Newbies Nest

[Dutch1988]

Tired, worked all day but still trying to stay up to date on this forum. I am sitting here thinking I really need the week to be over so I can relax but there is no reason why I can't relax right now. Glad to see new people posting and idefineme you are absolutely right, this is a very welcoming community. It's very freeing to know whatever I write will not be judged, at least by my peers. I am exhausted from doing a haunted house today, I remember the feeling last year of coming home and making a drink, it felt so relaxing and fulfilling after a long days work. Now I am just going to have to be satisfied with the work I did today.

Closing in on 8 months. My brother in law asked me if I still wasn't drinking, he was impressed I have made it this long, even though all my family drinks they have been very supportive of me not drinking. I am lucky to have that. Have a good night all, tgif

[Mentium]

Hello all, I'm a new member - from the far north of England (Hadrian's wall is just five miles from here). I've posted a bit in the baclofen medication threads and also 'tell us your story' thread and it was suggested I say hi here too.

I'm a long term struggler with the booze I'm afraid. Not a massively heavy drinker by some standards, but enough to know I am dependent and by most definitions 'alcoholic'. Most importantly I can't stop for more than a few weeks or months at the most at a time without feeling anxious and miserable. Most recently I quit last year for 10 months but then stated again shortly after my dad died (not saying there is a connection, but there you go).

I read The End of Mt Addiction a couple of months ago and felt hope for the first time in a long time and I am currently in the process of increasing my baclofen dosage (70 mg at the moment). My consumption has started to decrease significantly this last few days. Hoping the two are connected.

I liked the freshness and the lack of judgementalism there seemed to be here as soon as I started to read the forums. Hoping my own addiction has its end in sight!

[Quit wining]

Welcome to the Nest Mentium!

I'm glad you you found us. You'll find that not only do we not judge (we've pretty much done everything an alcoholic can do ourselves) but we're a very supportive group and celebrate the milestones and accomplishments whether you're marking Day 1 or Day 1000.

There is a of of lot of wisdom and experience shared by the long term quitters. I have found it invaluable in my quit.

I wish you all the best Mentium in your journey to get rid of the beast. Please post often and join us on Newbies Nest Roll Call.

QW

[Mr Vervill]

Quick post today, got two long days of work ahead.
Thanks for the support, Addy, Star, and everyone else.
Shambles, glad you wandered over, lots of support here.
Idefineme, I can't tell you how many days I woke up, feeling like crap, telling myself, this shit has got to stop, only to be drinking again that night, after I felt a little better. Some nights, I didn't even really feel like drinking, but I did anyway, crazy! When you get to the point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will put the gears in motion for a quit.

Yeah, we all hate buttheads.
Peace, V

[TJAF]

Boy the comment "sick of being sick and tired" is often used but at least in my case was an understatement. I spent years waking up in a haze with a general feeling of malaise. I had long ago ceased having serious hangover symptoms; I didn't have a headache or sick stomach but I was often in a serious funk. The realization that the night before was a blur (blackout), the dizziness, the soreness, the tremors, the general blah....I repeated that phrase "I'm sick of being sick and tired" so many times, yet by 5 that afternoon I was back at it. Yes it is the definition of insanity!

I still wake up with normal issues associated with age but what a good feeling that is knowing that at least alcohol isn't one of those problems. Cant say enough about not having panic attacks at work that I was going to pass out and would finally be discovered, boy that is a big relief. The positives of not drinking just add up day after day. I just don't know how best to express that feeling to you all. I am cautious in repeating all this because we long term sober can sometimes come across as overly exuberant, almost as if we are talking ourselves into a sense of how well we feel. But folks there is a reality in how we feel without alcohol in our lives.

Sobriety doesn't cure all that is wrong with us...in my case I am diabetic, but folks really there is a huge feeling of relief that at least one of my problems isn't caused by the long laundry list of problems associated with being an alcoholic. Give it a try you wont regret it.

[Byrdlady]

Great to see so many new faces!
Mentium, welcome to the nest! I see you are a dog person! You are in good company here....We have animal lovers of all kinds! Besides that common bond, there's the AL....
I'm going to drag up a priceless thread we have called, 'You know you're an Alcoholic when...." You will laugh and cry at the stories. It is absolutely unbelievable what normally civil people do once they start drinking. I just cringe at the stuff I did. In the morning full of resolve and by afternoon, wondering what all the fuss was about. That inner turmoil and constant agitation is a miserable way to live. The good news is that getting and STAYING sober is a skill....just like math! Once you have the tools and support you need, then you will be on your way! If you want to be sober, you've come to a great place to do it.
IdefineMe, I'm so glad that you are able to see the genuine support that is here for the taking. We do operate as a collective group....when one person wins, we ALL feel the success. It works the other way, too....when someone falls, it hurts like HELL. Sometimes all we need is a bit of accountability, too. I can't imagine better support anywhere and you don't even have to leave the house! Halloween is an excellent date. Fear will soon be replaced with confidence and self respect, something I thought was LONG GONE.
Shambles, great to see you....your avatar says it all! I'd steal it if I didn't think you were looking! This %^&$# computer! Oy.

