Newbies Nest

[j-vo]

Lil Bit, that sounds like the perfect day to me! Enjoy.

Thanks for your thoughts, El.

Mom is doing ok. Long way to go. I've had some stressful days. Mom has been ill, I'm very far away from home, not in my safe place, even though I'm with my parents and two sisters. It's hard to be away from normal life, work, son, husband and be in a what has been a bit unsettling. There were several times where I needed to look in the mirror and say, "I don't drink." I've envisioned myself holding some people's hands, prayed, and used distractions when I had time. It wasn't ongoing, but just a few times where I felt shaky. One particular time, I wondered if I would have to do this for the rest of my life. What if I had an even bigger stress, something with my son or husband, would these tools work? Would I use the same tools or would I need to do something more. Am I reading too far into some of my fears? I think I may be because we cannot predict the future and it always creates anxiety thinking this way. This is where one day at a time may be a good tool. Being present and living in the moment. I know I'm an alcoholic forever, but I can only live my life now, not in the future.

[Lavande]

Lil, that actually sounds quite nice> Mind if I drop in? Ha ha!!
Enjoy your holiday peace

Just found out I am doing a bit of family entertaining tomorrow. Just my daughter & her crew so nothing fancy.
The temp has dipped to 32 degrees here so the fire feels extra nice tonight.

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[Lavande]

Cross posted j-vo.
So sorry your are dealing with all that right now. Try to stay focused on today, just this moment really.
None of us knows what tomorrow brings. We will all be OK :hug:

[KENSHO]

Hi Nesters. I've been trying to post all day, and lost one earlier. Been at solid installations all day. So many things I want to comment on but have hours of work ahead of me before we leave tomorrow.

Yesterday was a hard day. I may have been a teensy hormonal, mixed with multiple problems on another install. I was feeling defeated and bad at my job, and had drank the night before. Not a good combination. Thank you all who reached out to me and for all the comments. I appreciate you all more than you know!

Today was a better day. Actually completed two different installs. Problems, of course - as always, but nothing huge and the projects turned out nicely. I got home and received word that a previous project is up for publication - which is a nice surprise. Maybe I'm not as bad at my job as I felt yesterday.

There are many ways I could rationalize NOT being a problem drinker or alcoholic, but the fact remains that I hate the way I feel when I drink, and how my thinking changes. It's so amazing to me that I can experience those feelings and STILL crave it. It's not even a love/hate - it's just a want-to-escape/hate.

Leaving tomorrow for the week - with family. MIL said she got me some of my sparkling water - and that support is SO helpful! I feel good about the week.

I really want to leave alcohol behind. I don't want to think about it, an I don't want to want it. I want to live with the comfort and peace of doing what makes me happier and not what takes me from the things I love. That's what it does that I hate so much - takes my energy, thoughts and direction away from those I love and what I care about.

Anyway, don't need to get sappy. I loved the lists of "why to not drink", and I loved the reminder of "Unpickled" - will be a good thing to look at while on vacation. Byrdie, thank you for your directed post. I may not be a stage 4 alcoholic, but I am one in the making - which makes me a stage-something alcoholic. And I am happier NOT drinking. So now, to get through the hard times so I can get to the part where AL is not controlling my thinking - where I control it.

Hugs to all, especially JVO. Sorry you are not in the comfort-zone. Anything new can feel familiar with a little time - even discomfort. You will get through this, and I am thinking about you :heartbeat:

[kuya]

Good evening nesters!

Over here in New Zealand people seem to be drinking a lot less. Drink driving is really frowned on. It is common to have sober people at parties to drive others so not drinking is far less unusual ...... A HUGE change in just a few years.

I am still the last to leave the party though...used to think it was the booze...turns out I am just a party lover! This year I am really looking forward to Xmas parties for the first time.

[available]

OMG how much alcohol can people consume at a wedding? A fuck tonne! (excuse language) but that is how it was. I didnt want to drink at all but when empty wine glass after wine glass sits in front of you it becomes overwhelming. Solution was to go for a walk and inhale and exhale. The waiters serving drinks had no af beverages but my son made sure i had non al drinks and tasted every single one of them first. What a treasure he was. So I made it through the biggest major drinking event in my life and with a great outcome. People asked if i felt like a drink and i said "kind of" but one would not ever be enough. Kind of was to be sociable that is all, there was no craving or urges to have a drink it was just the situation i was in.

Mr G belated on 90 days great work, not many till triple digits.

Kuya hello and lovely to have you back.

Kensho, i take my own drinks everywhere just in case and its always what i want. I cant rely on others to supply the non al drinks. Always seems to be wine around though. I hated how i felt when i drank, everyday i hated how i felt when i woke up but now i have time away from al it is so much easier. The first few months our emotions are all over the place, like being newly pregnant, then our thoughts and feelings plateau out. The first year wasnt easy by any means and i think the hardest part was learning to like myself again, the 2nd year has been emotional healing and learning so bring on the 3rd year and i know it can only get better and better.

I am off for a well earned sleep in. A beautiful wedding and a lovely day with the family.

Take care x

[Mr Vervill]

Off today for a quick out of town anniversary trip. Yes, my wife is on board with me, and that's a big help. She won't push me to have one. She is a drinker, but has only had 3-4 drinks in the past few months. She has cut-back/quit for health reasons and to lose weight. Alcoholism runs in her family, as it does mine, and she's aware of the pitfalls as well. Her brother nearly died form AL, being sent home from the ER, twice, saying if he had another drink, it would kill him. The first time, he drank, and ended back in the ER vomiting blood. (sorry to be graphic, but, that's what it becomes.) The second time, somehow he was able to quit. We really thought is was over for him. He has been sober now for over eight years. He had lost everything, his job, his marriage, his home, and his self respect. He's now got a great job, home, and a new relationship.
Don't know why I brought this up now, it was just on my mind.
Stay strong, all.

