Newbies Nest

[j-vo]

Thanks Gman. Those things you mentioned...yep. several have happened to me. Thank you!

[Matt M.]

Regarding relapse (the R word)....this site is full of great stories and articles. Just do a search and you will find DAYS of reading!

There are a couple of things I notice....people pulling away from their support (isolation) and resentment.

The best way I know to prevent a relapse is to come here and talk about it. Even if that's the last thing you WANT to do. I know that when I was headed for one, I didn't want to be talked out of it. I admire greatly the folks that come and put their thoughts out there. I have seen enough on this site to know that relapse only makes everything worse. The relief will only come when we break free of the cycle. Come and talk about it, no matter how trivial it seems...if the AL thoughts are coming more frequently and you are giving them some food, they will grow. AL is not a reward for us, it keeps us trapped. B

So true Byrd!
I am finally dealing with resentments this time around in my quit. I believe without a doubt some of my past failures are a result of untreated resentments. I am reminded of a sentence in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous- AA recognizes that resentment is toxic to our inner lives. The case is plainly stated in the Big Book: "Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else."

Stay Hard freaks!

[All done drinking]

So true Byrd!
I am finally dealing with resentments this time around in my quit. I believe without a doubt some of my past failures are a result of untreated resentments. I am reminded of a sentence in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous- AA recognizes that resentment is toxic to our inner lives. The case is plainly stated in the Big Book: "Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else."

I believe that Matt. I know that I struggle with the people in my life that won't get out of their denial (BIL for example). I don't have a problem with anyone else drinking around me but feel like I would really have a problem if he did. I know I am not responsible for his recovery and this resentment is my issue and something I need to work on, but it's there just the same. Great post Byrdie about this.

Addy~

[available]

I know when i ungraciously decided to give up drinking that i had to pull every resourse out of my ass to stop fully. I had to leave said ego at the door, i had to realise i was no better than anyone else, i had to ask for help when needed and i had to be humble and truthful. No more lying to myself and others, no more procrastination, no more of anything! I had to listen and learn from the oldies, sure i got pissed off with what they said and thought "what do they know", well the know a lot, they were a newbie, they have been through it all just like a newbie and they had to listen and learn just like myself till they got to where they are.

If i felt unsure about a situation i removed myself from it, i basically hibernated to protect my quit for 3 months and suprisingly the world did not end in that time. I immersed myself in watching doco's and reading and i posted like a lunatic. This was my chance and really my one and only since my health was deteriorating rapidly. I realised i wanted to live.

Its funny but an oldie can normally tell when someone is headed for relapse, i have other mwoers that i chat to occasionally and normally we are right. If we comment on this normally we are met with denial that there is no way they will drink, if we reach out to help they will back away. the door is open to relapse and unless you reach out for help and ask you will drink and you will hide. They will promise you the world yet not deliver as all the focus on is deserving that drink and having control again. There is no control with al if you are an alcoholic. I hid everyday to drink, there is no more hiding for me, there will not be a relapse if i can help it and i read here daily, i have outside support and i will have no hesitation in asking friends or family for help.

Like Byrd, i hate al, i see relapsers now again and again and i hope and i hope that this is their time. Maybe when i stopped it was my time but i know i put in 110% plus more so i would not drink. I still give it my all after nearly 2 years. I have a wedding in a few weeks, the furthest thing from my mind is drinking, i am a non drinker. Take me back nearly 2 years ago and all i focused on was how to not drink, how to get through the occasion, what i would drink, will i be a freak, what conversation will i have without a drink etc etc. My mind would not stop with preparation and that is how it should have been, today is good, today is the life i have and i want. Today i know what i am.

[sothankful]

I knew someone who had a drinking problem..one night she drank they found her on the bathroom floor she had hit her head on the toilet and died.. I haven't thought about that in many years wow..

[sothankful]

By the way thank you for the info. Regarding tool box, much appreciated

[LilBit]

"As Florence glided with purpose on her trusty skates over Mars' cold, frosty, barren landscape in search of today's lunch, the local critters looked on in awe at her effortless grace, and shiny lustrous hair"......

