Newbies Nest

[Quit wining]

Hey Karen, great you're having fun with the grandkids. We had our almost 3 year old grandson for the weekend, what a blast! You're right - grandkids are the best!

Aren't you glad you can be with them AL free? I know being AF has made a huge difference for me dealing with all kinds of things from family to friends to things like driving in snow!

In the past few years, my parents and in-laws all passed. They are missed every day.

Karen, I'm sure you will never regret your decision to quit alcohol. You've got a lot going for you, especially those grandkids! Hope the next batch of cookies turns out better!

[KENSHO]

Way to go Cowboy, nearing one year!

Dutch, maybe try not to think of antidepressants as sad, but a possible help? Difficult life events can cause brain chemistry to shift - and sometimes ADP's can help correct that. I'm sorry for how hard this has been for you and your wife.

I had a doozy of a day - very frustrating. Hit from all directions. Thought of wine, but kicked that thought to the curb.

Here's to tomorrow.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

A lot of sad anniversaries today - sorry to all of you. Sorry for your daughter, too, Ava. Good thing you're sober to help her through. And Robert, too.

I realized that when I was out of town I had no allergies. I hope it is the climate and not my house..

Happy Monday--

Pav

[lifechange]

Good morning, Nesters..
I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't.
Dutch, I'm sorry, too, to hear of the difficulties you and your wife are having. I agree that it might be good to look at the AD's as a tool to help your wife get through this period of time. I know a couple of people who took them for a year or so to help them deal with what they needed to deal with, then get off them. You are doing so well! I'm with you on the sugar thing being hell.. it is for me, too. I've just started up with the Lglut again.. I think you said it reduced cravings for you..?

I haven't yet had a parent pass away, but I can imagine how sad the anniversary of that day must be.. :hug:

Ava, I'm glad you can be with your daughter as she goes through this separation. A pillar of strength! to stand by her side and help her. And so nice to hear about Robert and the plans to celebrate love. I've been thinking about you often..
J-vo, thanks for that quote.. what a great reminder. Any time I'm in a slump, I worry that I might never come out of it. I wonder if it's how my life might be for the remainder of time I have here on planet Earth. Then some days pass and I begin to feel better, mostly in spite of myself!, and then it's hard to believe I could have felt so bad. The ups and downs and the in betweens.. it would be nice to have a better overview..

Wishing you all a great Tuesday.. I'm off to work then the gym.. and will check in later this evening..

[All done drinking]

Good morning Nesters. So much I could address with all of the recent comments the last two days but the one that really speaks to my heart is Dutch's post. The hard part about miscarriage Dutch, is it is often times not properly acknowledged by folks...the pain that the parents suffer. If my husband died, people wouldn't say, "Try not to feel sad, you can always find another husband." But somehow they think it all right to say, "It's ok, you can always have another baby." Well, people don't want "another baby"...they wanted THAT baby and it's very, very difficult in the grieving process because most people (are well intentioned but clueless) as to how to say the right thing that provides any kind of emotional comfort. Holidays are always big triggers so if it's around the due date it is only natural for her to be more depressed. I have never been a big fan of pharmaceuticals as there are so many side effects, the worst for a couple being reduced libido, but there may be one that she and the Dr. may find that helps. Maybe it doesn't need to be a long term thing, but just to get over the hump.

We have been having a hard time too as we struggle with what to do with a teen son who came to us at age 3 with a hole in his heart that all of the love we have given him doesn't seem to fill. He is not quite 18 and got transferred as an adult to jail for being stupid, and we are making him sit there although we have the money to bail him out. We also aren't going to allow him back into our home as he steals horribly from us (but helps us look for the lost item). Most of you will understand what I mean...the lack of remorse, no conscience, other than not harming animals (thank goodness for that), he unfortunately fits every description listed under sociopathic behavior and it's the charming and manipulative part of him that makes tough love even tougher. So, I worry what will become of him, where will we figure out where he will live, etc. Quit high school against our wishes, can't pass the GED, can get jobs easily with his charming demeanor but can't hold one for more than a couple of weeks.

