Newbies Nest

[LavenderBlue]

Kensho - I'm glad you came here and talked about what happened. I'm obviously sorry to hear what happened, but being able to be open with us is a great start to figuring out what went wrong! Feeling icky after quitting is definitely something that can some and go during the first year. I know some folks here have posted awesome links about PAWS, and it really helped me to know that those feelings were a) completely normal in recovery and b) would pass and occur less often the longer I remained sober. I know you mentioned that learning more about the science behind AL addiction helped you quit, maybe researching PAWS and symptoms of early recovery could help you avoid making the same mistake?

It also helped me to remember that part of learning how to live my life sober was accepting that sometimes I was going to feel off, and it was ok. That I didn't have to immediately "fix" moods like that, but could ride them out or find healthy ways to cope, and know the feelings weren't permanent. I didn't realize until I came here how often I'd been drinking away perfectly normal and healthy feelings that are part of just being human!

I'm sure others will chime in, but the advice of thinking about how it happened and what you can do to make sure you close off the loophole so it doesn't happen again is often mentioned for good reason! You mentioned that "she" poured you a drink. Do you mean the addicted-you or do you mean another person? I remember you've said many of your friends drink, did this one not know you quit?

EDIT: You totally said it was a friend and I missed it, sorry! I guess for me I'd look at that as a sign to surround myself with supportive people as much as possible? I skipped out on plenty of things during my first year or so, and I think it really helped. I feel more confident going into tricky situations now than I would have earlier in my quit, and more aware and hoenst with myself about what might push me more than I want to risk.

[LavenderBlue]

I'm going to agree with the current theme of, "take care of you" that's happening in the Nest right now. Especially in an early quit and when things are tough or stressful, if you don't take care of yourself and your quit you're leaving a huge opening for AL to sneak its way back in. I know that was true for me in previous quits, and I've seen it happen a lot on these forums. It's hard sometimes, especially when you're used to supporting everyone else, but very important. I can't speak for everyone else, but I know supporting other people is sometimes a way for me to AVOID my own issues and feelings - which also doesn't help me much at all.

Today I did/will do things I never would have imagined while I was drinking. I went in for a drug test for my second job without wondering if AL shows up on those and what they would think of me if it did. I'm going to the dentist in a couple hours, and don't have to worry about what they smell on me or what they must be thinking. I'm hoping to finish sorting through some books that I have spent literally YEARS "planning" to donate "someday." I'm confident that I can handle two jobs for the first time in a long time and confident I can handle being in a supervisory role again.

Even more surprising (to me, anyway) I'm working on getting back in touch with someone very important to me. We got talking about relationships at work, and I mentioned my best one. It was nearly ten years ago, but I've never clicked with someone like that before or since AND it was a healthy one. A coworker teased that I should get a hold of him and after thinking about it...I decided to do so. I did NOT feel like I had to drink first, then worry about saying something wrong while drunk. I did not try to make plans to meet him at a bar and then stress about doing anything to make him uncomfortable. I just sent a message asking if he wanted to finally meet for coffee sometime like we'd said we should a year ago. It sounds like he has some tough things going on and we may not be able to meet for a while; but he appreciated the thought. I did something that was good for me, stressful and a bit scary, and that helped someone dear to me. Trying to get in touch NEVER went that well while I was drinking, I can promise you that. >_>

[Dutch1988]

Rahul that really sucks about your knee! On the bright side at least the fall didn't crack your head open and kill you, right? XD. If I was laid up for 3 months I would be gone at this point in my quit guys. Everything I do is physical, you have definitely made me realize I need a physically immobilized back up plan.

Kensho you always post and seem like such a strong person. The only advice I can give you was given to me by numerous long term abbers on here. I felt like shit from 2-6 months, and think I am just now coming out of it. You sent me that stuff on dopamine too, but the fact is your going to feel bad, there's going to be days we should feel great and just don't. It's not something wrong with you that needs to be fixed. Many of us drink to not feel that way, but from everything people say on here indicates, it gets better and you don't need alcohol to fix you. you mentioned you hard two hard days, why don't you tell us what was hard about them? I'm as open as I can be on here and although I write things at times that pale on comparison to others problems, thy are still mine and getting them out there helps! Glad you jumped back into your quit though!

I have post migraine nausea, which is making me not want to eat a thing. I might skip grappling today I feel so lousy, I literally feel hungover without the fun of drinking! At least I don't have to feel guilty about not working out. Happy Tuesday all!

And congrats Star on 2 months!

[Quit wining]

Lost Soul - there has been some great advice as to how you might handle your "friend's" visit this weekend. Here's my two cents worth.

You commented that you couldn't think of anything you have in common with him except alcohol. I think that's very telling. If you no longer have alcohol in common, what's left?

I wish you success in dealing with this and as others have said, protect your quit! Above all else, protect it.

[All done drinking]

Rahul,

Ouch...poor knee. Feel better.

