Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Sitting by the fire with my feet up, enjoying my decaf green tea!
When I quit AL I latched onto decaf green tea - go figure. It makes me happy

Welcome back Rose, good to see you again.
How about spending some time in the Tool box gathering some ideas for your plan!
Stay close to the nest, we'll give you a hand!

One thing about the empty nest - it doesn't seem to stay empty for too long. The kids return with grandkids in tow & the house is suddenly noisier than ever, Ha ha!!

Wishing everyone a peaceful night in the nest!

Lav

[idefineme]

Kensho, I could have written your post. I totally can relate to the rational vs. irrational thoughts and feelings. You'd think the rational ones, being rational, would win over the irrational 100% of the time, but that's just not always the case. And the not knowing what to do about these fierce cravings, I get that, too. I'm very slowly getting better at it, I think. Now that I'm really working at it, I've noticed that I'm more aware of what I'm feeling at a given time. It's when the feelings are on the dark side ... sadness, loneliness, emptiness, hopelessness ... those are real triggers for me, I've discovered. Mixed in with a "nothing matters, anyway" kind of feeling spells disaster for me. I need to figure out what to do when that stuff comes up, because it's got a hell of a pull to make me do the wrong thing, the thing I know I'll regret.

thanks for sharing your feelings with this ... I think it's a bit of a comfort for most people when they discover they're not alone with these feelings. Come here to read and post and get ideas on what you can do to get over these hurdles. Take care :hug:

[Pavati]

Hi, all:

Great discussion as usual.

Kensho - have you tried urge surfing? I recently gave up sugar for a period of time - OMG the urges were SO strong. I know they are different substances, but I really don't think the craving felt any different. I texted my friend who I had made a deal with as an accountability partner, and she got me through. Maybe come on here and find someone to message when you are in the middle of those thoughts, and let someone try to talk you down. I have also read that even one sip can keep that addictive brain active.

Ava - YES! I am so very much happier now. I know you'll have a blast at that wedding.

I went to hear live music again last night. That is something that I NEVER thought I would get through without drinking. For me, live music and booze had always gone hand in hand. I really can't believe it, but I actually like it much, much, much, much better sober. I can remember everything, really enjoy the music, don't have to leave to pee all of the time, can focus on the music and not where the waitress it. I reckon I get about an hour more enjoyment for every ticket I buy. AND I can go enjoy music on a Monday night because I will still get home and sleep well, waking up refreshed and ready to go. I DID mourn the loss of my good buddy AL, but it has taken distance for me to see that he wasn't a buddy ever, even when I thought he was.

I just had to go help a kid with something and now can't remember all I read. I DO remember those cookies - Byrdie you're amazing.

Night, nest. Hang on - it's worth it.

Pav

And HI to the newbies. You've found a great place.

[LavenderBlue]

Cruising by quick, both jobs have been super busy plus I have a nasty chest cold! But I feel so much better sick now than I used to, I'm so very grateful for that.

Interesting dream last night, though. I dreamed I was standing in front of a liquor section in a store, looking at the bottles and knowing I shouldn't buy one. I picked up a bottle of something, and then set it back. In the dream, I was asking myself, "Why do I think I want this, why do I think it's worth risking losing everything I've gained?" I ended up not buying it, but it was really interesting waking up from a dream in which I thought through the dream-craving!

[j-vo]

Morning,
I looked at my notifications this morning, and Mario has clicked like for a post I wrote back in the beginning of January. It was an awful experience, yet I still went back to drinking after it. This is how evil alcohol really is. It takes the bad memories away, or we push them to the back of our minds, and drink again. Not this time. I won't be fooled anymore. Here's my post from January, 2015:

Alcohol is the Devil
Dear MWOer's,

I'm going to share my experience with you in hopes that I help someone, give someone hope, demonstrate the evilness of alcohol and what it can do to us. Alcohol works with the devil. They are in it together to try and destroy all that is good in people. Alcohol and the devil almost took my life last weekend. I could have died from a neck injury, could have lost everything and everyone I love.

