Newbies Nest

[j-vo]

Byrd, yes you gobbled it up because you're grateful! Makes complete sense to me. Gratitude = fatitutde:egad:

[KENSHO]

Sorry for your travel delays NS! Not fun, but how lovely that you helped not only you but others through it with positive thoughts!

LavB, do whatever it takes to squash those thoughts now! Go drastic, like maybe googling health effects of AL - anything to dramatically drive home that this is NOT what you want! This is the step I have not done well.

I am finding that it helps to tell people up front that I am not drinking. Then there is not question. We visited friends last night in Tuscon. We were up and talking at midnight last night and I felt fabulous - was really grateful not to feel tired & toxic! This friend visited us at home just before I quit and we talked about how we drank many drinks every night. I realized he gad a problem then. His wife told us a story how a couple months ago he came home wasted. He was supposed to be at the clubhouse for 30 min, but arrived home 3 hrs. Later at 1:30am and tripped the alarm. He couldn't stand up straight or talk well, and then left down the block. She couldn't leave the house to find him because they have 4 small kids at home. The next morning, she found him passed out in their lawn half inside and half outside the kids playhouse. Later he found his cell phone on the golf course a few holes down.

I tell you this because when I told him I quit drinking he said "what - YOU? How many drinks a night did you have? I said 2-4, and he said, well that's nothing!" And I said, "Well it was too much for me." I hope he figures out that he needs to stop, and I hope he sees that even I indeed had a problem.

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters!
I'm soooooo tired tonight. I was drinking a tea over in Cowboy's Cafè and now I'm about to fall asleep. Which is good, as I want to get an early start tomorrow.. which is possible and which I'll be doing with bells on my toes 'cause I'll be Un-hung and happy to be alive! How wonderful is that? If I don't drink, which I don't, I have a 99.5% chance of waking up in a very good space.. and even if I get sick during the night, or sleep wrong and have a stiff neck.. I'll deal with it, won't I?.

Loved the article on gratitude, NS (I sent it on to several friends who all thanked me for sending it).. and that you were able to help someone else out with your positive outlook. That must have felt really good.. I can see that it is just a matter of practice.

LavB, I'm really glad you posted about your concerns/thoughts with regards to going out this week. It always helps me a lot to hear what others are dealing/struggling with and then, of course, the responses of the loving and caring people here. I'm sure you'll have a great time! Definitely a million times better than if you decided to drink.. Nightmare! You'll let us know how it goes..?

Kensho, your response to your friend was good. I'm glad his comment didn't cause you to second guess yourself! I really hate it when people come up with, "well that's nothing", in that sort of a conversation. I know, he obviously has a huge problem.. so he isn't seeing or thinking clearly. But still, if you QUIT drinking because you were drinking too much, it's because you were drinking too much. I'm really glad you're able to check in here during your trip!! You're sounding strong.. and how nice to be feeling fabulous at midnight!

Byrdie, loved the long one about moderation lies. Especially the part about just admitting to a relapse if you decide to "moderate".. that could have saved me a lot of time and I'll keep it in mind. Because EVERY single time I've contemplated and tried out moderation it's been a relapse in disguise (and not even such a good one) from the get-go.

Lav, so looking forward to celebrating your 7 years with you in March.. what an accomplishment!

ok. now I'm really off to bed. See you all tomorrow..

[Mr Vervill]

Made it through the anniversary celebration easily! We were at a busy restaurant, with lots of wine being poured all around. As the night went on the groups got louder and louder as more bottle opened. Looking around, the couple next to us were not drinking either. Even skipped desert, as I was too full. Skipped the roof top bar, not even to catch the view and coffee, as my wife said, why bother if we're not drinking.

Great article on gratitude NS. I also read one by the same writer on a link on the page, Rising to Your Level of Misery at Work. http://nyti.ms/1SgrAm1
Funny thing was there was a paagraph about how we deal with that misery, by drinking of course! Yeah that was me, drinking at the job, or should I say some of there people on the job. From the article: "So what’s the solution?
Here’s one that many people try: Drink a lot. Research from 2010 found that people with high incomes reported consuming more alcohol than people of more modest means. Specifically, 81 percent of respondents making over $75,000 per year drink alcohol, versus 66 percent of those making $30,000 to $49,000 and 46 percent earning under $20,000."
Stay strong all.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I really like the positive vibe in the nest today

Mr V, glad it all worked out for you!

