Newbies Nest

[available]

I know that feeling Karen but it wont go away by drinking. One day at a time is all we can do. Why do you think you will lose him? Being af is a better choice in the long run and everything changes when we are sober. I got to the "dont care" stage and at the end of the day only i could change that to caring. Al is a horrible addiction and no one understands better than another alky. Take care of yourself.

[Dutch1988]

Karen hang in there, I know people say it gets harder the more times you have to quit, but try not to think of it that way. I saw a move grappling today that I have known for almost 2 years, and I used it on a guy who had 10+ years experience. He knew the move, but I just instinctual went for it, like even though I had known it for a long time, it was FINALLY time to use it after all the time I had under my belt. I feel like finally quitting is like that, eventually your going to collect all the skills you need to keep that quit for good, and if it takes falling down and getting back up a few times, do it. It's better than the alternative, right? Don't give up!

Welcome sothankful, I love the name, it makes me remember I am trying to be more thankful, like just since Tuesday haha. Let us know if there is anything on your mind, we all have good life experiences to throw at you.

Ginger that sucks, my wife has been very supportive of my quitting, sounds like a typical guy thing to do, overreact saying something first then thinking later, I hope he apologized.

Today was challenging, my brother called in sick late in the day, and normally I leave early on Thursday. I enjoyed teaching some new material I have learned to adult class, and brought plenty of energy for the kids classes. Only one person asked me where my twin was, since he normally teaches with me, so I must have done a decent job. I also had to reprimand one class for being too disrespectful, good to do it from a place of integrity and not just because I was grumpy with a hangover.

I have been talking to my inner circle of friends about finding meaning in life, especially after reading this holocaust book. I noticed we all have different meanings we find with our different life experiences. I know personally my health is a top priority for me. My dad gave up his health providing for us kids, and although I am extremely thankful, I don't want to do the same thing. One friend accurately reminded me that without his sacrifice, I would not enjoy the education and skills I have now, and that pursuing wealth for my kids is not a bad thing at the cost of health. I reminded him that I would not want my kids to sacrifice their health for their children, although it would be a good sacrifice if you HAD to, I want them to make smarter choices, just like my father expects of me. So I am still contemplating where meaning is really in my life. Spending time with my wife, teaching my daughter, especially martial arts, laughing, helping my brother when he needs it, giving my parents love and time, these are where I am finding meaning right now. At least, until money gets tight. =P

[KENSHO]

Hi All. Up late working tonight. I've limited my late nights quite a bit recently - and I still truly hate them. How did I do this for so long? Oh ya, I numbed my way through them Well, have to find another way.

Dutch, I sure wish I had the health/work/family balance more figured out. I always feel like I'm sacrificing in all areas just to keep them all afloat. I guess that's the definition of balance. I just find myself wishing I was feeling extremely fit, or like a mom who is there more for her kids, or as far in my career as my peers - but alas, there's not enough time to do it all to the extreme. So I should be happy with not being an unhealthy, jobless, dud of a parent, right?

I've been craving "something" lately. I actually chose to remember what it was like when I would stop at the liquor store on my way home, and down a glass or two in the car. I remember feeling immediately satisfied. It scared me to remember it. But then I remembered that doing that will only ever lead me to wanting more and more and more - until I can't control it any more. My life isn't perfect now, and I sometimes feel a void.. but it's real and I'm alive instead of drowning in an addictive substance.

[LostSoul33]

Hi all,

It's been a while since I've been here. It's so good to see familiar "faces" but it's been so long that I can't put my finger on many of them. If anyone remembers me, send a note or a private message I'd love to reconnect and can especially use some extra words of encouragement. I am on Day 4.

So much has happened this year, it's a wonder I'm still around to talk about it. I know I have a long way to go but all that matters is staying sober, moment to moment. I am fully surrendering to whatever is out there that can help "restore me to sanity."

Looking forward to meeting all the other newbies in the nest. You are all an inspiration.

Goodnight <3

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

It's raining & dreary looking outside but grateful to be alive & well.
My heart goes out to the victims & families of the latest mass shooting at a college here in the US. Such a tragedy that seems to just keep repeating itself over & over.

Welcome back LostSoul! Make yourself comfortable & stay with us. Congrats on your 4 AF day - keep going & have no regrets!

Kensho, finding balance in work & family duties was always difficult when my kids were young. I look at them now & see they are both well adjusted so I guess I did OK. All we can do is the best we can do, right? Hang in there

Wishing everyone a great AF day ahead!

