Newbies Nest

[LilBit]

No one would know. I would only have a couple…Yeah, right. I didn’t stop but I was stressed, overwhelmed and angry about some life problems and when I got to her house, I scoped out the array of alcoholic beverages. Yep, plenty to choose from, as I suspected. Just me and the cat.

Star, never underestimate the cats. They know. Seriously though, great job!

Lostsoul, please do lean on us and know that you're not alone. And, never, ever, ever give up. I can't tell you which quit will be the one that sticks, but I can tell you that you'll never know unless you keep trying. One day -- maybe today -- you'll get tired of the old, broken record that promises a false sense of comfort and step into a new world where you can experience the real thing. I assure you, it's a gazillion times better. I can also assure you that that glass of wine or vodka or whatever is in there doesn't give a rat's _ss about you or your well-being. Your friends here do.

One thing that helped me to finally get over the using-AL-as-comfort mentality was to examine the amount of time that AL actually made me feel good. Percentage-wise, compared to all the hungover time, all the guilt-shame-remorse time, all the self-negotiation time, all the passed-out time, and all the time spent craving another glass when I was still in the middle of a glass, when I looked hard at it, the actual feel-good time turned out to be really, really short-lived. What a total cheat! I can't think of anything else in my life (except for knuckle-dragger ex-husband #2 and wasn't he a disaster?) that I would devote that much time and effort to, with so little reward. Whatever this beast is promising you, it's lying. :blahblah: Kick it to the curb!

[LilBit]

Sothankful, hugs to you, too. Here's a great opportunity: grab onto LostSoul's hand and meet your new quit twin! "10-9" is a great Day 1! It's like the beginning of a countdown...

I hope that I don't come across as flippant when I'm trying to be positive. Believe me, I know the agony of a Day one repeat, twopeat, threepeat... It's no fun and it feels like dookey. But, throw open the curtains, get a big glass of lemon water, and begin to make a plan. Eat something and get some nourishment. Visit the toolbox. Somewhere in there is the perfect tool that's gonna' make this thing work for you. I believe in you. :hug:

[sothankful]

Thank you lilbit, I love your positive energy, I don't want to keep looking back at my mess ups ..

[All done drinking]

Hey everyone and to those really struggling. I can relate to ALL of it, the struggling, the loneliness, the remorse. Everything.

I was cleaning out troubled teen's room today and he has a mini fridge. He steals liquor so it wouldn't have surprised me to have found something in there. I actually had a Starfish episode too, where for a moment I really craved just going back to that pity party, finding something to sneak to drink and just getting wasted to forget my troubles. The thought sounded good (for a moment) but then the reality set in of needing to come here and confess. I mean if we can't be honest with ourselves and fess up to our friends trying to help us be accountable then I don't know what the answer is. You have to be honest to the man in the mirror at the bare minimum.

Through everything I have read over the past 7 years of really struggling with my drinking problem, I have come to the conclusion that the struggle seems like it will always continue until we absolutely surrender to the reality that we have a problem, are ready to face that problem and really do something about it. That means making the firm decision to truly quit drinking. Not wishy, washy, "I'll think about it" kind of stuff, not deluding ourselves with the thought of "I'll only drink on special occasions" because then you are playing mindF games with yourself of battling to figure out what a special occasion is. Hell, you'll even start inventing special occasions to have one come up. The answer I believe is we have to make a commitment to ourselves, a commitment to those we feel comfortable to tell who will support us, and do things like posting on the NN roll call which helps me (I believe) more than anything to be accountable. I do not want to be in the position of not being able to tack on another day. I do not want to start at the beginning again, although I would if I relapsed and am grateful that friends here understand that as well.

One of the most helpful books I have read is entitled "Understanding the Alcoholic's mind" by Arnold M. Ludwig, M.D. A profound paragraph in it states "generating the motivation to quit drinking is a lot easier than sustaining the motivation to stay dry. That is why people can "successfully" quit drinking numerous times but, sooner or later, never seem able to avoid returning to drinking."

Yes, gang, it is a lot of work to maintain our resolve to not drink, to struggle through those moments of really wanting one and making ourselves wait through it until the urge/craving passes. But what distinguishes people who are successful (to clarify: successful so far as relapse is possible for anyone) is not only their firm, unwavering commitment to sobriety but finding ways to refuel it. That is why Byrdie, Lavande, No Sugar and other long term nesters pop in and remind us of the importance of daily recharging our motivational batteries to keep fighting this beast and to not let our batteries run down.

When in a truly weak moment, I try to give myself the word picture of me at my worst when drunk. The maudlin person crying in my beer (er wine for me) a kind of pathetic and embarrassing drunk. Or the slurry, mushy "I love you so-o-o- much" kind of drunk.

May none of us have that false sense of confidence that we are successful in our recovery. It is a daily battle, some days are just easier than others.

My name is Addy...and I am simply All Done Drinking...Yes! Hope to see you on the roll call! :heartbeat:

[Guitarista]

Morning all,
I'm back on Day 1. Finding it almost impossible to stay sober-- I am depressed and alone. How do I stop this self destructive behavior? The loneliness is the worst and my biggest trigger..

I too am on day 1 again, yesterday was so overwhelming with cravings..also lonely
Not knowing how to ask for help. I will keep trying

Hi LS and ST.