LostSoul,

Sent you a p.m. but I agree with Gman, honesty for me is the best policy. You shared you already told him you quit but it sounds like he's having trouble believing it because you were such heavy drinkers together. This is a good topic I'll post on the Quit thread next week as we all struggle with working these old drinking friends into our lives (if we work them in at all or decide we have to drop them). It can be hard. Best thing is a safe non-drinking place so you keep your commitment to see him like the movies (great idea) or somewhere where drinking isn't generally done, like breakfast (rather than dinner where folks around you would most likely be imbibing), is another plan. Also, a walk in the park, a hike, museum outing or cultural place (Botanical Garden if your city has one), etc. are all thoughts.

Kensho, the best thing we learn about relapsing is gaining insight as to why we relapsed so we can avoid it in the future. My topic on the Quit thread isn't quite the same as your story, but you may glean a pearl of wisdom there with this week's subject, as I never really realized how harmful my belief with just an "occasional drink" could be, until I started reading and researching about alcoholism.

To everyone else, have a good day. I have had a lot of personal struggles lately with my troubled teen son that keep me too busy to check in here as much as I like to, but I am hanging on and am so grateful drinking is not my way out right now as I struggle through such hard times. It is SO much better without it as I would just be crying and depressed if I drank and then would be depressed because I'd feel like crap the next day on top of being depressed... it would just be an elevator down and I want to go up, up, up.

Addy :heartbeat:

[Rahulthesweet]

Hello All,

Thanks for the messages . I had to take first flight back from spain and right now sitting in Doha airport.

Seeing my phone which is filled with app like "bike finder", hiking maps, rent a bike I feel nothing but sad. I will un stall them all one by one. I am done cycling atleast for 6 months or more. Hell I can't walk.

I have such crazy eyes. It used to notice every bar there and then when I was drinking. Then when I gave up drinking it started looking at the bars with even a more keen eye. After several months I stopped looking at bars and booze then started looking at bikes. I found biking to be so relaxing, it was just perfect for me. Made some new friends, these into fitness and all. Cycling during my travels in Europe , US was so fun. Now I must leave that behind me.

Today while in wheel chair my crazy eye started seeing people who were walking ! Can't blame my eye but simple activity like walking we take so lightly. Like living I guess. Now on wheel chair with a broken leg I have a new prospective.

I had the worst day ever yesterday. Started in morning with yesterday when bad news on account of work. A customer of ours is not happy and we are verge of losing business and money on accounts of rejections. But then I though what the heck I am in spain I can't do much let me hire a bike and cycle. Seeing beautiful lakes, mountains and even castles I was so relaxing till the time I fell of course.

As rightly pointed outo I did not break open my skull. I didn't have any other life threatening injury. So while this accident break my leg but not my confidence.

Kenso, I see u just relapsed. But I tell you while my worst day is still going on as air transit back to home on wheel chair. I am not eyeing that bootle of fine wine which is sitting just there in this lovely airline lounge.

I don't plan on drinking at all. I fact now is the time for me to cut sugar and carbs. I have been indulging daily but now on sitting with no physical activity I plan on maintaining weight. Eating good, not travelling, reading, being more active in MWO.

Life great and it's just not worth wasting on booze. Not even on the worst day of my life.

[NoSugar]

Rahul, I'm so sorry about your knee. It is hard to give up an activity you love, even for awhile. I hope you can find a substitute interest to get you through to spring when you can begin riding again.

Kensho, you came right back and told yourself (and us) the truth. I think that's huge. I don't use the word 'slip' because I believe it is always a choice but because you didn't let it take hold of you again, I am confident you can get your mindset back to where it needs to be :hug:.

LostSoul, I hope you follow the advice you've been given and either cancel the weekend with your friend or meet him only on your terms in situations in which no alcohol is available. I was a hermit for 3 or 4 months. It gave me time to start getting to know the real me again without being pulled by others in directions I didn't want to go. I actually look back now kind of fondly at that time. Never before have I spent so much time with pretty much myself (and my friends here!) and examined my life so closely as I worked out how I wanted to spend the rest of it. And the answer was SOBER! It is a great way to live. My life is full of highs and lows right now and I'm experiencing/dealing with/celebrating all of it with a clear mind and heart. I am so grateful to be free.

[Byrdlady]

Gentle hugs, Rahul. I couldnt agree more! Wishing you a speedy recovery!!!! Xoxox, t

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Very sorry about your accident Rahul. I wish you strength & a speedy recovery! Spending time at home resting & with your family should help speed your healing!

Kensho, it always comes down to choice - you made the choice to drink this time. Great that you didn't prolong the incident & came right back! Nothing changed for me until I committed to changing my thinking. No drink will ever do anything positive for me, not ever.

Starfish, I hope everything is OK with your family.

I was called into emergency grand-parenting today as well & had to go pick up my granddaughter & bring her here for a few days. Again, happy to be of service
Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Haven't been around much and I had my first drinking dream in months. I'm taking it as a sign to check in more often.