Then we have MIL who favors hubby's brother and always tries to put my hubby down. It as if she is jealous of his success and would rather see the other son have it. So, he constantly deals with emotionally abusive verbal statements from her and he got into a funk a few days ago that he is only now shaking. I came across a poem by the late and great Rumi and want to share it today as so many of us have struggles right now. The amazing thing is, we are all choosing to NOT drink to try to chase the difficult feelings away. One of my favorite lines I learned in AA was "There isn't a problem so bad that alcohol can't make it worse." Let's keep fighting the fight my friends.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

Rumi

Have an enpowered day my friends.
~Addy

[Mentium]

Hello all, I have been on the forum a couple of weeks now and mostly I've been hanging out in the baclofen related threads. I have been taking baclofen for almost a month but as yet have not hit to so called 'switch' dose. I've been drinking too and I suspect that the side effects of the baclofen have been worse as a result, not that they are serious.

My drinking pattern is this: Daily consumption of a bottle and a half - and a bit more occasionally every evening. It is a pattern of drinking I have had for many years. I started drinking regularly in part to control high levels of anxiety which I have written about in the 'my story' section. As many people here will have experienced I'm sure, the end result of that is far greater anxiety in the daytime, followed by the alcohol to calm you down and so it goes, round and round, a merry go round that gets harder and harder to get off.

I've stopped drinking for a few spells, short and a bit longer, over the years, most recently last year for about ten months when I went to AA. In the end I couldn't get on with AA but the fellowship was helpful.

Anyway baclofen seems to b a 'way out' for some and I am trying it. The reason I am posting here is that I have decided to stop drinking while I wait to see what difference the baclofen makes to my desire to drink. It seems a bit cock eyed in a way, but I am at the stage of the 'cycle' where I am going nuts with the anxiety side of the 'booze bargain' and I have to do something about that. So it's white knuckle time. A couple of days of feeling crap should leave me with a clearer head and less of that stomach knotting fear.

Will be checking in to the newbie threads one way and another!

[idefineme]

come on in, Mentium! Tons of good people and support here!

[Lavande]

Good Tuesday morning Nesters,

Raining here in my portion of the nest but that's OK.

Mentium, glad you dropped in, make yourself comfortable.
Have you looked thru the Tool box for some hints & ideas to help reduce your 'white knuckling'? Lots of great stuff in there

Wishing everyone a peaceful AF Tuesday!

Lav

[abcowboy]

Just popped in to mention there's birthday cake over in the 24 Hour Club for Sunnygirl, she's celebrating one year of sobriety today!

[All done drinking]

Welcome Mentium. I had crazy insomnia last night for some reason, thus my post a bit ago, composed and edited 3 am or so! The wonderful part was I didn't have the panic attack anxiety with the insomnia. I truly believe drinking caused that huge anxiety for me, the after effects of it. It seems it's different for some and they talk about the ongoing anxiety but for me it was a huge blessing for it to go away when the drinking went away. Would be great if you had the same experience. Hope you find the support you need here.

Cowboy, I'll be over to the cafe to wish Sunnygirl a wonderful 1 year of sobriety. Always great to read about people's achievements.

Have an empowered day nesters and all. Come post, for those lurking, who know it's time to introduce yourself.

~Addy

[KENSHO]

Hi Addy. I loved your post. Well, not what you are going through, but you seem graceful through these challenges. Hugs to you, and I love the poem! Thank you for sharing it!

Mentium, I hope you find some relief in not drinking! It becomes a vicious cycle with the anxiety, no?

As I had hoped, today is indeed a new day. Thank goodness! Yesterday was one frustration after another! I tried to just breathe and take it slow and deal with one thing at a time. And look! I survived! We had a partial bottle of wine on our counter from MIL cooking stew this weekend - and thought about it a couple of times. I thought I would be strong and not "waste" it for others who visit my house, but today I decided that was an unnecessary temptation. Down the drain. There's a difference between being strong and being stupid

Oh! And I have found my exercise and eating goals to be helping me a lot! In the past, I would have sat down and drafted an unattainable list of my ideal workout and eating plan - something like 6x cardio per week @ 45 min. each, lifting 3x/wk, stretching and abs most days, etc. - and a strict diet plan. Many of you thought my post a couple weeks ago was intense, but for me it was tame. Instead of the above list, I said I should make it a goal to try to do ANYTHING physical every day (even if it is one minute of crunches or a walk to the end of the block), and also to put SOMETHING healthy in my mouth every day I can. I haven't been perfect with this, but keeping the goals so small - (can't most people afford 5 minutes and a stick of celery each day?) - has helped me to remember that being good to my body gives me energy and health. And I have done more than these goals many days - which has only made me feel better! Small, regular goals seem to help me. The large, unachievable ones make me feel like I fail regularly. Just another lesson for myself that I don't need to take on the world to feel worthy and happy

[Byrdlady]

Up to my eyeballs in alligators this morning...work is NUTS!

