Newbies Nest

[Starfish1]

Howdy Nesters and Welcome, Ben!

So much great advice and support, I don't know what I could add, except to say I am so happy in my sober routines these days and would not want to go back to the old ways for love nor money. That's the honest truth! I really have become addicted to my daily (hour long) walks....usually around a beautiful little lake near my house and (if I'm lucky) at twilight- a beautiful and peaceful time of the day. I would never have believed it, but just a little over 2 months of following this simple routine has made it such a positive, relaxing and enjoyable part of my life that I look forward to it each day, miss it when I am unable to make it happen and truly believe it has taken the place of alcohol in coping with at least some of the stress in my life. Sometimes I feel like I "need" to walk, rather than I "need" a drink. That makes me happy!

Have a great day, friends and hang in there! This sober life rocks!

[Guitarista]

Good to see you Ben. Stick around. There is a lot of knowledge gained in reading 'round here. Welcome.

Yo Kensho. A massage sounds perfect for you right now. You seem so busy. Why not find a good operator and take some me time out of your day for some regular self care. It's an excellent relaxation alternative to boozing as you could imagine. Even a foot massage. Book it in! :happy2:

Congrat's on 900 Sam!

If we are bored, then we are boring!

Reflecting here on my AF time and how I'm feeling. At over 60 days I'm feeling more stable than at 30. 30's an excellent first milestone to go for though. Right now I feel the foundations for my future well being/sober life are well underway and getting stronger every day. There will be clouds of all persuasions ahead, pink, grey, black, white, silver, multi colour, transgender. It will just be life saying a big hello. It's up to me to gather, build and refine my coping tools for life ahead. For me this has involved examining why I drink, and what other coping (thinking) methods can I use.

As talked about here recently, I don't have to over analyse myself, often it is what it is, and that's all I might need to know. But a little self exploration has been useful. The pursuit of happiness is my mission. I'm keeping it as simple as possible.

Have a rippa out there.

[j-vo]

Hi Ben,
Wow, have you come to the right place! Read lots, check out the toolbox, and hang out with us. Welcome.

Star and G-man, both of your posts mentioned keeping it simple, simple routines. I think that's life. That's how we find peace. Not overanalyzing too much, enjoying the simple stuff, recognizing the small things that make us smile throughout our day. Happiness isn't the BIG rewards such a an expensive dinner, a great evaluation, recognition (well they are nice but they are the icing on the cake). It's laughing at something silly one of my students said (oh, i laugh all the time), kissing and hugging my dog, and watching my son grow up, seeing the fall leaves. So many more little smiles I could mention, but that's what I'm shooting for. Peace. Gratitude in the small things, not always thinking the big things/rewards are only worthwhile. I know I have uncomfortable times coming, thoughts of al, and this may be a struggle, but it's not going to kill me. Life is full of uncomfortable moments, and I get through them. I drown myself in alcohol alot because of those uncomfortable moments, but I need to recognize and be vigilant at those times. I need to use my tools and phone calls. I get more than one phone call...thank God.

A police officer that lives down the street posted on FB that the average person drives 80 times drunk before getting caught with a DUI. That's scary, and I was one of them. I don't know if it was 80, but I know I've done it. I'm not proud of this, but I get a little relief knowing that I'm not going to put myself in that situation ever again.

Have a good night.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters!

Still raining here, apparently an all day event.

Hello & welcome Ben!
I hope you settle in with us for a while & let us know how we can help you.

j-vo, the pursuit of peace in my life has been a life-long project but I am closer now than ever I think
Letting go of things has been a big help.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest.
I am out of the house tomorrow before 7 am but get to spend the day with my granddaughter, yay!

Lav

[idefineme]

byrdie, you are much more forgiving of me than i am of myself! I have to tell you that it's refreshing and gives me hope for myself. I'd be happy to get to 12 days! I think I will, but it won't be without a struggle and a serious dose of self-discipline and motivation. I believe I'll get there, 'specially if I hang around here, which I intend to do. Thanks so much for your support.

yeah, j-vo i agree with you about the shame of the disease (i rather struggle with the whole disease concept) ... they seem to often-times go hand-in-hand.
your tag-line "Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free." I know that's true of me with quitting booze. I KNOW it will set me free, I really do! But at the same time the thought of quitting scares the shit out of me! WTF? How can a liquid have so much influence over a person's thoughts and actions? It's just plain weird to me.

Good night, good peeps :love:

[j-vo]

Idefineme, the shame has always been around because of society's stigma its belief that alcoholism happens to weak people. Maybe that'll change, and in some ways it has with the celebrities telling their stories. I guess I believed that I was always a weak person, and if I just flexed my 'normie' muscles, I'd be ok. But it is a disease, and there's a great video on youtube that explains it. I'll have to see if I can find it. I was watching it the other night.

