Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Well, I am here. I am happier when I don't drink. And I need to accept that "happier" does not mean "happy all the time" - just better than when drinking. AL doesn't help anything. I'm feeling pretty low today. I know it will pass.

"Normal people don't crave alcohol like crazy" - OK, and "Not the son who views me with empty eyes and doesn't reciprocate when I hug him". I don't want that. EVER.

I wish, just a little bit, that the people in my daily life would say "I wish you didn't drink" - not the opposite. I know that's a cop out because if I want it, I will get it no matter what, but I am realizing this comes down to me, and I feel alone with it (with my physical people around me daily). It's down to MY decisions, MY strength, MY conviction - and when it's all in my head it becomes a mind game I secretly face. THAT's what I meant when I said once that this battle seems "virtual" and there is a disconnect. It is very easy to just say "OK, you can drink". No one knows the difference. You all do, but I don't see any of you or hear your voices in person. I know you are real, but it doesn't always feel so. Nonetheless, thank you for being patient, kind and supportive.

[Quit wining]

Great post Kensho.

Reminds me of the 10 most important 2 letter words in the English language - If it is to be, it is up to me.

[abcowboy]

Kensho, I'm just a phone call away if you need to talk...

[All done drinking]

I wish, just a little bit, that the people in my daily life would say "I wish you didn't drink" - not the opposite. I know that's a cop out because if I want it, I will get it no matter what, but I am realizing this comes down to me, and I feel alone with it (with my physical people around me daily). It's down to MY decisions, MY strength, MY conviction - and when it's all in my head it becomes a mind game I secretly face. THAT's what I meant when I said once that this battle seems "virtual" and there is a disconnect. It is very easy to just say "OK, you can drink". No one knows the difference. You all do, but I don't see any of you or hear your voices in person. I know you are real, but it doesn't always feel so. .

I have an old friend in the mods forum whose life style makes her moderating more difficult than the average bear as she is retired and it seems like every day is a party in the retirement community she lives in. I have always felt for her that she has that battle more so than other folks who have a whole different situation going on where daily drinking isn't so enticing.

When I first quit I looked for cues daily from my spouse just giving me the ok that having one drink might be all right. Like when we go on vacation to that fancy executive lounge with the free booze, would he say I should make that an exception? If he had, I may have succumbed to that thinking so I know from reading your posts that you have a much harder battle in that arena as it sounds like your hubby is almost encouraging you to drink. For me, there were some people too who were surprised that I had a problem and felt I needed to stop. My brother who lives in another state only saw me in control of my drinking so he was rather surprised for me to share that sometimes I can't control it. Not being the type of person with a blatant alcohol abuse disorder made it hard when I found myself in situations where people were taken aback with my decision. And then the doubt would come...am I making the right decision? Do I really need to quit? But as we've talked before here, we know the problem lies in what happens when we drink, not necesssarily how many drinks we can have before there's an issue. So if I'm stupid on 2 before the guy next to me whose had 10, it doesn't take away the fact that I'm stupid on 2.

Although I find such great support here with listening to everyone's stories and the few that I've really connected to on a more personal level, keep that in mind Kensho that there are options for folks to be more real if there's a mutual comfort level. Some people are open to phone calls, skyping, and/or becoming facebook friends or sharing personal emails to have folks become more real. P.M. someone you feel comfortable to do that with who you think could provide you better support in a more personal way. I also have a long time recovery friend who really stresses the importance of finding the right AA group where I can meet and socialize with "real" people. That may be something to consider as well. Stay strong and as they say in AA "Keep coming back...it works!"

~Addy

[idefineme]

((((KENSHO))))
I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated, and I totally get every word you are saying. I can't stay, but want you to know I'm thinking about you and I'm plugging for you. I think you're doing a great job just by writing about it and getting it out there. You can't get support unless someone knows where you're coming from. Take care of yourself, okay?