Dutch, my heart goes out to you and your wife for the miscarriage of your baby.
I learned an awful lot about AD's AFTER I stopped taking them...(as usual, the HARD way). I learned about depression vs. a sad event. I've had both, but I went on AD's as a result of hurricane Katrina and stayed on them for 5 years. This was nuts...I didn't NEED to be taking them for that long, but I did because I was afraid I'd feel worse if I didn't. I couldn't get those sad images of the victims out of my head and I was really DOWN about that...but guess what, that was a really sad event! I had a license to feel sad! Instead, I tried to cover it over with an AD! Eventually, time passed and I did move on. What would have helped me 1000 times more than those pills? TALK THERAPY with a counselor. It would have probably helped a lot of other things, too.
AD's are HARD to wean off and the depression that comes with that is mindboggling! I was talking about ending it all!!! ME!!!! Yes, they do help a lot of people, but I wasn't one of them. I was sad over a sad event....much like your wife. That pill didn't do me any favors. Try some counseling, it really does work wonders! It's a good place to start anyway....with the pill, you still have to deal with the feelings...you just don't really care as much. I'm not sure that's a great place to be either. I was a Zombie.

I am passionate about this subject. I think AD's are vastly over prescribed. But I had a really nasty experience with them and I really think they contributed to my descent further into AL'ism.
Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Quit wining]

Addy, your post pointed out a few things that hit close to home.

First, though, to Dutch and his wife. Many years ago my wife had a miscarriage around the end of the first trimester. The words we heard from many were similar to what ADDY mentioned - You can always have another baby, If there was going to be a problem, the earlier the better. Nothing helped. We didn't want another baby, we wanted that baby, our baby. I know the people who said these things meant well, they just didn't know what to say.

There was a time many years ago when I was depressed and needed antidepressants. It was a work related thing and it almost killed me. Thanks to a wife who stood beside me, I (we) got through it. I remember my doctor telling me I might be on the meds for the rest of my life. My goal was to get off them as soon as practical. It took 2 years but I was able to get off them.
I remember at the outset my doc told me we might have to try different drugs before finding one that worked. The first didn't work for me. Fortunately the second did. I hope that science has progressed and the trial and error period isn't necessary.

ADDY, thanks for a great post and a great poem. Dutch, I wish you and your wife all the best as you go through a difficult time.

Thankfully alcohol is no longer in your life Dutch because, as we know, the beast would do nothing but make things worse.
Stay close to the Nest, you have some great friends here. Be kind to your wife and yourself.

[Dutch1988]

Thanks Addy and QW. I hate that she is still having such a tough time with it. She told me what she named the child, which i thought was a horrible idea, but is supposed to help the grieving. She has had two D&C's in the past and I think she just never thought she was going to have to go through it again. Hopefully come December she will feel better. I know it's definitely bringing back feelings for me.

Along with that problem, here's my other struggle. My up has been followed by the typical down I am used to having now. I anticipated this, but only wish I could have staved off sugar to see if it would make my crash any better. I am positive I must be bi-polar like my brother now, all but to a lesser extent. Still, its a damn shame. I never had manic episodes before i stopped drinking. So was the alcohol just keeping me from having them? Now i suffer from one seemingly every couple of weeks/months. Then I crash, I can't even find the motivation to go workout, or eat. At work I will go through the motions, I always do. I just don't want to keep doing this dance. I don't go into hardcore mania, I buy very little, sleep less but still sleep 4-5 hours, increased energy and what not. I guess i will go talk to a therapist and let them be the judge. I mean how do you know it isn't just the ups and downs of life? I dunno.

[Rahulthesweet]

Hi Nesters,

I pop in here one in few days to read a few post. Makes me connected to MWO and also a reminder that I am an alcoholic !!

Mentium, welcome there is tons of support here. I too like you used to drink everyday. Stick around there is plenty of support here.

Ava, so sorry to hear about your daughter leaving her husband. Let hope it will turn out to be best for her in long run.

Dutch, take care of your wife. Talk to her, share her sorrow. Personally I dont believe in drugs but then I am not a doctor.

Friends, I remember about 30 days of my sober days I had a dream that I have fallen off the edge and started drinking again.I guess brain does like to think about stuff that we cant do or miss ! Yesterday night I had a dream that I was WALKING ! Well in the morning I did clearified my brain that while I will not drink ... I surely will walk soon ! For those who dont know I had an accident while riding a bike and hurt myself.

I am glad to see people doing well here ... way to go kenso ...