Lav

[NoSugar]

Good to see you again, LostSoul. I'm sorry your 'rock bottom' was a rough one but if it can be what leads you out of an addiction, something good will have come from it. And the thing is, no matter how bad it was, it could have been worse. But there's no reason for any of us to push things to the point that it is no longer our choice to quit drinking because we're in a prison, hospital, or morgue. I think we sometimes dance around the truth of how catastrophic addiction can be and once in awhile need to remember what we're dealing with.

I hope you stay connected now that you're back. I miss you when you drift away.

Dutch, Man's Search for Meaning is one of the most important books I've read. It amazes me that it's not required reading in high schools. I'm glad you found it.

Have a good weekend Nesters and if you feel like drinking, come here and post or read instead. You won't regret it Monday morning!

[gingerspice]

hi sothankful ,kherriot and lostsoul , and a big welcome. From experience this is the place to be to get the sober life together ,all the wonderful nesters here have a wealth of hard earned personal knowledge here that is invaluable on the journey on the sober road.
Got over yesterdays hiccup, and thanks Dutch he has apologised and he does say that he speaks before he thinks -must remember that 'men are from mars and women from venus '!!
Hi ava , how is Robert doing ? He is very fortunate to have such a caring friend as you.
Hope you all enjoy a good ,relaxing, wonderfully AF weekend ,Im off to do my exercises , ouch !
x

[abcowboy]

Howdy all! I'll just echo what the rest have already said to the newcomers and a big welcome to our humble abode! It's hard to explain how good it feels to be sober and AF, it's kind of like the old saying, you have feel it to believe it! And there's only one way to accomplish that, start adding up those days by doing it a day at a time!

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, Nesters!
Rain, rain, and MORE rain! This is nuts!

As I have been catching up on the posts from last night, each person with his/her own individual struggle or challenge, I am struck by the enormity of the issue: ALCOHOL IS THE PROBLEM.

This is an experiment that most of us have done 1000 times and the only variable we don't remove permanently is AL. Therefore, the problems keep recurring and the same scene plays out in all its glory. There are going to be triggers or perceived triggers all along this path, there's really NO WAY to prepare for them all, so what I found I had to do was come at it from a different angle. No matter WHAT came my way, AL was NOT an option, because what isn't a trigger today, will become a trigger tomorrow. When I approached it from that perspective, I was able to succeed in getting thru a crisis. AL is the problem, AL is not an option. Once I had this mindset, the good cop/bad cop arguing STOPPED. I just had to find other ways to negotiate a situation because AL was off the table. I believe in my heart of hearts that this is what separates success from relapse....because LIFE itself is a trigger for some of us!! Let's face it, by the time we get to an online forum for AL abuse, it's pretty much got us, so we are in the fight of our lives. I think the duty of a support group is to share what has worked. When I look around at the folks with long term sobriety, I see that they all took the option to drink OFF the table. Forget triggers, try this mindset and you will be amazed at what happens. That's not to say you don't need a plan, because a PLAN is the foundation of our quit. I'm a person who loves to assign blame, and believe me, I assigned it to everyone when I was drinking heavily. It's my husband's fault, my job stress is killing me, I travel extensively, I am anxious, I am bored, whatever the excuse I was willing and able to blame any and every one for MY al abuse! There at the end I was blaming the guy who put too much cheese on my nachos at a ball game! How crazy is that? The problem is ALCOHOL and the solution is to NOT drink it. No matter what. No matter WHO. It works. I have 1717 days AF today. Give it a try!

Today is only Friday....just another day in the week! We are going to feel so good when we wake up in the morning with another sober day to brag about!
Honestly, if I can do this, I know you can, too! Have a great Friday, everyone!!! Byrdie

[Starfish1]

Good Morning, nesters!

Welcome, Sothankful, and welcome back Karen and Lostsoul :hug:

I agree with what everyone else has said. We have all been in the same boat. Whether this is your first time trying to get sober, or umpteenth (as some of us call it), this is the place to be for sound advice, unending support and encouragement. We have all "been there" and understand the feelings of hopelessness and despair and the desperate attempts to get out of alcohELL! We are having great success in the newbies nest right these days. This is a wonderful group of newbies and mentors.

Y'all have chosen a great time to dive into your new sober lives, before the crazy business of the holiday season rolls around and you try to put it off (until next year!)...Now is the time! I am excited FOR you! Sobriety is SO MUCH BETTER.

