Newbies Nest

[j-vo]

Good morning,

Addy, I really liked your post. And it's so true, that we are all so different, but we have moods that can put us in dangerous situations. I have been in those situations where cravings were so strong, that I caved. I fought and fought, and lost. I think maybe that was a part of my problem. Fighting. Thinking I had to fight this thing called alcoholism. I never won. I have finally accepted that I WILL NEVER WIN IF I FIGHT IT. So I accept that I cannot ever drinking safely. It's taken me many quits, struggles, and fights to come to this realization. I'm a blockhead at times, stubborn like most of us here, thinking I can do this, I can moderate because I have determination. But this disease doesn't give a shit about moderation. Nope. Not at all.

Have a good Sober Saturday!

[Eloise]

Quitting wasn't easy for me at all until I was finally able to say to myself 'that is it, you do not drink alcohol anymore.'
Once I decided it was over, there was no advantage to it, I was able to stop thinking about 'what if I had just one glass of wine?' This was the hard part for me. What if? What if?
I think it was Brydie that helped me with her comments 'take the option off the table.' Then it was just a matter of reminding myself 'you don't drink dingbat.'
Over time I got it.
I don't drink. What a relief!

[NoSugar]

but my thoughts were also f*ck this, I don't owe them or anybody anything and I deserve this!

That is very true, IDM. You don't owe anyone anything and sometimes advice is worth exactly how much it costs which around here is zero. I had a completely different experience, though. I had let myself down so many times that my self-trust and self-image were worth nothing. Making a promise to myself no longer had any meaning. I needed to be accountable to someone outside myself - people that understood me and that I liked, admired, and trusted. Thankfully, I found them here. The forum in general and a few people in particular spent an inordinate amount of time and emotional energy on me. They believed in me long before I believed in myself and helped me learn to trust and love myself again. When I did get a "craving" - or, after the first week or so what was really a wish or desire, I thought about letting down the new special people in my life and it was one of the most powerful reasons for keeping the commitment I had made. I did owe them - I owed them my AF life. Maybe this speaks to my people-pleasing, "co-dependent" personality, but I still feel this way. I do not want to let my friends down. The difference is, now that I love myself again, I don't want to let me down, either.

Your made-up word is cute and we should chuckle at everything we can. This is serious business but we don't need to take ourselves too seriously all the time. It turns out, becoming AF is FUN!! Congratulations on your full week! All the best, NS

[All done drinking]

So I came up with the phrase for that feeling and this place: "thack you" ... LOL! Get it?

We get it...and it's priceless. NS's reply was so well said that there's not much I can add. I am so glad you were able to come tack on another day on the roll call and make it to your first week i! We're here to support you every step of the way.

~Addy

[Byrdlady]

IDM,
I know why you hung in there, its so you could get your very own FULL moon from your fellow nesters! :butt: You have mastered every single day of the week! No surprises, you know what to expect now, and you can do it. We are mighty proud of you! The worst is BEHIND you! Well done!
I was just like you in your thinking...."I dont owe these people anything, I will do what I want. I can ALWAYS ___________. " Well, as it turns out, these people are the very ones who got me sober! Their approval DID matter to me! I remember saying those same words to myself! Great minds, huh?
Ive been baking christmas cookies today! I am giving them as gifts this year....noone on my list needs another knick knack! The gift of food!
Hope everyone is having an easy day!

i just ran over to roll call and I see that Kensho has 7 days also! What a big day in the nest!! Here is YOUR FULL MOON :butt: Great job, missy! You'll get no cracks from us as to the difficulty of that first week. We are beside you check to cheek!

[KENSHO]

Lost my post... Headed to a wedding and wish I'd eaten more. But it was the old me that pined for drinks... This is the new me. The new me fits into her dress nicely too, without the booze weight Gotta love that.

[NoSugar]

I think I'm giving homemade dill pickles this year, Byrdie. I bet my friends are gonna be wishing they were friends with you instead :haha:! Those cookies look much too beautiful to eat!

[idefineme]

my very own 21-bun salute! Why, THANK YOU, Byrdlady! Those cookies look amazing, like professional bakery grade! Can we be secret Santa's, please?

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Congrats idefineme & Kensho!
That's how you do it, one day at a time

Lil, cha-ching!!!

Byrdie, great cookies as always, very nice!

Sent my grandsons home at 9 pm & they are coming back again tomorrow at 2 pm. How did I get so busy? Ha ha!!
I love the special time with them.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[j-vo]

Congrat idefine and Kensho!:welldone:

I like dill pickles NS but byrds cookies win...:happy2:

I thought about being "sick" today. Sick for many years. This thing I have, and I'm gonna call it alcoholism, is a sickness. Well, I think it's a sickness being an active alcoholic, but in recovery, im well. That word sick kept popping up in my head today. I'm not going to think of it as any less, because it's too serious of a disease that kept me ill for so long, both mentally and physically. I'm not going to be angry about it, because I really want pleasant feelings right now, but I want to remember all the times that I was sick and did things that I would never do if I was well. Just tonight, we were out to dinner, and I really enjoyed my meal. I appreciated it. When I was sick, I only cared about the next drink, not the next bite. I think a lot about the thousands of times where this sickness made me do inappropriate things, say the wrong things, and just turn me into a pathetic person. I don't wanna be sick anymore. I wanna be well.