And a liquid can have so much influence over a person's actions and thoughts because it's an addictive substance, just like heroin, nicotine, and caffeine. It takes such a short period of time to get over the physical addiction and a lifetime of vigilance to get over the mental part. I'm ready to put that daily work in. You with me?

[Byrdlady]

IdefineMe, thanks for the kind words. Why do I believe in you? I WAS you. I knew I SHOULD quit, but I was so scared...what would I do without it when _______? I'm in sales. Our conventions and sales meetings absolutely revolve around booze. My customers EXPECT to be wined and dined. Or so I thought. In reality....MY world revolved around those things, apparently, I was seeing the world thru booze-filled glasses. I did not see how I was ever going to be able to live the rest of my life without alcohol....unthinkable! Until I did. Fear keeps us trapped in that thinking...addiction keeps us trapped in that thinking. I ran over to the Tool Box and grabbed this compelling post from Turnagain. I think you'll like it!

Hiall....I'm a bit of a stranger these days in this part of MWO...but as agrateful Alumnus of the amazing Newbie's Nest...I do still read here when I canand Jane…your post really touched me. I'd like to offer some factualinformation that I think might be of interest and comfort to your situation.

For many years, I bought into the notion that I was just one of those unluckyand undisciplined people cursed with an "addictive-personality". Atone time or another, I found myself battling with compulsive over-eating andthen later, compulsive, addictive drinking and smoking... and then there wasthe compulsive addictive internet usage...you get the idea. I was resigned tothinking of myself as an ever-revolving mess of weak-willed, over-doing it,compulsive, out-of-control behaviors.

Well...science says otherwise. It was a revelation to me to learn about thelatest research about addiction. While the details about the mechanisms ofaddiction are not fully understood yet, researchers now know that all addictionstems from the same place in the brain. In simplest terms, basically our rewardsystem – which involves our dopamine receptors – gets really messed up. Maybeour receptors were damaged by stress early in childhood or later in life. Maybethey got skewed by simply drunk-drinking as a youth…maybe we're all fightingreceptor fatigue because of our typical western diet that’s high on sugar andlow in real nutrients. Regardless of the cause and the individual path we'vetaken, we've ended up in the same hellish place that is addiction.

Our brain strives for homeostasis and it works mightily to maintain thatbalance. One of the many problems with drugs – like alcohol – is that thesesubstances overwhelm the dompaine receptors…..smacks ‘em down and even destroysthem and then we need an ever increasing amount of the drug to try to get thatsame reward. Sugar does the same thing. And add that to another strike againstthe drug alcohol since it is the jet-fuel of all sugars with a toxic punch ofbrain-altering ethanol which IMMEDIATELY gets absorbed into our blood systemand impacts us instantly on a cellular level - all 200 million trillion of them– depending on how you count them. No matter HOW you add it up…it’s safe to sayALL cells are impacted by this devastating systemic drug.

Jane, your earlier post about substituting the word HEROIN for alcohol isbrilliant and absolutely right on the spot. Alcohol really IS a drug. Eventhough it is legal, even though it is celebrated, even though it is widelyaccepted and is pervasive in our culture, IT IS STILL A DRUG. The alcoholindustry has invested decades of time and billions of PR and lobbying dollarsto make sure we – nor or governments - view it as the toxic, carcinogenic,addictive substance that it is. Yup…Big Alcohol has made us believe that it’sOUR problem for taking the substance. We are the defective ones because wecan’t ingest a toxic, addictive substance ‘responsibly’? How effed up and ABSURDis this thinking?

Rant over (for the moment) while I return to sharing information that will helpyou figure out how to deal with ALL addiction. Getting better is all aboutrewiring the reward system. This takes time…but it can be done. AND…you areALREADY taking some solid actions toward this.

There are basically THREE KEYS to Freeing your Brain from ADDICTION:

FIRST - With alcohol – the most important thing you can do is keep it out ofyour system. That’s the starting point. With food…well…we DO have to eat ordie. So you have to switch to the fuel that is good for your system. That meansnothing processed – whole healthy foods. AND absolutely NO SUGAR. It is part ofthe chemical trigger that overwhelms the dopamine circuits. Withdrawal is abitch….but we get through it. Because our bodies will feel absolutely deprivedinitially without the sugar, I suggest having a stock of healthy fruits aroundduring the acute detox phase but go easy on it. Nutshell: BAD OUT – GOOD IN.