I'll have to say (being a repeat offender of my sober stints) that I will agree with what Byrdie just said about taking the option "off the table". That mantra is really helping me this time. Of course different tactics work for different people, but on the rare occasion these days when a fleeting thought of sneaking a drink becomes more than fleeting, I repeat this phrase "The option is off the table...simple" and it works like magic. Of course, I also try to avoid my biggest trigger, which is hunger. I'll have to say this is working well for me. I have seven weeks sobriety now and am feeling wonderful. Thanks to everyone here.

I love what Lostsoul said..."All that matters is staying sober moment to moment! And btw, I remember you Lost Soul and am so happy you are back and Congrats on Day 4!!!

Have a great day everyone!

[Starfish1]

Oh yeah, I forgot to say...I will have company at my house this weekend! One of my married daughters is coming home to celebrate her 24th birthday! (Ava, our daughters are about the same age!)

We will have a nice, fun, alcohol-free celebration. Three of my daughters will be with me and we will enjoy hanging out together. This would not be the case if I were drinking. They didn't want to be around me at all. I don't even want to think of how many birthdays/holidays were ruined because of my drinking. NO MORE!! Alcohol will not steal one more day of my life...no matter what, no matter who!

[KENSHO]

Welcome LostSoul! I hope you feel "found" here.

Kherriot, come and sit by me. I am only 30-some days ahead of you, and BOY what a difference that time makes. We are here for you - please take the alcohol option OFF the table, as Byrdie says. You CAN deal with life without it - it just takes a few times of getting past hard things to realize that and get stronger!

Love the positive Starfish!

Got 5 hours of sleep last night and a busy day ahead - looking so forward to sleeping in tomorrow! I get to help my son do a model of a castle this weekend, and it should be fun. I enjoy projects like that.

Hope you don't float away, those of you on the coastal side of the nest - get out those life preservers!

Have a good day Everyone - and remember that even if it feels unbearably hard - you CAN get through it - and it usually only lasts a few hours!!

[All done drinking]

Welcome Lostsoul, to all of our newest posters, and of course to our oldest ones.

Byrdie, I always appreciate your posts to remind us all to keep vigilant in our resolve to quit and to stay that way. One author I came across said that they believed one of the biggest reasons for relapse was the fact that people lose their intensity of their conviction of the importance of sobriety. You constantly remind us not to do that.

The laissez-faire mentality simply does not work with this cunning disease. Sobriety cannot be just important but must be all important. One must have a "totalitarian" frame of mind where no exceptions are allowed. Yes, we all have those triggers, those things that go wrong, those excuses that can "drive us back to drink" if we don't keep the mindset that our sobriety comes first, before anything else. That's why it's so important to give each other these pep talks and reminders to always be on guard. There are too many stories of the long time recovering person, 7, 15, 30 years, who somehow relapsed. How does that happen? They simply let their guard down, got complacent, got too comfortable in their own skin, and perhaps didn't go somewhere like here or a meeting where others reminded them of the importance of staying abstinent. Some of our long time abstainers remind us that drinking is "off the table" that they are closed off to the option of drinking, that they simply "do not drink". If those in recovery let their guards down, they find themselves becoming more and more obsessed with drinking..."I was never THAT bad", I've been abstinent for so long, having one like everyone else won't hurt me", etc. If they can develop the mindset that under no circumstances, no time, no place (wedding, anniversary, vacation, etc.) and no exception that they have the option to have a drink, then that seductive voice will be quieted.

All Done Drinking...Yes! (Addy)

[NoSugar]

Addy, I commented in another thread that I really miss some of our former members who are now AF but who find that MWO is no longer helpful to them and in fact, may be detrimental. In some ways I'd like to leave and put all of this behind me but like you explained, I think the daily (or at least frequent) mind-adjustments that come from reading and posting (or attending some kind of meeting) are insurance against an almost inadvertent relapse. Some time each day doesn't seem to me like too high of a price to pay for that.

[All done drinking]

NS,

For those long time successful abstainers, I think it's so important to give back as well. AA was set up with that principle in mind, to help others in their recovery. I think you know this about me, but if not, I had 7 years of sobriety from 84-91. I moved to another state and quit going to AA in 89. Online groups didn't exist then so without that support, I know a big part of my relapse was just getting complacent and thinking I didn't need the support or help anymore. When an Aunt started to suggest that I just have a glass of wine with everyone at dinner at family gatherings, I started to believe I could handle that after being abstinent for so long. I think with this disease, we need to be vigilant forever. It would be interesting if we could track success rates of abstainers who leave and don't come back for support but don't go elsewhere either for support. I imagine the relapse rate would be higher than one would like to think. I always appreciate your ongoing support here too. We get back when we give so hoping those with long time recovery don't lost sight of that.

Addy