Newbies Nest

[css54]

Today was tough thought about drinking way too much. But i didn't. Have to get up early tomorrow so bedtime now. Hopefully will get thru this weekend. AF day 5.

[Matt M.]

Quick check in for me in the middle of the night, insomnia blows. Especially since I have to get up in 3 hours for my 24 hour tour.

Great to see so many checking in.

Lav B, great news on your job, you sound great and very positive which is infectious, thanks for that.

Mr G always great to hear from you. Keep on keeping on brother, I am pulling for you sir.

Karen, glad to hear from you and doing well!
Die Hard Texas Ranger fan here. I feel very fortunate to have taken the first game today, us Ranger fans have much respect for the Jay's. Looks like it's going to be a great series!

Css54- Haven't had the chance to welcome you. As has been mentioned the first days can be tough yet so rewarding, hang with us and we will walk with you.
I say it often but it so worked for me. When you get those thoughts of drinking, stop and in your mind play that drink out for the next 24-48 hours, leave out no details. This has a tendency to remind us of the viscous cycle that will likely start again if we succumb to the beast.
Glad your here and keep posting your thoughts and feelings. Successful recovery only works when we can share our experiences, strenghts, struggles and hope with one another.

Stay Hard freaks! It only takes one drink to start that horrific cycle.
" I took a drink, the drink took a drink and the drink took me!"

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters & happy Friday to all!

Matt, have a safe day at work!
If it makes you feel any better I was up & down in the middle of the night with a sick dog - not fun. Now she gets to nap all day but I can't, ha ha!!

css, learn to recognize those thoughts for what they are & dismiss they immediately! Stop what you are doing & go do something else. Distraction is a very useful tool

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF day!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Many mornings when I sit down to my computer to post something, I have no idea what is going to appear on this page. Sometimes one sentence from another poster will spark something that really makes me reflect. Today, that sentence was from Kherriot in reference to her sister.

"she is exhausted when she gets home so eats and then to bed. Doesn't have time to think about drinking. "

This was my experience, I'd love to hear from others, but NO MATTER HOW BUSY I WAS, I ALWAYS had time to think about drinking. I ALWAYS found a way to drink. I ALWAYS protected my supply so I wouldn't run out. I told people what they wanted (and I needed for them) to hear. No matter what, I found a way to drink. Yes, even in the hospital!

Some months ago, my hairdresser told me about her dad, who was a blatant ALK. She took his keys...he drove anyway. So she had to take his car. He still found a way to get it. So she made an agreement that SHE would buy it, if he promised not to drive. She was appalled at the amount, and threatened to take him to rehab or something, so he promised to cut back. The next month I went in and asked about him, she said that he HAD cut WAYYYY back. I thought in my mind....I betcha he's pulling one over on you. Many months later it all came out that he was getting it thru a neighbor and that he had just told the daughter enough to get her off his back. I did virtually the same thing. We will do anything to get our fix. None of our intakes seem to go DOWN, they only increase, either in severity or frequency (or both, as in my case).
I have actually told my husband to never believe me if I tell him that I think a drink is a good idea. I'm sure I could sell him on it, heck, I've done it before! But now I have told him the countless stories from this site of people who did just that and how it set them right back in the cycle of addiction. I asked him to contact my support people here to help him get thru to me if I ever utter the words, "I think I'll give it another shot!" I have set myself up with safety nets and harnesses to help in the unlikely event of a liquid landing! My mindset is strong and staying connected to folks just like me has helped me keep it intact. I hope I never need the fail-safes I have put into place. Early on, I heard this saying, it really stuck with me, "Once a pickle, never a cucumber" You just can't undo addiction (in my opinion) but you can manage the hell out of it!