NS, traveling these days is no easy thing. So glad you finally got home safe!

j-vo, kensho, LavB, you are all sounding strong & positive, stay that way

LC, I'm going to have to get our cake specialist Byrdie to help me make a doozy of a cake in March, ha ha! Be sure you stick around to help me celebrate.

Greetings to all & wishing for a safe night in the nest for everyone of us. The temp has dropped below freezing so let's all stay close.

Lav

[KENSHO]

We got back to Mesa and I prepared for an phone interview for a published project. I thought it went well, but once it was done I had an overwhelming urge to have a drink. Why? Not sure. Tired, relieved, excited? It was strong; sneaking crossed my mind. But hubs asked me to walk to the dinner place with him. That was it - we left and I ordered sprite at dinner. Ice cream just now and I'm happy. Sneak attack!! Might need to think about tomorrow a bit more. But tonight is over

[All done drinking]

... but once it was done I had an overwhelming urge to have a drink. Why? Not sure. Tired, relieved, excited? It was strong; sneaking crossed my mind. But hubs asked me to walk to the dinner place with him. That was it - we left and I ordered sprite at dinner. Ice cream just now and I'm happy. Sneak attack!! Might need to think about tomorrow a bit more. But tonight is over

Folks have shared this advice before when that crazy craving occurs...wait it out. Tell yourself you'll reconsider the thought in 15 minutes and usually by the time 15 minutes has passed, the horrible craving has too. You also gave yourself a diversion, taking a walk, getting ice cream. Great plan and it worked!

Great posts tonight. I have personally never gotten into the gratitude part enough and need to do that. Nice post about that NS. And Byrdie, wise words of wisdom as always. To all, great pearls to help us all stay strong.

~Addy

[idefineme]

KENSHO, I'm glad you made it through the day AF! Nice job! I was having strong urges last night, but decided ice cream would be a better choice and took the dog for a walk. Then went to bed early. Now I'm up early with a great night's sleep behind me and raring to go for a great today!

Hugs and thoughts to anybody struggling, it's a bitch. Hugs to all the wonderful, supportive folks here, too! Have a beauty day, everybody! :heartbeat:

[NoSugar]

Why? Not sure. Tired, relieved, excited? It was strong; sneaking crossed my mind. But hubs asked me to walk to the dinner place with him. That was it - we left and I ordered sprite at dinner. Ice cream just now and I'm happy. Sneak attack!! Might need to think about tomorrow a bit more

It's great you got past that Kensho, and will wake up without all the awful regrets. Good job!
To me, the reason we get cravings is because we're addicted to alcohol and are in the habit of drinking. So, in response to almost anything, our brains want a drink. We can try to circumvent some of these triggers by staying rested and full but life is going to happen. There will be sickness and sorrow and hopefully happiness and joy, all of which might trigger a craving in an addict's brain. As does boredom, anxiety, anticipation, contentment, disappointment, irritation, worry. etc. etc. etc. I don't think we should be surprised - just prepared. The good news is, the longer you're AF, the less often those thoughts and feelings arise. And the easier it is to dismiss them.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Cloudy but nothing falling from the sky, ha ha!!

Kensho, I'm with NS in thinking it takes time to break the mental (habitual) connection with AL. I just played a loop in my head that said 'no, I don't drink'. I let it play for a couple of years, really until my subconscious finally got the message

I have lots to do today & I am grateful to be happy, healthy & quite capable of getting it all done!
Wishing everyone a great AF Tuesday!!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

AL cravings sort of remind me of my Chihuahua....constantly with her nose to the ground in hopes of finding a crumb of some sort. It only takes a tiny crumb to bring that beast back in all its glory. Sips lead to Slips lead to Falls. It didn't take much of an excuse for me to find a reason to blow it. Too busy, too bored, too happy, too sad, our minds are constantly looking for that crumb on the floor. Don't fall for it! It's a trick!!
Where's Dutch?
Where's Matt?
Check in everybody, so we know you're ok!! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[All done drinking]

I tell you this because when I told him I quit drinking he said "what - YOU? How many drinks a night did you have? I said 2-4, and he said, well that's nothing!" And I said, "Well it was too much for me." I hope he figures out that he needs to stop, and I hope he sees that even I indeed had a problem.

