Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good afternoon Nesters!

I had an early appointment & I've been running here & there since
Just found an eye doctor willing to see my husband first thing tomorrow morning. He somehow managed to drop his iPhone directly on his eye this weekend. What? How the hell does someone do something like that? Ha ha!
He wouldn't go to the ER even though he's seeing black spots, etc. His choice I guess.

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Monday.

Lav

[j-vo]

SSD, glad you made a good and the right choice. It's so easy to slip up, even conciously or unconscioulsy. I don't think I can do that without realizing it, though, as it's still on my mind much of my day...that I don't drink. It's not a natural thing for me yet, and I don't know when that will happen. But I'm going to fake it till I make it. Glad you got great sleep!

[guiltistorture]

I have been on this site before... but I couldn't figure out how to log in...its been so long. I have been on and off here for quite a few years. I quit drinking for about 90 days in the summer, when to rehab, joined AA 3 times a week, got a sponsor, read most of the big book...tried making new SOBER friends all while I still felt that piece of me missing. It didn't help my husband and I were always fighting...he liked me sober but he didn't like me spending time away from home doing all these things to keep me sober...so he convinced me and I then convinced myself I wasn't an alcoholic anymore...I just had too much on my plate and I used alcohol to avoid my marriage problems. I have always been a good mom, house cleaned, dinner cooked...kids clothed...kepted a job...attended school functions...never drinking...but when that was all done...I was up to a bottle or two of wine every night...waking up feeling like crap but making myself go to work and be a good mom and wife...sometimes a good wife though...I have a serious problem with my husband and I have finally had enough of that...to much pain and too much verbal abuse on both of our parts. So, after serious counseling...marriage mentors...church groups...staying sober....staying not sober...anti depressants...I finally woke up and was like....what the hell am I doing? My soul is tired, I can't keep living like this anymore...so after the last major blow out and I was so sick...he was still poking at me and being mean and so I left...he followed me around like a lunatic....so I had to put a Protection Order against him. It was so freeing...and I didn't drink for like 3 weeks...best I ever felt...looked...just so motivated. My kids were so much happier and coming out of their rooms and all this wonderful things that life is supposed to fulfill...I got too confident and then came the wine again....I don't drink everyday...but I can feel myself wanting it more and then I drink it and then I feel horrible the next day...the what have I done? Why is drinking such a big deal and feeling guilty because I drank...not doing anything wrong but just to myself...drinking...its such a waste. I pray and pray...please lord remove the urge to drink...I don't need it...I don't want it...yet a day or two later...I drink. I don't want to drink but then I pour a glass of wine and I drink it and another and another watching netflix thinking ...this is great...i can do this...I am not doing anything wrong...until I wake up the next day and just beat myself up internally over and over and over all day....then say to myself...YOU DID NOTHING WRONG...and then a few days pass and I feel great and then the cycle continues...I don't want this life....I am better than this...Why do I torture myself? Just don't drink and life will be amazing and its so true...but there I go again...popping the cork in my pj's and drinking wine. I DON'T WANT THAT LIFE....Thanks for letting me ramble...and I am not spell checking or rereading this so if you don't' understand something please let me know and please give me some kind of feedback. I mean, I know what to do...I know how to not drink....I don' t know why I just don't do it!?! Makes me so mad!

[Quit wining]

Welcome Guilt! You've come to a great place.

I liked that you said "Just don't drink and life will be amazing and it's so true". You're right. It is true.

You know you don't like to drink and that's a huge step. You say that you know how to not drink and that too is a huge step but something is disconnected if you continue to give in.

Have you checked the Tool Box yet? There are some helpful suggestions to help your quit. Read some of the posts on Newbie's Nest. There you'll find all kinds of folks wanting to kick the beast to the curb. There is a wealth of experience, as you'll see on Newbie's Nest Roll Call. Don't hesitate to lean on us Guilt. Many of us have been in the same position.

It isn't easy to quit but with help from your new friends here, you'll get useful suggestions and tons of support.

Welcome Guilt!

[Byrdlady]

Welcome back, Guilt! What was your name before, I wonder if I know you? As you know, it all starts with a Plan. We are so glad you're here! Byrdie

[Matt M.]

Welcome Guilt glad your here and thanks for sharing your story.
From the sound of it you are just like many of us in these rooms. We quit, convinced ourselves it would be different this time, tried moderating many times, then start all over again.
I too have tried AA, and many other self help books. When I stumbled in here over a year ago, I found my home. I compiled many things I learned in AA (love the big book) and other sources, latched on and began to follow the successful ones in front of me and have never looked back!

As you mentioned when you weren't drinking life was good, it is something I never imagined. A life without Alcohol in it was forever a fantasy and Nightmare for me. Let me tell you, it is doable and so rewarding. I am the Father to my threes boys like I've never been and the Husband I should have been.
Guilt and Shame nearly fucking ate me alive in the beginning. Yet as my Alcohol Free time grew my shame and guilt began to shrink.
I'm glad you're here, and your story will likely resonate with many great Women, mom's etc in these rooms, so hold on tight and enjoy..
Don't let Alcohol take another second from what little time we have on this earth.....

