Newbies Nest

[Starfish1]

Good Morning Nesters

Very soggy in my part of the nest right now. It's been raining since Saturday night here. Remnants of Hurricane Patricia and other meteorological happenings all mixed together. We needed that rain, that's for sure, but my doggies don't like to go out in it and are ready for their nice long (dry) walks with mommy Star. I'm missing the walks too (although we did have a nice walk in the rain yesterday!). Daily walking for an hour or so is just one of the good habits I have formed over the past couple months to take the place of daily staggering. It's much better this way!
Cowboy, I loved your advice to El and all of us about bonding more with our pets. It is so very true. My pets surely know what kind of mood I am in and are so happy when I am happy. Their love and admiration for me is unconditional and they help me through lots of rough spots.
I am so proud of all the great successes here in the nest, sorry (and scared) to hear of some struggles and grateful for all the advice and support of our mentors.
El and Dutch, we are all worried about you. I agree with whoever said “The relapse happens long before the first drink”…In my experience, looking back over some wicked (personal) relapses, that is certainly a true statement and it is unbelievably difficult to get back on track. Please do everything you can to protect your quits. Nothing else is as important as what you have accomplished by getting several months of sobriety under your wings. If you lose your sobriety, everything will get worse and worse. Take it from one who has been there, friends. It’s not worth it!

[All done drinking]

Addy, I have to chuckle at NS's post...you really were an AVID moderator and were a real thorn in my side! In fact, I got reprimanded for posting over on the mods boards....apparently, we actually had forum moderators back then! I am so happy that you are finding freedom and peace on this side of MWO!!! GREAT JOB!

Haha Byrdie, you are a good person. The thing is, I always knew that about you and a couple of the others, that were like dutiful parents trying to warn people. What some, maybe many, here won't agree with is I still believe in giving people that option (moderating) if folks come here thinking that - that is an option because they have read RJs book and believe they can do it too. They aren't ready to quit (just yet) and I say, let them have a go at it until they realize that moderating never works for people with true loss of control problems. It just doesn't. I always worried that someone who really needed to abstain would find the mod section and be drawn in to it, (I posted that concern more than once) and many of my posts were about questioning the reality if moderating could work or not, so that was the hard part about MWO having two such opposing points of view as it was actually started (IMO) giving people the belief that moderating was an option, but the reality is most people chose abstinence because moderating does not work for people with faulty shut off valves. I had a disgruntled modder ask me why I just didn't quit because I posted being AF looked so freeing. It took me awhile, but, I finally did quit, and it is as freeing as it appeared. No more angst about the next drink, are they pouring the same amount in my glass, waiting impatiently for the drink to come. What a life that was. But I needed to find my way out of that mess in my time, and was grateful it helped me to do what people call "harm reduction" where I and others who knew we had problems with drinking (or we wouldn't have come here) certainly worked on drinking less.

Anyway, thank you for not blatantly telling me "I told you so", but you were right. I just needed to learn that for myself and no-one could knock sense into me until I was ready. Now I sit in this seat and feel that frustration you felt when I see some folks sharing info where I want to shake them and say "snap out of it". Someone sent me a post the other day that relates to many things in our lives but certainly could be applied to this discussion as well.

We cannot force others to change. We can offer them a positive mental atmosphere where they have the possibility to change if they wish. But we cannot do it for, or to, other people. Everyone is here to work out their own lessons, and if we fix it for them, then they will just go and do it again, because they have not worked out what they needed to for themselves. All we can do is love them. Allow them to be who they are. Know that the truth is always within them and that they can change at any moment they want.
Louise L hay

So, thank you Byrdie, ex thorn in my side too, for your caring and compassion for everyone who finds their way here who wants to quit or needs to quit. You are a strong and helpful force, and I am proud to consider you a friend.

Addy~

[j-vo]

Good morning all,

Referring to wasted time Byrdie, don't want to waste anymore. I've wasted enough time, and this is time to live. Live with the good and the bad, accept the highs and lows, reach out during sad and happy times.

As far as the relapsing happening before the first drink is drunk, how do you know? How do you know it's not just a bad or depressed mood? How do you identify it? Is it a string of things, what people do, say, how one reacts? I need to be vigilant, and I believe my relapses have already occurred prior to my first drink. How can that be avoided?

Good for you, Mr. V!!! Keep that guard up!

Have a great day.

