Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Another superior day in the nest I see - great!!!

Byrdie, you make me proud :hug:
Now I am really glad that I yelled at you (just a little), ha ha!!!
You have been a superstar around here for the past 1742 days, yay!!!

idefineme, put the shame away, there's no need for it here. We all understand rough beginnings, just don't give up trying. Get a good working plan together for yourself & stay close to the nest. We will help you get thru those first few days.

j-vo & Kensho, you both have a strong desire to quit & stay quit, that's great! Why not partner up so you can give & receive a little extra support from each other?
Taking care of yourselves today will ensure a better future for yourselves & your families, honestly!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[idefineme]

Samstone, congrats on 900 days! if I may ask, is #9, #9, #9 also a direct reference to the White Album?

[Samstone]

Yes, and you don't have to play it backwards!!

[KENSHO]

I hope that your primary plan is to do whatever it takes not to drink - everything else needs to support that or if it doesn't, put aside to be dealt with later.

Hi NS and all. Your words are noted I know my list sounded intense, but I guess I'm mostly just revising priorities and trying to focus on taking care of myself. Not drinking is great, but then the work begins of coping differently so that the desire to escape through alcohol goes away. For me, that’s having some balance, and taking care of myself. Eating something healthy, getting some movement, getting sleep, and not drinking will help me feel successful on a small scale even if nothing else gets done in that day. And those things make me feel like a million bucks - I feel they will help my success if I can do them more often than I do now. But I won’t be military about it

Lil, the "disconnect" was that this working on sobriety, and all of you here, feels a little un-integrated into my daily life. You are real, but I view you and converse with you and talk about this issue mostly through a keyboard - not physically. My husband supports my effort, yet is thrilled if I join him for a drink - it feels a little unreal - like there are two worlds and I wish they would join.

Byrdie, thank you for your reassurance that life can be loose again, and for the reminder that I am "on the spectrum" - stage whatever. And my husband and I have more than drinking - but we have some struggles too. It will take some time and effort to sort it out (and I get tired of it feeling hard).

G - maybe I need more of your type of spa treatments (or your neighbor's) to loosen up a bit...

Jvo - be my buddy. Sober sisters. I told you a very long time ago, but I adore your avatar.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

NoSugar and Ava - glad to be in the company of greatness in my response. When I read that list, Kensho, it sounded overwhelming to me also! I AM the person who slips an inch and takes a mile. I see that you get it, Kensho. Find what works for you to relieve stress. I heard that a craving lasts only 7 minutes, and we know from reading around here that the trip to relapse only ends in the drinking - it is a long path BEFORE that. The question is - what are we willing to do to stop the relapse BEFORE we get to the drinking phase. On the Gloamer thread we talk about wanting to leave MWO sometimes - we're all over the intense cravings and have some desire to just move on from this phase. The problem is, we have all read enough about this ahem "problem" that we have, and therefore understand that keeping close to a sober community is vital to staying sober ourselves - even if it doesn't feel that way right now. There are other keys, too, including taking care of ourselves, telling the truth to ourselves and others, and accepting that we can't drink again.

I'm not sure what that paragraph says, but it makes sense to me. What worked for me was to stop overanalyzing it all and just finally, fully admit that I had to quit drinking. Period.

Night, folks.

Pav

[Lavande]

Good Wednesday morning Nesters!

Dark & damp here but that's OK. It's still another day in AF paradise

Sam, you know Stella is dusting off her dancing shoes in anticipation of your 1,000 AF days party! Keep up the great work!

Pav, I'm with you - no more overanalyzing stuff. That habit always got me in trouble. Most stuff usually is what it is.....

Wishing everyone a great AF day!

Lav

[Samstone]

morning all
thanks Lav, raining here as well. milestones make a person sort of reflect.... glad to have that monkey off my back but it is so easy to trip and fall. Don't stress over it, just know that there's never just one. Almost resonates "just say no". Well sometimes it isn't that simple, that's why we're here.

[Byrdlady]

Wow, great posts from the overnight shift, AS USUAL!

IdefineMe, so good to see you in the nest and participating. Even with all the information and knowledge in the world about addiction, very few folks get it right the first time. Or the second...it felt like I had 365 Day 1's for Pete's Sake (I'm not too bright) but even I eventually 'got it'. Once I got over my 12 day curse, it was smooth sailing. For me, Day 13 was a real blessing...I knew this was something I could maintain! The sad part is that I had fallen so many times at day 12, what a shame!!! I was on the verge of getting over the worst part, only to have to go back and repeat it. UGG! That experience reminds me of that song...'it's always darkest just before dawn'. When your cravings are just unbearable, know that if you really fight it, that MAY BE the last time you have to deal with one that strong! Building our sober muscles takes a bit of time, but you'll be saying 'No Thanks!' to Alcohol with the best of them soon! Or even, HELL NO!

Keep the conversations going...ALL of us around here are interested! These stories matter....every post matters!

Sam, our hero....900 days is amazing! Well done! :horse: Byrdie

[j-vo]

Good morning,

Samstone, congratulations on 900! What a great achievement.