[ssd858]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Friday in these parts :sohappy:It's just another day, not a ticket to BoozeVille!

ssd, prepare yourself, because what your eyes are about to see can never be unseen.... the whole nest is dropping its pants in honor of your 7 days AF!!!
:butt:
LET IT SHINE!!! Your Full Moon! You've conquered every single day of the week! We are so proud of you, this take GUTS and determination and a desire to see bare butts! Well done!

We see quite a bit of insomnia and headaches in the early days of quitting, this seems to be NORMAL and it will pass. NoSugar shared the science behind it, all I can do is smile and agree! We see it here in MOST people. We are going from ethanol running machines to food burning engines so I'm sure our bodies are hollering up to us 'what the heck is going on up there!!??'. That will pass and sleep gets better and better. In fact, the benefit of better sleep was worth the price of admission to me! Who knew? I thought booze HELPED me sleep. I guess it helped me pass out, but waking up at 3 am stunk.

I hope everyone is getting his/her plan in place for the weekend! Have an easy day! Byrdie

Thank you Byrdie for the bare bun salute!!
Made it through day 8 and onto day 9.

My husband has even jumped on my abstinence journey, at least for the first 3 weeks.
That is going to be the challenging point for me. We are going on a tropical vacation for the holiday week and he plans to drink then. I do not.

[Lavande]

Good Sunday morning Nesters,

Sunny & cool here in these parts this morning, not bad
My plan involves more cooking & watching my grandsons again today? What's everyone else doing to stay out of trouble?

j-vo, planning to succeed has helped me stay in line & stay focused. I highly recommend a good plan

Have a great AF day everyone!

Lav

[j-vo]

Lav,
I'm naturally a planner, as I plan out each and every class period down to the minute. I think this is a bit different for me. My plan involves this for now...

Staying close to mwo
reading lots
posting lots
listening to the long-timers
paying attention to the good in the small things
not stressing myself out about smoking
doing what i have to do for my job and my family
exercising when i want to, not when i have to

That's it for now. Once i get more time under my belt, i can revise this so that i can take care of some other things...when i'm ready to do that.

[All done drinking]

...but I want to remember all the times that I was sick and did things that I would never do if I was well. Just tonight, we were out to dinner, and I really enjoyed my meal. I appreciated it. When I was sick, I only cared about the next drink, not the next bite.

They say alcoholism is a progressive disease. I certainly saw a decline in myself this past year which is what led up to me "throwing in the towel". One time that made me aware of my downward spiral was going to dinner with teen son and his friend and when I ordered my glass of wine, it was not only as if that glass couldn't come fast enough, but they both teased me about how it couldn't come fast enough. Obviously my nonverbals were giving my addiction away. That slight anxiety before the drink came, the horrible anxiety if I was sharing a bottle with hubby or others of worrying if I would get as much as everyone else...just insane. As I look back, I wonder how much time was spent planning about the next drink, or thinking about it. And how much time was wasted not being fully present in the moment, but just anticipating that wine buzz where I would be in a fog for a little bit, then spend time trying to chase the initial feeling to no avail.

Hubby and I had a really bad day yesterday. His mother said some pretty awful things to him (she has always favored the loser brother and always wants my hubby to do more and more for his brother & he can never do enough per her thinking) and he was in a funk. He felt depressed and just kind of lifeless. That "what's there to look forward to?" feeling. In that moment, I felt really bad I had quit drinking because some of the fun (have to be honest here) has been taken away when we don't have the "nothing to do, let's go out and have a drink" escape. We have a local bar where folks know each other and it just doesn't have the same enticement when one quits drinking, although we miss the camaradarie of the place. And yes, ssd, vacations were the big highlight to drink for us and that changed too. The end result is better, always. I love every morning that I wake up unhungover, the fact that I can remember everything I did the night before and have no regrets or no remorse. But there are still times when it's hard and I feel as if I am missing out. Putting it on paper makes me see that I too am a relapse waiting to happen if I don't share my struggles and fight my demons on a daily basis. One can never get complacent with recovery, or relapse is right around the corner.

~Addy

[Byrdlady]

Hey all,
Like so many here, there at the end, drinking wasnt fun at all, it wasnt something I got to do, it was something I NEEDED to do.
Learning different coping skills takes time....I have a closet full of beaded jewelry, drawers full of knitted scarves and chubby neighbors to prove it! As Lav instructed me to do, I push those thoughts out and move on to something else....distraction is a wonderful thing, and as it turns out, I am easily distracted!
Thank you for the kind words about my cookies, they were fun to make!
Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie