Newbies Nest

[LilBit]

'Seems like life is being lifey for a lot of us, here in the nest.

Rahul, I've had a broken leg that sidelined me from my sport -- not fun, but the time will pass quickly and you can use the opportunity to brush up on fundamentals when you return. I hope things go well with your client. Fingers crossed.

Kensho, sorry about your scary pinched nerve and your experience. I still have the occasional nightmare about doing just what you described so I get it on some levels. Good for you for having your head on straight and being honest. You're going to be fine!

Star, you don't always have to be helpful. Sometimes, you can just draw strength from us. Hugs for you and prayers for your situation.

Londoner, it's good to see you posting. I say this with love: how scary does it have to get? The way I see it, you're either going to A) Quit now, B) Quit later or C) Never quit. Options B and C are absolutely terrifying. They bring possibilities of losing everything you have, hurting innocent people around you and -- oh yes -- death. Chucking the AL once and for all is nothing less than a choice between life and death. Please choose life. I'd personally love to see you hang around.

Thanks, NS, Pav, Lav and Byrdie for your calming and positive presence.

'Dealing with some challenges of my own, mostly work-related. Whatever we're all going through, let's remember -- "This, too, shall pass" and joy comes in the morning. It's not always going to be a dark night or a rainy Monday morning.

[KENSHO]

Hi Starfish, I hope everything is ok with you! :heartbeat:

Sorry you're struggling Londoner. What can we do to help?

I feel good today. Two new goals: to exercise every day (even if it's just a walk around the block), and to get the armor I need ready for that 30-ish day mark when my thinking seems to change. Though there are hard times during the first 30 days, I don't seem to have any trouble keeping my eye on the prize and my head straight. It's around 30-40 days that I get enough distance from alcohol that AL thoughts take some root. I plan to re-visit books/articles that have been helpful to me, and look back at old posts of mine and create a document with some of the most telling ones. Will check out bubble hour, and make as many positive improvements in my diet as possible. Any other thoughts? I knew from the beginning that this window of time was my struggle point - but I would love other ideas on how to deal with it once the distance and immediate pain of drinking subsides. Last week, I felt so terrible that I truly didn't feel like I cared whether I had an alcohol problem or not - I just wanted to feel better. That's a problem - especially because alcohol wouldn't make anything better. I knew that but I was desperate for even few minutes of escape.

Hope everyone has a good day.

[NoSugar]

Kensho, One of my re-wiring tricks was to pretty much constantly make comparisons to then and now, before and after. If you do that during those 30 days you're feeling strong, maybe the habit will be so firmly ingrained that you will have less of a struggle. I think it is because the ongoing comparisons don't let you forget or minimize how awful alcohol made you feel. I'm talking about really trivial things -- how much better coffee tastes in the morning, how eating breakfast is imaginable, how nice it is to talk to the clerk in the grocery store rather than to avoid eye contact, how nice it is not to go to the store so often and buy things I don't need to mask my real purchase, how nice it is to have normal poops (sorry if that is tmi for some of you but it meant alot to me :wink, etc. etc. etc. But most of all: it is so much better to know exactly what I did and said, to know that I'm remembering things correctly and have the confidence to assert myself, to make plans and know that I'll follow through. I still think about this stuff often everyday and it still makes me happy. How in the face of that, even when I'm stressed or in some kind of funk, could I choose to drink? All I treasure and could lose is always with me so it really isn't hard not to drink.

[NoSugar]

Star, I'm sorry you're having to handle a stressful family situation. How wonderful that you're sober and will be an asset to everyone, not another problem for someone else. Much love, NS

[gingerspice]

hi my modem has a mind of its own and I loose signal for no reason very fraustrating.
Rahul hope the rest of your journey goes ok and that the you are out of pain ,had Achilles tendon repair done in August, these things take time.
Star thinking of you sending you a ball of strength to wrap around you take care.
Sorry Kensho about your little drink hiccup .I'm glad that you have remained positive and are moving forward. All that I can say about a longterm coping strategy for me is the hard knowledge that I just can't drink, that's it ,that is my bottom line' however my alter ego wants me to . Over the last year and a bit I have had all sorts of situations/reasons/feck it moments when I could so easily have done so ,and there will always be more, but I just can't have on and that is that. Its has been a real mental struggle , but I know that if you give it an inch it will take a mile ! It is just NO , and like I used to say to my daughters (still do at times) when I say NO I mean NO .x

Hi Londoner , Please go and see your Dr and try and get assessed for some Counselling . If you feel uncomfortable with that go to A and E there is a much better systems in place to help now ,please see someone soon.