LostSoul - That is indeed a predicament. I like all of the advice you got so far. I meet for coffee and walks now with a lot more people (even though I've reached the point where hanging in bars is easy for me (at least for a while until everyone gets drunk and annoying)).

Ava - I remember that visit from your SiL. I'm glad you were able to tell her about it later.

G - I chuckle at the antibiotics excuse. Antibiotics NEVER kept me from drinking...

Kensho - I didn't believe in PAWS because I didn't think I was THAT much of a drinker, but the more I read and the more I felt bad for a while, the more I realized that I probably DID have somesthing to that effect. And the end of the pink cloud effect as I posted earlier. I would also recommend the Bubble Hour on relapse - there is SO much information about how it sneaks up on you and the first 10 steps aren't drinking. It sounds like you were heading there for a while. I'm glad you came back - we'll talk to you sternly and also welcome you with a hug. Keep on keeping on.

Rahul - sorry about your knee.

Star - I hope everything is alright.

Good night, nest.
Pav

[KENSHO]

LavB, Pav - looked up PAWS and it was pretty accurate to what I was feeling. It was very frustrating to me, very uncomfortable. I know I made the choice to put the cup to my lips and drink. I knew my thinking was changing, and I should have researched more, read more. I didn't know how to cope with how I was feeling. My work was suffering from my brain fog - and I was too. Those are the skills I need to hone to better prepare for other challenges. I had my AF drinks Friday night, but ran out for Sat. I had my phone and this site Friday night, but not Sat. Those times will come up again. I heard my husband mention to them in the boat that I wasn't drinking - maybe my friend didn't hear. I have tried to confide in her in the past and she doesn't say anything - just changes the subject. So I guess I know where she stands, and I need to make it VERY clear from the beginning of a trip like this that I will not be drinking. I thought that reaching the acceptance point meant I'd leapt the last big hurdle, but it appears there is a lot more to healing. Pav, I will check out the bubble hour.

To NS and others, thank you for your encouragement and support. I am not interested in being a drinker. I had a weak moment during a hard time. I know we all have them, but I wasn't able to deal with it well. Feeling physically out of sorts and mentally as well put me in a place I struggled with.

On the good side, my Dr. said my fainting spell was a normal response to the pain of a pinched nerve, so I'm not as worried about that.

Mostly, I just want to feel good. Not all the time, but not in absence of it for long stretches of time. And I hear that the people who have been able to sustain their quit have reached that place. It is so very valuable to hear those people say it - thank you. The first time I quit, I most definitely had the pink effect - I was beaming and thrilled to see the world without alcohol. Now it seems my body needs time to heal. I will trust you guys that it will get better. This addiction stuff is a truer challenge than I've ever faced.

[Londoner]

Quick check in. Worried about where I am going now. This isn't a joke anymore it's an illness.

I wonder whether I actually have mental problems and AL is an escape from the daily torment.

Scary weekend. Too much booze. Again being places that don't agree with who I think I am. And that leads to guilt. And isolation for 3 days now. And I've just had a couple of beers to numb me out somehow.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, it's Hump day!

I have an exuberant 4 year old at my side so I'm waking up faster than usual, haha!

Glad you are OK Kensho. One day at a time, huh?

Pav, check in daily, even if it's just super quick. It helps keep you grounded & safe.

Londoner, I don't know what to say. If you think you need help then please go see someone. Whatever is going on with you is only going to be made worse by drinking. Please be safe!

Wishing everyone a good AF Wednesday!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, Nesters!
Another busy work day here.
All I know is that I had to do whatever it took to NOT take a drink. I had to make this one stick. In hindsight, I really was blaming ANYTHING else I could grasp onto except the actual culprit: ALCOHOL is the problem. I am an alcoholic, like it or not. I have been absolutely blown away at which problems dissolved once I got AL out once and for all. Yes, I still get stressed, anxious, angry, happy, agitated and irritated, that is LIFE. We HAVE to learn a different coping skill than the quick escape of AL. It is a skill that can be learned. AL is NOT an option, no more than drinking gasoline. It is DEADLY to me.

I was checking out my lab work yesterday over the past 7 years. I could see the decline in my health as I approached the end of 2010. Steadily, my labs were going in the wrong direction, my list of medications was LONG (including 3 BP's and an AD). Since then, my graph is going in a positive direction and my dr says I have 'enviable' blood now! It is absolutely amazing the destruction that AL does on our bodies and souls. ANY AL, but especially for us. It ignites a fire and leaves us in a state of despair and desperation.

It was hard for all of us to gain long term sobriety, we had no magic bullets we simply took it a day at a time and took the option off the table. This is not easy and no one is saying it is, but it gets easier every day, and that's what matters. It will not always be a struggle if you get over the rough edges. If I can do this, I know you can, too (no matter who YOU are!)

Hope everyone has an easy day, Byrdie

[Starfish1]

Hi nesters. I am okay, but just can't read or post right now. Too much going on. I am sorry and very grateful to all of you. I will be back when I am a little stronger and can help out more. I will be okay. Love you all.