Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Keeping busy, here is today's project...

[Guitarista]

Wow Byrdie. Your cakes are really out there. That's a compliment. Your work is top notch. G

[LavenderBlue]

Buzzing in quick today because I am EXHAUSTED. We had a group of about a dozen young kids and three adults (who did not have control of the kids) visit the shelter for like 3 hours today. Yelling, running kids, barking dogs, trying to make sure no one and no animals got hurt....ugh. I mean, I got to stop a toddler from eating fish gravel (she threw it on the floor instead). I think I'm going to ask my boss at what level we can ask someone to leave, it really got to a point that I don't think it was good for anyone, you know?

Anyway, super grateful to be tackling that sober. I was able to keep my temper, and remember it wasn't the kids' fault they weren't being supervised well. I kept an eye on things enough that no one did get hurt, and I didn't yell at anyone even when one of the adults grabbed me because she was scared of one of the gentlest dogs I've ever seen. (I'm snuggly with friends, but cannot stand being touched by surprise or by people I don't know). I can't even imagine trying to handle that hungover or even just feeling the vague ick that isn't quite a real hangover. And I would have been panicking about not being able to drink until I got home!

As it is, I'm home and enjoying the quiet. I'm going to grab a shower, a nice meal, and go to bed early. The release I used to "need" a drink to feel, I can get from just being done with the situation and home.

[Guitarista]

Right on Lav B. Have a nice night.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters!

It's been a whirlwind kind of day so I am just getting around to checking in.
I'm still trying to figure out why 4 year olds wake up at 5:30 am raring to go, LOL
The overnight went well otherwise.

I am relaxing now watching TV coverage of the Pope's visit in Philadelphia. It's quite a production & near where I used to live. The Pope is now sitting on a stage being serenaded by various musical acts, interesting! I am quite sure I would not have had much interest in this event back in my pre-AF days.

LavB, nothing worse than an out of control 3 year old - you did well

Matt, glad you did so well with your counseling appointment. It takes work but we really owe it to ourselves to lose the old baggage

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Nice work Byrdie!

Way to show some patience LavB. Sounds trying.

Dinner with in-laws tonight - late b-day celebration. Walked in and she offered me champagne. I said no thanks, and she said "none, not any, not even a drop?" I said - "none, not any, not even a drop - I'm happier without it." She said "Ok, back to hard core." She's referring to the previous times I have not been drinking. I know she misses her drinking companion - and I saw her polish off multiple "not quite empty" glasses of various liquids. It bothered me and I felt uncomfortable. Not because I wanted to drink (well, maybe a tiny bit), but mostly because I know she was not happy with my decision. But you know what? She's going to have to get used to it. Now she knows. If it changes our relationship, then that will be a huge disappointment. But I am making my decision for me and my health and it has nothing to do with her. Husband continues to be a solid support

[gingerspice]

hi ,everyone
Back from a lovely break down by the sea . We are seriously thinking of moving down to Cornwall ( Mevagissey or Goran Haven ),-just so relaxing , - just the work issue . and family still living at home -jobs are pretty scarce there mainly Fishing and tourism.
Really Pleased to see that everyone is remaining strong and focused - even through the times that are not easy . I have to keep coming back to the reality that wine and me are parted and holds no more part in my life when my AV kicks in .In one of the shops there was a sign , and I thought it was quite true for me-

'Dear Alcohol. -We had a deal you said you were going to make me witty, outgoing , socialable --- I've seen the video --- we've got to talk '

Well I talked to Mr W. Wine on the 9th June 2014 ,we said our goodbyes ,and I had no more to do with him from the 10th. He does keep calling me ,(especially when i'm feeling a bit weak )and being a pain , wants to rekindle our friendship ,but I tell him that it won't work anymore I've moved on. I'm hoping one day soon that he will get bored and leave me alone.1
Take care fellow nesters.x

[abcowboy]

^^^ Very well said GingerS!! ^^^

[Byrdlady]

Happy Sunday, group!
Another rainy day here, enough already!

I was just posting my days over on the Sunday Shout Outs. That day (1712 days ago) really was a defining moment in my my life. Mollyka wrote that she sees her life in two sections now, before and after she got sober, that is so true. I see it that way, too. My life before was filled with emotions....all bad! Guilt,shame, remorse, disgust, doubt, obsession. It is hard to believe that I fought so hard to keep AL in my life....I mean I fought HARD....to the exclusion of all else, really. When I look back and see the power of this addiction, I thank my lucky stars that I have been able to use an online forum to find recovery. Sometimes I read over on the other threads (a good way to get your head snapped off if you comment) and I see others trying as hard as they possibly can to hold on to AL. I understand that, but it is such a shame. If that were a leg or a loved one they were clinging onto for dear life, it would be another story, but it is ALCOHOL! I almost chose AL over my spouse and my life!! SCARY. Scary enough for me to understand never to dabble in AL again. I got my second chance and I am grabbing onto it with hands. I have seen enough around here to know that in any contest where AL is playing, AL is going to win. I may he slow, but hopefully Im not totally stoopid. Lesson learned! Got it. Moving along, nothing left to see here.