Once I started drinking the poison, yet once again, right before thanksgiving, I spiraled quickly to the drinking levels that I'm accustomed to. There was no moderation. There was never a chance. But when I drink alcohol, bad things happen. I get hurt. I hurt others. And that's what happened.

Sunday evening, I drank and drank. My son came home, and I was in bed. He told me he was home and I acknowledged it. I got up after he went to his bedroom, started downstairs, and tripped over the doggie gate we have on the steps. I always just walk over it and never move it. I tripped over it, fell down the steps, and hit my head on the hardwood floor. I sustained many bruises, and I'm sure a concussion.

My son heard my fall, came downstairs, started screaming for my husband. They said I lay at the bottom of the steps gurgling with my eyes open, unconscious. They called 911 and my son explained in detail what I looked like. While they waited for ambulance, they poured water in my face and I came to.

Ambulance arrived, and knew I was intoxicated. They questioned my husband and son, and they told them what they could. They took me to the ER and gave me a CT scan. Luckily I was ok. Luckily I had not broken my neck.

The pain of embarrassment, the pain of hurting and scaring my son and husband is almost unbearable. The pain of alcohol and the devil has gotten me for the last time.

My son, whom we had a talk with, I wrote several letters to, still is talking to me minimally. He told me I have one more chance. One more chance to have him in my life, if I don't drink alcohol. I will take this chance and know it's a gift. A gift to live a sober life, to gain the respect and integrity I've lost, that the devil has taken from me. I hope that with time, my son will be my son that loves me. Not the one I see with empty eyes. That doesn't reciprocate when I try to hug him.

Thank you for listening, and please, don't drink. If you're here on MWO, you should not drink. Don't lose your loved ones and yourself to the devil.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Hump day too!

j-vo, your story is incredibly familiar to me, I am so grateful you are OK & I am grateful to be alive.
I had a fall like that but I did hurt myself & ended up in the OR with a skull fracture, awful. It took many, many months to recover & of course I didn't drink. But eventually I started again & it swiftly got out of hand. I still wonder why I HAD to learn my lesson the hard way. I am just grateful that I finally came to my senses & kicked AL out permanently.

LavB, it's dreams like that that reinforce our quits

Wishing everyone a great AF day ahead.
I am watching my grandson for a few hours then dropping him off at preschool,

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Knock 'em dead, Byrdie! You'll do great!

Is knocking them dead the same as putting them to sleep? Eheheheheh..... The meeting ran 2.5 hours!!! The customer kept talking and getting us off track, but I was bound and determined to get my powerpoints in!!!! I think it went as well as possible and I was glad it was over! I wonder why I do my best editing when I am doing the presentation??? So at 4:45 I got out of the meeting with the intention of stopping at a hotel for the night. I called my hubs to let him know how it went and I kept hearing my GPS talking....to the point it was getting on my nerves, I was trying to talk with hubs! After we hung up, I realized I had missed my turn for the major highway I was going to take home, I so ended up taking BACKROADS for the rest of the trip....I would have stopped at a hotel, but THERE WASN'T ONE!!!! I got home at 9 o'clock. Boy Howdy, there'd have been NO WAY I'd have done that back in my drinking days! I'd have found a hotel next to the customer's office and had a high old time right there in the room with that bottle!! Those weren't the days.

Kensho, I'm so sorry you are having such a time of it. I believe that J-VO and Addy have really given you some great information. Using a very broad brush here, but yours reminds me of when the police are approaching someone who has broken the law and then they take off and run!! In your case, it's as if you are trying to treat this disease of alcoholism, and then when you realize "Holy SPIT, I'M an alcoholic!!" you try and resist arrest. Unfortunately, the harder you try to prove you aren't, the more you are proving that you are! This isn't a bad thing! Once you have the diagnosis, it is 1000 times easier to treat. I know you don't like to think of yourself like that....believe me, I didn't either! It really can happen to the best of us! The only thing worse than being an alkie is being one who is NOT in recovery. Do yourself a favor....accept the facts (normal people don't crave AL like crazy!!) and move on! Fighting this thing has not only gotten you nowhere, but it will dig you deeper into the hole! (see first rule of falling into a hole....STOP DIGGING). Acceptance is where it's at! Admitting that you are an alcoholic will go a very long way in your recovery. After all, why take the medicine if you aren't that sick? That is what our minds think! You ARE that sick, and if the problem is AL, the solution is NOT DRINKING it. Whoever said that was a geeenyus. If you will stop resisting arrest and go quietly, things really will work out in your favor! At least that is what I found!!

