Newbies Nest

[idefineme]

wow, beautiful work, Choices! :welldone:

[available]

Evening nesters

Yes Pav i dont drink and i need to be strong for others and also think of myself. I am over the wanting one and i hope that feeling doesnt come back but it builds my sober muscles each time i have to do a first in this af journey.

Robert is comfortable, he does not know what is happening now and who we all really are which is not a bad thing and the drs say he has days if that. The children have been a never ending source of support and work knows i may have to leave to be with Robert. He will be at peace soon and then I will deal with the loss. Even in this sadness he makes me smile. I told him i had to go but didnt want to leave and he said "Linda I am not going to die you know".

Action i took xanax daily at the end of my drinking career for anxiety, tried to blame everything but the al consumption. Now i very rarely take it as it is addictive (and here i was guzzling al) but somedays i will have a half. For me when i stopped drinking i took Valium for a week to calm my brain. It is totally up to you but as Choice says dont take it while drinking.

Thank you everyone for your kind words, it has truly helped me in staying sober. I am proud to be still sober and to be here fully.

Off to sleep for me, I am totally exhausted and now mum has arrived.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters & Happy Hump day too!

CONGRATS on 7 AF days Choices :welldone:
The cravings will decrease & become less intense, you'll see so keep hanging in there.

Actiongirl. panic attacks can be a real b*tch, have had my fair share. I no longer have them & haven't had once since I quit drinking - see the correlation? Be very careful with any benzo type drugs, they come with their own set of problems including withdrawal symptoms when stopped suddenly. Taking one now & then shouldn't create a big problem, depends on the individual. I handed more Xanax to elderly patients over the years & was never comfortable about that (causes falls, etc). Meditation, mindfulness & focusing on your breathing is really helpful in reducing anxiety. It takes several days to clear your system of AL, hang in there

Wishing everyone a great AF day.
I have lots to do to keep me out of trouble today & hope everyone else does as well.

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Nesters, will you join me in that 2 Cheecked Salute that only WE can give? Choices, this is for you!
:butt::butt::butt:
Well done on those 7 days! You have made it thru every single day of the week. Now rinse and repeat! We are very proud and happy for you!!

When I was in my first week, it would have been helpful to know that I was going to be anxious. I thought I was going to crawl out of my skin. If someone had said to EXPECT that you will be anxious, it might have helped. Instead, I just felt alone, foolish and really isolated. If we take a deeper dive into it, we are anxious because we are not getting the thing that calms us down (booze). That is anxiety producing! We're not gonna get it, either (more anxiety). When I absolutely knew that I wasn't going to get my fix, I had to find another way to calm myself down. I did it thru distraction. This had really been my stumbling point before. When I got SO agitated and worked up, I thought THE ONLY THING that will fix this is a drink! I was wrong. That's when I caved. When I shut that door for good, I just had to find another way....and I did. Necessity is the mother in invention. AL is NOT an option. As long as I held out hope that 'MAYBE a LITTLE' or 'maybe someday I'll be able to......' I had problems. When I LET IT GO, I was able to move on. I kept picking off the scab....the wound just never would heal. LET IT GO and you will heal!

AL is not the answer, it is the problem! Not drinking it is the solution.
Hope everyone has a peaceful day! Byrdie

[actiongirl46]

Morning all - LONG POST but lots on my mind . . .

Pav - thanks so much for that thought on anger being the first stage of grief. I didn't think of that and I think you nailed it. I was feeling like I was being a spoiled brat but in reality, you're right, I AM starting the grieving stage. Shock, anger and disbelief. And to be clear the anger is at myself for letting it get so out of hand. Not hubby for calling me on it.

Compared to prior quits, this time I wasn't hungover!! Which was nice because who wants that but I think left me without that sense of urgency.

Choices, I do feel panicky. Lav - yep, I see it now, thank you, AL was a HUGE contributor to the "panic attack". I don't feel as panicky as I did 10 days ago. I've never used Xanax before and am very paranoid of the drug as well as the little red sticker that says "no AL" (ha ha, I need to have that tattooed on my forehead!!) I also realize it is addictive. Thanks for weighing in on this . . .