So it's Friday....Halloween EVE!!!!! Bwahahahah! Get your plans in place and stay out of the old haunts! Use the buddy system if need be, grab a ghoul-friend and dip into only the AF goodies! Besides, LilBit says she has Flying Monkeys she's not afraid to unleash on us and I
believe her! It's just Friday, not a ticket to Boozeville!
'I sure wish I'd drank last night'....said NO ONE, EVER! (flies off on broom) Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good moning Nesters, happy Friday to all

Sunny & nice here in my end of the nest so no complaints!

Hello & welcome Mentium!
Settle In with us for a while & let us know how we can help.

No regrets for me either TJ. Giving up AL was the best possible choice for me.
You can't possibly understand the degree of relief until you give it a try, right?

Have a great AF day everyone!

Lav

[Starfish1]

If history repeats itself, I can't hold myself accountable. I think with this place and these people, I have much more of a chance.

I define, no truer words could be spoken, IMHO! "I can't hold myself accountable" is the realization that has helped me tremendously. Try as I might, to "Do it myself" the only way I have ever been able to get a day or two, much less almost three months sobriety is by being accountable to someone else. And you are correct..this is an awesome group of folks to be accountable to. We ALL understand what you are going through. As Matt says "There is a 100% chance that we can't do this by ourselves!” Let us help!
Welcome, Mentonium! We are so glad you have found us. Boy, did your statement “I felt hope for the first time…” really hit home with me. That is the worst feeling in the world when you lose all sense of hope that you can ever get out of Alcohell! It sounds like you are on the right path now. Stick with us and you’ll be feeling on top of the world in no time!

Hiya Shambles. Hope you are feeling great today!

[LilBit]

'Morning to all, especially the new Newbs. I hope we're all looking forward to a great weekend with no frightful hangovers, blackouts, guilt-shame-remorse (GSR) episodes, drunk dialing or driving, passing out in compromised positions, regretful things said, neglected responsibilities, raccoon or bloodshot eyes, or doing any sort of dancing while inebriated on a tabletop.

release_the_flying_monkeys_wall_art.jpg
Instead, I wish you the pure pleasures of crisp, frosty Autumn evenings, hot apple cider, shining faces of happy little Trick-or-Treaters, fun & laughter (having a ball!) with friends, moonlight and starlight, warm, snuggly blankets, sweet and restful sleep all the way through the night and awakening on All Saints Day feeling great and greeting the sunrise with a rich, steamy cup of coffee.

[j-vo]

Welcome Mentium, Glad you flew over to the NN. So many great people with lots of time and great wisdom and advice. Stay close.

Idefineme, today, I'm 11 days sober. I know, not a lot. I have had several long-term (by that I mean months) of sober time over the last several years. If you look at my join date, I've been here since 2008, but lurking for about a year prior to that. So I'm newly sober, but carry with me a lot of things I've learned from this site, watching documentaries, reading tons of books, listening to podcast, and listening and communicating with these wonderful people here. My struggles have not ceased, because after periods of sobriety, I would stupidly talk myself into believing I wasn't that bad (I've been in the ER twice because of alcohol), that I could moderate. Well, it's been 8 years or so since I started looking and learning about sobriety. This time, there's no going back to that ugly, painful life. I give up because I'm not going to beat a poisonous, addictive substance. I don't want it in my life anymore, and I"ll work like hell to keep it out. I have accepted that I am an alcoholic, and I quietly say that to myself daily, just to remind myself that there are no other options except to stay away from the booze that was/has been taking my life from me.

You're right. We have each other to be accountable to, but I think eventually we will gain that ability to live more independently and confidently without alcohol. For now, stick close and sing those praises to the long-timers. They know what they're talking 'bout!!!!

I'm leaving work a bit early to begin my trek across the state of PA. I'll be able to be with Mom and Dad, relieving Dad of his caretaking duties this weekend. Dad is also in recovery, and I was wrong - I thought it was only two years, but it's about 5 years ago he had gotten pancreatitus and ended up in the hospital. He hasn't drunk since. He's an Allan Carr fan. The book sits on the end table in the living room. Anyhow, I hope everyone has a safe and al-free weekend. I know I will.

[Byrdlady]

J-Vo, what a wonderful and inspiring post. I wonder if you would consider putting it, or writing a new account of it in NoSugar's https://www.mywayout.org/community/ge...rospect-8.html Relapse in Retrospect thread? Ok, my copy and paste ain't pretty, but I hope it got the job done! That thread is a SILVER BULLET when the thought comes in that we might be ready to test the waters! Just a thought, stories of experience are what keeps this site strong!!!! Great job on those 11 Days of your LAFQ (last and final quit....oh god, I am doing it again, talking in anagrams like at work!!!) B

[KENSHO]

Good morning! I've been struggling with really getting going this time because I fear "forever". But as you all say - it's about TODAY. You say do what it takes to get through the first hard part, and over time, it all becomes so much better. I've been doing really well with my gentle exercise and nutrition goals - and that makes me feel good. However, to bring the focus back on the main issue - TODAY I will not drink. TODAY, I will eat a lot in the afternoon and evening, and have AF drinks in my hands. I will know that any cravings will pass. I will be grateful for this opportunity in my life, and for all the small things that add up to happy.

This morning, I poured out a half bottle of wine that was in my fridge - courtesy of husband. I don't want it there.

[Dutch1988]

I-co at least you've got all the knowledge from being here. Just don't take that first drink, I dunno about you but one drink was never enough for me, unless it was a very, very tall glass.

Kensho I like your philosophy, I do realize I worry more when I am thinking about the future. I am going to take your advice to yourself and just make it through the day.

Had a drinking dream last night. A little different this time, though. I walked into a liquor store and asked if the guy had anything other than champagne. I looked to the left and saw a few of my favorite DOC, but the man at the counter said nope that was it. I said thanks and left. Maybe my subconscious mind is finally starting to get that I don't drink.

[TJAF]

[QUOTE=KENSHO;1641161]Good morning! I've been struggling with really getting going this time because I fear "forever".

Kensho First, congratulations on pouring out the bottle of wine. Just don't do what I've have actually done in the past...immediately run out and buy a new bottle.

I remember the "fear of forever" as well. I needed to really dig down deep and get to the bottom of that one on many of my quits. Really when I boiled it all down, what it told me was that I really didn't want to quit in the first place. I think you need to figure that all out. We start this journey with the thought that we are quitting for good, otherwise what are we really doing, taking a break?

Maybe what you fear more, is the fear that you'll be in recovery forever. Long term alcoholics that I have spoken to or read about pretty much say the same thing. The reality is that recovery really ends when you actually stop drinking and, the recovery of who you actually are begins. That's a recovery to embrace not fear. The positives from drinking that you are afraid to lose aren't really positives in the long run. Alcohol abuse drowns out your real feelings. In time you will find that your true perceptions began to sharpen...laughter, sadness, the feeling on a beautiful fall day, the wonderful trusting look your child or wife gives you when they are happy, all of those things will move you more powerfully sober than when you were high . Over the years, alcohol had numbed my emotions I missed out on enjoying those truly beautiful moments or as importantly, feeling the real sting of pain, an important concept if you have any hope of healing. Now I am seeing life in technicolor. No I don't fear not ever drinking again, I fear drinking!

[Byrdlady]

[QUOTE=TJAF;1641185]

Good morning! I've been struggling with really getting going this time because I fear "forever".

Kensho First, congratulations on pouring out the bottle of wine. Just don't do what I've have actually done in the past...immediately run out and buy a new bottle.

I remember the "fear of forever" as well. I needed to really dig down deep and get to the bottom of that one on many of my quits. Really when I boiled it all down, what it told me was that I really didn't want to quit in the first place. I think you need to figure that all out. We start this journey with the thought that we are quitting for good, otherwise what are we really doing, taking a break?

Maybe what you fear more, is the fear that you'll be in recovery forever. Long term alcoholics that I have spoken to or read about pretty much say the same thing. The reality is that recovery really ends when you actually stop drinking and, the recovery of who you actually are begins. That's a recovery to embrace not fear. The positives from drinking that you are afraid to lose aren't really positives in the long run. Alcohol abuse drowns out your real feelings. In time you will find that your true perceptions began to sharpen...laughter, sadness, the feeling on a beautiful fall day, the wonderful trusting look your child or wife gives you when they are happy, all of those things will move you more powerfully sober than when you were high . Over the years, alcohol had numbed my emotions I missed out on enjoying those truly beautiful moments or as importantly, feeling the real sting of pain, an important concept if you have any hope of healing. Now I am seeing life in technicolor. No I don't fear not ever drinking again, I fear drinking!

I am putting this one in my own personal Tool Box. I wish you'd put it in ours here also....You nailed it on this one....it's not the fear of never drinking again that scares the spit out of me, it's the fear that I WILL! Brilliant!