Kensho, I'd love to be your sober sister. PM me and we'll swap emails and other info. I like having and giving support, and I love having an army of people around me. I need it. I agree Pav, that we need our sober community. Never drift.

I related to what you said NS, that when too intense a list or things to do, one mistake leads to a complete fall in all. And I tend to do that, so I'll take your words and put them safely in my toolbox.

Idefineme, no judgments here! I like your name. The shame of having this disease always bothered me. I'm trying to, through acceptance, understand that this disease does not define who I am. I am much more, and have so many things going for me. I will not let alcohol define me, and I won't give it any more power.

Ok, sneaking at work on mwo...have a good day.

[KENSHO]

Feeling good this morning. The goal is not just "don't drink", it's to address the stuff that makes me want to drink as well. I know a lot of this comes when we just don't drink and have to figure it out over time. My biggest issue is overworking because it leaves me too tired to care about much and I throw my hands in the air. Unfortunately, this feels complicated with running a business that I'm in charge of - but it's time to work a bit less.

Find something to smile about today. Hugs to all...

[LilBit]

Kensho, if I had to guess, I'd say that you'll have a lot more energy without the one hand tied behind your back (holding a glass). Maybe ditching the AL will help resolve the tiredness issue. I still think it's a good idea to cut back on overworking if you feel it's a trigger, but you're probably in for a pleasant realization when you wake up one day with more verve than you've had in a long time.

[KENSHO]

Well, it may be contributing to tiredness. But I think my 2-am-ers may be contributing more I haven't had much alcohol, in fact, for several months - it's just that I keep coming back to it I long for the verve! Bring it back!

[All done drinking]

...drinking is great, but then the work begins of coping differently so that the desire to escape through alcohol goes away.

Kensho, A bit ago we were discussing movies and the movie "When a man loves a woman" was discussed. Alice is an alcoholic and her drinking is affecting her life, the safety of her children, all kinds of things. What I love about the movie is when Alice quits drinking, everything isn't immediately wonderful. In fact, things are somewhat downright awful as co-dependent husband isn't quite sure what his role is anymore as he is so used to care taking Alice. I think it could help you to see this film, as you'd relate to many of her struggles and somehow we all feel less alone when we have similarities. It's an old film so should be easy to rent.

Lil, the "disconnect" was that this working on sobriety, and all of you here, feels a little un-integrated into my daily life. You are real, but I view you and converse with you and talk about this issue mostly through a keyboard - not physically.

I struggle with this too Kensho. We all have the choice to be as anonymous as we want to be (heck, some folks even use names where one doesn't have a clue whether their male or female) but I have become personal with a few folks (even Facebook friends) and for me it definitely helps when people become more real. Heck, wish we could all meet (those willing) in a centralized place one day, that is how much I'd like folks to be more real to me. So, I totally get that. Know that some folks are open to a more personal relationship. One very caring member shared her number when I was brand new to call if in crisis, so people can be more real here if we find the right ones. Reach out and I'm sure some will reach back.

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My husband supports my effort, yet is thrilled if I join him for a drink - it feels a little unreal - like there are two worlds and I wish they would join.

I hurt for you for this one because he feels the loss of his drinking buddy and doesn't realize how harmful some statements can be to a person in recovery. I kept looking for cues from my husband at first. Because I physically don't process alcohol well, I get drunk very easily (quite tipsy on two) yet the lack of control with my disease (like the taste, usually really crave another once I start and either am miserable from white knuckling or give in and drink a third too many or more, I kept wanting to believe I wasn't a real alcoholic because I'd compare myself to people who could process the stuff better. What a fool I was. If the guy who can drink 9 drinks sounds and looks better and people don't whisper that he has a drinking problem than I did on 3, well then "wake up Addy...you have a problem", regardless of the number of drinks I drank. Kensho, you have always had that additional challenge of your spouse missing your drinking times which makes recovery a lot harder for you than for me. My verbal cues that it was ok to just "have one" never came. He and I both knew better. Sometimes we have both verbalized that stopping takes a little bit away. One night we both felt a little bored and in the old days we would have filled that time with going to our bar that is kind of like Cheers (lots of regulars and everyone knows your name kind of place). Going to have a club soda now takes the interest in going away. But I always look at the upside of not drinking as opposed to the downside. I'd take a little boredom any day than to be back in that hell hole of wanting, craving, white knuckling, etc.

Jvo - be my buddy. Sober sisters. I told you a very long time ago, but I adore your avatar.

A quit buddy is an excellent idea. AA has mentors, I am sure anyone here whose been sober a while and feel strong in their quit would welcome helping anyone who asked if they wanted to be their mentor.
Have an empowered day my MWO friends.
Addy~

[BenTen321]

Hello every one how are you all.
I want to tell you that its been a 4 year i m drinking. but i couldn't leave it. i don't know what to do.

[Quit wining]

Hi Ben,

Welcome to the Nest, you've come to a great place.

You'll find many long time quitters, some who have been here for a bit and a lot of newbies just starting out.

Folks in the Nest are helpful and non-judgemental so pull up a twig and settle in. I'm sure others will add a welcome and advice in a bit but lots of folks aren't at their computers through the day so be patient.

If you haven't had a chance, check out the tool box for valuable information.

QW