Newbies Nest

[Matt M.]

Howdy, Nest! I've been hopping about some other branches lately and stopped in to say hello. OK, that's not true...I saw that Lost Soul had a week (!) and couldn't resist the opportunity to bare my own fine two-cheek salute, heehee. :butt:Great job, Lost Soul, and don't worry. This is all the nudity self-expression that we indulge, here in the Nest. (Well, except for Matt during a full moon, but we don't talk about that anymore.)

Please do tell :devildevil: (Insert Cougar emoji)
20151007_004627.jpg osteroops:

[Lavande]

Good Wednesday morning Nesters, happy Hump day too!

Um, what a sight to wake up to there Matt, ha ha!!

css, Congrats on your 3 AF days :welldone:
They're the hardest days, you are truly on you way now!

Hope the sun makes an appearance some time today. Have a great AF Day everyone!

Lav

[Starfish1]

Good Morning Friends!

Matt :hahaha::hahaha::hahaha:

Myway. Thank you so much for that link. I really enjoyed that article. In fact, that is the way I have been approaching my sobriety this time around. I have tried to explain that approach to others, but have not been able to convey the message as well as the article. It's interesting. I am coming up on eight weeks, and I have not really had many (if any) terrible cravings. Its amazing. I was just thinking, this morning, that I am really much changed in my habits and in my thinking from what I was a couple months ago. The approach has worked for me. It is also funny to me that the article stresses making a little bit of a change each day. That has been difficult for me in the past because (as many of us are), I am one of those that likes to see instant progress and/or gratification. I remember when I first came back to the nest, Ava said to me "Rome wasn't built in a day"...I remember those words if I am ever stressing out about the progress I am making and I laugh. It's so true!

G-man, LOVE your paragraph! You and Lil Bit should work together. I miss K9 too, but with all this creative writing going on, I have been thinking a lot about RC (running courage)...I think about him a lot! Anyone heard from him in the last few years?

[All done drinking]

Morning all,

We have been struggling with teen issues which has made more focus going there than on anything else. I can really relate to Dutch's struggles. Different story but the mental health problems affect our family too. Teen son adopted at 3 came with such anger and abandonment issues and it's the old nature vs nurture struggle. You think you can love someone enough through that and make it better, but he has such a hole in his soul that I am not sure it can ever get filled. He has so many behaviors that are sociopathic, no empathy or remorse, doesn't care about true interaction (just wants to use folks), outbursts of anger, etc. He is currently in Juvenile Detention for stalking his GF who broke up with him and the law doesn't help teens enough where we live. If he stays a juvenile, he is free and clear at 18 with no probation, community service, etc. If he is tried as an adult, he will be facing two felony charges and a person hates to see someone that young totally screw up their life (especially when the prefrontal lobe isn't developed enough as most people aren't cognitively astute until age 25 or so). What happens isn't completely in our control but they take our input into consideration so it puts us in a tough position. We don't want him back in the home at all as he steals so much (horrendous stealing even though doors are locked, etc.) and btw, what a crappy way that is to live. Running your purse upstairs immediately to lock it up. No coming home, placing it on a chair and relaxing when you walk in the door. So, our hope is a mental health facility would keep him until 18 but the insurance gets in the way of wanting to pay and will want him released early and we're not sure where to put him as we don't want him here. It's a big mess without an easy solution.

Despite all of this, I am not drinking and I know I used him as my excuse to drink. I know I've stated many times to folks here that I tried to only drink on week-ends. But in situations like this, I would have been grabbing the co-worker friend going "I need a drink - now!" and would use that as my reason to have a drink on a Monday night or Wednesday, etc.

My heart goes out to abcowboy who lost an old drinking buddy to suicide. It is so sad that so many of us forget that alcohol is a depressant and when feeling sad and troubled, it only makes us MORE depressed. Working in a trauma hospital, I am witness to many people who come in and have been injured with the common denominator being alcohol. I wonder how many of these were due to drunken stupidity. One lady jumped out of a car once, very, very, drunk. The reasoning goes out the window. The actor Freddie Prinze took his own life (while drunk) and probably depressed because of the influence of alcohol. Despite my troubles, I will not use alcohol as my excuse because it does not make my problems go away or make me feel better in the long run. I only would get more depressed and be crying in my wine. Who needs that?

Hi to everyone old and new. Always love to see new folks who finally have the courage to introduce themselves and become one of us. At least we're all in this together so we're not really alone although we probably all feel that way at times.

Have a successful day nesters and visitors. Dutch and abcowboy, cyber hugs for you today.

Addy

[Byrdlady]

Interesting posts overnight, as usual!
G-man, was that a Geetar-board or a Geeser-board you and LilBit were taking out for a spin? Bwahaha! Good luck out there!

Addy, I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. No easy answers on that situation and my heart goes out to you.

We have sunshine and a perfect day today! Hoping this water goes in/out/away soon!

css, 3 days is outstanding! You are operating under your own power now! Those are THE hardest days in my opinion, so keep up the great work! We are so glad you are with us!

Pav, haven't seen K9 or Running Courage in ages, and I hope they are both ok or have found other support systems. It would be great to hear a word from everyone to see how it's going, wouldn't that be cool? We can only hope they return and tell us they are thriving.

Hope everyone has a peaceful day. Byrdie

[Rusty]

Hello Nesters, I don't usually post here but I follow ABC and Addy's posts on other threads.

ABC-so sorry for the loss of your friend. It is such a shame that your friend didn't find a way out of the AL beast before it took charge and wouldn't let go. Such a young man, too...with his whole life ahead of him. Praying for you that your heavy heart finds comfort.

Addy-wow, the story about your son and his sociopathic behaviors resonated with me. I have no children of my own, but I dated a man with 5 kids, and his youngest was adopted at 2 1/2 years old, and did everything your son did and he got a girl pregnant, too. He has RAD. His adoptive mother was a cold fish who abandoned him, too, so he was abandoned twice and is he ever messed up. He went to jail as a juvenile for beating the mother of his child while he was drunk, and then breaking his parole requirements. Fortunately, he got some really good counseling and seems devoted to his son, who is now 12 years old. But he stole from his father and siblings, just like your son...and even though his adoptive mother has tried to be more loving towards him, he does things that show a lack of conscience. I am reading "The Sociopath Next Door" as my brother was a sociopath and an alcoholic, too. It has really given me some insight. So proud of you for going through this and staying sober as well. GOOD JOB!!!

[gingerspice]

Good evening all old and new.
Very sad to hear about abc 's young friend ,suicide is so devastating to reconcile .
Addy sorry about all the trauma and stresses you are going through , my heart goes out to you. My eldest daughter went through a traumatic period in her teens- mid twenties involving stealing, drugs, pregnancy. It was a nightmare -will be thinking and praying for you and abc.
Dutch ,mental health issues in families are so difficult. My father in Law is a manic Depressive with borderline Paranoia he has been taken to stay in institutes several times ,it is an ongoing issue .Stay strong and look after yourself,
The point made about abuse at a young age affecting us when we older to being 'substance abusers' made me think Byrdie . A lot of what goes on when we are young consciously/subconsciously im sure has a prefound effect on us all
Glad everyone is moving along ok

Take care x
P.s -What is a hump day Lav -thanks x

[Starfish1]

Addy, I am so sorry you are going through such hard times with your child. Our children caused similar struggles. Just reading your account brought back many of the terrible memories. You are a wonderful mom and I am proud of you for not drinking through this. It is not easy. Just remember "This too shall pass".

[Mr Vervill]

I posted this link on the Gloamers threard, but thought some here my find it interesting as well. A 60 minutes interview with Patrick Kennedy, the youngest son of Ted Kennedy, who talks about his addiction to alcohol and more, as well as his family's struggles with AL.
60 Minutes Video - The full episode of 60 Minutes from October 4, 2015. - CBS.com
He's in the second segment, you can skip to it by looking for the dots in the timeline at the bottom.
Mr. V

[Dutch1988]

My daughters sleeping o me now Addy, and your post made me wonder what the future holds for her. Pretty stressful situation your in, I really hope you can find a solution that gives you some peace.

