Newbies Nest

[abcowboy]

Nice to see so many newbies, and those returning after absences... I don't post on the Nest often, I could only repeat what the other longtermers have to say, but I'd like to add one comment..

tibby, sothankful, starty (I got your pm, thanks), and all the others, when things get tough just remind yourself why you joined MWO, as said above, there is years and years of experience here and nothing but support. But you have to be open to it, have an honest desire to turn your life around. I've seen so many newbies join, make one or two posts, then fade away. You joined for a reason, now let us help you, you are not unique, we've all been there, done that. Come here everyday, as many times a day as you need to. Post as often as you want, about what you're feeling, what you're needing, what you're lacking. But please keep coming back, even if it's just to say, "I'm here, I'm trying". We can't help you unless you're here...

[Byrdlady]

Welcome to the brand new newbies and returning newbies!

The answer is ALL OF THE ABOVE. Read, post, participate.
Keeping bust this morning, I have a batch of cookies out of the oven and a batch of cupcakes baking. 5 years ago, I would have been drunk by now and trying to look and ACT sober. Those werent the days.

Hope every one has a peaceful, sober day. Byrdie

[Dutch1988]

Well as always thank you all for the advice. Byrdie your right, I did try to quit drinking for years, but there was also a perception that my life would improve without alcohol. Perhaps I am just being negative, but it doesn't seem like it's made that much of a difference. Maybe it's becauSe the contrast is 5 years instead of 20, so it doesn't seem as apparent. Much like exercising and getting injured young, I am sure drinking as much as I was for 20 more years wasn't going anywhere good.

Or maybe the pendulum will start swinging less, I mean it has been a while since I felt this bad. I have a 14 hour day ahead of me, so I am just going to make it through. Afterwards I was invited to a party, where I know they will serve alcohol. I'm bringing my wife with me as insurance, no one is going to take this quit away from me, not some crummy feelings, and sure as hell not peer pressure. For that matter, depressing dreams, bad with my business partner, shitty enrollment and loss of pay. None of it is going to get the best of me. No one can make me do a damn thing but me.

[sothankful]

Thank you all for the support, I got a phone call from someone that I haven't heard from in a very long time. He knows my mom and dad. He told me some things about the abuse my mother is doing to my father and it really upset me. By the way I haven't spoke to my parents in many years. Can't to much emotional abuse from my mom. So I finally got some sleep. I have a lot inside.. A lot of abandonedment issues..I am not used to sharing my private things in my life that have happened to me. I think as they come up I will share with all of you maybe it will help..thank you and God bless

[LilBit]

I did try to quit drinking for years, but there was also a perception that my life would improve without alcohol. Perhaps I am just being negative, but it doesn't seem like it's made that much of a difference. Maybe it's becauSe the contrast is 5 years instead of 20, so it doesn't seem as apparent. Much like exercising and getting injured young, I am sure drinking as much as I was for 20 more years wasn't going anywhere good.

You don't know how right you are, Dutch. Trust the more...uh...mature members like Byrdie and me on this one. Had you continued to drink with the issues that you described, I imagine your life would have gone in a nightmarish downward spiral for the next 20 years. It's even possible that you could have lost everything that you love -- your wife & family, your home, your business, your health, maybe even your freedom if you had a bad drunk driving accident. It's all about baselines.

Fortunately, you have a great life by many peoples' standards. To expect quitting AL to quickly make everything glowing and fantastic on top of what you already have will only disappoint you. That's just not realistic. Don't get me wrong -- I love life, and I find it worthwhile, fulfilling and often times, downright amazing. And my AF life is a thousand times better than the boozing days. But I've lived long enough to know that any single thing that promises to jack you up to a sustained and constant whole 'nuther level of living (whether it's starting something, stopping something, buying something, building something...) is probably BS.

1) Mindfulness, 2) deliberate, practiced focus on all the good things in your life, and 3) gratitude are sure-fire keys to feeling happy.

p.s. And good for you for adopting such a tenacious stance about making it through your long day and event without drinking; also for taking along your wife as a strategy.

[Starfish1]

Hello nesters, and warm welcome to the newbies! We are so glad you are joining us. You will not regret it. Posting and reading are the best things you can do in the early days. Take care of yourselves and heed all the great advice so generously shared by our mentors. They have been through it and want the best for us. They KNOW what they are talking about.

Have a great day everyone! I am having to post from my phone so I can't go into much depth!