SECOND – Aggressively work on rewiring the brain. Even during withdrawal, -make that ESPECIALLY during withdrawal - you can actively begin changing yourbrain. Each time you make a positive, affirmative decision to change your oldways….you are forging new neural pathways in your brain. What fires togetherwires together, as they say. It’s like building muscles…a little at a time addsup to make you a whole lot stronger over time. Give yourself heaps of creditfor this. Even the seemingly small acts should get a big round of internalapplause.

REWARD yourself early and often. In my early AF days, I actually transferredthe amount of money I would spend on booze and smokes each day into a specialbank account. It really adds up. My addictions were costing about $22 a day –sometimes more. I made a point of pampering myself – I got my first everpedicure…I bought some big-ass dahlia plants…I donated to the animal shelter….Iset aside money for a huge family vacation… and these days…I’m salting thatmoney away to help one of my kids through graduate school. To date, the amountof money that would’ve got down my throat and up in smoke rings in at $23,188(1054 days x $22 a day) HOLY SHECKLES, Batman! That ain’t chicken feed now-even by Stella’s standards. I love seeing that number now – makes my dopaminejust ping off the charts – in a good way!

Cultivate Gratitude. Nothing causes the dopamine to start flowing again likegratitude. Putting great and grateful thoughts in your head actually changesyour brain chemistry. Meditation is another fast and effective way tophysically change your chemistry. Got an mp3 player? There are TONS of greatpodcasts to help guide you in learning how to quiet and direct some of the70,000 thoughts we churn out every day. And as for gratitude, I start and finisheveryday with a list of what I am grateful for. I often do the ABC gratitudelist…finding something I am grateful for that matches every letter of thealphabet. Jane…I absolutely LOVE your avatar because I have become awfullyGRATEFUL for Zebras!

THIRD – exercise – early and often and vigorously. Interval exercise causes ourbrains to release bdnf (brain-derived neurotropic factors)– it’s like miraclegrow for the mind. Exercise is the GOOD stress our system needs. If you can’tgo out and do sprints or spastic jumping jacks (my fav) start with briskwalking. Some people with lower-body disabilities do upper-body boxing moves toraise their heart rates and get the bdnf going. However you do it…Move it -move it - move it !

Bottom line…you can not only take back your life from addiction – these actionscan help you discover a BETTER life than you could imagine even beforeaddiction. Orimus…you talk about filling the void. Just 3 years ago, if youwould’ve told me I would be living the life I am right now…I would’ve declaredyou delusional. I was resigned to existing in a small, dark, depressing worldworld enslaved by my addictions…blaming myself and believing I was defectiveand doomed. Well…now - after getting in there and doing a massive rewiring of theentire works - it is clear that I am not diseased or flawed or defective. Lifeis full and good and exciting and each new day feels like a precious gift. And,as if that wasn’t enough…I’ve learned how to play the accordion !

Finally…I am not exceptional. I don’t have iron will-power or greatself-discipline. What I DO have is factual information that gave me theunderstanding and acceptance that was essential in overcoming addiction in allits many forms.

Everyone can have this tremendous peace of mind and freedom –freedom from addiction AND freedom from the fear of ‘relapse’ - once youunderstand and accept the unalterable physical FACTS of addiction. Alcohol is atoxic drug that damages. Every cell in your body. Every single drink. Everysingle time. Using drugs is NOT 'normal' despite what the clever ads duringSuperbowl would have you believe.

I appreciate the opportunity to share and I am so thrilled to see so many ofyou coming along this path. One foot in front of the other will get you out ofthis pit…keep going!

[Mr Vervill]

Great post there, Byrdie (and Turnagain)!
Idefineme, we all been where you are, some of us hundreds of times, lol. Keep coming back. you'll learn something each quit.

Sam, Congrats on 900 days! Huge.

Welcome, Ben.

QW, what's a GGT?

Kensho, interesting lists, but like others said, keep it simple at first. I do like the fact that you are listing and being mindful of the things that led to relapse.
Star, you're sounding better, hope things continue to go smoothly.
El, how are you?

Thankfully I got through the three days and nights with my friend here, going out etc.. Sober through it all, it actually seemed rather easy, and that still scares me a little, I don't really know why, but it does. The whole quit feels a little different this time, maybe it's acceptance of not
drinking.

[Mr Vervill]

Lilbit, saw this, and of course thought of you.Lilbit.jpg

[All done drinking]

The whole quit feels a little different this time, maybe it's acceptance of not
drinking.

Liked your post Mr. V. but this was my favorite line, your acceptance of not drinking.

We all hear about the word "surrender", especially those of us who go to AA as well as coming here. This word made all of the difference in my quit because I could never surrender to that idea that I REALLY had a problem. All of those excuses of "I don't really drink that much", "I'm not really as bad as him/her" etc. would play in mind when I was faced with the fact that I had woken up once again, going "Why am I doing this to myself?"

Finally one day I woke up where I was finally able to be honest with myself about my drinking. Truly honest. Usually when the hangover went away, and the regret and remorse dissipated, I would be back to believing I could drink again because I would "control" it the next time. I finally surrendered to the fact that alcohol beat me at least once a month and it was too risky to put myself in that situation of what would I say, do, remember?? It was time to give up what didn't work and try something that does. I surrendered to the truth and decided to quit trying to beat the unbeatable. And truly surrendering has allowed me to jump off of the face. When drinking is truly "off of the table" and isn't an option, when it is truly "surrendered", life gets a whole lot easier and my quit doesn't get too complicated. I have surrendered to the concept that I will not drink because I cannot drink. It simply doesn't work for me. I am truly All Done Drinking and I have finally surrendered to that concept...and life is getting a whole lot better. I sit here early morning, awake, alert, unhungover (as J-Vo likes to say) and feeling good to start my day.

Have an empowered day Nesters and all

Addy~

[Starfish1]

:goodjob: Mr. V! We knew you could do it! I think you are correct in saying that "acceptance of not drinking" or "taking the option off the table", like our mentors have told us, is such an important factor in promoting the ease of our new-found sobriety. I actually use a "visual", at times, of clearing a table full of booze by knocking every last bottle to the floor (with a disgusted look on my face!) Then, the option is literally off the table and I go on merrily with my day. It may sound silly, but it has helped me get through a few cravings. Mr. V- You did great! Now, rinse and repeat!
Byrdie, thank you so much for reposting Turn’s advice. That was such an awesome read. She shares the best information! I was actually thinking of her over the weekend and missing her posts. I hope she drops by soon. I have learned a lot from her!
Kensho, I am thinking of you and hoping your plan is going well. I am definitely in the KISS (keep it simple, silly) category of quitters here. For the first few weeks, the only rule I had for myself was to “NOT DRINK”…of course I had to fulfill my daily obligations, but other than that, I allowed myself to eat/drink whatever I wanted. After a couple weeks, I omitted sugar, high carb and processed foods (because I know from experience that I seem to have less cravings when I eat low carb). I also started walking. That’s it. As far as avoiding temptation….I, of course didn’t keep al in the house and avoided situations/people that were drinking, as much as possible. Today, It is amazing to realize the simple things I find pleasure in (a walk, listening to a favorite “oldies” song on the car radio, a piece of sugar free chewing gum, a tic tac mint!) It sounds crazy, but it’s true. And, the thing is, I didn’t have to PLAN to find pleasure in these simple things, I just started realizing that they were pleasures in themselves. I guess I just started being grateful for them, rather than drowning out the “kick” I was getting from them with thoughts or ramifications of alcohol and its effects. It will all fall into place Kensho. Just stay close and keep working hard. We are here for you!
Idefineme. It’s great to see you back. Read, read, read and post, post, post. We are here for you!
It’s great to see everyone! Dutch and El, we hope you are well!

Love the cartoon, Mr. V! thanks!

xoxo

[shambles70]

Hi guys. I'm shambles, usually hang out in the army. Done a couple more relapses over the last 3 weeks, another couple of stints in the a&e. I want so much to be free.

[shambles70]

Just need to talk, but so ashamed when I fuck up, it takes me ages to get the courage to come back

[All done drinking]

Shambles,

I was looking through some old posts and found something I wrote previously about relapse. To not reinvent the wheel, will cut and paste for you:

Was reading an AA quote from a book entitled "Sober for Good". The AA quote is "Seek progress, not perfection". So for those of you not ready to say "I'm all done drinking" like me, haha, just remember that as you are aware of your problem, trying to cut down on your drinking, etc. you ARE getting somewhere each day, and not just with your drinking but with other aspects of your life. For me right now, after many, many years of trying to control my drinking, worrying about my drinking, etc. I am putting my sobriety first knowing that eventually life will move on and it won't need to be my priority forever.

I am seeing some changes I need to make right now though to keep my sobriety first and that is to not have wine in the house, the relationships with friends where the only common denominator we have is drinking is on the back burner, and am open and looking for whatever support I can get, whether here, pm's from folks here, or finding a good meeting that works. There are other groups other than AA that help people so am open to any suggestions.

We all know this isn't easy Shambles, and it takes a brave person to come back and try again, but we'll never be successful if we quit trying. We're here for you.

Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!)

[Starfish1]

Shams, :hug:

Please don't be ashamed. We all know about messing up and we understand well the "wanting to be free". You are doing good things by seeking support. You will get there. Like Addy says, we are all here for you!