Mywayin that article really spoke to me. I think it's something about self esteem, finding meaning, and will power all combined that has really hit me that past week or so. Looking for meaning in my own life has allowed me to create an identity that makes me like myself more, making difficult things like this week easier. A week ago I didn't want to do anything work wise, now my identity is making sure my brother always has a job, and trying to help him manage his life. I can find meaning through that kind of thing because I always remind myself he has it harder, no matter what I am going through. It also motivates me to make more money because I know financially pressure is hard on him.

Same thing can be said for drinking, that new found identity of being a non drinker and boost in self esteem can make it much easier on your will power. It also explains folks who say they won't drink for a year, and as soon as that year is up they start drinking again. I have a lot more meaning in my life

[Dutch1988]

BTW congrats cas for hanging in there for 3 days!

And Lilbit congrats, always glad tree you posting and happy to have a quit twin. Good luck with that book!

[css54]

Thanks for the encouragement I really need it right now this morning was rough, I cried a lot. I think the emotions that I was trying to mask with alcohol are coming thru.I am feeling a bit better now cause I know I've got to pull it together for work. think I will walk downtown before hand and see if I can find some Calms Forte. Feeling a bit jittery but determined to make this work.

[LilBit]

Scene 2: " One of Fabiana's new friends, G from the far off space station Australis, took her riding across the galaxy on his Geetarboard one sunday afternoon in search of the fabled Vegemite and avocado ice cream plant. They are yet to return, but at least they took the butt Velcro."

G-man! Are you looking over my shoulder? That's Chapter 9! Well done, and I know where to go when I need story ideas.

Yes, Lav. You and the Stella will certainly make a cameo in the book along with all the other Nesties. As for wet chickens -- Lordy! If it's anything like the way my dog smells when he's wet, I can imagine.

CSS, let the tears come. It's hard sometimes, but they're healing. Think of them as pain leaving you and then do something nice for yourself (hint: ice cream! ice cream!). One of the favorite concepts I learned through hypnotherapy was how to comfort my "inner child." I know that sounds all new-age and hokey, but there's a wounded kid in most of us. Learning to listen to it and show it love had amazing power.

Addy, I really feel for you in this situation. When my son was in his adolescence and teens, he had violent behavioral issues along with his seizure disorder. I know how it feels to be running a hospital at home. It's just tough, no two ways about it. In fact, that's when I began abusing AL, trying to get through those times with some scrap of sanity. Seems like all you want is a break; just to blot things out for a little while. The good news is that we still can -- it's just that we have to find different ways. I found hard exercise and journaling to be absolute godsends, and still rely on a workout when I'm down or stressed out. Hugs to you! Please keep us posted, vent away, and hang in there.

Matt, my EYES!!! LOL.

[frances]

Addy I just wanted to chime in that I feel for you too - how hard that must be! I also know two different people with adopted children with similar issues. Stealing, lying, aggression, etc. - one is a girl and I know she steals and lies but I'm not sure about the violence. The boy has the gamut but he is still only 8 so I hope for his mom's sake research finds some good treatment options for these disorders - it is a never ending issue and I just really feel for my friend. It just must be draining emotionally and every other way. Good for you for staying strong and not drinking and I'm glad you can come here and share.

[Lavande]

Good evening Netsers,

Wow, it was a busy day here, for sure.
Btw - gingerspice, - Hump Day = Wednesday. Middle of the week & once you're over teh hump the weeknd is not far off

Addy, my daughter-in-law is a social worker & sees troubled kids & their parents all the time. I know my adopted cousin had the same difficulties, it was tough wtaching him grow up & constantly struggle. I hope you can find some peace & give yourself a big pat on the back for getting AL out of the picture right now!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest, getting chilier here, we may have to litght a fire soon.

Lav