Newbies Nest

[idefineme]

just doing a quick check-in this morning. Here I am at the start of day two. Day one went well, but I do have to say sleep did not come nor stay very easily, and monkey brain could not keep a freaking lid on it! But I feel good and grateful I made it through the day without drinkin'. Have a great day, all!

[Lavande]

Good Monday morning Nesters,

Cloudy & coolish here but there's time for improvement

It is indeed a wonderful thing that our families & friends know that they can trust us once again. Quitting allowed me to regain trust in myself once again. I was so sick & tired of disappointing myself & that thought helps me maintain my quit after all this time. I will never disappoint or devalue myself again.

Wishing everyone a great AF day!

Lav

[abcowboy]

SHADES, I think it's fantastic to see you here on MWO, posting all over the boards! Everyone should go read your thread in "Tell Us Your Story". I think it's important that we hear from the side of the people who are deeply affected by another person's addiction. It shows us that our drinking definitely isn't all about us!

[Eloise]

You know Cowboy it is really great your son recognizes what you have done.
I am struggling with a lot of uncertainty these days and would love to hear some encouraging words.
I have had a few thoughts about drinking lately, but the outcome was I dont want anymore of those empty days.
I guess we are not the only ones who know hard it can be.. With and without alcohol I mean.

[Byrdlady]

Amazing overnight posts, as usual.
IdefineMe, that monkey mind is a *itch! I had it bad, Lav talked me off the ledge more than one time, she told me to push it the hell out! I am very happy to tell you that it gets the message and really does quiet down. If getting sober stayed as challenging as it is the first 3 days, NOBODY COULD DO IT. It gets easier every single day! Then one afternoon you will stop what you're doing and say...'I'll be dam, I haven't thought of AL at all this morning!'. THAT is a good day. W
hen I finally got some significant distance between me and AL, it is hard to imagine just how scared I was to let it go. Things are always easier in hindsight, but it is downright scary just what hold AL has on us. To a normal drinker, this prolly wouldn't be THAT big a deal, but to me, I just couldn't imagine a life without it!! How could I ______? Well you never know til you try, and the answer is, I do ______much better now that I'm not drinking! Whatever _____is!!!!! This didn't happen overnight, but it DID happen. In 2 months I will celebrate 5 years sober. Yes, I am THRILLED about that....but also sad. It would have been 6 years if I hadn't been so stubborn about trying to moderate. I just COULDN'T let AL go....until that day I ran out of rope, Jan 19, 2011. AL wants us to think we can't live without it. It makes us dependent on it for ______. It makes us lose all confidence that we can operate by ourselves. This is what ALCOHOL does best. It wants us to NEED it. I can tell you, I don't need it. Better still, I don' t WANT it, and to go a step further, I HATE IT. AL has done me NO favors. Ever.

Getting that distance and those consecutive AF days will make the difference for you! Don't fall for any LOOPHOLES. Alcohol Free means NO ALCOHOL....not a sip, not a taste, not just one. Can you believe at one point I thought I would just taste it and then spit it out. What tha????? I will NOT flirt with this disaster. In THIS game, ANY AL counts. That pilot light of addiction only needs a little bit to turn into a raging fire. You can trust me on that. Sips lead to slips lead to falls. Yes, I'm a hard liner. I don't know any other way to beat this addiction, it is a ruthless, cunning, insidious, lying, unscrupulous opponent. It takes every single tool in our bags to defeat it. Stick with the group, there is safety in numbers! Do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF.
Hope everyone has a wonderful Monday! Byrdie

[abcowboy]

El, I have those days of uncertainty as well, and I don't have to even play the tape to the end. Sure, we might find a few hours relief in the bottom of a bottle, but we can't stop tomorrow from coming, so why face it hungover? Nothing good comes from drinking our troubles away, never did, never will :hug:

[LilBit]

Good job, ID on getting through Day 1. Please remember to be good to yourself, with plenty of water, great food & rest.

Mr. V, a very sad and cautionary tale, indeed. Seems we all know someone directly or indirectly who drank themselves to death. When I first learned of a close friend's brother who died in his 40's from AL, it was the beginning of my resolve to finally and seriously quit. What a relief it is now to walk around every day without worrying about the damage I'm doing to my body!

Matt, I believe a "tart" is "trailer trash" in our Southern vernacular.

It's hard to believe that it's already November. This always seems to be a busy and emotionally charged time of year as the days grow dark early, everyone races to meet year-end deadlines and the holidays approach. I resolve to be more mindful; to take a few moments to start the day with gratitude; to keep watch over my expectations of myself and others and to take pleasure in all the things that this season brings with it: faces of family members gathered around the dinner table, twinkling lights emerging in town squares, steamy hot soup, wool scarves, leather gloves and softly glowing candles.

45923-Hello-November-Surprise-Me.jpg

[All done drinking]

Folks have been talking about flickering flames but Byrdie, I love it when you're on fire as we can't take our quits lightly or we'll be right back where we were because that little voice got into our heads..."it's ok...you can have just one". Then you're back in the real fire again.

Cowboy, I kind of felt the same way with my son last night. We have one son who has always been such a good and easy kid and I really disappointed and embarrassed him one time when I got into an argument with him in front of his girlfriend and best friend. It never would have happened if I hadn't been drinking. We kind of had a moment last night where we were talking and I realized that he was so proud of me and happy that I was no longer that kind of mushy, tipsy person. I felt so proud of myself in that moment too that I am so strong and confident when I don't have the poison in my system.

I perused the board quickly and do want to get back to Idaho and a couple other folks but will have to post later as I'm off to work. Just want to wish everyone a happy and enpowered day.

Addy~

[Mr Vervill]

Shades, I didn't intend to mislead you, or anyone else, but I did not lose my brother, it was a friend of mine who lost his. The words I posted were his tribute and pleas to others suffering out there. Yet, your words are comforting just the same, I'm sure he will appreciate the thoughts.
Cowboy, Lav, Addy, and everyone else, It is good to have family confidence and support back.

[TJAF]

Byrdie, The part about taking a sip and spitting it out, what a hoot! Robin Williams,as only Robin Williams can, talked about taking a small drink after 20 years of sobriety and waking up in rehab months later. He said after that first sip his brain screamed something along the lines of, "Oh baby where have you been". I know if I put alcohol in my mouth its going all the way down the hatch...no way my brain is going to let me spit that out! I know our Mod friends are going to scream bloody murder but in my way the only way is total abstinence. No question, no doubt, and I say this not as a zealot (the old reformed drinker stereotype), but as a realist. I've said it often, I don't think of drinking as one drink. Never did and never will.

I just wish people who insist on moderation would look at the biology of drinking...will power has very little to do with it. Our brains, either genetically or environmentally, have rewired themselves to depend on alcohol differently than non alcoholics . Point is we aren't wired to moderate. I believe this with all my heart...pointless attempts at moderation over a long career of drinking have painfully and drunkenly made this fact very clear. Moderation only rewards us with frustration and continued alcoholism. To steal a phrase from a popular beer commercial ...Stay "Sober" my Friends.
.

[KENSHO]

SO positive! Love the posts here! LAV, I love the term "devalue" - we are all our own best caretakers. Not drinking and figuring the hard stuff out without alcohol is such a boost in self-worth.

On the topic of sleep... I had very restless sleep the first week or so during my first quit. My body got so used to drinking every night, that once my brain wasn't under the anesthesia of alcohol, it had to learn to settle down. It is normal to feel more anxious, more restless and more sensitive to sensory experiences when we first remove alcohol. Like LILbit said, water, food, rest - and I would add being gentle with ourselves and not overcommitting (my own nemesis) makes it easier to get through the hard part while our bodies and brains start to settle down.

I am feeling very positive today. I am excited to work through the hard parts and make those new connections in my brain - by avoiding alcohol. Each time I do it, I imagine the old tapes that play (saying "you can have a sip, a drink - just a little") being unwound and damaged - and I visualize them ending up in a big pile of twisted, crumpled mylar at my feet. I see them as such outdated software (like a VHS tape or cassette tape) and imagine that once they are in a tangled heap outside their case, they can't be put back in. See ya later - in the trash, and time to make some new recordings with updated software.

