Newbies Nest

[Mr Vervill]

Good Lord, I've never met so many stubborn, strong-willed people in my life! Lol. Me, too! Just like nearly every single person here, I came in to cut back, get things under control and continue on. Nope, that ain't workin'. Trying something new now. As I approach 30 days, haven't been there since about age 16, pushing 60 now, I feel a little anger and resentment creeping in. Like Ava said, I too, am feeling angry over not being able to drink. Just last weekend, I was angry about not being on the new rooftop beer garden at a local brewery, wondering if I'll ever be able to do that again. It was sunny and about 70 degrees out. perfect for the occasion. It was a weekly thing for my wife and I, shop at an open air market, and stop for a pint or two at the brewery. Beer drinking disguised as grocery shopping! I got over it. Just for the record, my wife is along for the ride on this AF thing, mostly for health reasons, not because she needs to quit. Gotta dig a little deeper into the tool box. Bubble Hour here I come!
Way to go on 7 Days, Janet!
Karen, so sorry about your Dad, glad you're here.

[j-vo]

Good morning All,
Yes, Mr. V., we are a stubborn bunch. But that stubborness can work in both directions. I gonna be stubborn about not letting anything ruin my health anymore. I've had it and I ain't takin no more. I don't have to lose anymore. I can win, each and everyday for the rest of my life.

Lilbit, good luck with your new workload. That's a full load for sure, and I love how you're not turning the amount of time into a negative thing, but being grateful for so many things. I too, have been working on this gratitude, trying to see the positives in the littlest of things. I've got a lot of rewiring to do, but I've got a lot of time now.

[Byrdlady]

Mr. V, great question...the answer is YES, you will be able to attend stuff like that and not partake!
As you know...my birfday was last Sattidy and my neighbor invited us on a chartered boat she won in a raffle. There were 8 of us, I was the only non drinker.
I could tell my hubs was trying to be sensitive to that and at first he abstained, and then finally HE caved in and had some wine. At first, I felt funny for being the odd ball, but guess what, after a couple hours and several bottles of wine later, I was so happy I wasn't drinking! I swear a couple of them were really loaded, I was worried they might fall overboard...sitting on the side of the boat!!
Nobody said anything about my not drinking and I tell you, I mirrored how they were acting and it was as if I were right in there with them! This is CONFIDENCE. It didn't come overnight either....I was a wall flower for several months until one day it hit me that as a sober person, I can act as stupid as I want to and these folks will never remember it! It's a win-win!
I still don't make a habit of hanging out in bars or places where I will be the only one not drinking, but I DO go occasionally and I am fine! PS, I'm usually not alone, there are others that don't drink....but on that boat last weekend, I was the only one. You will get your sober legs, too! B

[KENSHO]

Morning All!

I can be hugely stubborn...but when I changed what I was being stubborn ABOUT (to not drinking) it became an asset instead of something that got in my way.

I like this a lot LAVB! If we are so rebellious, rebel against the norm and feel proud!

The new project only lasts 90 days, so I may be posting more briefly during that time but I'll still check in and read daily.

You sound good LilBit! I raise an eyebrow though at your 60-80 hours - that always gets me in trouble because I reach the “I don’t give a *&$%” place of being way too tired. Take care of you!

Matt, your post was validating - knowing that you had a problem and still wanting to find a way to drink… then getting some AF days, and falling on “forever”. It made me remember where I started…. at a place that I knew I couldn’t control my drinking. I would tell myself I wouldn’t drink Monday-Friday, and couldn’t make it through Monday. So I started researching help. Simple, right? Recognize there is a problem, and find help? No, because my ego kept telling me that I could be a successful moderator. After all, I am a fighter, an achiever - I wasn’t THAT far into the stages - no one else really knew I was struggling. That’s where I stumbled - a LOT. It’s not just realizing that we are drinking problematically, it’s realizing that we really can’t control it, now or ever. Not an easy thing to admit for an over-achieving, self-controlled (code for “control issues”), seemingly functional person!

