since i threw that shit out of my life. I look and see Robert dying of cancer and i was killing myself intentionally each and every day. We will be a long time dead, so i have decided to make the most of what time i have left. I care for myself that much that i dont want to die by alcohol and i care for the others around me. They were watching me die a slow death by drinking, not much fun for the ones around me, i just didnt realise it or care.

I am adding that to my journal. Thank you.

[Starfish1]

GMan:spin::spin::spin:

:sensational:

We LOVE you!!!