[LostSoul33]

Hi all,

Just a quick check in here. Im on Day 24 and doing quite well.
As you all know, when the fog lifts, the work starts. I have been keeping busy catching up on life-- doing all things "me" because god only knows how long I've neglected myself.
Been getting up to speed on my home, bills, errands, etc. and devoting time to working out daily, clean eating, reading, meditation, self-care/love, cooking, taking courses and building a network of like-minded friends in sobriety.
Im not ready to see anyone from my "past life" yet, even if they are normies or don't even drink.
Right now, Im only prepared to be in situations without alcohol and on top of that, doing a whole lot of contrary action-- basically doing the opposite of what my alcoholic mind wants to do! Practicing new rituals and using the money and energy I would normally spend on drinking, to better myself.
Im trusting the process, one day at a time, and no matter what, I will not drink.
So far so good!
Yours truly,
Finding My Soul

[LostSoul33]

Many good points TJAF.

It's interesting to note the overall state of positivity the abstinence forums have vs moderation ones. Rarely do you see people talking about transformed lives, mended relationships and happiness & joy in the moderation forums as you do here. Because as you said, for alcoholics, drinking in moderation only leads to disappointment and unnecessary obsession over something we ultimately do not have control over.

When I think about how much Ive lost to something as USELESS as liquid in a bottle, it breaks my heart.

Whats the point of trying to drink like normies do? We are only setting ourselves up for failure because in that setting, when trying to tame the beast, we are no longer present, we are lost in negotiations with our alcoholic thoughts, we are ONLY thinking about that next one.

For myself 1 drink or 100 drinks are never enough. And as one person said here, 'if one, why not none?'

Only when we end the cycle, stop the madness and learn to rewire our brains to walk through life, without cutting corners, can we truly and wholeheartedly say, we are free.

[Guitarista]

I will never disappoint or devalue myself again.

Lav

Right on Lav. I have been doing this for years. We are so worthy of the best that life offers. We are valuable and valued. Self care and self worth are essentials to nurture daily.

I am struggling with a lot of uncertainty these days and would love to hear some encouraging words.

Well lady. A few amazing facts about you spring to mind. A dedicated and I am sure incredible artist. A brilliant creative and giving person who has developed an art program for others that can work anywhere on the planet and speaks all languages. A courageous person who moved to a different country to begin a new life. A courageous and gutsy person who has enough pride in herself and self worth that she has given up the booze and stayed off it despite internal and external stressors. To look at these achievements on paper indicates a kick ass mofo. To be in the presence of such a gifted spirit would be an experience many would cherish. Ride on friend.

Hi all,

Just a quick check in here. Im on Day 24 and doing quite well.
As you all know, when the fog lifts, the work starts. I have been keeping busy catching up on life-- getting up to speed on all things "me" because god only knows how long I've neglected myself.
Been getting up to speed on my home, bills, errands, etc. and devoting time to working out daily, clean eating, reading, meditation, self-care/love, cooking, taking courses and building a network of like-minded friends in sobriety.
Im not ready to see anyone from my "past life" yet, even if they are normies or don't even drink.
Right now, Im only prepared to be in situations without alcohol and on top of that, doing a whole lot of contrary action-- basically doing the opposite of what my alcoholic mind wants to do! Practicing new rituals and using the money and energy I would normally spend on drinking, to better myself.
Im trusting the process, one day at a time, and no matter what, I will not drink.
So far so good!
Yours truly,
Finding My Soul

Cool post Finding my soul.

73 in the bag. Yo fruity, where's my freakin bagel?!

[Hypernova]

Hi everyone! I've been reading a few posts here and there but not much. This past week has been tough with AL screaming, talking, whispering in my ear until I'd talked myself into a drink. Just didn't know when but was ready to pull the trigger and have one. Then yesterday came and I thought of so many of the posts I had read and I used my memory of them. I thought of how I would have actually felt today after having one, returning to day one again, how much would I drink, when would I stop again, would I be able to stop again and if so when, I'd be mad and would I drink today, all the if's, until I said to myself no ~ just get through today AF. I reasoned that if I could talk myself into a drink then I could talk my way out of it and I did!! So I thank everyone for their positive energy and insights that helped me work through this rough patch. One thing I learned is that the more I stray from this site is that the voice of AL becomes so much louder and convincing. I have been negligent in going over my AF plan and I need to reinforce to myself how helpful & indispensable this place is IF I truly desire an AF life.
I promise nothing more than I will not drink today.