Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

Kensho, is that really you??? :smile: I'm so happy for you. Life is so much easier and better when you accept the situation and realize that is is just one part of you - it doesn't define you entirely or have to mean much one way or another other than that you can't drink alcohol. Of all the problems a person could have, that really isn't the biggest deal in the world. Anyway, I just love the new you :hug:.

[Hypernova]

Hi everyone. Not sure I am really ready for this but the drinking must stop again. Figured today was as good a day as any. I need to make myself accountable. I had 100+ days racked up a couple of months ago but since then I have not been doing well. The many stresses of family, work & health issues to mention a few are temporarily eased by drinking and then the drinking turns out to be the biggest stress of all making all the others worse. I am not really upset w/myself just deep down sadness b/c at this point drinking does nothing but rob me of life and if I have a drop of happiness in me right now I can't find it. So maybe a declaration here of my intent to stop drinking and not just trying to get through a couple of days by myself will be help me. I am nervous just being here b/c I know starting over is very very difficult. I make no promises other than I will not drink today.

[Quit wining]

Welcome Hyper!

Great to see you in the nest in the fine company of others who have done exactly the same as you.

If you have a chance, please read some of the recent posts. There are some amazing, long time successful quitters here who have tons of practical advice.

Hope you have a wonderful AF day Hyper and don't hesitate to lean on your fellow nesters at any time!

QW

[All done drinking]

Welcome to the fold Hypernova. Relaping teaches all of us how we are only one drink away from being a drunk and how it becomes so easy to slip back into those old drinking patterns. Sometimes after a long quit, some folks think they can "now" handle their drinking, can "control" it this time. Before they know it they are just as bad, and sometimes worse than before. Today is a good day for a day one. Challenge yourself and post daily on the NN roll call. Posting there helps keep me accountable and makes it easier to say no to temptation because I want to post another day.

Addy

[Hypernova]

Thanks All done & Quit wining for your support. I know I am in for a rough patch for a while and will lean heavily on the Nest to keep my head straight. Have been here all to often and have trouble making it stick for anything more than a few/several months. I change my mindset for a while then my conditioned and stubborn side take control and voila there I am looking for a day one. It does get more difficult to find a day one each time so why not avoid this by simply not drinking. Well I am going to work on this and figure it out and convince myself that there simply is no other option. So this time I want to come from a new place and realize this is not a game to be played. Alcohol has stolen enough from me and I need to realize this and not hide behind a bottle. Meditation and prayer are two things I have neglected in the past and will use them & the many things I have learned from previous quits. I just hope and pray I am up to the task. ~~ Anyway thanks for your thoughts they are sincerely appreciated , hyper

[Eloise]

Well you are doing better than me Lav.
I am doing about 45 minutes of yoga every morning and still struggle with anxiety.

Good Thursday morning Nesters!

Eloise, anxiety has been a lifelong problem for me too. I really don't remember ever living without some degree of anxiety.
Quitting drinking & smoking helped a lot, supplementing with good quality herbals has helped a lot too. Mindfulness & taking a few moments to attention to your breathing helps a lot. I can now center myself with three, slow deep breaths - works like magic

Addy, the drinking dreams are frightening but serve a purpose, ha ha!!

Wishing everyone a great AF day ahead!

Lav

[Starfish1]

ADDY- :fist: Girl!!! You got us all! Thank God it was just a dream. I had a crazy dream last night too, but mine was about coffee. I am always so relieved when I wake up from drinking dreams, so I know just how you felt. Glad you are still here with us.

KENSHO, I wish we had a REALLY, REALLY LIKE button on here! I am so proud of you! You got it now, no doubt!

I'm sorry I haven't been posting much over the past few days. I have been really extra busy at work (end of fiscal year stuff too) and still recuperating from some kind of virus that got me down over the weekend and feeling totally exhausted at the end of the day. Feeling poorly and unable to accomplish the things in my new, healthy lifestyle, that I have become accustomed, to feels strange - and surely makes me appreciate my health and my sobriety these days. I am ready to get back to feeling 100% and enjoying my new found energy and interest in life.

I still read as much as I can and will post more soon. In the meantime, thanks again to everyone. Each and every story is a lesson in itself.

[Dutch1988]

Welcome back Hyper, knowing you are having a tough time and where the problems are is a rest place to start, but your post reminded me of my own challenges. You sound like you can get a handle on drinking, but it's the other shit in your life that gives you the fuck its and makes you pick it back up. What's your plan for when things start getting to you again? Maybe you and I can collaborate, because I am in the same boat. Alcohol was a catalyst to my own mental struggles everyday. Without it, my problems didn't go away. Here I am trying to learn to cope still, I have a few systems like everyone else(meditation, yoga, martial arts). But what else is there?

My wife and I got into a fight last night. Last thanksgiving we left a gathering of old friends because my twin was a dick, despite not wanting to leave, I did because my wife's feelings were hurt, and even though I didn't get why, I respect how she feels. Last night, however, my friends and I planned this thanksgiving and a few jokes were made at her expense and without her knowing. I understand their point, they don't want to travel eight hours to not have a good time again. On the flip side I should have defended her, and when she saw my phone and who she thought was friends making fun of her, she was pissed and very disappointed. Ass kissing is all I can do, I like to think of myself as a bigger person than that, and I am.