Kensho,

Wanted to start the day off with this thought and reminder...and info to lurkers who question if they have a problem because they don't drink that much. I have been in bondage for the last 7 years trying to "control" my drinking, because I didn't drink that much so it was hard to admit I had an alcohol abuse problem.

I would always fail alcohol questionnaires because Yes...I drank alone at times (even to the point of hiding and sneaking drinks)...Friends or loved ones did make comments about my drinking (the stupid times may not have been as often as other folks but I experienced major consequences when they occurred), I definitely felt bad about my drinking at times (the shame, guilt, remorse, regret)...the list goes on with Yes, yes, yes as answers to the questions. Yet because I only drank 2x a week (not daily) and usually could white knuckle it and stop (was very uncomfortable and hard to do but I could usually do it) I would then fool myself that I didn't have a problem like the big guy at the party who kept drinking and drinking (8 became 9, 9 became 10, etc.) because I didn't drink large amounts like him. So, I was fooled by this fact and because of it, want to stress the fact that anyone who doesn't drink "that much" like me, still has a problem if they experience repercussions from the "little" amount that they drink. By continually allowing alcohol back into my life with my so called moderation, I had a constant craving for it along along with the monkey on my back filled with fear. There was such a weight lifted off of my shoulders when I finally saw the light and said "enough is enough".

So, don't be fooled by the folks that drink so much more than we did, or are taken aback because we have quit. The number one thing they experience is fear. Fear because it makes them look at their own drinking if somebody who didn't drink "that much" quits. And secondly, always remember... it's what we experienced, what we said and did on our "less amount of alcohol" that really determines whether we have a problem. The common denominator for all with alcohol abuse issues is LOSS OF CONTROL. For anyone who experiences that, they have a problem. My sons would say (if asked) that they have never seen their dad drunk or out of control from alcohol because he is a normal drinker. He has one drink (usually) and is satisfied. He says "One and I'm done" and means it. No problem. I, on the other hand, would have vampire moments. I tasted blood and I NEEDED more at times. Sadly, never knew when those times would happen. Could control it sometimes, loss of control at other times and the horribly frightening part was I NEVER knew when I could control it and when I couldn't. I had a problem, a LOSS OF CONTROL problem and it was time for me to get in control and not alcohol.

There is SIGNIFICANCE in every MOMENT and the BEAUTY of life is that you can CREATE your own DESTINY.

My name is Addy and I am simply All Done Drinking...YES!

Have an empowered day friends. :love:

~Addy

[daisy45]

Great post Addy!

[KENSHO]

Well poo, I keep losing posts from texting on my phone.
Great post Addy.
NS, your words are NO BS AND SIMPLE. We crave because we are addicted. The only way to break the addiction, and the cravings, is to stop.
My parents are arriving in one hour and the big challenge will start. They all like fancy drinks with fancy flavors and recipes. AL will be an equal focus as food for them. I like cooking and recipes, I just need to enjoy it through food. It's so confusing when others are able to enjoy it and consider it one of the finer things in life. But the fact is that I never enjoy it. I may romanticize it at times, but it never lives up to my expectations and I LOVE arriving to the end of the evening being sober and alive and with it and there for my kids and myself. THAT's What I am going to look forward to - that feeling at 9pm

[j-vo]

That's right Kensho...play it forward. When i was at Mom's, one sister was drinking wine. It did bother me to see her, but I imagined what she would feel like at the end of the night. When I was just tired, she was proabably dealing with that yucky headache, needing ot hydrate, and not have a true night's sleep. So, yes, keep applying those tools that you know will work. I will too.