[Starfish1]

Well, J-Vo, I I guess I would say I have had 2 major relapses over the past 7 years. One was after 3 years sobriety and one was after 7 months sobriety. In both cases, I never really realized it was happening until it was too late, but what happened to me, is that:
• I stopped the good "sober" habits (comforting routines) that I had developed during my work on my sobriety. Some of these routines were spiritual (lots of prayer and spiritual reading and practicing my faith), some were physical (watching what I ate, exercising). Some were social (hanging out with like-minded folk or at least avoiding the other type).
• I also lost accountability and started projecting about times in the future when I would have opportunities to drink. Basically, I neglected nurturing my new sober lifestyle and I allowed myself a loophole.
• I did not even play the full scene forward until it was too late. I didn’t think about what hell I was headed for (yet again!)
• I stopped protecting my quit, I neglected my accountability, I started looking for opportunities to be able to “cheat” and I didn’t ask for help to steer me away from the wrong direction.
• I made conscious decisions to drink.
• J-Vo (and others)…It wasn’t that I didn’t think I was THAT BAD…I have known forever how BAD I am. I simply “gave in” to the desire for an escape (through alcohol). What an escape!!!
• I DID fool myself into thinking I could control it, but what a fool I was. It didn’t take long for me to be back in hell….for years…both times!!!
Those are the things I have noticed about my relapses. So now, when I read about some friends who are changing routines or talking about not being “that bad” or asking if it’s “worth it”, I get concerned. I hope I never, ever, even for one minute, take my quit for granted again. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… I’m just one drink away from never being sober again. Damn, it’s hard to get going again once you fall off the wagon! It’s not worth it! (I think I’ve said that before too!)
Love you all!

[LavenderBlue]

On relapse, before I found this site I managed a few of those and I think my first hints were also falling away from making my quit a priority and starting to think about times I might be able to drink with a "good excuse," like my brother's wedding. It was sneaky because it happened so gradually, and it was easy to lie to myself about it. "Oh, it's just thoughts, I'm allowed to think about it!" "Anyway, just one night wouldn't be a big deal." And so on. I also hadn't ever committed to really being sober. So of course when I had an easy opportunity (that wedding) I started with just one...then just two...then I'm not sure how much I had. I didn't do anything horrible that night BUT I started drinking even more than when I'd stopped, and continued for over a year. :/

I took a break from this site about 9 months into my quit. The site had changed and it felt super draining to figure out how to post and just to get used to it again. (NOW I chalk this up to still being in recovery,it's not usually hard for me to get used to new things on my computer!) Anyway, I figured I'd be all right. I wanted to focus on my life and not have to think so much about my quit. Only, bailing on my support wasn't a good way to do that - not having to think so much about it does come with time, but it's still important to remember what I'm doing and why.

I didn't come back because I thought I was about to relapse - or I didn't think so at the time. But I was getting a little nervous. I'd recently gotten in touch with a friend who thought I was just "taking a break." We chatted about meeting up sometime (which was super unlikely since he lives across the country) and he mentioned offhand that there were some great bars in the area he'd love to show me. When I got off the phone, I started thinking about how I was sure I could manage seeing the bars...and then gradually i started playing with the idea of drinking at this hypothetical future date. Then about other things, like maybe having champagne at the wedding if i get married. "Just one" of course. It wasn't until I came back and hung around a while that I realized i'd been slowly opening up that door again. Of course I started with "safe" things in the future, but eventually I would have found an opportunity NOW.

[LilBit]

Hi All,

Today scary thought come to me. What if I cant have a well shaped knee and I go along limping for rest of my life ! While my doc says that in my case not surgery is needed and knee will get well on its own. but what if ... ? I wasa bit scared this morning to see swealing on my feel and lower leg.

Googling does not help as I see scary reports of recovery from knee and bad accidents

Sorry, I know this not the correct forum but I sometimes feel why me ? I finally was able was able to overcome my addiction and was getting into shape with a good life style and here I am back on bed.

I just prey and hope I get back into SAME level of knee.

worried

A few years ago, I had blown out all the cartilage in my hip. The joints were rubbing bone-against-bone. Some days, I couldn't even walk. I had a total hip replacement Feb 2013.

Fast forward. This is me, and was filmed today at the rink where I practice 5-6 days per week.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B6EZwVeufu4-RkJYb0xkc3h2R0hIUmZYSWwwTU1WSUtmZmhJ

I can do a lot of other things, but I thought this brief clip might demonstrate that -- yes, you can (!) -- come back even better than before, even after a horrendous injury. Three months after having my hip replaced, I was back on the ice. I spent the next 6-12 months working on basics and refining skills. Two years later, I'm at the top of my game; way, way better than I ever was before the surgery.

Don't be discouraged. Be determined to do what you can do today, even if it seems small. 'True in life, too.

[Byrdlady]

Regarding relapse (the R word)....this site is full of great stories and articles. Just do a search and you will find DAYS of reading!

There are a couple of things I notice....people pulling away from their support (isolation) and resentment.

The best way I know to prevent a relapse is to come here and talk about it. Even if that's the last thing you WANT to do. I know that when I was headed for one, I didn't want to be talked out of it. I admire greatly the folks that come and put their thoughts out there. I have seen enough on this site to know that relapse only makes everything worse. The relief will only come when we break free of the cycle. Come and talk about it, no matter how trivial it seems...if the AL thoughts are coming more frequently and you are giving them some food, they will grow. AL is not a reward for us, it keeps us trapped. B

[sothankful]

Hello, I was wondering how do I find the tool box? Just kind of don't understand .

