Newbies Nest

[kherriot]

Thanks ABC, your support means a lot but it is hard to tell Hubby to "buck up" and be positive at the same time. I totally understand what you are saying but I am the type of person that always puts other people before me because they usually need the support more than me. I just some ME time, but it is not happening right now. I just don't know........ I need some thinking time after tomorrow..........I agree you can't be everything to everyone but sometimes it just seems overwhelming.

[abcowboy]

I'm the same type of person kher, always helping others. But there's also the old saying "misery loves company" just be sure you're not getting dragged into something you don't want.

I had to get real tough with our youngest daughter, how tough? I kicked her out, told her she could go live with her mom, she wasn't welcome here anymore. It really hurt our relationship to the point that it may not recover. But I had to do it if I had any chance of staying sober. I had to come first. I hope and pray that in the years to come she'll understand why I had to do it, and if she doesn't, I'll still love her anyway.

This journey isn't easy, it's damn hard, but it is necessary, and sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do. We can only hope and pray that things will work out in the end.

[Guitarista]

Hi Karen,

Sounds a tough and frustrating situation! As we well know, booze is an effective very short term fix, but........the trouble is that the way we drink it, everything turns dark and negative soon enough, and then we are even more stressed the next day as we deal with our body chemistry/mood/reduced capacity, realising the situation hasn't improved, in fact it will often appear to be worse and can result in poor decisions, actions or choice of words. Then we don't have the capacity to change the situation because we are full of booze/withdrawing and our self confidence and clarity has taken a major hit. This is how the cycle can continue endlessly for me at least. Is the short term escape worth the much longer term hangover and negative vibes?

All the best and keep us posted.

Lav, I reckon Tito from Bonjovi would go for you......git on it.

[Lavande]

Good Monday morning Nesters

Happy Columbus day (if you celebrate such things, ha ha).

Dealing with chronically depressed, chronically negative people can really wear on you. What helped me the most was learning to emotionally disconnect myself & focus on what I needed for a change. Instead of looking at the whole picture I started breaking it down to minute by minute views - everything really is OK this very minute! I am healthy, AF, taking care of myself the best I possibly can & grateful for it all. I really latched onto Eckhart Tolle's 'The Power of Now'

Greetings to all & sending wishes for a wonderful AF day for all!

Lav

[Mr Vervill]

Karen, it is OK in your early quit to be selfish, now is the time, you need to do what's best for YOU, right now. You're of no real help to anyone else if you're a mess. Focus on the quit first and foremost.
That said, Thanks NS, for your kind words about the support here. I know I really appreciate it. I would not still be here without it. I'm not sure where I would be, but I know it would not be a better place.
Ava, I understand the pull about the Pub down the street, I have 3-4 with three blocks of my home. At one, if I walk in, my DOC is on the bar before I even take my seat. I n answer to your question, what caused me to take that last drink, all I can only say, it's the notion that I can have one, and not worry about it being a problem. But, I know it's a problem. I need to take that option off the table, that's why I'm right back here. Like Kensho, a few months ago, I 'm struggling to to come to grips with never again. Deep down I know I have to quit completely. Even though I can go weeks without AL, then drink a few without problems, I can feel being pulled down that rabbit hole, and that's what scares me.

[Byrdlady]

Good morning from rainy NC!
Breaking the addiction cycle is HARD. When we are on that hamster wheel, it's just dam hard to put our leg out and stop it. But we don't have to STAR in everyone's dramatic series. I think everyone here has experienced a little sober time, and it feels really good. Keep it going, no matter what and no matter who. Take the option to drink to relieve stress OFF the table. Get all the AL out of your space (yes, you can!) Get thru this day AF.
Off to the salt mines! Byrdie

[kherriot]

Today is Thanksgiving day here and I have to admit that for the first time I am thankful for something. I am thankful for the support I get from all of you even when I screw up. Things are much better today and I am looking forward to a great Turkey dinner, and the left over turkey sandwiches, which is really why I cook a Turkey. My friend is still in a bad way but like they say, you can lead a horse to water but......... She knows we are there for her. I really am looking at this as the first day of the rest of my life. Hope you all have a great day depending on where you are if it is a holiday or not. Pretty soon the snow will be falling and I am actually looking forward to it.

Happy thanksgiving. Things are looking up.

[Starfish1]

Good Morning everyone!

Lav, I was like you over the weekend. So busy with family and animals. They all kept me up to my eyeballs. If it moved, I fed it! Cats, dogs, men, women and kids. It was fun, but exhausting. I am so glad I was sober to be able to do it! I have to look back at roll call, (sorry, I didn't get to post yesterday), but I think yesterday was 60 for me. Closing in on 100 and so happy about that!

So, I missed lots of reading over the weekend (since I barely even sat down), but I certainly enjoyed looking over posts this morning. I learn so much from you all! I agree about the openness and honesty of this thread and I am so grateful for it.

Ava, I too, would be very cautious about moving next door to a pub, even at this stage of your game. You have and have had a lot of stress in your life for quite some time. Bringing your mom in and moving on top of it all will add to it. Too many changes at one time can wreak havoc on your quit. Even a long term one. This is important, Ava...I relapsed after 3 years (I know, I have said it before), but, thinking back, part of the blame, I think was due to many life changing events going on in the 6 months before I took the drink. Please be careful!

Karen, you have been given tons of great advice. I am also confused on exactly what you are "giving up" on. Is it your husband, your sobriety, or both? Difficult relationships are certainly stressful. I think we all agree with that, but, as you know, we can't change other people. We can only change ourselves and our reactions to the stress. If you are still drinking, your judgement will be impaired when it comes to making decisions about your marriage/relationship. Won't it? I know mine would. It seems the wisest thing is, like has been said, stop drinking and take care of yourself. You are worth it. Then you will be able to make wise and clear choices about next steps. Please don't give up on yourself!

