Newbies Nest

[Eloise]

Migraine, tension & cluster headaches.
I started a micdfulness app & reading this codependency book/workbook & head feels a bit better already? No headache for some 5 days now. My husband being out of the house probably also helps. He tends to get on a roll complaining and I start to internalise all my tension.
Also feel better when I work on my own art, and daily yoga. A lot of effort for sure.
I am not going back to that doctor.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Friday to all!

Eloise, I am happy to hear your headaches have given you a break this week!
I hope you are able to find a new healthcare provider - one with a good heart & better listening skills

Pav, mood swings are tough, sorry you have them. I was fortunate enough to find an OTC product called Amoryn which has St Johns Wort & other natural ingredients. I've been taking it for years, it really stabilizes my moods.

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Friday!

Lav

[Mr Vervill]

So much going on here. Thank you for the raw emotional posts. It helps. "Me too" as NS says. Thanks, too for the show of support to everyone.
So much to comment on, so little time.
Thinking about a few things, as Dutch says, I only drank to to numb the pain. Yes, and the numbing only lasts a short time the pain and problems are still there in the morning, hanging out with the GSR brothers to make things worse.
And like, Pav, TJ, and LavB, one drink isn't going to cut it for me. More, more, more. I know all about the pre-gaming, LavB.
I'm so sorry for the hurt Eloise and Star, wish there was something more I could do than just show support.
El, I've been meaning to ask, what is this mindfulness app you speak of? I also checked out the book you started, sounds interesting, reading a few pages, I can tell it's something someone must spend some time with.
As far as massages go, I've had a few, but the worst were the several "sports" massages I had to fix specific problems, boy were they painful. I often felt worse right after the massage than when I started, but within 24 hours the pain and problems were gone, so yes, they were very effective. Might have to try something a little more pleasurable, next time. Lol.
Welcome back Jvo and Sothankful.

[Mr Vervill]

OK, I've got another big challenge coming up, and need a few ideas on staying sober. I'll be in the toolbox for sure.
I've got an old friend coming to stay a few days, this is something set-up a few months ago while I was still drinking, and there is no real way to back out. He spent a lot of time drinking together, and have many mutual friends. Thankfully, drinking is not the only thing we have in common.
But, I know we will be out in a bar at least one night for a get together with old friends. Which is really one reason I went to the group meeting the other night in a bar, just to see if I could do it without drinking. The other night went well, and I had no real cravings. I'm a little worried about what might happen next week, especially if people are putting pressure on me. It's still early in this quit. The bar does serve food, so my plan is at least to eat, and drink water or soda. I've put my self in this situation twice in the past few weeks and made it through, without feeling like I was white-knuckling. Thanks

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, all!
Another Friday is upon us! This used to be my free pass to BoozeVille....'I deserve it after the week I've had....I need to relax....I gotta zone out from my head for a bit, be back tomorrow'. Only thing was, when Sattidy got here, I rinsed and repeated, only at 10:30 a.m. As much trouble as it was to keep that up, I justified it....what an awful cycle.

Life is much simpler now that I'm not lying, scheming, plotting, carrying around and sneaking booze. I like simple. I can keep up with simple. I'm getting too old for anything but simple!!!

I hope everyone has a strong plan in place for the weekend! Let's hear them! I've got a stick of budda (butter) out on the counter coming to room temperature for a batch of cookie dough tonight. Yes, even now, I try to keep myself occupied with things I enjoy doing. Sitting idle makes my mind wander and it usually wanders over to a pity party! I have drawers-full of crafts that I've done over these past 4+ years! I have a sense of accomplishment when I look at them because that is the TIME I would have spent DRINKING. I should show you my wall of necklaces I've made...each one done during sober time that I would have wasted by being drunk. It makes it tangible....when you put it in terms like that, it's very sobering. Day 1738 for me, and I have a lot to show for it!

Happy Friday!! :rara: Byrdie

Edit to add:
Mr V. Here's my 2 cents! Get your 'excuse' and stick to it. Most of my 'circle' knows I have Crohn's/Colitis but I used to drink like it was going out of style. I now tell them that AL is like battery acid to my insides. If they push, I just tell them it just isn't worth it, it sets me off....they don't bother me after that. I eat something before I got out with people (yes, even if I'm going to eat!!). If you are starving, it makes it harder to resist everything. Many times we mis-take HUNGER for AL cravings. EAT. I used to get stuck with all sorts of bar bills (I was a very generous drunk!) Now, when I order water, and split an appetizer with the table, I never pay! They say, 'You can't get this, you only had water!!!' It's a win-win! If you have to go to a bar, my best advice is to #1, get your story down and #2, EAT.