Stay Hard my friend

[Overit-still]

Saw this on FaceBook today, posted by Grateful for another 24 hours, It says "Recovery from anything is honestly the most badass thing a person can do!"

[ssd858]

I have been on this site before... but I couldn't figure out how to log in...its been so long. I have been on and off here for quite a few years. I quit drinking for about 90 days in the summer, when to rehab, joined AA 3 times a week, got a sponsor, read most of the big book...tried making new SOBER friends all while I still felt that piece of me missing. It didn't help my husband and I were always fighting...he liked me sober but he didn't like me spending time away from home doing all these things to keep me sober...so he convinced me and I then convinced myself I wasn't an alcoholic anymore...I just had too much on my plate and I used alcohol to avoid my marriage problems. I have always been a good mom, house cleaned, dinner cooked...kids clothed...kepted a job...attended school functions...never drinking...but when that was all done...I was up to a bottle or two of wine every night...waking up feeling like crap but making myself go to work and be a good mom and wife...sometimes a good wife though...I have a serious problem with my husband and I have finally had enough of that...to much pain and too much verbal abuse on both of our parts. So, after serious counseling...marriage mentors...church groups...staying sober....staying not sober...anti depressants...I finally woke up and was like....what the hell am I doing? My soul is tired, I can't keep living like this anymore...so after the last major blow out and I was so sick...he was still poking at me and being mean and so I left...he followed me around like a lunatic....so I had to put a Protection Order against him. It was so freeing...and I didn't drink for like 3 weeks...best I ever felt...looked...just so motivated. My kids were so much happier and coming out of their rooms and all this wonderful things that life is supposed to fulfill...I got too confident and then came the wine again....I don't drink everyday...but I can feel myself wanting it more and then I drink it and then I feel horrible the next day...the what have I done? Why is drinking such a big deal and feeling guilty because I drank...not doing anything wrong but just to myself...drinking...its such a waste. I pray and pray...please lord remove the urge to drink...I don't need it...I don't want it...yet a day or two later...I drink. I don't want to drink but then I pour a glass of wine and I drink it and another and another watching netflix thinking ...this is great...i can do this...I am not doing anything wrong...until I wake up the next day and just beat myself up internally over and over and over all day....then say to myself...YOU DID NOTHING WRONG...and then a few days pass and I feel great and then the cycle continues...I don't want this life....I am better than this...Why do I torture myself? Just don't drink and life will be amazing and its so true...but there I go again...popping the cork in my pj's and drinking wine. I DON'T WANT THAT LIFE....Thanks for letting me ramble...and I am not spell checking or rereading this so if you don't' understand something please let me know and please give me some kind of feedback. I mean, I know what to do...I know how to not drink....I don' t know why I just don't do it!?! Makes me so mad!

This is the place to be if you want to change your life. Do try to spend some time in the toolbox and cut and paste to make your own toolbox so that you have it handy when you are down.
Come back every day and sign in on the roll call.
Happy to have you here!

[available]

Over yes it was aimed at you, oops sorry Lil, tired and stressed i think i am.

I moved my son yesterday over 500 kilometres away, bit of a drive but a place of serenity i must say. Koalas, kangaroos at your door or up a tree, acres of land to grow his vegetables etc and just a beautiful place. He has come such a long way since he came home to me with an ICE addiction. It seems addiction runs in the family but thankfully we all realise this now, not so much when we were in the throes of it!

Guilt my life was a mirror of yours. You sound like i did, sick and very tired of the merry go round you are on. I looked after the children, went to work, kept the house but as soon as 5.15pm came around i had those two bottles of wine ready to go and one hidden just in case i ran out. I would wake up the next morning loathing myself, saying i would not drink again, 3.30pm came around, work stressed me, i damn deserved a drink thank you very much so the justification began. Repeat, repeat and repeat day in and out and Friday, well i did a week of work i deserved a drink, a big one and dont try and stop me. Everyday with a Y in it i drank. I drank from stress, i drank AT people, i drank as the traffic was bad, i drank as the person at the checkout looked at me funny, i just drank and justified every damn day i did.

The start of my road to sobriety was when i blacked out at my nieces 21st and i was so embarrassed in my lucid moment. i stopped for 11 days and yep had it under control, wasnt as bad as i thought so i drank again. I stopped for 40 days and my daughters hens night was coming up, surely i could have a few, so i did and then i drank for another month. In that time i was logging on here and sharing my struggles, also thinking i wasnt as bad as others here but then NS said just pick a day and try again, you have nothing to lose. I needed that little push, i wanted to stop again but i was scared i would just fail and fail again. I havent failed for 2 years now, i come on here daily, i know what situations i can put myself in and the ones i cant. Its one of the hardest things i have ever ever done in my life but i am truly grateful i put in the hard yards and went through what i have. Some days were better than others, some days i thought my al brain would send me insane but at the end who else would do this for me? I always said to myself "you said no to your children when they were having tantrums" and this what my my brain was like, a 2 year old toddler. Always demanding, always wanting, trying to wear me down and give in. I didnt give in to my kids so fuck my al brain too. After a few weeks the voice got softer but was still there, now the door is shut and at times i hear a whimper which i ignore.