Ava - good thoughts, peace and strength coming your way in what will no doubt be a very difficult week. You are such a good friend to him. I remember the balloon ride and how that gave you both so much joy.

Choices - Great job on 7 days!! Wow, I want to be there soon too. Overit - good job on coming back!! You are an inspiration and really helped me feel better about my sorry self.

A shout out to Cowboy - when I came back this week after a six month break I had two private messages from him wondering how I was doing. This is a very caring community and I appreciate you all.

I'll be back later tonight to celebrate the end of Day 3 : )

[actiongirl46]

Thank you thank you Byrdie. I need to print this out . . . I certainly have a lot of hobbies and projects that could use more attention.

Were you able to let it go the first week? Or did that take some time to get ingrained in your brain?? I like the scab analogy - so true.

I don't want my crap to take away from celebrating Choices success!!! Great job!! I'm right behind you!!

[Gilf]

Byrdie,

I really like this post. Yesterday I decorated the whole house (finally!) spent hours cutting out paper snowflakes & even ended up painting the dining room!!
Anything to keep me occupied! I'm only on day 3 & I'm expecting some of the issues but it's really cool to hear it from someone else!! I'm gonna keep meself out of mischief, am about to bake a cake! But I'll do anything to keep myself from thinking I can have a drink just cause I feel a lil better!
9pm is my witching hour, gonna have to figure out a different way to end my day! Maybe I'll actually eat something, only copped today how little real food I actually eat!
Thanks again ☺️

[KENSHO]

Good morning everyone!

First I want to say GREAT JOB Choices! Getting through the hard times really does make us stronger!

AVA, I'm feeling for you. I know you are going to make it through this - and Robert would NOT approve of you drinking. I can't imagine many things harder than watching someone we love leave us. I think you are stronger than you think you are, and I am wishing you peace and love during this hard time :heartbeat::heartbeat::heartbeat:

I know that two weeks is a relatively short time to be AF, but I am feeling really grateful to be without alcohol. These things have been working for me:
1. I kept trying to just have a little - and I hated it every time. I like my clarity, level-headedness and quite honestly I am really tired of numbing out my life. I want to live it.
2. I forced myself to attend a few events without alcohol, and I learned that, not only am I able, I enjoy it! The Christmas party for my husband's work friends was a really fun time. I ended up talking to an older gentleman for quite some time. When I left, I gave him hug and he said, "Have a good life" under his breath. When we left, I asked what that was about, and was told he is dying of cancer. He never mentioned it, but I was really grateful to have been totally present talking with him - AND able to drive my drunk husband home safely!
3. hipsobriety.com. She words it all in such a positive, inspiring way. We get to choose to be substance free and just watch the positive transformations take place. To read in depth about how much someone's life has blossomed - physically, mentally and spiritually - and to be validated that you don't have to be in ruins to decide to stop taking poison - to decide to love yourself that much... well just visit the site.
5. drinking fat. What?! While looking into the "Whole30" eating plan, I've been experimenting with a few recipes. One of them is the trend to drink your coffee without creamer, but with either butter or whole-fat coconut milk blended in. I also add some cinnamon and vanilla - and a little honey. I am not sure if this has had an effect on my cravings, but it seems to have. It seems to stretch the "buzz" out during the day so I don't have sugar crashes, which has always been a big trigger for me late in the day. I have also been having my chai each afternoon - and I think that not arriving to 5pm hungry keeps the cravings at bay for me. Eat in the afternoons! A lot!
6. Ongoing validation (and being aware of it): I am a VASTLY better parent. I notice my children's behavior has changed because I keep my voice calm, listen with eye contact and a little more time, giggle more. I notice all the little things alcohol took from me and I feel grateful often that I am choosing not to give one moment away ever again.
7. Evening visualization: Each night before I fall asleep, I visualize the me that I want to be - how I look, how I feel, how I act. And I compare it to the worst vision of myself when I was drinking - there's no contest. I love that I'm becoming the me that I have always been meant to be.

[Byrdlady]

Thank you thank you Byrdie. I need to print this out . . . I certainly have a lot of hobbies and projects that could use more attention.

Were you able to let it go the first week? Or did that take some time to get ingrained in your brain?? I like the scab analogy - so true.

I don't want my crap to take away from celebrating Choices success!!! Great job!! I'm right behind you!!

Action,
I found myself in the unfortunate situation of having to choose between total surrender to AL (and losing my hubs of 24 years and all we had built together) OR an AF life with hubs. As unbelievable as it sounds today, at the time it was a very hard decision. I had made promises and broken them and my hubs packed up his clothes the night of Jan 19, 2011 and left. I don't remember my last drink, but I do remember his saying he didn't want to be married to a drunk. When he came home the next day to get more clothes, I begged and pleaded with him to give me ONE LAST CHANCE. I had begged for these before....this time, I could absolutely tell that the jig was up. I had ONE chance to try and save our marriage. I had been trying in earnest the whole year of 2010 to quit/control my AL. I tried to moderate, blah, blah, blah....my drinking only got worse. I had this one last chance, and I HAD TO MAKE IT WORK. So to answer your question above, I HAD to let it go, but it was a process. AL was no longer an option for me. Come hell or high water, I WAS GOING TO GET THRU THAT DAY WITHOUT AL. It's funny what you CAN do when you set your mind to it. I had tried for years to quit and cut down and would throw my arms up in disgust that it was just too hard and I was too weak and couldn't do it. When the rubber met the road that day, funny how I WAS able to do it. Like Pav's avatar says so aptly, the power was in me all along.

It is such a shame that it had to come down to all that to make me quit. I wish I knew then what I know now! I would have let go 20 years ago!!! There is no good outcome with 'being able' to drink. Look at Matt's job, cleaning up after AL!!! I can't even tell you all the stupid crap I did....the falls I took, the asses I made of myself!
I'm 1742 days AF today. I've saved over $17,000, managed to not take any falls, no major ass-showing episodes, my hair looks better, I've lost 13 pounds, I'm off 3 BP meds and an AD, my acid reflux is gone, even my whites are whiter! Seriously, I wish like heck I would have gotten the message before everything spun out of control. Matt said one time in a post... at some point, we are going to stop drinking...how that happens is the question! Death? Rock Bottom? Realization? It's our choice.

Thank you for asking! Byrdie

[Overit-still]

Good afternoon, just checking in. KENSHO has 2 weeks today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:sohappy::welldone::thumbsup::g oodjob:

[Byrdlady]

inkele:
Yay, Kensho! 2 weeks is worth stomping about! B

[idefineme]

way to go, Kensho!! You rock the house! :welldone: there needs to be a confetti-throwing emoticon!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Got lots crossed off my millions of things to do list today, yay!
It's all SO much easier operating with a clear head.

Kensho, Congrats on your 2 weeks AF!
Embrace your quit & protect it with everything you've got

Everyone sounds positive & seems to be moving forward & that's great!
We will all get thru this holiday season much happier & healthier & we'll do it together

Wishing everyone a safe & peaceful night in the nest!

Lav

[actiongirl46]

Thank YOU Byrdie! My husband does not want to be married to a drunk either . . . and I DO NOT want to be one. The cravings were there big time tonight (as i knew they would be, Day 3 and 4 seem to be tough for me, I've never made it past six consecutive). Another trigger was being alone at night in the house during the witching hour as the boys and hubs had activities. I made myself a nice burrito and watched some bad TV while doing my Christmas jigsaw puzzle. MADE IT!! Day 3 in the books.

[Overit-still]

Strong

Thank YOU Byrdie! My husband does not want to be married to a drunk either . . . and I DO NOT want to be one. The cravings were there big time tonight (as i knew they would be, Day 3 and 4 seem to be tough for me, I've never made it past six consecutive). Another trigger was being alone at night in the house during the witching hour as the boys and hubs had activities. I made myself a nice burrito and watched some bad TV while doing my Christmas jigsaw puzzle. MADE IT!! Day 3 in the books.

Great job! You are strong. You got this. So 7 is going to be a HUGE celebration! Now, after day 3, as BYRD says, all the AL is out of your system, you're a new person.