Friday in these parts! We are heading to Charleston tonight to visit my step daughter. It's just Friday, not a ticket to BoozeVille! Stay strong everyone! We stand shoulder to shoulder in this battle and we can succeed! Byrdie

[gingerspice]

Hi all quickly heading for the weekend again, I must be getting older time goes so fast !
Hypernova well done ,one day at a time is how it is done .
css ,just focus on getting through the day, the hour .Cravings i'm told do have a shelf life of no more than about 15 mins , I know its really hard but every day you triumph it will slowly improve.
Glad that you getting your workouts , all good endorphins .
Congratulations on your job Lavb when I worked I juggled several jobs , just need to be organised !!
Hi Guiatrista<matt,Lav <kensho,<Byrdie ,and I apologise for anybody I have missed have a wonderful ,never to be repeated weekend.
x

[paulywogg]

Byrdie,I agree that I always found time to drink,if I was tired,I figured drinkin would give me some energy,if I was sick,I'd drink to kill the germs and feel better, idiotic thinking!! Alcoholics have got to be some of the craftiest,manipulating,liars on the planet,sheesh I'd I'd have put half the effort I put into drinking on school or work ,I'd probably be a rich woman right now,have a safe trip to Charleston and hello to all the nesters,drinking sucks!!

[Starfish1]

Good Morning, Nesters.

I love all of these thoughtful posts. They help me so much, thank you all!

I have actually been having some struggles over the past couple of days. No sooner did I post in the nest that I had not had any real "white knuckle" trials since I quit drinking this time, than I started having some real temptations. Just "life being lifey"...I love that too....but it seems it has gotten rea l” lifey” here all of a sudden in the past week or so.
I am not very skilled at dealing with life, since I have avoided it like the plague for the past 30 years, ya know, and I am feeling overwhelmed and tempted.
I have unfortunately, had some real opportunities to drink over the past couple days. I'm not talking about invitations to parties or bars. I rarely drank much in public and would have sense enough to turn those down at this point, I am talking about opportunities to drink the way I liked to do it--In secret (lying, cheating, stealing).
Yesterday afternoon, I was in a house alone and there was alcohol in the house. That was not by design… Let me explain…This weekend, I am helping one of my dtrs out. She is out of town for the weekend and I am going over to her house to check on/feed her cat. I had already thought of stopping for booze on the way over to her house and once I was there I would be able to drink it without being discovered. No one would know. I would only have a couple…Yeah, right. I didn’t stop but I was stressed, overwhelmed and angry about some life problems and when I got to her house, I scoped out the array of alcoholic beverages. Yep, plenty to choose from, as I suspected. Just me and the cat. Guys, in times past, I would have had a field day with the booze and then of course had to get rid of the empties, replace the booze, hide the fact that I had been drinking from the fam, worried that I would have left a trace of my behavior around for someone to see, etc.
A couple things saved me. One is my accountability here. I thought about not having to tell on myself, but I knew that if I drank last night, that I would soon be down the rabbit hole AGAIN and that eventually I would quit posting and be back to square one. Now, wouldn’t that just be grand, Star???
The other thing that saved me is thinking of the progress I had made in my new healthy lifestyle since August 13th. Like the article we read yesterday about picturing ourselves as stronger, healthier individuals. That helped a lot. I don’t want to go back to being a lazy, fat, sloppy, slurring, undependable, drunk. Who would?
So, disaster avoided and lesson learned. I need to close every loophole. Thanks for reminding me, Byrdie. I will plan to “take a friend” to my dtrs house for the rest of the weekend. Booze and I don’t need to be alone together, unchaperoned. No how, no way. Thanks for listening, friends.

[Matt M.]

Byrdie,I agree that I always found time to drink,if I was tired,I figured drinkin would give me some energy,if I was sick,I'd drink to kill the germs and feel better, idiotic thinking!! Alcoholics have got to be some of the craftiest,manipulating,liars on the planet,sheesh I'd I'd have put half the effort I put into drinking on school or work ,I'd probably be a rich woman right now,have a safe trip to Charleston and hello to all the nesters,drinking sucks!!

Being that we are on the topic of our addiction and all the upstanding qualities that comes with it. (Lies, Deceit, mayhem)
Below is a post from me to another struggling member, I was just one month sober.
Proof that we will go to incredible lengths to justify or continue drinking.
I actually did this, no I'm not proud of it, looking back it is quite comical.
You can't make this shit up!

Stay Hard everyone!