Sending to all nesters a ball of wisdom and strength to firm there nest with

take care
x

[LostSoul33]

Morning fellow nesters,

What an outpour of support you all provided, I am so very grateful for this community-- a solid group of people

Thank you for the advice, Dutch, Ava, Guitarista, Lavande, Addy, Byrdie NS & Quit W. After reading your posts, I decided I could only see my friend for short periods of time, during the day, in a nondrinking environment. This is going to be hard because I know he plans to hang out 24/7 for 3 days but it is what it is, Im not sacrificing my very new sobriety for anyone. As LavanderB said, we have to put ourselves first. For myself, it’s a matter of life and death. So Im actually still on the fence about seeing him at all.

Rahul, congrats on 600 days! Im sorry to hear about your accident, you are an inspiring force—get lots of rest and give your body permission to heal.

Londoner, I remember you! We were getting sober together back in 2013. My how time flies when you're getting wasted, jeez. I know exactly how you feel about relapsing and wondering if there is a broader mental illness than alcoholism. I suffer from social anxiety and a part of me believes the substance abusive stemmed from not being comfortable in my own skin and desperately needing a social lubricant. I guess it doesn't really matter how it started, in the end it caused me even more anxiety, stripped me of my confidence and left me alone. If I had decided to stop 9 years ago, when I was your age, I know for a fact I would have had a beautiful, bright life. Instead, I lost my boyfriend, friends, job, health insurance and the list goes on. Send me PM if you like, I am only 5 days sober so supporting each other in the early days always helps. Hope you decide that enough is enough today.

NoSugar, I loved your post-- life is grand on the other side! Taking note of the little things as they start to unfold while keeping the bad times close to keep you grounded is a mindset I will embrace. BTW - the poop reference definitely had me Laughing Out Loud! haha

I went to another AA meeting yesterday and met more sober friends. I feel so lucky to have meetings every hour in my city—I know its rare so I am taking full advantage of each opportunity I can to stay sober. I will say that even though I don't understand a lot of the language or believe in all that they preach, it is allowing me to be in a safe, motivating environment surrounded by people, like you all, that want the best for each other. And thats more than I even thought I deserved.

If only us Nesters could get together in person, wouldnt that be great!?

[Starfish1]

Thanks everyone. I will be okay. :heartbeat:

[Dutch1988]

Kensho I really relate to you and the PAWS. Again I just now feel better and that's after months of dealing with random bouts of unhappiness. But I also had personal problems going on then as well, so it might not take that long for you in the end.

Good choice LS, my friend who invited me out on Sunday called me and didn't even mention the drinks thing I totally bailed on last Sunday, maybe if you just sound super busy he wont give you too much flack.

Star I hope things get better for you, a family emergency, at least in my family, is always bad news. It's never something easy, it's always something crazy, I'm sure you'll rise above it without drinking.

I have a tough day a head of me. Last night I still felt crummy from the migraine, and realized about half way through the day I was developing a fever. I made it through the day, but told my twin I might be out today because I felt so bad. Well I received texts during the night indicating he had a bad night as well, so now I am on the Ibuprofen train and drinking lots of fluids cuss I am pretty sure I will be working all day, possibly alone again. I have drank with a cold before, never with the flu, either way it's nice taking everyday pain killers and not having to worry about my liver. Especially when it looks like it is going to be a long day. Think I will reread some of my old posts from the beginning of my quit, I have an hour or so before I need to go in, and I definitely want to save my energy. I'm starting to sweat too, so maybe this thing is breaking, or it's too hot in here >.<

[available]

Morning nest.

I think if we keep justifying why we need/deserve a drink it will always be in our head that it is an escape route we can take if we choose. I remember my head going 24/7 at the start why i deserved a drink, my day was crap, i had a headache, the drive home was crap, the drive to work was crap, i slept terrible, the kids were stressing me, i had bills to pay, i had no money, the patients were rude, my co-workers were annoying, the grass was bloody green. Every single excuse my overworked brain could think of I could have used but I didnt. I knew at the end of the day that it was only ME that could not drink. As NS said in her post, thinking back to what i was like drunk helped. God i drank when i was sick and i drank when i was well. Plain and simple i just drank to escape the shit in my life. I didnt realise that what i was pouring down my throat was 99% the cause of the shit in my life. I remember a huge billboard on the way to work (xmas time) advertising al. Buy 6 bottles, get 3 free! I think i closed my eyes everytime i could see that coming. There are so many temptations out there for us alkies, its how we deal with them that matters. I was jealouse of people on tv happily sipping wine, trying to tell myself I really could be like that if i tried. I lost my best friend when i gave up drinking but i have now gained so much more in life.