[Starfish1]

Thanks for the support, everyone. My family has just had a very rough year and it seems we can't win for losing. I could name all the problems that have befallen us this year, but that would really be a pointless waste of time and space. I think Mr Star and I have worked well to take care of the problems one by one, but they just seem to keep on acomin! The past couple of weeks have just added insult to injury and I think the day before yesterday, I just threw my hands up in despair. I'm okay.

Pav, I have heard of embracing the sadness. I have heard it’s okay to feel sad. Acknowledge the feeling and then let it go. The problem I had on Wednesday was that I just couldn't let it go, no matter how hard I tried. It's okay. I am better now. Maybe I just needed to hold on to the feeling for a day instead of 5 minutes. I'll remember that if it happens again and won't worry about it so much. About the crying though. Something happened to me at some point, many years ago and it’s physically impossible for me to cry. I wish I could cry. I feel terrible that I can't do it and I think I would feel much better sometimes if I could just have "a good cry". I can feel all torn up on the inside, but the tears just won’t flow. Does anyone else have this problem? I don't know what to make of it!

Mr. V. That is a tough spot to be in and I don’t envy you at all. Another nester had the same scenario a few weeks ago, it seems. I can’t remember exactly who it was and don’t know the outcome. I am sure someone will be able to give you some good tips. Is this friend one who may try to pressure you to drink? Sounds like if he/she is not, then others in the group may do so. Would it be okay if you just said you are not drinking right now and leave it at that? It’s great that you are planning ahead and the idea of eating first is a really good one. I also like the tip of practicing saying “just a soda and lime for me, please”. I have allowed myself to have a n/a beer on 2 occasions when Mr. Star and I went out on date night. I know some folks don’t agree with that, but it helped me get through the feeling that I was being deprived. Also, it was interesting. I only wanted ONE. If they had been alcoholic drinks…Katie bar the door…there’s no way I would have stopped at one…

Well, I hope everyone has a great day and great weekend planned. I hope to be doing some heavy clearing out at the bungalow…one of my dtrs (and her zoo) may be moving back in with us some time soon and we need to make room.

[NoSugar]

I'm a little worried about what might happen next week, especially if people are putting pressure on me.

Hey, Mr. V -- You want to be a non-drinker. You need to be a non-drinker. So, think of yourself that way. Make it your identity. Then, there's no need to worry: You don't drink.
I don't know how old you are but I suspect most of us here are much too old to be bowing to peer pressure. Be true to yourself, Mr. V. and you'll be fine. :hug: NS

[NoSugar]

Pav, I have heard of embracing the sadness. I have heard it’s okay to feel sad. Acknowledge the feeling and then let it go.

There was a wonderful essay on just this topic the other day: Beyond Happy | On Being.
It ends:

This is simply a path that we, each of us, must go through on our own. Though we need not go through it alone.

Here is to a life, everyday and spiritual,
Both individual and communal,
Meditative and ritual,
Embracing all the emotions that make us human,
Leading us to happiness,
And beyond happiness
To being and becoming whole.

[Starfish1]

That was beautiful, NS. Thank you!

[LilBit]

Happy Friday and welcome back SoThankful and J-Vo. 'Glad to hear you're on an upswing, Eloise. Thinking of you.

Here's a shoutout to Londoner, Daisy and Overit -- how are you guys doing? Swing on by. The nest is cozy this time of year.

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[Eloise]

I'm so sorry for the hurt Eloise and Star, wish there was something more I could do than just show support.
El, I've been meaning to ask, what is this mindfulness app you speak of? I also checked out the book you started, sounds interesting, reading a few pages, I can tell it's something someone must spend some time with.

the mindfulness app is called Breathe.
just looking at the book i bought, it is a lot longer than i thought. that is okay, she has a website with other publications too. i think will continue after done with this one.
this morning i read about loneliness in childhood and gosh did i ever have a lonely childhood. i spent hours alone in my room feeling very misunderstood from a young age. i remember wanting my little dachshund upstairs and my (mean) mom would not allow it because she wanted him with her.
then she got rid of him when i went to boarding school. my mom was the monster in our house, not my dad.
i remember being in therapy once and the therapist was trying to convince me it was my dad. could not convince her otherwise.
i also remember being very committed to not having children because i would not want to do to my child what my selfish parents did to me.
kind of a shame i realise now.

