Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

J-Vo, did you get your 30 day hat yustaday? Just in case,here you go! :guy:
Mr G, 90 days, look at you!!!! :llama: You are a man on a mission!
So proud of both of you for these great numbers!!

Over-it, hey girl! Well, I think the best reason of all for us not to drink is because we are alcoholics. That just about says it all. You know all the reasons, you just gotta make the decision! Glad to see you back!

Kensho, my drinking problem is my drinking problem. I know that normal people dont get this and that is fine. However, my hubs is on board with this. I thought yours was also? I could be remembering wrong, but getting him on board will go a long way in helping you. Men can't read our minds on a good day, this is no different. Tell him what you need, Im sure he will do what he can to help. Dont feel guilty that you cant join him, he is not feeling that way (unless he has an AL problem, too). Normal drinkers dont care if you drink or not, they dont place importance on it like we do. It feels more normal now NOT to drink than it ever did to drink. Get yourself a PLAN. I found that HOPE isnt much of a strategy. Ive heard you say so often that you are so much happier when you dont drink....thats a good start to a plan. How long since your last drink?

[Spiritfree]

remind me why I don't want to drink

PAIN -Pain- and more Pain; and then the mirror the following days.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Kensho - Did I recommend the Unpickled blog? She sounds a lot like you to me - not one person in her life thought she had a problem. Read it from the start and make your way to present. She talks a lot about "high bottom" and "high functioning." I also saw a 1:1 counselor. I knew I needed in-person support, regularly, and it was the beginning days, so I didn't feel comfortable reaching out to people here. It was crucial to me to have someone who would hold me accountable each week. And with whom I could be completely honest with - no judgement. She was the first person I put my whole story out to. It was so scary and such a relief. And finally, our families don't always get it. My husband saw my pain the weekend I decided to quit, but I had to sit him down about a month in and tell him, in no uncertain terms am I ever to drink again. I told him that if in five years from now I tell him I'm healed and I could have a drink he was to keep me from doing it, no matter what, drag me to a meeting, lock the doors - whatever it took. I know that he likes me better sober, so he agreed, even if he maybe doesn't totally understand.

J-Vo - thanks for sharing that again. That story frightened me so much at the time, partly because I thought if someone as strong as you could drink again, what was I to think. I am glad you're back, stronger than ever, and determined to make this stick.

Yes, the P-AVA twins quit the start of Dec. (I was the 2nd, took me an extra little bit to get it). It was PERFECT. I am usually depressed around this time of year (turns out that hasn't changed), so I just told everyone I was quitting for the season in the hopes of having a better attitude. No one really cared, a few people were confused. And then in January many people are trying to detox so I fit right in. By the time February rolled around I was pretty far into it, so I was stronger and better able to answer the questions that arose. Not, as Lav will remind you, that what I am drinking is anyone's business but mine...

Good to see you Dutch. I hope you're good.

Byrdie - what a story. Glad you made it home. I like those back roads sometimes, but not at night after giving a 2.5 hour presentation.

Lav - that's a scary story, too. What a crazy thing that after events like that we still feel ok to drink. I'm so glad you finally came to your real senses!

Addy - Thanks as always for your thoughtful posts.

Good night, folks. Stay close.

Pav

[Eloise]

Great posts here folks. The more I read the more I think 'what an ugly trap' drinking alcohol is. How is it possible it all starts in the name of fun?

Maybe we should also chat about strategy plans for Thanksgiving?
How are you going to say no to that first glass?

[Byrdlady]

Eloise, that is a great topic...there's a thread around here somewhere on that very subject...between building Rome and splitting atoms today, I will see if I can unearth it! In fact, I've got one in my Tool Box about T-day....I can lay my hands on that quickly.

I was talking to Matt M the other day and we were discussing the glass of _____ sitting on the table in front of us and just what an INSTICT it is to pick it up and drink it!! He called it 'muscle memory' and that's just what it seems like. If I'm out to eat with drinkers and their glass is in (or near) my space I push it back and put my WATER close so I can't accidently grab the booze. While I wouldn't consciously do it...it scares me into next week that I could accidently do it!! I am very mindful of my drink at these things.

So let's say you are hosting the big meal.... STRESSFUL in itself. People bring wine/beer and put it on the counter in the kitchen. It's all around, they ask why you aren't drinking? Your answer?
The meal is served and someone wants to do a toast, what do you do?
After dinner, you are cleaning up the kitchen....several partial glasses of wine right there....what are you going to do? What about the half bottles sitting there? Someone hands you a glass with 'COME ON, ONE WON'T HURT YOU, it's the HOLIDAYS!!!!!!' (if I've heard this once I've heard it 1000 times, BE READY).
GET your plan into place!!! Get your answers ready! Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Here it is: Thanksgiving Day Plan of Action (TDPOA, as my company would say.....)

Byrdie: "Belle...when you hear me refering to going down the rabbit hole...I am talking about the thoughts that make you want to drink. One thought leads to another, until finally, thoughts are actions and you are sucked in. I noticed it when you mentioned that your 30 days would be up the day before Thanksgiving...and that a glass of wine withthe meal would be grand. This will get you in the hole in a hurry....Take the wine off the table (figuratively and literally) and you will be glad you did.It puts you in a state of turmoil.

You want Peace, right? Let us go down the rabbit hole together...shall we?There's the family....all gathered, giving thanks. That one glass of wine in front of you. What are you thankful for? blah, blah, blah.....and it goes around.