Off to the salt mines! Byrdie

[Eloise]

Oh I remember this post only too well Jvo.
What a nightmare. Anyway, it is amazing how we can talk ourselves into believing it was a one time thing and that we should really have that drink.
It is only one, promise!

It is bedtime here so I am going to wish you congratulations on Day 30... when I wake up I will look for your speech!

Congratulations on 30 days Jvo!!

[abcowboy]

Hi Nesters! I shared this with the regulars at the Cafe this morning and felt like I wanted to share it with y’all as well. I still don’t know why I woke up with this thought in my head, a message to me perhaps?

For some strange reason I woke up this morning with a single sentence going through my mind "Go placidly amid the noise and haste" and I had to google it. Not sure why it was on my mind, or where I would have known it from, but after googling it, I think it bears a good message for all of us!

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

I don't think I can top that for words of advice today, we all belong in this wonderful world, and I think we deserve to have a better place than the one we came from!

[idefineme]

Is knocking them dead the same as putting them to sleep? Eheheheheh..... :congratulatory: ....... If you will stop resisting arrest and go quietly, things really will work out in your favor!

Byrdie, that's an amazing metaphor! I might use that in my next therapy session, if you don't mind..

[kherriot]

Hi Nesters, sorry for not checking in sooner. Everything went well. Thought it would be easier as they are growing up (babysitting grandkids) but it seems more difficult. 3 hockey games, indoor soccer, indoor baseball. Lunches, crafts and of course Grandma has to bake with them every time I am there. Very tiring with the new Puppy, but I understand why, Brody (the older dog) is not long for this world so I really think this a transition. very busy at work since I have been back but payroll is over and on to more problems. Took today off to do other paperwork on hubby's company, took 4 hours. Worked out (best part of my day) Hubby is going to make dinner so all is well. Dad's funeral and the rest of the plans are almost finished. I think I will be the one to spread them over the west coast as per his wishes. I just wish the rest of the family would smarten up. Doesn't matter,as they say life must go on. I really do feel that since I will be at the coast it is a great way for my closure. Good Nite all.
ps. Everyone is talking about New Years now. Oh well what is life without hurdles.:thanks:

[j-vo]

Sorry for your loss, Karen.

Great post ABCowboy.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Lots going on today ~ tis the season I guess

Karen, sorry for your loss, I hope you are OK :hug:

Cowboy, yes indeed the universe is unfolding as it should
Learning to trust that meant a lot to me!

j-vo, 30 days for you, Yay!!!!

Byrdie, we seem to have similar luck on road trips, ha ha!
Glad your presentation went well despite the interruptions.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest.
I'll be up & out at the crack of Dawn to go hang out with my granddaughter tomorrow. Will check in once I get there.

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, nesters!
Locked out of email already this morning....3 password attempts and we turn into trolls!

We are rolling into the holiday season, and just when you think it will be impossible to stay AF just look at the folks who are doing it! Look at The P-Ava Twins who STARTED Dec 1 and are still AF today! The more days you have behind you the easer it will be to say NO THANKS! Get your plans in place for next week and let's talk about them! What are you all doing for the holidays?
P.S. Crazy family is not an excuse to drink.
Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good Thursday morning Nesters,

Dark & damp in my end of the nest today but I get to spend the day with a happy 4 1/2 year old. She makes her own sunshine

Byrdie, it may be a blessing to be locked out of your email for a while - just sayin, ha ha! Enjoy the peaceful time.

I have my kids & their families coming for thanksgiving dinner. It will be chaotic & noisey but not necessarily stressful. 'Those relatives' who make my life stressful no longer receive invitations!!! Who needs them or their stress??

Have a great AF day everyone!

Lav