O' G Man, you are a poet.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Sure was a busy Monday in the nest - great!

Sothankful, now that you know where the Tool box is spend as much time reading thru as you possibly can. It is full of helpful information & guidance.

Lil, OH MY!
I am so happy that you are well & enjoying your time on the ice. Very nice indeed

I was absolutely scared to death when I quit, I had no idea how I was going to handle the rest of my life & all those resentments I had carried around. Looking back now, it seems almost unbelievable. Everyone here told me that I would be OK, just take the leap & I did. Remaining grateful for everything every single day has helped me maintain my AF status. I will not give up, not ever. If I can do this then I know you all can as well!!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[Dutch1988]

Lil that was some impressive flexibility and balance, how'd you open up your hips like that even after a hip replacement? My spinning back kick would be much faster if I didn't have to bend so far over to get it up to someone's head, I am jealous!

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Got a real frost on the pumpkins around here!
Happy AF Tuesday to all

Lav

[Byrdlady]

I know when i ungraciously decided to give up drinking that i had to pull every resourse out of my ass to stop fully. I had to leave said ego at the door, i had to realise i was no better than anyone else, i had to ask for help when needed and i had to be humble and truthful. No more lying to myself and others, no more procrastination, no more of anything! I had to listen and learn from the oldies, sure i got pissed off with what they said and thought "what do they know", well the know a lot, they were a newbie, they have been through it all just like a newbie and they had to listen and learn just like myself till they got to where they are.

If i felt unsure about a situation i removed myself from it, i basically hibernated to protect my quit for 3 months and suprisingly the world did not end in that time. I immersed myself in watching doco's and reading and i posted like a lunatic. This was my chance and really my one and only since my health was deteriorating rapidly. I realised i wanted to live.

Its funny but an oldie can normally tell when someone is headed for relapse, i have other mwoers that i chat to occasionally and normally we are right. If we comment on this normally we are met with denial that there is no way they will drink, if we reach out to help they will back away. the door is open to relapse and unless you reach out for help and ask you will drink and you will hide. They will promise you the world yet not deliver as all the focus on is deserving that drink and having control again. There is no control with al if you are an alcoholic. I hid everyday to drink, there is no more hiding for me, there will not be a relapse if i can help it and i read here daily, i have outside support and i will have no hesitation in asking friends or family for help.

Like Byrd, i hate al, i see relapsers now again and again and i hope and i hope that this is their time. Maybe when i stopped it was my time but i know i put in 110% plus more so i would not drink. I still give it my all after nearly 2 years. I have a wedding in a few weeks, the furthest thing from my mind is drinking, i am a non drinker. Take me back nearly 2 years ago and all i focused on was how to not drink, how to get through the occasion, what i would drink, will i be a freak, what conversation will i have without a drink etc etc. My mind would not stop with preparation and that is how it should have been, today is good, today is the life i have and i want. Today i know what i am.

Ava,
This is one for the books. Rather, for the Box, would you tuck it in the Tool Box for safe keeping? I gotta tell you, THAT post says it ALL! This is not a 5 minute ride at the state fair, it is a full on, b___s to the wall (sorry Dutch) slingshot journey! It truly is a battle that is won on a daily basis.
Thank you, Matt, for that info on resentment....funny, I've never consulted the big book from AA, but I feel as if I wrote the one on RESENTMENT! 'The Odds of Getting Even', catchy, huh? Well, as it turns out, I ate AT people and drank AT them until I became a fat drunk! That'll show 'em! I resented my childhood, my mother, my siblings....my genes....my <insert uncontrollable circumstance here>. AND I REALLY resented having to give up AL! What the WHAT? My one ESCAPE and now I have to quit, are you SERIOUS? I just couldn't believe my lot in life. Now? I can't believe my lot in life. I have so many blessings! Top of that list? I am sober! It was a great sacrifice to get here (after all, I LOVED drinking). It took a lot of growth and discomfort, but I will tell you, there is NO substitute for MindPeace! I did whatever it took to get thru the day sober....I still do, and I have never regretted ONE day of it. Resentment is a smoldering killer....there just comes a time to LET IT GO. It will come with time (away from AL).