Before you know it the solitary glass of wine is gone. Someone pours you another....(oh you shouldn't, but it IS Thanksgiving, after all). If you are able to stop at 2you are a better person than I am. I would dare to say that even if you didn't have any more....the next day you'd feel the GSR brothers...(Guilt/Shame/Remorse). And alas...this is FRIDAY....the best drinking day of the week! And a day off from work...I bet you go to the store and get some of your old favorites...

Then it's the weekend...and then you've blown it totally and why not drink...everyone else is??? The whole holiday thing sucks...all this wine around, why shouldn't I be able to drink like everyone else?

The next thing you know, the holidays have come and gone...and you don't evenknow where they went.

You find yourself feeling anxious, alone and depressed....because here you are right back where you started....Day Freakin 1. If you are me, it's was this point I didn't care if I lived or died...everything I had worked for had gone to hell in a basket.

BUT, let us back up for a second, and relive this whole thing of my rabbit hole theory. Your 30 day anniversary is celebrated by your friends in the nest! And day 31 is Thanksgiving. You wake up with a clear head and are able to enjoy your food and the people. You are sober now, you don't drink. You don't so much RESIST the drink as you do REFUSE IT...you actually remember the day (what people said) and you are FREE of the demon that wants so badly to live in you.The next day you feel like you've won a victory!! YOU HAVE DONE IT! You've gotten thru your first Turkey Day without AL! On to day 32, and girl I'll tell you, no drink tastes better than being sober feels.

By Christmas, instead of being a blurry mess, you will be in control!! No guilt! No Shame! No Remorse! You will never regret being sober. You know how the story ends...make it happen!!! When you feel your thoughts going there....tell yourself NO! HELL NO! And recite the Pledge of Allegience, or name the 7 Dwarfs or Dwarves....google whether it's Dwarfs or Dwarves.....do anything you have to do to get that thought out of your head. Don't go down the rabbit hole. I've been there and trust me, there's no good to be had down there. Keep your quit no matter what or no matter who!!! I'll be perched up on your shoulder and I will knock you up side the head if you think of having a glass of wine!!! Deal???

[LilBit]

Shout out to all the Nesties! No time to chat...donning my cape and tights for a miracle-working day ahead. Love to all.

[Eloise]

Awesome Brydie! Thanks for finding this.
Thanksgiving will not be a problem for me because it is not celebrated here. Yes, I will make a special dinner, but it will not include alcohol.

I think if I was in the States I might still be scared to risk my quit.
Especially how you describ the scenario so well. It sounds almost impossible to resist.
It isn't, of course, but my point is without a plan it would be an act of god if a person didnt drink. And we know even if it is only 2-3 the first time it opens that door to drinking again.
I want to throw the key to that door in the north sea!

[Eloise]

Just a thought but one thing I know for sure is if I were to start drinking again I would have to say goodbye to horse riding and I am not willing to do it.
It is really important to fill those new hours of free time with some satisfying and fulfilling things to do.
Things that get you excited, make you realize how worth it all this effort is to stop drinking.

[Lavande]

Greetings Nesters,

Happy Friday to all!
Cool & sunny here ~ perfect

Lil, I am also in my cape & tights, ha ha. This is my busy time of year, work, work!

Pav, I had to adopt the 'none of your business' attitude when I quit. It was a survival tool, something to empower me! I decided right there & then that I was not going to spend the rest of my life explaining myself or apologizing for my decision. I truly don't give a damn what anyone thinks, LOL. This attitude/Lavanitude has served me well

I will be hosting dinner for the family on Thanksgiving. Anyone who wants AL knows to bring their own. I don't drink so I don't buy any either!

Wishing everyone a great AF day!

Lav

[Mr Vervill]

Thanksgiving should not be a problem for me, although that does not mean I can let my guard down. I will be heading to my in-laws, where, as my wife says, "evreyone down there is a quitter". Several alcoholics, and no booze is served, thankfully. I am more worried about my anniversary this weekend, 29 yrs., where my wife is already entertaining thoughts of drinks at a rooftop bar. Sounds romantic, until I play it through in my head.
Stay strong all.

[j-vo]

Mr. V. Good idea to play it through in your head. Is your wife on board with you and does she know how important it is for you not to drink? That does sound romantic and it certainly would be something difficult for me to endure at this point in time. I would suggest something else if it feels as though it will bring on feelings of deprivation, because it's so risky to feel that around booze on a rooftop. If you're feeling strong, look up non al drinks ahead of time. Just some thoughts.

[Eloise]

Mr. V. I would suggest a different venue, or set a time limit at the very least.
Me, I would say 'not this year sugar plum.'

Jvo- how goes it? Gosh I do not envy you all this stress at this stage. Not easy.
Got that plan in place? There are so many folks here rooting for you, I know I am. Been thinking of you today and hoping you are doing okay?

[Byrdlady]

Mr V, it's the people that make the moments, not what's in your glass. Remember 'flaky pastry'? It makes about as much sense as thinking we can't have a romantic moment without booze! (honestly, now I would rather have the flaky pastry!!!) Good luck and congrats on 29 years! B

[LilBit]

Byrdie, I think they should build "Flaky Pastry-Tasting Bars" where we can sidle up and taste-test samplings of pie and croissants. "This one has a hint of butter and rich flour undertones." "And this is our estate Baklava..."

In years past, I've traveled to meet family members on Thanksgiving or hosted dinners and brunches. It's always been about other people and I didn't mind really, but it left me exhausted and of course, my "coping" mechanism left me hungover. This year, I feel like I deserve a break from all that. I'm dissing the family, bucking tradition and having a pajama day of snuggling with the dog & cat, nibbling on store-cooked Whole Foods turkey & fixings and watching movies all day. It already feels like heaven. Does that sound weird?