I understand the loneliness trigger LS, and I have allowed myself to get overwhelmed in the past too ST. Both boozing triggers for me. After much analysis and trial and error with drinking as a coping tool, I finally understand just how short lived relief by drinking actually lasts. I'll get instant relief to be sure and it is quick and effective. Trouble is, after an hour or so, it's just maintenance and a slow but sure decent into feeling dangerously low. This is not the real me. I asked myself, and it is not where I want to be at or how I want to feel anymore.

But how to stop? Why stop? I needed a reason. Well, I had to look within and just ask myself what I wanted out of life. I had to work out how to get there, and what steps to take for me. What do I do about loneliness? I make the effort to call on a couple of people I can still call friends once a week. I can also go to an AA meeting without knowing anyone just for some human connection also, I don't have to speak, or even be into AA. I don't always feel like seeing anyone, but I force myself to get out that front door, or even the phone and interact.

The biggest saviour for me are my running shoes and old shorts. I lace up every morning rain hail or shine and run/walk 50 metres, or 10 k's, either way it doesn't matter. I find just changing my mental landscape and getting out of my head to be really helpful otherwise I run the risk of allowing myself to dwell on negative thoughts which can easily lead to my learned/recent coping strategy......booze. I have learned not to believe everything I think. Back on the horse!

Great work Starfish!

[LavenderBlue]

Hugs and support to everyone, especially those struggling! Everyone here is very right that we're all here to help each other, and we all CAN do this. I think what helped me most was knowing that sometimes my perspective is wrong. I've had depression/anxiety issues since before I drank (drinking made it worse, though). Part of working through those two things was coming to an understanding that I could be 100% convinced a friend hated me and I was awful and stupid...and be WRONG, no matter how true it felt. I'm not saying it made quitting easy, but it gave me something to work from, to know that if I gave it enough time, I might feel completely differently.

I had a spot of temptation today, to be honest. My friend is still planning things for our mutual friend who's coming to visit. It really is a big deal since the mutual friend moved out of the country years ago, and has been missing everyone back home very much. Anyway, this time friend specifically mentioned how happy everyone would be if I came along to get some special mead, and that she'd totally come get me if I didn't want to drive. And for a moment, it sounded really tempting. I mean, people I haven't seen in years want to share a special day with me, wouldn't it be rude to say no?

Except I know how hard it would be to be among friends I used to drink with and around the drink that I always connected with the friendships. Not my daily drink, but something I had much more romanticized. Even if I went out there and didn't drink, it would be super stressful for me and I'd end up feeling left out and cranky. So I thanked her but said with the not-drinking that trip really isn't my thing, which was why I was trying to meet everyone on a different night. No one's upset, and it's not like there won't be other chances. The thing is, though, it would have been very easy to just go along with it. Then easy to try "just a taste." Then easy to go from there...

[KENSHO]

Struggling now. Setting up and looking for sugary food!

[Quit wining]

LavenderBlue - good for you for recognizing how strong the temptation would be with your friends and saying No!

Hey Kensho! Sorry you're struggling a bit. Stick close to your friends here in the nest, you'll be fine.

Great post ADDY!

[Lavande]

Wow - it's busy here!

LS & ST, glad you are both back & doing day 1 together. Quit buddies can really reach out & help one another. Stay close to the nest, we are all in this boat together. You both can succeed, just don't stop trying.

Kensho, old habits really do die hard but that doesn't mean they have to be destructive. You are doing great, keep moving forward & have no regrets. This honestly does get easier a few months down the road ~ you'll see.

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest!

I'm here! I'm great! No time to chat now.

No ticket to boozeville here!

Pav

[Dutch1988]

March 9th was my day one for this quit lost soul and sothankful, there wasn't a damn thing special about it. I had two week a of alcohol free time and drank because someone close to me tried to hurt themselves. I didn't feel better, it didn't make the situation better, and that was that. With just a little bit of AL free time I felt so little benefit from drinking, I also wanted to make it 30 days and didn't, no matter what the reason. The lack of reward and breaking the thirty day promise to myself made me want more AL free time to see if my attitude would change. I want a drink right now, but I can't knowing I am just giving in again from stress.



I know everyone on here says every quit gets harder, but quit 1 was an act of improving my quality of life, quit two was what forced me to realize I had taken a lesiure and turned it into a crutch for my emotions. If you learn from the attempt, reflect on here with those who have relapse experience your going to make progress. Keep trying! I was lonely too and found someone to workout with, can you join any other groups or organizations to talk to other than here? If not private message some of us, I am always down to talk!

[Eloise]

Hola guys- i have been busy these days, reading not posting much.
Am in Ghent with a guest from America and doing fine but must admit it got a little tricky yesterday. All of these signs everywhere for Beer. I mean Everywhere. No beer today!

[Guitarista]

Holy leaping seaworld killer whales, I do believe I'm 50 days booze free. It was nice to receive a congratulatory text from Pamela Anderson. I've pledged the bucks I've saved not boozing, to the free the killer whales from seaworld captivity fighting fund, poor critters.

The weekend aint no ticket to boozeville see?

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

I was up early thanks to hungry, aging animals around here
Looks like a beautiful day ahead, will get outside & enjoy it as much as possible.

Have a great AF day everyone!

Lav

[Mr Vervill]

Day 3, Just trying to keep one step ahead of LS , and ST. Let's keep it going!
Not looking for sympathy here, I know what I have to do.
Some great post over the past few days.
Way to go, G!