Like most other new people, set out to find my own way out....a kinder, GENTLER approach. Something NOT so drastic. I could not. I finally listened to the person who had what I wanted....LAV. I looked to the person with the Magic Wand. But that came with strings, I discovered, I actually had to DO what she instructed. No one made me drink, and no one could make me NOT drink. Getting sober is for those who WANT it, not for those who NEED it. It only works if you want to be sober MORE than you want to check out (and I mean that in EVERY sense). I am one of the lucky ones, and I plan on staying this way. I LISTENED. These people that go ahead me of actually DO know what works and what doesn't....I'm 1742 days AF....so far, so good.

Great conversations here, as always! If you are lurking, jump in and tell us about what's going on in your life....as you can see, most of us can relate! Have an easy day! Byrdie

[Samstone]

morning all
Byrdie, not much going on other than doing the daily do, which varies daily. Keeps me on my toes and frankly how in the world did I have time bend my elbow non stop for so long. So much to enjoy and sometimes so much to annoy. Good with the bad and me the ugly, hey that could be a movie.... anyway hope everyone is well here
Sam

[j-vo]

I want this quit more than anything right now. I want to be sober, and not relive the pain and agony that I have lived for so long. I'm ready to put the work in, stay close to these boards, and follow the oldtimers advice and wisdom. We've all come from very different lives, but we all want the same thing...sobriety. I've given up as I can't win against al, never could. I just told myself that I'd keep trying as I don't wanna give up something that gives me that quick gratification. The only probelm with that is it screwed up every other part of myself. I'm done giving into that. I won't look to far into the future, and just focus on today. If I look too far ahead, I get anxious and I'm no good that way either. I'd like to move a little slower, recognizing the good around me, and I know it'll take time to retrain my brain, I see that it can be done, as so many of you have done it.

Have a good day.

[TJAF]

So, My wife and I were at a wedding this weekend. Her lifelong friend remarried so this wasn't your typical 20 something couple. While it was a church wedding that was the end of the formalities and the reception was more cocktail party/party ending up around a fire pit. My wife isn't a big drinker and like a lot of middle age folks we don't party much...at least not like we did in our twenties. Needless to say she drank more that she should have. Three days later and she is still hungover...the day after the wedding was a real nightmare for her. What a reminder for me. Two takeaways one of which is a bit scary. In my drinking day's I could have tripled what she drank and I wouldn't have been as hung over...in fact outside of an occasional headache I hadn't been hungover in years. I passed out, never got the spins and never got sick to my stomach. Think about it, my body's defense from being poisoned by this stuff stopped working for me, which makes me think, considering how much I drank, how many times did I came close to dying when I passed out. Wow. The other thing that came to mind was that after watching her suffer I was soooooo thankful that I don't drink.

[Quit wining]

TJAF, I experienced similar symptoms, or lack of symptoms during my drinking days. I too never had a hangover, the spins, stomach sickness or anything commonly associated with heavy drinking. Until reading your post though, I never thought of it as my body's defences having stopped working.

I saw my new doctor yesterday for the first time. I was afraid of what the GGT reading was going to be even though I haven't had alcohol in over two months. I was pleased to hear him say my reading is well down in the normal range so hopefully there hasn't been liver damage.

What really scared me though, as I was leaving his office, I heard the beast suggest that I go to the liquor store, after all, my blood work is in great shape, my liver is doing fine, etc, etc.
Instead, I came home and read here for about an hour.

The point has been made by so many long time quitters that you can never let your guard down. Yesterday was a test of my resolve but the fact it happened was a good reminder that as alcoholics, we truly can never let our guard down.

I hope everyone is having a great AF day!