[Overit-still]

remind me why I don't want to drink

[NoSugar]

Hi, Over-it. You don't drink because you can't do that and still have the life you want and deserve (credit to Narilly on that one :hug.

Kensho, you might need to take that scary step and let someone here be a special person in your real life. It took everything I had to do that - to give my phone # to a person I'd never met and who knew my deepest, darkest secret. It meant that this was really happening. It seemed easier and safer to deal with my problem in this "pretend world" and to leave it here. But --- I knew I needed external commitments (I no longer counted on myself for much) and I knew some events were coming up that were going to be tough and that my MWO world wouldn't be available. You may not even need to make a call - sometimes just knowing you can is all you need. I did make one Emergency Call from a bathroom stall in a fancy pants restaurant where I'd just been publicly chastised for not participating in a toast. Talking to someone who cared and understood really helped.

It's ok to need help. I imagine some people get over addictions on their own but it sure would be tough. And it's not necessary. Take care of yourself, NS

[j-vo]

Something that just helped me is that I shared my LAFQ with my dad and sister. We had a nice talk about it, and they not only agree I made the right choice to get back on this journey, but they're happy for me. They have known my struggles for years and they both have had the same. We share the same problems. Someone that hasn't experienced the struggles that we do may not completely comprehend why we need to do this. But that's ok. Yes, it's easier if they did get it, but its not always going to happen. Yes, we have to rely on the people that do get it, and make connections with them. im glad I decided to tell them about my 31 days as it's made this visit less stressful for me.

[Guitarista]

I am happier when I don't drink. And I need to accept that "happier" does not mean "happy all the time" - just better than when drinking. AL doesn't help anything.

"Not the son who views me with empty eyes and doesn't reciprocate when I hug him". I don't want that. EVER.

I know that's a It's down to MY decisions, MY strength, MY conviction - and when it's all in my head it becomes a mind game I secretly face.

Yep Kensho, it is our decision that we must come to ourselves. It's an inside job I think. Gratitude vs. Deprivation thinking? Do family and close friends need to be more on the same page as you?

Can you turn your thinking and mind set around to it being an absolute JOY that you don't drink and not a struggle anymore? Feel the freedom and your AF power. Allow your true magic self to take over and fly free of those boring AL chains.

What a myth it is that we need booze to make every occasion somehow better. Boozing is boring, and I am a boring shell of the man I really am when boozing. I believe life is far too short for such self deception, not to mention the untold treasure we constantly miss out on, on a daily basis.

Take it easy and go for the buried treasure. :llama:

Edit: Just read Jvo's post above. Yep, connecting/staying connected with people who understand might be the only support we can expect.

Day 90 here but who, I say who's counting.

[available]

Morning all

congrats Jvo on your 30 days, stay strong girl, you can do this. As long as the journey to sobriety may seem, the end results are amazing Not perfect but so much better than drunk. Its a great feeling not to have thoughts of al constantly swirling around and we can live kind of normally.

Today is the day of the start of my family weekend. I hope its not from hell. I am a lot calmer about going, work has been super stressful as it is at this time of year, they are not replacing me either so that didnt help. Robert is sleeping all the time and is in a great deal of pain so i dont want to be too far away but i do need a break. So off i go with confidence and patience. Laptop in hand so i can check in and be accountable daily. This site is part of my life now, this is a major reason of why i am sober nearly 2 years as i am sure Pav will attest to also.

Kensho, my children said a lot of times that they wished i didnt drink but i always thought, they dont understand what i go through daily and i became defensive. I knew they were right but until i "got it" in my head, nothing made a difference. Sometimes i want to be normal and have that glass but i cant, i accept that, i am an alcoholic, plain and simple. One would think my brother dying an alcoholic would enforce that and only now as time has gone on I realise that i am only a drink away on the path that he took. If i ever drank again that is where i would be, maybe not soon but it would be inevitable. I accept what i am and it will always be a part of me but this took time and we are impatient creatures us humans.