Time, time and more time is what you need. Leave your ego at the door and accept others advice and help. keep the advice you want and act on it. Dont be afraid to ask for help. Read on here and watch al doco's on you tube, never drink at anyone and be gentle on yourself and eat like a horse! You can do this and its wonderful to have a life now and be who you know you are.

[Guitarista]

Thankfully, I made my 7 days.

The last few days I have had been fighting a really bad head cold. And, since the vacation my sleeping patterns have been off so that I am waking up at 3 or 4 a.m. I feel like crap, can't think, body aches and all I could think was that I felt like I had been drinking! Daily drinking makes you feel like you are ill every single day!

Still, last night I almost had a drink! We had purchased tickets to a movie at a luxury cinema so instead of going to be early like I wanted, I went out to the movies. And when my husband ordered a beer at the move theater I nearly ordered a glass of wine! This was my old mind boggling thinking kicking in - I already felt bad so why not have a drink. At least I would feel better for an hour or two. But, then most certainly my sleep would get worse and I would wake up the next morning feeling even worse! Thankfully I did not order the drink, did get to bed by nine and slept until 5 for the first time in weeks. I am still feeling sick but at least thankful that I did not blow my 7 days with a drink that would just make me feel worse!

Congratulations on 7 days SSD! Huge achievement. And gr8 work on not drinking when temptation reared it's head. That simple act of saying no is how we start to rewire our minds and strengthen our decision on the inside.

Kicking arse here and the feelings goooood. There are no negatives in being sober.

"A flower that blooms in adversity, is the rarest and most beautiful of all" Mulan.

[Inthesky]

Good afternoon...I'm on day 1 nursing a killer hangover sitting behind a desk at work. For a pretty successful woman I'm truly messed up. I'm very thankful to have found this site. I don't even know where to start...except to stop drinking. My husband is my partner in crime with this terrible addiction we are like clock watchers waiting for happy hour if only we could just have happy hour and not continue to the wee hours. We spent countless hours discussing our need to stop but then a fear sets in as the quit day gets closer and we both binge. This weekend we ordered something called Declinol it should be here by the weekend not sure about it but our will to quit is there so there is hope. Very scared as all my close friends drink or do drugs in excess. I'm scared we will be alone.

[Guitarista]

Good afternoon...I'm on day 1 nursing a killer hangover sitting behind a desk at work. For a pretty successful woman I'm truly messed up. I'm very thankful to have found this site. I don't even know where to start...except to stop drinking. My husband is my partner in crime with this terrible addiction we are like clock watchers waiting for happy hour if only we could just have happy hour and not continue to the wee hours. We spent countless hours discussing our need to stop but then a fear sets in as the quit day gets closer and we both binge. This weekend we ordered something called Declinol it should be here by the weekend not sure about it but our will to quit is there so there is hope. Very scared as all my close friends drink or do drugs in excess. I'm scared we will be alone.

Welcome In the sky. You are never alone 'round this joint.

Some handy reading and strategies in our toolbox link below. G

https://www.mywayout.org/community/monthly-abstinence/24253-tool-box.html

[Overit-still]

GUILT and INTHESKY-Welcome! No one is ever alone here. Take it from me, I keep coming back over and over and over and these same old cooks are right here waiting for me.

Having been on both sides of this terrible coaster I can guarantee you that the Alcohol Free life is the better route to choose. There has never been a day that I regret NOT drinking. Sometimes it's not fun or comfortable but you come out the other side thankful.

Stick around, poke us, pull a few feathers, get comfortable and trust. (Byrdie is a twig hog and G usually has the Velcro to hand out)

Have a great day!

[Inthesky]

Thank you very much for the warm welcome.��
I've been reading all afternoon and there is definetly some words that are resonating with me. Right now I'm just dealing with fear of the unknown but I do know that I'm grateful that I have taken this first step and your toolbox is amazing and chalked full of such inspiration. I don't feel so alone now knowing you all are here to help and not judge me. I can't ever have another drink it isn't me looking back at me in the mirror it's my alter ego who I don't like. And she is a messed up individual lol thanks again now working on my plan

[j-vo]

Hi Guilt and Inthesky,

Your house just landed on AL, the wicked witch of the world! We are the munchkins, of course and we'll lead you to the yellow brick road which will take you to Oz. NOPE, it's not a dream.

Your stories sound so similar to mine and so many of us here. The cycle of starting and stopping. From my many years here, in and out of AA, documentaries, podcasts, anld numerous books, I've got a lot of knowledge in my head. But really, what is important is that we don't pick up that first drink. That's really all we have to know right now, in the early days. Here, we get to celebrate each day sober in the Roll Call. Copy and paste your success each and everyday. Don't worry about anything right now. Just don't drink. There are a lot of people here with years of sobriety, and they know what they're talking about.

Welcome!