[All done drinking]

Eloise, glad the headache is gone. abcowboy recommended another good book to the group entitled 'Change your thinking, Overcome stress, anxiety & depression, and Improve Life with CBT. Cognitive Behavior Therapy helps us to do what you stated, choose how we "react" to things, other than allowing those things to determine our outcome in situations. I got the paperwork version at Amazon.Com and it was quite inexpensive.

Pav, I think folks would be surprised to learn how many comedians and comediennes have depression issues. Interesting to learn SS joins the group.

I am off today to celebrate an early birthday breakfast with my very good friend who has not made time to see me since I quit drinking. I find that I do well with others drinking around me but interestingly enough, do not like to be around problem drinkers who drink when I have finally seen the light. So, if I am honest with myself, I have avoided this friend as well. I really have to work on that particular judgment of mine as I am not responsible for their recovery and I cannot push my way of thinking into their brains. Of course, the best way to see her was early morning when drinking wouldn't be considered. I also have a BIL who is very bitter with what life has dealt him, but he has built such a wall around himself because of being hurt, that no woman can break through. The only way he is ever fun to be around and in a positive mood is when he is drinking, and he has a BIG problem with it so I am struggling with the thought of holidays coming and how I will get through that. I mean, I will, but it will be challenging when I don't have the wine relaxing me and the commaradarie that drinking provided when with him. If anyone has tips or tricks that work for them, would love to hear about it.


Have an empowered day nesters.

Addy

[All done drinking]

But, I know we will be out in a bar at least one night for a get together with old friends. Which is really one reason I went to the group meeting the other night in a bar, just to see if I could do it without drinking. The other night went well, and I had no real cravings. I'm a little worried about what might happen next week, especially if people are putting pressure on me. It's still early in this quit. The bar does serve food, so my plan is at least to eat, and drink water or soda. I've put my self in this situation twice in the past few weeks and made it through, without feeling like I was white-knuckling. Thanks

Mr V.

Somehow I missed the thread for 6230 and there was a lot going on there so wanted to shout out to everyone there that my thoughts are with you. Mr. V., your statement above made me feel uneasy as it was (IMHO) a little risky. It was the part about challenging yourself to go to a bar and be with your big drinking friends to see if you could do it. I think in these beginning phases of drinking, it's unwise to "challenge" ourselves when we can make other choices, as relapse is so prevalent for anyone who quits. I am forgetting how many days you are AF so that may make a difference in your confidence level with doing this, but I personally (only 99 days AF) would choose other venues to get together than a bar with my old drinking buddies. Just too easy for them to try to pull you in and be one of the gang again. Remember also, people with drinking problems, usually don't like to be around nondrinkers as it forces them to look at their own drinking patterns/problems. It's kind of like when a young person dies suddenly. My wonderful boss had a major heart attack and died at age 50 this past July. Believe me, we all started looking at our own mortality. I personally would choose a get together where drinking wasn't the focus but listen to the tips and tricks others provide here and be sure to come back the next day and tack on another day at NN roll call. Keep that thought number 1 in your mind that night when you are tempted.

Addy~

[j-vo]

Mr. V, that's a hard situation you are facing, but I like NS advice. You are a nondrinker. I'm working on the acceptance part of this disease, and accepting means we don't have any other option other than not drinking and that's ok. No occasional drink. i would eat a bowl of ice cream before I went and just eat lots, as that always curbs my cravings.

I got a text this morning that a friend is in town with her son for a hockey tourney. She wants to get together tomorrow morning in town of breakfast. I didn't hesitate for a second, as I know I'll be feeling good on my Saturday morning. That's kinda nice...TGIF

[Quit wining]

Mr. V, I was in a similar situation a couple of weeks ago, meeting a bunch of buddies at a pub. Only one other person in my group of buddies knew I had quit.
I told him I was going to be the designated driver. When we got to the pub, I told the server I was the DD and he kept my glass full with tonic water and a lime twist. And at no charge.
During the evening a couple of guys suggested I just have one but I told them I was going to drive them home and didn't want any AL.
My buddies had a good time, I had a good time and everyone got home safely.
It was interesting though to see others who had had a few too many. Hey, that used to be me! And I sure didn't miss the hangover the next morning.
Stay strong Mr.V! You can do it!

QW