[Lavande]

Good Saturday morning Nesters,

Sunny & appropriately cool around here

Kensho, enjoy your family week. Make the right choice & leave AL out of the festivities.

Ava, glad you enjoyed the wedding AF. Just think of the hangovers the other guests are dealing with right now, ha ha!

Happy anniversary to you & the Mrs. Mr. V

Kuya, so nice to have you back on the boards!

I have a busy day ahead so I'll just wish everyone a wonderful AF Saturday!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Hi Peeps. So glad to be here and not wrestling with a hangover. Have to run to pack and tie up some work loose ends, but happy Saturday to everyone. I really, really appreciate your posts!!

[Matt M.]

Check in for me. Been a busy week. Starting the Thanksgiving festivities this weekend with the inlaws. I'm pretty sure I'd rather be water boarded, but I'll make it. There was a time when I actually enjoyed hanging with the in laws, because they all drank, so I could fit right in, and no one would be monitoring my intake, which was always way more than anyone else.
I SO do not miss the whole "drinking" thing during the holidays. Yes at times it looks appealing, but if anyone knew how much time I wasted strategically planning each day, so I could get the max amount of booze in me, yet create the perception that I was merely sipping. This pitiful skill is something I mastered.

I woke up this morning, mildly dreading going to the inlaws, but the overwhelming feeling of gratitude and freedom from Alcohol squashed it. I will enjoy the time with my family and remember it!

Hate to see people struggling, but I have to remind myself, I abused alcohol for many years, it's going to take some time to get better, some good and some bad, but it does and will get better the longer we keep poison out of our blood.
If you have what I have, a drop of Alcohol may as well be 5 bottles. As soon as that stuff enters my bloodstream things begin to change in me almost immediately. Manifestation of an allergy and the phenomenon of craving as mentioned in the Big Book of AA, becomes unbearable.

Stay Hard my friends!

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Over drinking at Thanksgiving was my THING. I started earlier in the day than usual, and as we have discussed, my off switch seems to be faulty. It is such a RELIEF to have the day, have dinner, drive home and wake up with zero GSR. I fell smug as those around me feel like crap. My preference would be to stay in my jammies watching movies. Move over Lav, I'm joining you on Lil's couch.

Hi, Kuya. Nice to see you back here. Hope all is well.

For me, quitting was partly intellectual. I read and read, listened to podcasts, watched videos, and understood the science behind drinking and addiction. With all of that information there was no way I COULDN'T understand where my drinking was heading. And I know that I would be risking my marriage, family and job if I was heading there. When I felt sorry for myself (which was often), or felt a craving, I made a mental list of all the things I would lose if I started drinking again. And because I knew the direction my drinking was inevitable, there was no rational way I could make a choice to drink. I understand that addiction takes over the rational brain, and that is why people drink again - put into place ALL of your SOBER arsenal to face those situations. Drinking alcohol is no more a choice for me at this point than flying to the moon. When I am facing those situations, drinking is not one of the strategies I entertain.

J-Vo - I know NS and I have talked about that "what if" scenario - what if something beyond terrible happens, and how will we cope. We have many fine examples of that right here, including our Dottie, who lost her husband and love of her life quite unexpectedly. We can't stop life from happening, but what a wonderful thing that Dottie was able to be present and alert as she negotiated her way out of that tragedy. She was a role model in sober grief. What a pillar you'll be for your dad as you and he help your mother find comfort and love during this time. Can you imagine facing it drunk? Or hungover? Stay close - we're here for you.

Ok, off to work on this lovely Saturday. At least I am refreshed and ready to go.

Pav

[Eloise]

Yup, maybe think about it 'just for today' Jvo.
Funny you should mention the 'I don't drink' mantra, I was thinking about that earlier as I must have said it 1000 times. Keep saying it to yourseld, it helps!
Also, maybe hop on youtube and search hypnosis for alcohol addiction. These guided meditations also help me a lot.
And it is passive, listen while you doze off.
I promise this won't be so hard forever if you finally manage to stop drinking entirely. If you continue to start and stop, yes it probably will go on forever.
Wish somebody had brought that up 10 years ago!

[See the Light]

2 weeks for me today...I need to make it thru Turkey Day to know I can make this stick..I hate alcohol with every bone in my body...hope all of you are doing well

[Byrdlady]

Mr V, Mr Byrdie and I have been married for 28 years, so 4 sober anniversaries for me. After 24, I wasnt sure there was going to be another one, but we are stronger than ever now.
I have had some deaths in my family and I used the very skills I learned here to navigate thru those. It can be done! Regret of the past and fear of the future are the twin thieves of today! Try not to worry about all the what ifs right now, most never happen!
Had to make an emergency birthday cake this morning, but it was fun!
Hey Kuya!!!! Great to see you!!! Stick around!
Hope everyone is having an easy day! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I had a great day with my daughter, granddaughter & son-in-law. Grateful for a wonderful family

STL, Congrats on 2 weeks AF - great job!
Stay on your plan, stay positive & you will meet your goals!

Byrdie, lovely emergency cake - wow!!!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav