Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters & happy Monday to all.

Hello & welcome Gilf, glad you decided to join us.
I hope you are feeling better today & go get some medical help if needed. Withdrawal symptoms can be dangerous, dehydration too.
Be sure to get as much water in as possible today & have a look in our Tool box for good ideas to help you put your plan together.

Dutch, hang in there with everything going on. You are a lot stronger than you may think

Wishing everyone a great AF Monday!

Lav

[Gilf]

Thanks! I've finally stopped throwing up (partly from shame) drinking water & going to have a bath. Hopefully this is the first day of the rest of my life! I'm so ready for a change.

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Welcome aboard, Gilf. You've come to the right place if you are ready to learn the skills needed to get and stay sober. Please check out the link in my signature line for the tool box. Everything you could ever want to know is contained in that place. Get yourself a PLAN, just as you would make if you were going on a trip. You'd never just start out in the car without a plan of action. Same with this....getting sober is a skill and it can be learned. It also takes support, and that's where we come in! We are so glad you found us.

Dutch, so proud of your sticking with this in the face of all that peer pressure....it doesn't take long to see the effects of AL on those drinking around us....it's not good for anybody! I have to take the stance that I don't care what everybody else does, for me, AL is a nightmare. I have a choice, and I choose to stay sober! No matter what and no matter who! Well done, Mister!!!

Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[Gilf]

Ok had a bath & have stopped being sick! Already an improvement in mood! I feel like an absolute horrible person but I've been reading here all day trying to take the first step!

[Byrdlady]

The first step was coming here, Gilf! Identifying and acknowledging that there IS a problem is a really good first step. You wouldn't believe the folks that have been here for years still denying that a problem exists! Once you have your arms around the problem, then a solution is in sight! If the problem is AL, then NOT drinking it is the solution!!! There are 7 years' worth of great info right here in this thread alone. Stick with us, we can help you out of this rabbit hole.

Here is my 'I have a PLAN Speech'. Maybe this will help..

What is a Plan?
I heard about this thing called a Plan, and I HAD plans, but I wouldn'tcall it a PLAN, as such....it was more of a HOPE. A GOAL, even. A PLAN sounded way too formal for this thing I was embarking on...after all, what if I failed?Hope is NOT a strategy. Get yourself a PLAN.

#1 Failure is not an option. When you think you are going to fail, guess what? You FAIL! Wrote this book on this one. Get your mind into a mode of THIS WILL BE DONE. Don't be willy-nilly, or your willy will get nillied. Your mind is your best friend and your biggest enemy. Control IT and you will win. Control your thoughts and you will win.

Get all of the AL out of your house/space. Yes...ALL of it. You don't need a safety net because you are not going to fail. I fought this one hard, but Iwasn't able to succeed until I did it. No, I was NOT different than everybody else, I could not resist it if it was in the house. GET IT OUT.

Get your story down as to why you're not drinking. This is important. Get a story together you can live with. I actually have ulcerative colitis, so I saythat my UC is 1000 times better if I don't drink. If you are a Type A personality, you might enjoy using 'AL kills my ulcers'. If you are a health nut, "I'm detoxing"....religious nut? "I gave it up for Lent and felt so good I kept going".....you get the idea. Get your story and stick to it.

As Alkies, we aren't used to eating. This is the SILVER BULLET to succeeding. If you have a bad craving and The Voices are knocking, EAT! Eat until you are FULL! Remember those times when you've said, "I can't eat another bite of anything!" That's the full we're talking about. Thanksgiving Full. You will not want anything if you EAT!

You are gonna feel like dookey for a few days. I felt flu-like for the first couple weeks, so treat yourself well. Drink plenty of fluids and rest! Your body is changing over from an ethanol burning engine to a food/nutrient burning machine. Have patience as your body makes this transition.

Keep yourself out of temptation. STAY out of the wine aisle at the grocery store. NO, you are not stronger than this thing, protect your young quit with everything you've got. Stay out of bars and avoid booze parties, especially the first 3 or 4 weeks. I don't care how strong you feel, this is a new thing forus and temptation is everywhere. Avoid it at all costs.

Change your mindset from one of deprivation to one of gratitude. Just look at the folks on here who have made C-changes in their lives!!! They are HAPPY and optimistic! Does this sound like someone who considers themselves deprived? It's all a matter of perspective. Thank God, you don't HAVE to drink today!!! Remember, to a worm, digging around in the hard old ground is a lot more relaxing than going fishing! Try not to throw, attend and participate in Pity Parties, they serve no good purpose.

Glue yourself to this site and learn everything you can about this condition we have. Knowledge is power. Nothing we do or think hasn't been done or thought before, so look back on the 7 years of experience here and you will find outwhat happens if you do such and such.

Let go of the past... don't look back. Let it go. ALL of it. Forgive yourself and move on....nothing to see here. There is NOTHING we can do to change what we've done, but we can start today and make things better for our future.

Did I mention gluing yourself here? Read and Post!!! This is key! Being part ofa group is important. Like so many have said recently, we find that we actually don't have a much of a life outside the bottle! So learning to trust others again is part of our emotional growth and healing. Yes, the Nest does move fast, but we are always on point. You just regained about 4-6 hours a day back,so spending 30 minutes catching up here should be no problem. Staying connected here is a real key to STAYING sober. The world out there is telling us to do something totally counter to what we know we must do. Staying connected with like-minded people is vital. We are swimming upstream on this one...it's nice to have fellow fish to make the journey with us.

I feared someone giving me a drink by mistake....if they ever do, I'm spittingit back in the glass. My quit is my foundation. No one can take it from me.

That's my take on The Plan. Byrdie
__________________

[Overit-still]

Right now you may be drunk, tomorrow you will be hungover. There will be a brief break where you have to believe us when we tell you that you can now choose sober.

Once you start to choose sober healing can begin. It is a process but you have to take it one step at a time.

I hope you are here tomorrow.

Kuya, you are THE BEST!

[Overit-still]

Good morning! I got up and got my workout in.....YA ME!

GILF-Kuya is giving it to you straight and you need to listen. Don't be caught off guard about what is happening and what it to come. Byrdie is so full of great wisdom, listen, reread, listen and reread it again and again. What do I have to offer? Not much except to say just do this once. Don't repeat this cycle. It never changes and everyone said it just gets worse and I can prove that it does. Just get this behind you. It's silly, it's a waste of time, money and your life. Nothing you say or do or have done hasn't been experienced by us. You will not shock us. Please ask questions. I hope you get unhung soon.

Everyone, have a great day!

[Gilf]

Thanks for that! I really am ready for a change. The absolute dark depression I feel from drinking is so intense. It's like topping up darkness with darkness! It's not fair to my family or to me! Need to shake the dread & one foot in front of the other, baby steps. Really appreciate the support

[Gilf]

This is so helpful! Thanks so much �� I really want to take my life back. This will help to inspire me!!

[j-vo]

Welcome Gilf,
We are all working towards the same goal. Our stories may be slightly different, but we need to take this one day at a time. Glad you've found us.

[idefineme]

I was all set to ask the nest exactly what does a plan look like, so Byrdie this is very timely for me! First off, I could have written the first paragraph just two hours ago! Well, I probably could write it as we speak cuz this is still very new to me! But this post helps me tremendously, so a HUGE “THANK YOU!” for sharing it!

I found this wonderful blog just last night that I’ve been gleaning stuff from … a lot of what he says REALLY speaks to me. He not only puts the onus on me, which I find rather terrifying, but at the same time it puts ME in control, it gives ME the power. Here’s some of what he says that stands out to me, which all can be a part of a solid plan. It’s kind of all over the place as I just cut pertinent parts out, and bolded some of the even more pertinent ones, and some of it is from some of his different threads. Some of it is repeat to what you said, Byrdie, but phrased differently, so maybe it’ll hit somebody differently. I’ll put a link to his blog at the end in case anybody is interested:

“There is no inherent magnitude to this task. It’s as big or as small as you make it.

No matter how much you want to tell yourself how hard it is, nobody’s ever going to claim that learned helplessness was the secret to their success. The most effective way forward is to not only make quitting drinking a top priority, but to think, talk and act like it can be done.

I also think that making this a top priority is key, no matter what your current alcohol consumption habits. It’s so easy to let yourself slip for just one night, and then feel guilty about breaching your own contract later on.

Become the impartial spectator. Whether you view it as a spiritual separation, or merely conceptual, we all have more than one self. There’s the “Mmmmm…beeeer…” self, and the impartial spectator that can detach from and observe this desire. Let the later voice be your authority. You’re allowed to want a drink as much as you’re allowed to choose not to have one. There’s tremendous power in observing your thoughts as a third party. The impartial spectator can feel the heat without getting burned.

When in doubt, let it be there. No matter how bad the storm seems, it will pass.

Promise yourself that you will commit to this 100%, but only for 30 days, and see how it goes.

Once you get used to social-diving, you no longer need alcohol’s permission to talk to strangers and have a good time. You can get to that place by either getting hammered out of your face, or by learning to just not care what other people think. Frankly, the latter is way more fun.

The quest to be perfect is a quest to create nothing at all.”

Here’s the particular thread: How to Quit Drinking Alcohol

Thanks again, Byrdie! Thanks again, everybody! :love:

[JackDanielsGirl]

Good day all,

It has been a surreal day for me. My daughter and I were traveling and passed a wreck with fatalities. All appropriate people were on scene so we did not stop (we both have extensive medical training); however, the body was out in the open for all passers-by to see. It was covered with a sheet but the right arm was not. I was horrified and appalled at the same time. Is there no protocol for respect for the deceased? Anyway it really made us both think about the fragility of life. It was a quite ride the rest of the way home.

GIF - Glad you are feeling better. There are a lot of wise people on here who have helped me through really tough times and gave good advise about how to keep my quit. It will only get better after the first few days. Treat yourself well and keep hydrated. Most important hang in here with us, this site has saved me too many times to count.

Have a great AF day everyone and be safe!
JDG

[actiongirl46]

Hello all - I'm back. Day 1. Tail between my legs. Again. I so wished I would have not only listened but acted a year ago but I did not. Just another year of (sporadic) guilt, shame and remorse. Lots of Day 1s in there but nothing stuck. Fun times. Hubby is DONE with my antics. I am back on thin ice with him.

Byrdie - I just wrote out my plan based on your points. Thank you for repeating this one. I am discouraged, angry, frustrated, depressed, furious at myself, scared, scared shitless, in shock, feel surreal, feel like an idiot, feel like something is wrong with me (well, there is), but despite all that I am here. Sigh.

[Gilf]

Omg! It's my day one too & I feel all the same emotions!! I'm really trying to not beat myself up for the complete fool I am when I'm drunk! Been stuck to this all day so I raise my glass of water to u! Chin, chin let's do this cause the alternative is not worth even contemplating ��

[Overit-still]

Hello all - I'm back. Day 1. Tail between my legs. Again. I so wished I would have not only listened but acted a year ago but I did not. Just another year of (sporadic) guilt, shame and remorse. Lots of Day 1s in there but nothing stuck. Fun times. Hubby is DONE with my antics. I am back on thin ice with him.

Sigh.

Actiongirl46-I wrote the book on this, trust me. Saturday should have been a 3 year anniversary for me, but here I am on day 13. Just stay close.