Love you all!

[Quit wining]

Sothankful, you're among friends here, share what you feel comfortable sharing. As you know, your fellow Nesters are great listeners, non-judgemental and 100% dedicated to helping everyone in the nest become and stay AF.
Don't hesitate to use the Toolbox and to lean on some of the long time Nesters. They've been a huge help to me and many others.
Stay strong Sothankful!

[All done drinking]

Hi all,

100 days of no drinking for me! For those of you who are struggling, go to my thread where I was on day 3 and was really struggling with the concept of quitting too. Others gave me good advice and pearls of wisdom, and the top off is a post from me celebrating 100 days. We can do this...YES!

https://www.mywayout.org/community/general-discussion/91624-keeping-delusions-winning-2.html#post1640057

Addy~

[Guitarista]

Congratulations Addy! Bravo on 100 days. You bewdy!

Keep it going Dutch!

So thankful, it's great to see you posting. That is tough stuff to deal with when we have experienced some sort of abuse as kids (or adults). It can affect our core belief/s of who we are which we carry with us into later life. But I believe we can learn how to deal with it and get happy again. Take good care of yourself my friend.

64 in the bank here on this sunday morning. Kick some arse out there and throw in some self lovin!

[LilBit]

Congrats, Addy on your triple digits!! Woohoo!! :sohappy:

G Man @ 64: this is for you!

[Starfish1]

Addy!!!! Congratulations!! You are a great inspiration to me and to many others, Thank you and :goodjob:

:celebrate::balloons::sensational:

[Eloise]

Feeling about the same as you Dutch.
Not fun to say the least.

[available]

morning nesters and welcome newbies.

Congrats Addy on 100 days and great work G on 64, keep up the great work.

I know when i came to MWO i had no desire at all to give up drinking really, i just knew i had to. having had a brother die fro al was an incentive even though he has been dead 6+ years. I didnt want to think that i could never drink again, i didnt want to contemplate how boring my life would be without al, i didnt want to think on how i would deal in situations involving al. I just didnt want to think about it but i knew i would not be around for my grandchildren to be, if i did not stop, i knew i would not be around to see my children age and enjoy those years. I didnt care personally whether i lived or died, al had taken those feelings of self worth but it had not taken the love of my children away.

This has been one of the hardest decisions i have made in my life, even deciding to leave my ex husband was easier than giving up drinking. The highs, the lows, the self doubt, the loathing of what i was when a drunk, the anger, the shame, the guilt. All a present from al, wrapped in a pretty bottle and taken by myself daily for years to feed those feelings of worthlessess. Today nearly 2 years later this has been a journey of learning to live again, of accepting that i am not a bad person, that al does not need to rule my life, that i can deal what life throws at me. The 2nd year of emotional healing has been intense. Feelings of "what a waste of those years", regret for what i have done in the past, a lot of anger, but i am oh so grateful for being sober now. I cant take back the past, in some ways i dont wish to, it has made me who i am. I wish i wasnt an alcoholic but then i feel i am different to others, i have more empathy for other addicts, i am in that boat with other addicts. We face battles and situations everyday that we have to deal with sober while we hide what we are inside. We cant tell people openly what we are but we can be proud of what we have done to change out lives.

Life does get so much better without al. I never ever thought it would and some days have been worse than others but i am so proud of my achievement and not one drink will ever take that away.

take care. x

[Lavande]

. Good evening Nesters,

Had a busy but nice day - productive too

CONGRATS Addy on your 100 AF days, :yay:
G, 64 = very nice!!!!

Dutch, Eloise & anyone else dealing with mood swings please just hang in with us. Moods do come & go for all of us & AL is never the solution. It takes a good long while to rewire our brains after years of pickling them for 'relief'. I know I sure wanted & hoped for instant relief when I finally quit but it just doesn't work that way. I had to search for other ways to center & calm myself. For me learning about meditation was key. Sticking with it helped me thru the rough times. The MWO hypnotherapy CDs were very helpful, I used them daily for a good year or more. There are lots of ways to help yourself, choose one or two & let them work for you!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[Guitarista]

Congrats, Addy on your triple digits!! Woohoo!! :sohappy:

G Man @ 64: this is for you!

Classy version. I reckon choir practice would be a hoot! Thanks Lilbit. :tennis:

Eloise, you don't sound too good at all friend. How are you doing?