Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Welcome, Ice! We are glad you found us! B

[Eloise]

A small victory to share tonight folks!

I had dinner with my cousin, just the three of us; he and I and a bottle of wine.
I wasn't even tempted guys!

Note: after 18 months + days sober I finally felt confident enough to face this kind of situation. I would never had attempted this in the earlier days. Actually I avoid such situations as a general rule.

The evening ended with a discussion of the distruction alcohol has had on our family.
He wholeheartedly agreed quitting is an excellent idea because of our history.
Rather a victory tonight for me I think mostly because when I said 'no thank you (for the wine) it is not for me,' I meant it!!!

[j-vo]

So great El!

Welcome ice!

[idefineme]

hey, ice! welcome! There ain't no shortage of support here, so just come on in and make yourself comfortable. Glad you're here!

[All done drinking]

A small victory to share tonight folks!

I had dinner with my cousin, just the three of us; he and I and a bottle of wine.
I wasn't even tempted guys!

Note: after 18 months + days sober I finally felt confident enough to face this kind of situation. I would never had attempted this in the earlier days. Actually I avoid such situations as a general rule.

Eloise,

It does seem to get easier with time. I don't have the amount of days that you do but I am seeing subtle changes that make me feel better as well. I haven't been in a situation yet (like Byrdie's birthday cruise) where everybody is drinking but me, and like you, have purposely avoided those scenarios to protect my quit as I just wasn't quite ready. Curious whether your cousin drank the whole bottle by himself as it sounds like there's a family history for alcohol disorder. Such temptation for you if he left and there was wine left over. That always used to be my downfall at parties back when I foolishly believed I could moderate and would only have 2 glasses. When the party ended and if there was left over wine, I finished it off every time. That one was a huge downfall and bad position for me to be in. I hate the thought of even having a party now and haven't had one since I quit. I know I wouldn't drink now, but the whole thing just makes me uncomfortable because I would never pour wine down the sink in the past, ever!

This is a very dangerous time of the year for relapse and I am working hard to stay busy and focused on my quit. Posting on roll call is a big help to me personally which truly helps me be accountable and gives me the strength to say no when the thought comes around of "just one". I shout back at that little voice, "no, no, a thousand times no!", because we know the old saying,

one is too many and a thousand is never enough.

Stay enpowered nesters.
~Addy (All Done Drinking...Yes!)

Welcome ice and welcome back Kuya, whom I know quite well from many posts ago. Glad to see you back as you had a ton of wisdom to share before. Would love to hear what you've been up to.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Feeling chilly tonight!!!

Hello & welcome ice, glad you found us!
Make yourself comfortable & stick around as long as you like

El, it does feel good to finally be able to say 'No thanks' & really mean it too. Good for you!

Kensho, I'd really rather have a granola bar for breakfast - no kidding!!!
Stick to your guns & have no regrets.

j-vo, hope you are back home safe & sound. Glad to hear everything went OK for you & your family.

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[NoSugar]

Hi, Nest

I came across an article today that is very appropriate for this week of US Thanksgiving: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/op...pier.html?_r=0

Gratitude has been central to the AF life I've been nurturing and developing for the last couple years and it helped me immensely this weekend deal with other kinds of stress. Many of the skills we learn here can be used in all parts of our lives - good things can come from this bad experience.

Lets all be grateful that we don't have to drink and can make the choice that is better for us and those around us.

NS

[LavenderBlue]

Hello Nesters!

Well, I'm going to have a challenge this week. I've been invited out for drinks with some people I work with later this week. That actually wouldn't be so bad since I don't have memories of drinking with them, or at the place I'm meeting them. The tough part for me is that for one, they're younger than me and very much at the age where I still had my drinking under control. Plus one of the guys...I usually NEVER have interest in younger guys but he's ridiculously my type. So I'm already vaguely nervous about him since I'm normally very upfront with my interest but I'm not sure if this would be a smart one to pursue even if he did have interest.

My first thoughts after I said I'd go were bargaining thoughts. "Well, maybe I'll have just one," and, "It's not like I HAVE to tell anyone at MWO." Also some thoughts about not being THAT bad, and I'm sure just one would be ok. That some people have luck with moderating, maybe I'm one of them.

At the same time, though, I was very aware that those are the things EVERYONE says and thinks. And that i'd better make up my mind one way or the other before I'm actually in the moment. I made myself sit with those thoughts for a while, but what really got my brain to settle out was thinking, "I at least want to try doing this sober." My real brain knows the hardest time is the first time, and if I can get through it then next time will be easier. And "I want to try it this way" got my AL brain to settle down some about feeling like I "needed" to be able to drink. I'm also posting here now, and I know that will also help.

I work the next morning and I honestly shouldn't drink on my medication. It doesn't matter that never stopped me before - they don't have to know that and they're good people that I'm sure wouldn't push. As far as the guy...well, that's more reason to stay sober, actually. Making a drunk pass at a younger guy I work with is the kind of thing that could end very badly, or at least with me hugely embarrassed.

I'm posting for accountability, but also just to share what my brain's been doing the last few hours in case it helps anyone else.

I've got to get some sleep here, but I think things are going to be ok. I'm thankful to have this place, and you people to listen!

[Lavande]

Good Monday morning Nesters!

I woke up to a sunny 32 degrees here in my portion of the nest!
I am oh so grateful for a comfy & warm house!