Thanks for the help

[Starfish1]

Hey so....look right above your post (in Byrdie's post) and click on the link she has there at the bottom of her page

[Guitarista]

Hello, I was wondering how do I find the tool box? Just kind of don't understand .

Thanks for the help

Hi ST. Here's our toolbox link. It is in the monthly abstinence section right at the top.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/monthly-abstinence/24253-tool-box.html

[Dutch1988]

Just checking in, don't have a lot of time to respond to folks but I have been reading to keep up on everyone. Saturday I made it through the party, I actually talked to a group of parents from my school for most of the night. I don't do social outtings, partly because i don't like them and also because I don't get to spend a lot of time alone with my wife and daughter so I would rather do that. Nonetheless the party went fine, we ended up staying till 130 in the morning just talking, surprisingly since I didn't have anything to drink. Some parents were drinking but no one asked me why I wasn't or anything, one mom knows I stopped drinking so it was nice to know that I wasn't going to have too much social pressure.

Working all week again instead of getting a break. My partner is taking the week off to deal with his stuff, which can be hard because I want him desperately to get better but I also have to juggle and prioritize my family. I have felt better today, and did my morning workout routine, drank my green tea instead of soda last night and meditated for 8 minutes. I figured I'll start small, it's easier than committing to a long 45 minute meditation like I was doing. El I hope you are feeling better, I know you were having a tough time like me, I am taking glutamine to see if I might have a hypoglycemia problem too, have you ever checked into that stuff?

Here we go, I rested yesterday and back to the grind. At least I think I am going to make more money this month, and I am doing well on all my goals. It doesn't matter as long as I feel good about it. Take care all!

[Guitarista]

A few years ago, I had blown out all the cartilage in my hip. The joints were rubbing bone-against-bone. Some days, I couldn't even walk. I had a total hip replacement Feb 2013.

Fast forward. This is me, and was filmed today at the rink where I practice 5-6 days per week.

I can do a lot of other things, but I thought this brief clip might demonstrate that -- yes, you can (!) -- come back even better than before, even after a horrendous injury. Three months after having my hip replaced, I was back on the ice. I spent the next 6-12 months working on basics and refining skills. Two years later, I'm at the top of my game; way, way better than I ever was before the surgery.

Don't be discouraged. Be determined to do what you can do today, even if it seems small. 'True in life, too.

"As Florence glided with purpose on her trusty skates over Mars' cold, frosty, barren landscape in search of today's lunch, the local critters looked on in awe at her effortless grace, and shiny lustrous hair"......

Take care Dutch!

[j-vo]

Thank you Star, LavBlue, and Byrdie. Lots of food for thought. I thought there was a relapse thread, but I don't remember where it is.

I can relate to so much, if not all of what you mentioned, especially with denial of 'not being that bad' or asking myself if it was worth it. Those thoughts begin the downward spiral, and it only takes seconds for me to turn on sobriety. I don't know if I ever protected my quit like I should have. REALLY protected it as if it were my baby, a part of me, as if meant life or death. I need to think more about it in that way, as if my life depends on it. And it does. My life depends on this quit.

I also believe in the connections with others, and never, ever thinking it's ok to drift away. That's why I see the people who make it in AA are the people that keep going back. It's a journey, and we need to stay with those that understand us and are supportive.

The numerous times I've quit, I've always felt a 'relief.' A relief that I finally have this monkey off my back. A relief that I'm not putting myself in danger anymore. A relief that I'll have a life to live because I won't end up dead. A relief for my family. I have that relief right now. It feels really good and I don't want to lose this feeling. I need to protect this feeling. I don't think it's safe to believe the monkey is ever off our backs. It's a good reminder that disaster can be right around the corner if we aren't careful. Yes, disaster and death.

Thanks for your thoughtful responses.

[Guitarista]

Yo Jvo.

Is this the thread? https://www.mywayout.org/community/ge...pse+retrospect

Our quit really is something to be taken seriously for many of us if not all. It can easily be a matter of life and death. Just one session back on the booze the way we drink it could take us anywhere. Staggering into traffic, falling down stairs, up stairs, a physical argument, heart attack, organ shutdown, tripping and hitting our head, choking on our vomit when passed out. This is where just one drink can very easily lead most of us. I try to remember this life or death fact too.

[Matt M.]

A few years ago, I had blown out all the cartilage in my hip. The joints were rubbing bone-against-bone. Some days, I couldn't even walk. I had a total hip replacement Feb 2013.

Fast forward. This is me, and was filmed today at the rink where I practice 5-6 days per week.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B6EZwVeufu4-RkJYb0xkc3h2R0hIUmZYSWwwTU1WSUtmZmhJ

I can do a lot of other things, but I thought this brief clip might demonstrate that -- yes, you can (!) -- come back even better than before, even after a horrendous injury. Three months after having my hip replaced, I was back on the ice. I spent the next 6-12 months working on basics and refining skills. Two years later, I'm at the top of my game; way, way better than I ever was before the surgery.

Don't be discouraged. Be determined to do what you can do today, even if it seems small. 'True in life, too.

:idhitit:

Seriously though that is awesome!