Sure i am dealing with an hour drive to work and home each day, rude patients, lazy co-workers, a dying friend, looking for a new house, a 79 year old mother to move, health issues and 4 children but each and every damn day i am grateful i am doing it sober. I know that drinking will solve none of those issues, I know if i drank my life expectancy will dwindle, my health will only get worse and emotionally i would not care.

Giving up is totally doable, i gave up with Pav and I always thought i would let her down, i never thought i could stop but i thought i would put in a token effort this time. That token effort has now nearly been 2 years.

take care x

[Guitarista]

Even amid turmoil and chaos, I try to walk through it in peace. Centred, relaxed and alert. Not judging or attaching to anything or anyone. A zen warrior moving through simply observing and doing what needs to be done.

54 smacka's.

[LostSoul33]

Great posts, Ava and G. I needed to hear that-- I just found out I didn't get the job I interviewed for. Wow that was quick considering they said I would hear by the end of the week. Talk about ego being shot, this is the first time in my career, that I didn't get a job.
Every bone in my body is saying 'you need a drink, do it just this one time, no one will know.' But I will know and I want that voice to shut up.
Pretty depressed and even more sad that after all this time I am still romanticizing destructive behavior. For anyone that says addiction is a choice, they are painfully wrong. I want this madness to end.

[abcowboy]

Sorry Matt, but I'll send you down a crying towel lol!

image.jpeg

[LavenderBlue]

Great posts, Ava and G. I needed to hear that-- I just found out I didn't get the job I interviewed for. Wow that was quick considering they said I would hear by the end of the week. Talk about ego being shot, this is the first time in my career, that I didn't get a job.
Every bone in my body is saying 'you need a drink, do it just this one time, no one will know.' But I will know and I want that voice to shut up.
Pretty depressed and even more sad that after all this time I am still romanticizing destructive behavior. For anyone that says addiction is a choice, they are painfully wrong. I want this madness to end.

If it helps, the first new job I interviewed for after getting sober...I didn't get. I was super disappointed since I felt I'd interviewed well, plus had been called back for a second interview. I guess I'd hoped things would fall back into place more easily, you know? And I'm sure I thought about drinking. I usually get jobs that I interview for, too - that almost makes it worse when you don't since it's easy to assume you did something wrong. (Even though that isn't true, sometimes it's dumb luck or someone else just seemed to be a better fit.)

But the good news? If I'd taken that job, I'd never have interviewed at the animal shelter that's been bringing me so much joy and purpose. I also probably wouldn't have tried for the second job I'm about to start which suits me much more than that first job would have. (I also wouldn't have done those things if I'd started drinking again.)

I know it sucks, and is disappointing, and I'm not trying to over simplify things...but I wound up in a better place than I'd expected after my own interview disappointment!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Had a heck of a day myself but all is well
My granddaughter is staying with me again tonight.

LS, sorry about the job but please let it go & don't let this derail you. Stay positive always, something even better will open up for you!

Dutch, sure hope you are feeling better & not dealing with the flu. I actually went & got my flu shot today.

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!
Lav

[kherriot]

Good Evening Nesters, Just checking in and letting you know that it was a great work out tonight. It was just us 2 girls but we worked really hard and didn't realize it because we were talking so much. Different when it is just 2 of us and we hadn't had time just to talk before and get to know each other. After the work out the talking went on quite awhile, everyone has problems in their lives and some of them just keep them to themselves. It was a very interested conversation and we got to know each other a lot better. Then Hubby phoned because I was so long and he thought I might have gotten into the wine and should he come and pick me up? It kind of pissed me off but then I realize that with my history I don't blame him for being worried but all is good. He gave me a kiss when I came in but I am sure it was just to see if I had been drinking and I had not. We had a great left over Turkey dinner and all is well. I know it will take awhile to build up my trust again with him. One day at a time. The other "needy" girl did not show up again but I/we were not surprised, sorry long story but just to say she is not getting to me anymore. I told her I would be here for her when ever she was ready to talk or try to get back out into the swing of things, (seeing people, working out,etc) Now it is not bugging me anymore and things are good. Hope everyone has a great night/day, wherever you are. Looking forward to tomorrow.