I spoke to a woman the other day who has been sober 24 years, she is in her early 60's. She just said to me "you are not a sheep, you dont need to follow everyone else". Very apt and much appreciated words of advice.

Take care

[Elvis]

remind me why I don't want to drink

No more hangovers.
No more sneaking around and hiding alcohol.
No more worrying if you have enough alcohol to make it through the night.
No more hiding empties.
No more regret the next day from things you said or did while drunk.
You will gain back the respect of your family and friends.
You will not miss work or important events due to drinking.
You will look and feel a million times better.
You will have more energy.
You will have more money.
You will smile again, laugh again, and feel happy again.
You will be free from addiction.

[All done drinking]

remind me why I don't want to drink

• You don’t drink alcohol because you don’t like feeling out of control. You don’t bounce back the next day
like you used to and you don’t like the affects from drinking the next day, especially when you’re down for
the count, some days for at least 24 hours.

• You don’t like doing stupid things when you’re drunk, or the repercussions that result because of that.

• You don’t like how you see yourself or how other people behave when drunk...they're argumentative,
irrational, think they’re bullet-proof and just plain ugly.

• You don’t like seeing the tears and anguish resulting from alcohol-related death and injury. It could be a
drunk driver causing a major crash or a drunk too quick to anger who punches someone out and leaves
them with life-threatening injuries, or a domestic violence incident exasperated by alcohol. The triage area
at my hospital is a horrendous place to be on a Friday/Saturday night.

• It’s a personal health issue. Not only is it bad for the liver, kidneys and brain, it is a sure-fire way to gain
weight. You don't need a spare tire around your waist and the increased possibility of diabetes.

• You like having more money in your pocket. A glass of my choice of drink is on the average of $9 now.

• You like remembering what you said the night before, what you did, and not waking up with remorse,
regret, or loss of memory.

• You like yourself better without the stuff. You get more done, accomplish more in life, & can be there for
others when they need you. Not too drunk to drive a kid to the ER if needed, or talk to a troubled teen who
would lose his respect for you if you slurred your words.

• You don’t drink because you’re worth it. You’re worth having a better and happier life.

• You don't drink because YOU DON'T DRINK. Keep saying that and believing it.

My name is Addy and I am All Done Drinking...Yes! for many of the reasons above. I work in a trauma hospital and have been an eye witness to some of the above mentioned things.

All done drinking...Yes~ Addy

[abcowboy]

Because 1 is never enough and then it leads to everything mentioned above

[Dutch1988]

Over-it,

You realize there are other activities you can enjoy that offer some of the same benefits and none of the damage

You don't have to worry about going to the doctor being prescribed something that doesn't mix with alcohol

You can handle more shit in your life, not less, and still be good to go the next day because your not fucked up from drinking to get over the stress

More aware of your body to make heathy decisions

Don't have to worry about drinking enough to get that buzz but not enough to get hungover

Learning to enjoy things you thought you needed alcohol to get through

Way less anxiety

But hey my mom just told me yesterday she thought I was less stressed out when I was drinking. I also wasn't working on developing a second income, weight training 5-6 days a week, enjoying my daughter everyday and not distracting her with bubble guppies while I gimped out of bed.

I know I always feel better when I am working towards goal achieving instead of tension relieving, drinking is a purely selfish act, it is strictly something you do for yourself to make you feel better for a little bit of time. I mean I am simplifying things here, but I am not missing alcohol, I miss the state alcohol put me in when I wanted it to give me a buzz but I have experienced comparable things without it.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Good for you Dutch - keep that attitude going

G, CONGRATS on 90 days :welldone:
Next goal, 9000??

Kensho, we can all succeed at this if we simply do one thing - JUST SAY NO!
Say NO to the barrage of thoughts, no matter how persistent they seem. They will stop at some point.
Say NO to well-meaning friends & family. They don't live in your shoes & probably don't understand your difficulty.
You can create the future of your dreams just by saying NO to AL now!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest.
Wishing you a sane holiday Ava

Lav