Thank you for posting that article NS.
I love the part about choosing to be grateful despite your feelings. That's exactly what I have done to get myself to where I am now. I remain grateful each & every day & look forward to celebrating 7 years AF in March

LavB, knowing that you don't have to consume AL anymore to be happy is such a blessing!
Knowing that it is in your best interest to say 'No thanks' to a drink is empowering. It is powering knowing that your health, happiness & your entire life really is in your hands & best managed by remaining grateful & keeping AL out. Enjoy your time together with work friends, leave AL out of the mix.

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF day ahead!

Lav

[NoSugar]

You were the one who got me on to gratitude, Lav. It sure seemed to be working for you so despite my doubts, I tried to be "deliberately grateful".

I was chatting with a guy on my flight Saturday (which was going nowhere fast) and of course we were discussing the problems we were being caused by the weather delays. At one point, he remarked that I had such a good attitude about it, that he was feeling better, and was glad he had talked no me.

I am by no means a naturally optimistic person (wish I were!) but after he said that, I stopped to think about what I had said to him and realized they were all things we could be grateful for despite having deplaned twice and just having been told we might take off in an hour or so... Thinking that way has become normal and it is amazing how much less I'm affected by stress now. In fact, I didn't burst into tears until on my second day of trying to get home I found out that my connecting flight had been cancelled. Man was I grateful for the shuttle I found last night that left an hour later and wasn't full :smile:!

[Byrdlady]

Morning, Nesters!
LavB, I found that setting my mind to NO made situations much less challenging. I WILL NOT DRINK...so there is no challenge! No struggle! I DON'T DRINK. You've heard me say that there are 2 types of people here on MWO: Those that struggle with AL and those that don't. Oddly enough, the ones who don't are NOT the moderators, they are the abstainers!!!

I've been on the MWO boards since 2009. This bears repeating.....I have never seen ONE long term successful moderator in the history of MWO (including the founder!!!). Not ONE. Ever! So trying our luck at moderating is as good as just admitting to relapsing. We all quit drinking for a reason, because it was causing us great distress. It is hard to quit and even harder to start over after an extended quit....there are many who never get back up. I hope you will protect your quit as if it were gold. I totally understand wanting to fit in and impress someone, but AL is not the way to achieve that for us, in fact, it's the big lie....the exact opposite will happen! I understand peer pressure but this is MY life and my life depends on my staying AF. This is non-negotiable for me. If someone doesn't like me as a non-drinker then we both need to move on, because I don't have time to try and please someone with AL. This quit came at a very high price (almost cost my marriage). It is the foundation of who I am now. Everything depends on my quit. Try not to worry about what anyone else thinks, it isn't their disease. Stay strong, no matter what and no matter who!

Happy Monday to all, Byrdie

[j-vo]

Lav, yes, I'm home (well, at work!) safe and sound, and gratefully sober.

NS, good article. And maybe that's why I"ve been eating loads of chocolate! Because I've been so grateful!

Have a great Monday all, and stick with your sober plans for this upcoming week. We won't regret it next Monday.:hug:

[j-vo]

LavBlue, I hope you don't entertain anymore thoughts of AL when you meet your friends after work. Im glad you're being accountable by telling us these things, and if I were feeling that way, I would probably not go, as I think it's a big risk with those kinds of thoughts. That's just me, and you may be different, but the many times I felt that way, I failed because I'd already opened the door. Now I slam the door in Al's face, and never look back. There's no options or what if's, because I don't drink. I know they say in AA "fake it till you make it" and that's what I'm doing. I'm not pretending that because I have 35 days I'm cured. But I'm going to act like a sober person, and a sober person would slam the door in Al's face, and so will I. It's so easy to get caught up in the wrong mind set with the holidays upon us now. As I type, I'm talking to both of us. Not just you LavBlue, but I'm saying this for myself.

[Byrdlady]

J-Vo, maybe it's why I bought a 'decorate yourself' gingerbread man yesterday at The CVS for my neighbor and wrapped it....later in the afternoon, I unwrapped him and goggled him up. ???

LilBit...I think instead of wine-tasting parties there should be Ice Cream tasting parties! How fun would that be??! B

[LavenderBlue]

Thanks for the comments, all!

Byrdie, that is exactly why I wanted to sort through those thoughts BEFORE I was actually out. Deciding before my friend's reception that I wasn't going to drink made that much easier, and I knew doing this would be dangerous if i was still thinking "maybe." It's a really good reminder to stay on top of things, that sometimes my brain is still going to jump to what it's used to. Obviously these people like my company sober already since i'm sober at work, there's no need to do anything except be there (on my own terms); but I still had to take the time to re-commit.

And j-vo, that's exactly why I've been avoiding those situations for the last 15 months! Because you're right that if I don't think I can say no, I'm better not to go at all. I feel solid now, but if that changes I will definitely beg off. This was interesting in that I wasn't craving AL itself as much as my brain jumping to, "This is what we do when we go out with people." But the thing is that is NOT what we do anymore, it's one more habit that needs to change, and one that I'll be happier without.

I can't stress enough how important it's been for me to rephrase thoughts like that into what I WANT to do instead of focusing on what my brain thinks I can "Maybe get away with." The maybe's don't matter when it's not what I honestly want - and what I honestly want is to have a nice time with coworkers and stay sober rather than risk going back to where I was.

The AL brain is tricky and didn't want me to think about the fact that if I drink now, it's going to be harder to say no next time. Or that even if I was ok after one, I'm eventually going to have, "just one more" or start drinking on weekends, and eventually get right back to where I was. It doesn't want me to know I'm perfectly fun to be around sober, even after 15 months of proof that I can. And it REALLY doesn't want me to be aware that even one is a huge deal to someone like me, not something that can be had casually.