And that’s why so many people cannot moderate. Once you realize you can’t control it and seek help, you can’t control it - and apparently our brains don’t reverse. But we can FIX it - by leaving alcohol behind and choosing to look at this as an opportunity to grow and “find another way”. That’s what I’ve been telling myself when a craving hits - “find another way”. And it causes me to ask myself “what are you really wanting? A rest? A break? Are you angry, hungry, sad, PMSing?” The minute I ask myself what I am really feeling and wanting (and acknowledge that alcohol is not a solution), I become in touch with my needs - and I try to find a way to satisfy them in a different way. Taking care of myself is something I’ve neglected for a long time, and it feels really good to be connected with “me”. Sure it’s uncomfortable sometimes, but the end result is more of my needs met - more of my feelings acknowledged. I am learning to ask more for what I want, take breaks to do what I like to do, and get sleep! (sleep is so wonderful!)

SO I guess I realize now that alcohol IS THE PROBLEM. (Gosh, haven’t a few of you said that about 10000000 times?) It allows us to escape our current state and not listen to what we need. I say I was such a “functional alcoholic” - yet I wasn’t in touch with myself enough to ask my husband (or anyone) for what I really needed - and impaired just enough that I couldn’t discuss anything clearly, or with humor - I would just get mad and yell. How is that functional? I am seeing more every day how removing alcohol is helping me in so many small ways. You don’t have to be, as NS once said, a gutter-living, brown-bag, greasy alcoholic for alcohol affect you very deeply.

Be done with it people and FIND ANOTHER WAY!

[Matt M.]

Morning All!


I like this a lot LAVB! If we are so rebellious, rebel against the norm and feel proud!


You sound good LilBit! I raise an eyebrow though at your 60-80 hours - that always gets me in trouble because I reach the “I don’t give a *&$%” place of being way too tired. Take care of you!

Matt, your post was validating - knowing that you had a problem and still wanting to find a way to drink… then getting some AF days, and falling on “forever”. It made me remember where I started…. at a place that I knew I couldn’t control my drinking. I would tell myself I wouldn’t drink Monday-Friday, and couldn’t make it through Monday. So I started researching help. Simple, right? Recognize there is a problem, and find help? No, because my ego kept telling me that I could be a successful moderator. After all, I am a fighter, an achiever - I wasn’t THAT far into the stages - no one else really knew I was struggling. That’s where I stumbled - a LOT. It’s not just realizing that we are drinking problematically, it’s realizing that we really can’t control it, now or ever. Not an easy thing to admit for an over-achieving, self-controlled (code for “control issues”), seemingly functional person!

And that’s why so many people cannot moderate. Once you realize you can’t control it and seek help, you can’t control it - and apparently our brains don’t reverse. But we can FIX it - by leaving alcohol behind and choosing to look at this as an opportunity to grow and “find another way”. That’s what I’ve been telling myself when a craving hits - “find another way”. And it causes me to ask myself “what are you really wanting? A rest? A break? Are you angry, hungry, sad, PMSing?” The minute I ask myself what I am really feeling and wanting (and acknowledge that alcohol is not a solution), I become in touch with my needs - and I try to find a way to satisfy them in a different way. Taking care of myself is something I’ve neglected for a long time, and it feels really good to be connected with “me”. Sure it’s uncomfortable sometimes, but the end result is more of my needs met - more of my feelings acknowledged. I am learning to ask more for what I want, take breaks to do what I like to do, and get sleep! (sleep is so wonderful!)

SO I guess I realize now that alcohol IS THE PROBLEM. (Gosh, haven’t a few of you said that about 10000000 times?) It allows us to escape our current state and not listen to what we need. I say I was such a “functional alcoholic” - yet I wasn’t in touch with myself enough to ask my husband (or anyone) for what I really needed - and impaired just enough that I couldn’t discuss anything clearly, or with humor - I would just get mad and yell. How is that functional? I am seeing more every day how removing alcohol is helping me in so many small ways. You don’t have to be, as NS once said, a gutter-living, brown-bag, greasy alcoholic for alcohol affect you very deeply.
Be done with it people and FIND ANOTHER WAY!

Thanks Kensho, I'm so glad something I said spoke to you!
I liken it to stories we hear when people are in abusive relationships, and despite the ongoing abuse the victims continue to protect their abuser, lie for them etc, and so many times they return to their abusers holding on to broken promises. Deep down inside they know the abuse will start again, and until they completely remove their selves from the situation and accept it for what is , it too becomes a vicious cycle. In our case Alcohol is our abuser our kidnapper.

[Eloise]

I am not uncertain about my sobriety, we are moving again.
Big sigh.

El, I have those days of uncertainty as well, and I don't have to even play the tape to the end. Sure, we might find a few hours relief in the bottom of a bottle, but we can't stop tomorrow from coming, so why face it hungover? Nothing good comes from drinking our troubles away, never did, never will :hug:

[KENSHO]

Headed to get a late lunch to fill up the belly before an evening event for work. They love to pour the drinks and wine/dine us - so I'm arriving full. Hopefully they will have sparkling water.

[kherriot]

On my way early tomorrow morning to the airport. So Far So Good. Things are ok, they are being handled by my sister and brother (the only responsible ones of the siblings) and all will be good. Looking forward to seeing them but always enjoy babysitting the grandkid's. They are a little upset that Great Grandpa is gone but are really looking forward to Grandma coming tomorrow. I will log on every time I have a minute but I am hoping that I am too busy and tired to just collapse in bed and get ready for the next day. I forget how a 8 and 9 year old never stop. Really looking forward to it. Have a good nite everyone will log in when I can. (Earlier if I need help)

[NoSugar]

I am not uncertain about my sobriety, we are moving again.
Big sigh.

That sounds big, El. Where are you heading?

[Elvis]

It's hard to believe that one year ago today I was parked on the side of the road in my car polishing off a 1.75L bottle of rum. I had bought my millionth last bottle the night before. I had planned to drink it during the upcoming weekend then be done with alcohol forever. Yes, I thought buying a bottle on Monday night for the upcoming weekend was a solid fool proof plan. Seems silly now, but alcohol clouds your judgement.

The bottle sat unopened until Tuesday morning. Because, alcohol. My wife just left for work and one sip couldn't hurt, right? I'd take a sip, shower, get dressed and have a productive day at work. No. By 9:00 a.m. I was in no shape to drive, so I either called in sick from work, or told them I would work from home. I can't remember, but it doesn't matter because no work was getting done that day.

I don't even know if I got dressed or what I did that day, but the bottle was with me. I sobered up enough to catch a glimpse of the clock and it was already 4:00 p.m. I knew my wife would be home soon, and if I was not at work and still home tripping over my own two feet when she got home, then I was busted, so I took a quick shower, got dressed in my work clothes and drove a few blocks away and parked.

By this point, so much of the bottle was gone, it wasn't coming home with me, let alone lasting to the weekend for my so-called last hurrah, so I spent the next hour or so finishing off the bottle in my car and stumbling my way around in the field near where I parked until I passed out.

I was awoken by my phone going off at 7:00 p.m. with a text from my wife asking if I would be home soon. I cleaned myself up and went home. I sat numb in front of the TV the rest of the evening. What had I done to myself? This was not the me I was or wanted to be. I didn't want to die an alcoholic. The next morning I came crawling back to MWO. This quit would be my last. It had to be.

Today marks Day 365 for me, one year since that horrible day and my last drink. So much has changed for the better without alcohol. I am the me I was supposed to be and want to be. I wake up refreshed and with a smile on my face. I look forward to every day, and when I call in sick to work, I'm really sick and when I work from home, I really work from home. I now remember every conversation, every TV show I watch the night before, every text I send, and every message I post to Facebook. I don't worry I'm gonna run out before I pass out, or if someone will find my empties. I go to parties and don't have to rely on my friends to drive me home. I go out for dinner and social events and enjoy the food and conversation instead of wishing it would be over already, so I can get home and back to drinking. I started exercising regularly and I reconnected with a hobby I had abandoned to allow more time for drinking. The thought of drinking disgusts me. I am never going back to that place I was one year ago.