Hope everyone has a peaceful day! Byrdie

[KENSHO]

AMEN Byrdie. I was that person. Thank goodness I am on the right path now. Don't need it, don't want it (too much), and am happier without it! Thankful for this honest, supportive place!

Having a nice Sunday here. I planned my day to include "a little yoga" and the to lift legs. Well, I put in one of the DVD's my husband got me and holy crap - I've never had a harder workout! Sweating like crazy, I felt my body stretching, strengthening and getting oxygen down to each cell - what a fabulous feeling! How have I been blind to this for so long?! Needless to say, I'm NOT lifting legs.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Hope everyone had a good day, I did
My daughter & her family just left so now it's time to relax a bit!
I am keeping an eye on the supermoon & waiting for the eclipse to begin. The moon is huge & extra bright so this should be quite a show. Grateful I'm not missing this event due to being passed out on the sofa or something - geez!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest! Life is indeed good

Lav

[gingerspice]

Good Morning
Im so Jealous Kensho , love to be able to exercise ,got to wait for Damn Achilles Tendon transplant to heal .
Lavande ,wasn't the moon bright it was apparently going to turn red and eclipse - missed it unfortunately.
Take Care , busy day today X

[Lavande]

Good Monday morning Nesters

Cloudy & foggy here, looks like rain is on the way. I don't mind though, we really need some moisture.

Gingerspice, the moon never looked red here, just large & bright. I did see the eclipse though before all the clouds moved in, oh well.
The last time we had this occurrence in was 1982 & I completely missed it being up to my eyeballs busy with 2 little kids, house & full time job, ha ha!!!

Just grateful to be happy & healthy so I can witness these unusual events!
Have a great AF day everyone!

Lav

[LilBit]

I don't want to feel things less as i get older, I just want emotional appropriate responses. As my twin said yesterday, on his day 70 of not drinking, I have a wife, house, beautiful daughter, successful business, I am in great shape and look healthier than I ever have, what the hell do I have to feel blah about? And that is exactly what bothers me, I like feeling good about life, but even today, and yesterday afternoon, I just don't feel like doing anything.

I think this pretty much sums up how I have been feeling. I go through the motions and feel fine when I am at BJJ, do at kenpo, or something else I enjoy, but if I don't actually force myself through willpower to get there, i will sit on the couch until I have to do something like go to work. Then I feel depressed because I think I am living from work day to work day, getting home and barely wanting to do anything, even eat. I have noticed eating, except for ben and jerry's or pizza or another extremely fatty salty sugary food, is a chore. The pessimist inside me says so what? You going to enjoy the next few years of your life like this hoping that eventually you feel normal? You never even felt normal before you started drinking, how do you know your parent's alcoholism didn't fuck you up for good.

Dutch, I wanted to cycle back and address this post because it seems that many people see things the same way. You want to feel "normal." Is it possible that society, capitalism and modern media (including Facebook with everyone's posted self-aggrandized selfies) have sold everyone a bill of goods about what it is to feel "normal?" In times past, man had to work every day just to survive. Without refrigerators, supermarkets, autos, cushy sectional sofas, ESPN, etc., human existence was pretty much consumed with acquiring enough food, avoiding lethal things and staying sheltered from the elements. Now, we have it all. Most of us don't think about survival on a daily basis. We're assured, perhaps falsely so, that when we get up out of bed every morning, we're going to lie safely back in the same bed that night. And time feels "empty" on our hands. Enter capitalism to try and sell us all the things that will fill that void: epic vacations, bigger houses, little blue pills, better experiences that we can then post so that all our friends will see them...

Need I say that none of those things can ever really satisfy the "blah" feeling you described? Understand, I am not talking about clinical depression or a chemical imbalance in the body. I'm talking about the de-motivation, the restlessness, the feeling that you're missing something.

I think a good place to start to fix this dilemma is realizing that it is quite normal to feel flat, sometimes. It's normal to feel bored, sometimes. Sadness, anxiety, occasional insomnia...all of these things are part of the human condition. It is not -- I repeat, not -- necessary to immediately pop a pill, buy a car or a plane ticket or eat a 1000-calorie tub of fat & sugar to fix it. None of those things are sustainable. You will survive feeling icky without them, and your mood will change at some future point.

A second consideration: are your daily activities misaligned with what you really want, deep down? Maybe you feel dissatisfied because you're working toward what someone told you that you should want instead of what you really want.

And third, if you're really ready to ramp up your life to a higher plane, maybe consider that you -- your moods, your accomplishments, your FB status, your possessions -- aren't what matters in Life, after all. St. Thomas Aquinas (famous dude who authored many profound theological works) wrote, "All that I have written seems like straw..." at the end of his life. 'Food for thought on this Monday morning as we start another week. Have a great one!

[LilBit]

On lighter notes...

Eloise, the thought of a horse that steals your purse makes me smile.

The eclipse last night was stunning. We viewed it from high atop a hill overlooking the Bay. Everyone cheered as the red moon peeked its way through the clouds.

I found myself in the "beverage tent" of a school/parish fall festival Saturday night, surrounded by people drinking AL and talking too loudly. I watched the kids, instead. They were far more entertaining.

Happy unhung Monday, all!