I received a promotion notice at grappling today, I don't think I earned it. This is the epitome of my challenge now, I earned it, but my brain is being a fucker. In my head I am the same 8 year old kid who just wanted everyone to like them, the more I step back from that and say fuck everybody who has a problem with me, the better I feel. Talk about a social mammoth, I really need to murder that thing in its sleep. It occurs to me I have not made a "real friend" since I left high school almost ten years ago. Acquaintances yes, but no one I would invite to my home. Or perhaps this is black and white thinking, but I need to start putting myself or there more. This sounds like more work.

had a physical this morning, I must look like a saint now, no drugs, perfect blood pressure, heart rate, health, everything. I did want to speak to a psychiatrist as I want to talk to someone about having bipolar, as I think it's a legit possibility. I want everyone's honest opinion on this. The doctor said many mental illnesses appear in twenty as what you think life is going to be like and reality are greatly different. What bothered me was he said as you get older you feel much less of the ups and downs and everything kind of means less. The highs don't fee as good and the lows don't feel so bad. Is this true? I mean it seems logically but pretty depressing. Let me know your thoughts...

[Starfish1]

Oops, I wasn't even on the last page of the nest when I posted my last post. Sorry. I'm more "out of it than I thought!

Welcome back Hyper. I was exactly like you. Many starts and stops. Many of the times I had long stretches of sobriety and then for no good reason, just start drinking again. And yes, each time, it gets more and more difficult to begin again. Please stick close. This is one of the best group of nesters ever. All of us are very dedicated and very supportive. And of course, our great mentors are still here. Please join in. You'll have another 100 plus days before you know it. I'm almost half way there, myself and it seems I just hopped back in. You can sit by me! I'm sitting next to Byrdie. She'll keep us straight, that one!

Dutch, you are sounding good! Sorry about the tif with your wife. I hope that misunderstanding blows over quickly. I know you didn't mean to hurt her feelings. Congrats on your promotion. And I am sure it was well deserved. You are a hard worker! Glad your health check was good! I'm not sure at all about the words the doctor told you about everything in life meaning less as you age. That doesn't seem to be the case all the time as far as i observe in my own life and others. The change I do see with age is that I don't give certain things the importance I used to give them. I guess I have mellowed out, as they say.

[LilBit]

Hyper, welcome back with open arms. Who among us hasn't been exactly where you are? The only thing that I can offer is this: when the prayers and meditation become a lifeline that you can't live without, rather than something you have to keep up, everything gets easier.


Dutch, I'm impressed that you remembered the mammoth. Time to take that beast down! I would argue that as you get older, everything means much MORE, not less. Your criteria for judging "small stuff" becomes more accurate. This doesn't mean you become an unfeeling zombie. Quite the contrary. Believe me, the physical aspects of getting older aside, I'd so much rather be who I am now than who I was 20 years ago. It gets better all the time.

[Guitarista]

Yo Nesters near and not so far.

Dutch, as an older bloke I can tell you that the highs are still great and the lows will always suck. But I like to think that I have a fuller grasp on reality these days, so any negative or depressing thoughts, I will try to dissect and get to the origin. Often (for me) it is just my body chemistry or maybe some crap food I ate yesterday sending untrue thoughts and down feelings. A run soon fixes that. Or if my feeling down has a situational reason I can detect, (bills, relationships) then often I need to address it asap. Talking of people pleasing, a gig I played last sunday was a hit and it sure was a nice high getting some positive feedback from punters I'd never met. Take care mate.

Hiya Hyper!

Have a bewdy out there y'all.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters!

Kensho, sound like you have just the right thinking now for success! Good for you & congrats!

Hyper, welcome back, stay close, post often. We will all help you believe in yourself! You can do this!!

Dutch, I think the highs & lows change over the decades. Depends really on what you are doing or personally experiencing I think. We set goals early on in life & if we are lucky we meet those goals. Life doesn't end at that point so it's up to us to make a new set of goals. I find it's a bit difficult at my current age & stage of life but I'm not ready to give up either. I try to remain open to new ideas
I think showing your wife that you are on her side (always) may serve you better in the long run!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Dutch, maybe your Dr. is referring to an earlier age? I mean, in Jr. High, every emotion is monumental. But I think that with age, we learn that we survive the lows, and that there will be another high - so we are more stable. Maybe that's his angle? I don't think that I've felt any less joy or pain than I did when I was in my 20's, but I handle it better. Anyway, hope you get that sorted out. Did you ever research nutrition and its effects on brain chemistry?

I'm having a little trouble feeling motivated for work. I took some serious "me" time the past couple weeks - and I rather liked it! But it seems I'm very good at either working like a dog or resting like a cat. It would be SO nice to be able to achieve a balance! My eternal struggle. But at least I'm not struggling with alcohol. It is a relief that even on the days I feel I didn't achieve anything - I still achieved sobriety, and I still make sure to show my family how much I love them. And those are some important things!

Have a good sleep Nest!

[Hypernova]

Well made it through day 1 and it wasn't that hard but it was very hard to arrive at deciding how to find day 1. So I kept my promise not to drink yesterday and in the morning I will deal with Day 2, right now ODAT for sure. Anything more would raise my anxiety level and push me where I do not want to be. Tomorrow I will dust off my old plan and update it a bit. ~~ Thanks to everyone for their kind words and support. Just wanted to chime in after day 1 but am too tired to really delve into much right now.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters & Happy Friday to all

What's on everyone's AF plan for the weekend? Let's all plan to succeed & have no regrets

Lav