September 2014

" ~ Not much I can say here, And I really wasn't going to, because I felt this was not my place at a time like this( being new) And let the heavy hitters weigh in. But I am because I care, and have grown fond of your journey.?
The members who have spoken to you are the heart and soul if this site. With wisdom and knowledge about this fucked up disease that is off the charts.?


I want to share something with you that I have not shared with anyone. My last al free time lasted 10 months, this was prob my 10~15 time to quit over 15 years.?
Alcohol had caused many problems in home/marriage; anyway about 8 months in to my last quit, I started getting the, " what ifs" it will be different,etc. Mentally I had prepared myself I was going to drink, and that is were my cunning, deceitful al mind went into overdrive. I had to figure out a way to convince the wife that it was ok to drink (and I truly thought it was) so at about 8 months Sober I sat down with her and told her that I had been drinking a little for the past 8 months. Which was a big lie! IHAD NOT DRANK A DROP! I was putting my feelers out there to see how she would react.
You see things had been so much better at home, my lie was to prove I could moderate and take care of business and not be a dick all the time.?
She wasn't really happy, but by the response I knew I had a chance to get back in the drinking game. After that and for the next 2 months I continue to NOT drink, but would make occasional subtle hints about it. I would say stuff like, " Hey I just want to keep things honest between us and wanted to let you know I met so and so for lunch today and we had a few cocktails" (again a Lie) .....So my attitude & demeanor was fine, our finances were ok, everything from her standpoint was that I had been drinking all this time and things were great between us! Again I still hadn't had a drop. So She now believed I had been dabbling in drinking and was watching me like a hawk! Guess what? I was home every evening,my eyes weren't blood shot and all the things that came with my drinking past. It was working I had "proven" that I was "cured" and could moderate once and for all !
Then at around 10 months AF, we went to my high school reunion. I had convinced her that I had been moderating for nearly a year and she succumb. Me knowing that that night at the reunion I had not taken a drink in 10 months! .?
That night lasted 2 more years of waists, and selfish time away from my 3 little boys. And I'm here again!?

I tell you this not to make this about "ME" but to show how fucking wheels off the Al mind can be, the planning the lying. I set the stage for that drink For several months, that is not normal.?
My dear friend as others have stated, you came to this site for a reason, it is because your an alcoholic.?
I can't imagine the obstacle you are facing by having your family pressure of having a drink. This is about YOU and your life and your sweet children.?
Please do not take that first drink.?
I am a big fan of yours and I'm pulling for you!

Matt M.
Stay Hard Freaks!

[LostSoul33]

Morning all,
I'm back on Day 1. Finding it almost impossible to stay sober-- I am depressed and alone. How do I stop this self destructive behavior? The loneliness is the worst and my biggest trigger..

[paulywogg]

Lost,your post makes me sad I get that way too,even though I have friends and family, sometimes I feel lonely inside,its so stupid and I hate it! We can do this though, come here and talk it out,with all these lovely people we're never really alone((hugs))

[KENSHO]

I remember that post Matt.

We're at the put in. I am strong. I am better without poison. I care about myself and my family. I am thankful for you guys . Back in a few days!!

[css54]

Lost Soul 33 It ok just start with day 1 again. I understand the loneliness and depression cause i drink a lot for this reason. But, now that I have been AF for 6 days I do feel better. My doctor always said your ad won't work if you drink too much. I know she was right but I never listened. I understand loneliness but coming here helps me feel not so alone. Hope your day goes better. :heartbeat:

[Quit wining]

Hey Lost Soul!

Great advice from paulywogg. Lean on your friends here. Pretty much all of us have done this before. We know how tough a quit can be so let your fellow nesters know how we can help.

You're never alone here LS.

[Starfish1]

LS :hug: We are here for you, no matter what.

I understand that feeling of hopelessness. It's the worst thing. We believe in you though. We have all been where you are. The self-destructive behavior stops one step at a time. We are proud of you for coming back for help. Stick with us and we will help you!

Has anyone seen Londoner lately? I was thinking about him last night. I hope he is okay!

[sothankful]

I too am on day 1 again, yesterday was so overwhelming with cravings..also lonely
Not knowing how to ask for help. I will keep trying