[Starfish1]

Well, cross post, Karen! Glad you are feeling better! Happy Thanksgiving to you!:heartbeat:

[gingerspice]

Another weekend been and gone !!
Hi Karen. I do feel for you and the trying circumstances that you are going through - glad things have improved.
Good weekend ,bit pee'd off as my consultant appointment has been rescheduled to Friday ,I want to get rid of this boot ,the hideous lump of concrete permenantly attached to my right foot! Anyway its out of my control.

take care all x

[LostSoul33]

Good Morning Nesters,

Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Canadians!

I really feel for everyone facing challenges and applaud you for not giving in to that first drink. I, too, struggle with the notion of quitting forever but the truth is, there isn't ONE reason why I could drink: Ive lost everything due to this disease. The jig is up and although it's hard to think I can never drink again, its the only way. Instead of overwhelming myself, Im keeping it simple this time. As a chronic relapser myself, I feel a lot more at ease with the notion that "no matter what, I will not drink today." And thats it.

This weekend was tough but happy to say I made it through it. I went to another AA meeting yesterday and although I don't subscribe to all that they say, I am in desperate need to meet new, sober people. Isolation and boredom are big triggers for me so its crucial I interact with others on the same path. After the meeting, some of us went to a vegan restaurant and had a blast. I tell you, get a bunch of sober alcoholics, with years under their belt, and its a recipe for a great time-- I am convinced us alcoholics are brilliant and without the poison in our bodies we have reclaimed our intellect and imaginations. Needless to say, I woke up feeling a lot happier this morning with a tummy ache from laughing so much.

Im heading to an interview shortly; pretty nervous about how Im going to explain losing my last job and being out of work for a while (was in rehab all summer).

Anyhow, Ill keep you posted on how it goes. I will definitely have to check in after the meeting-- work/stress is another trigger for me.

Thanks for letting me share.. have a great day everyone!

[Dutch1988]

Hanging there Karen! I know dealing with someone on a daily basis who drains on you with negativity can be tough, sometimes you just have to soldier on and find someone is to fill your emotional bucket once they drained you to the bottom with their problems. And good job coming on here and posting about how you feel!


Made it to a great must Thai mma class today. It was nice to get some coaching on my striking and know I grew even by 1%. I am so much more tired than after grappling. I have pretty much let my 2 year old run around terrorizing me for an hour. I can barely move I'm so tired. I like knowing I must have gotten a good workout, even though I didn't think I went that hard.

I have a personally training lesson in an hour, despite not passing my test yet his woman wanted to get started, and my brother says I can keep the money so that's an extra 380 in the bank for me. I also should get a check for the after school program I wanted to do on Mondays despite supposedly having the day off. I wanted to bump up my pay to 6,666 a month so I can pay myself on the back making 80k a year instead of 72k. With a little more effort it looks like I can swing it. I just need 2 more people who want to get in shape. Too bad I can't charge my wife for lessons, haha!

I want to start an mma program at my school but think I will wait a couple of months before then. I still have a lot to learn from this Thai boxing instructor and hope maybe he would be interested in coming down and teaching it. Who knows maybe we can split the income and he can make some extra. Off to drop off the kiddo and hopefully just work till 410, then it's back home to hangout with the wife and little goober. Happy Monday all!

[Starfish1]

Wow, Dutch, you sound great! I would like to get in shape, but I don't think I can afford ya! I'll just have to stick with the old :treadmill:

Ginger, I hope you can kick that boot off soon. That must be so uncomfortable!

L.S. I was so happy reading about the good time you had with the group of AAers! That is awesome that you were able to connect with them like that. I hope you continue to enjoy the meetings and make some new friends. Good luck on your interview this afternoon. I am sure you will do great! Remember, "Us alcoholics are brilliant!" Knock 'em dead, girl!

[LostSoul33]

Thanks Starfish1! The interview went really well. I should hear back by the end of the week. Fingers crossed!

I do have to say that I have some cravings so I am going to another meeting today in a half hour. This will be 4 meetings in 3 days (eek) but I need to take this quit seriously and exhaust all recovery avenues I am lucky enough to have.

I love being part of the MWO community and find great comfort being here with all of you inspiring people.

Feeling extra hopeful and happy today.

Check back later tonight!

[Guitarista]

Dealing with chronically depressed, chronically negative people can really wear on you. What helped me the most was learning to emotionally disconnect myself & focus on what I needed for a change. Instead of looking at the whole picture I started breaking it down to minute by minute views - everything really is OK this very minute! I am healthy, AF, taking care of myself the best I possibly can & grateful for it all. I really latched onto Eckhart Tolle's 'The Power of Now'


Lav

Hi Nesters near and not so far,

Lav, what you say here is really important, useful, and in my experience spot on. You explain here a classic mindfulness technique. If I can break down the big picture to just be in this moment and if I am ok and at peace in this moment, then I can try to extend this non stressed moment into 5 minutes, 10 minutes, an hour, a few hours, whatever. With practice, thinking this way gives me a break at least from any worrying thoughts of the past, or anxiety about the future (which hasn't even happened yet and I cannot predict). The power of now is a gr8 book. I gave it to a nephew (hasn't read it yet), so best I get another for reference now and then because it's a pearler.

Edit: Happy 60 days Starfish! Huge stuff my friend.

All the best with the job hunting LS. Yes, us alkies ARE brilliant. It's true!

Wishing that leg a speedy recovery Ginger.

Big waves to all.

Take care out there.