Alcohol lies to you. It controls you. It will do whatever it takes to get you high, or get you to the store to buy that bottle. It has no mercy or compassion. It forces you to lie to yourself and the people you love. It convinces you to take just one sip, then it owns you. The good news is that you can learn to take control back.

Lean on your family, your friends, your support group, and the people here at MWO who have gone through what you are going through. It's hard to quit, I get that. We get that. You can't imagine living without alcohol, and what will you do with yourself? The withdrawal symptons are scary. The bottle calls you and hey, what's one more day, you can always quit tomorrow. But you won't and deep down you know it. Every excuse you have, we get it, but it is alcohol making those excuses not you. You don't have to wait for so-called rock bottom to quit. If you are drinking today, then today is your rock bottom. It won't get better. It's a progessive disease. The more you drink, the more you kill yourself.

Take that first step and stop drinking today. Pour the rest down the drain. The withdrawal symptons are no fun, but if you understand that it is your body healing itself, you can make it through. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. The headache will go away, give it time, food, and water. The shaking and sweats will stop. The cravings are a bitch, but fight through them by any means necessary and they always go away. You need to use your tools and support. Physical withdrawal symptons only last a few days, and you will phyiscally feel better, and probably quicker than you think. I know that's not much comfort as you are going through them at the time, but they will get better. One minute at a time, that's all you need to do. Give me that minute, then do it again. The first few days are all about you, make quit your only priority.

Alcohol doesn't want to give up control of you easily. You will always need to fight alcohol on a mental level. Remember riding a bike for the first time? It was scary, and along the way you probably fell a few times, but over time and with practice, you got over your mental roadblocks and it became easier and more natural. Fighting alcohol mentally is scary at first, but over time and with practice, it too will get easier and become more natural. You may stumble. You may relapse, and statistics show that you probably will. But the important thing is to get back on that bike and keep fighting and pushing forward if you do.

It takes a brave person to admit that you are an alcoholic, and it takes a strong person to do something about it. But you are strong, and you can take back control. Only you can raise that bottle to your lips. Alcohol can't force you to drink it alone. Stop letting alcohol control the relationship. Fight back. Yell. Get out of there. Remember why you want to quit. Reflect on the miserable times. Do it for the people you love. Do it for the people who love you. Do it for yourself. Whatever it takes not to have that next drink. Ask yourself where do you want to be in a year? Do you want to be drunk and miserable or do you want to be sober and happy? Because next year is coming either way. Alcohol doesn't care about your happiness. Make the right choice.

[NoSugar]

Thanks for that post, Elvis :hug:. If that doesn't give someone the push they need to get going, I don't know what will. I'm so glad you got your life back.

[paulywogg]

Wow Elvis,this brought tears to my eyes,its probably the best one year speech I've ever heard! Congratulations to you dear man

[Byrdlady]

Wow Elvis,this brought tears to my eyes,its probably the best one year speech I've ever heard! Congratulations to you dear man

Me, too, Pauly!
Holy spit, Elvis, you dont say much, but when you do.....remarkable!
Please, please put that in the Tool Box for safe keeping, it is an amazing account of how a life can change for the better!
Congrats on this great day and thank you for taking the time to share your story. B

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

BIG CONGRATS to you Elvis
So happy for you & glad to know you!
Wishing you continued success & wonderfulness!!

Eloise, where to now friend?
Wherever you go, we will follow :hug:

Lil, please do take care of yourself during this busy time!!!!

Greetings to all tonight & sending wishes for a safe night in the nest for everyone!

Lav

[TJAF]

Elvis is in the building. Can we get one hearty thank you very much from the MWO crowd! Way to go Elvis.