Newbies Nest

[actiongirl46]

Byrdie, I''m not sure what the chat box means . . .

Overit, what are you taking (if you feel comfortable sharing)??

Boy, the cravings are hitting harder and even earlier tonight. UGH. I'm also having an internal pity party that keep trying to rally as I throw it out of my head. Again. Stupid AL brain!! Heading to the gym for a Zumba class.

[Dutch1988]

Ava I am sorry to hear about Robert and your visitation. I few a few states over to spend with my grandmother a few years ago and we all tried to be there as much as possible. I'd much rather have been there while she was conscious like you got to, make a couple last memories that count.

God luck actiongirl, hang in there you can do this!

I keep losing track of days, which is great since I used to count them like crazy. I have three more days of work left till my break. It's been hard because of my partner being out. I am getting a little overwhelmed trying to get all the things done for the year. Just 18 more hours of work left. I know I won't drink the rest of the year of I can make it to then.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I had a fun/busy/productive day so I am happy.

Cowboy, I am sorry about your daughter.
It takes some of us longer than others to heal emotional pain but she will get there. You are an intelligent & caring person, I bet she is too. Just stay on your sober path, stay positive. She will come around in her own time. These things never happen as quickly as we would like :hug:

Ava, Robert is no longer in pain or discomfort. You have been the best possible friend to him all this time. He can let go now & transition in peace, I hope you do the same :hug:

Keep resisting those early cravings, urge & thoughts of AL newbies. You are growing stronger each & every AF day - whether you know it or not!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

...I AM starting the grieving stage. Shock, anger and disbelief. And to be clear the anger is at myself for letting it get so out of hand.

Action Girl - That is how I felt, and to be honest still sometimes feel. However, if you read about addiction you will find that you didn't let it get out of hand. You are one of the millions of people in the world who is vulnerable to alcohol. You were wired to get addicted. If we could avoid this whole thing by shear force of will, we would have. Lav recommends a book called Radical Forgiveness - I bought it but haven't yet read it. I believe we can learn to forgive ourselves for "what happened," and begin to accept the way we are. Let's help each other with that!

Ava - So sorry Robert's family shut you out, but glad you got to be with him earlier. Hope you have a nice visit with your mom.

Cowboy - Sorry about your daughter's writing. I hope you will heal your relationship over time.

I am afraid to try Xanax as I know it would make me feel great instantly, are addictive, and I have OTHER ways of doing that now. However, I know plenty of people who take one from time to time.

I have a lot of stress in my life right now, some of it from good things, some of it from harder things. I was listening to the Bubble Hour today and they were talking about reaching out to your community whether or not you thought you "needed" it. One woman said looking back she can see her relapse (after 5 years sober) coming for a year and a half before she actually drank. Instead of reaching out she thought "I KNOW what they're going to say, I'll just say it to myself." That is why I stay connected here, and tell you all that I feel stressed and anxious. Time of year, work stuff (good and bad), kids (good and bad), darkness, family stuff (good and bad) - so many reasons why. I keep telling myself that I can handle it, but just in case, I'm letting you all know. Getting relief from just typing it out. Phew. I feel better already.

Night, Nest.

Pav

[ADP]

HELP!!!
Have just drunk myself to sleep, again! I want to quit, but don't seem to be able to. So, here I am again. At 4.30am and I know that I am killing myself every time I reach for the 'bottle'! I want all of you to know that I am going to try today to not pick up the deamon and stay clean. Will check in later.
Stay happy and healthy, ADP x

[Overit-still]

Sleep?

HELP!!!
Have just drunk myself to sleep, again! I want to quit, but don't seem to be able to. So, here I am again. At 4.30am and I know that I am killing myself every time I reach for the 'bottle'! I want all of you to know that I am going to try today to not pick up the deamon and stay clean. Will check in later.
Stay happy and healthy, ADP x

Hi ADP! At least you know where to come for help. What's your story? I would love to hear it and get to know you.

[ADP]

My 'story' is that I retired at 42, live in Spain with the man I worship and have 8 fantastic cats that I adore! But somehow the A word is ruining it by being here! When you read the 'story' I have it all, but when you live it I seem to fall!! Why??

[KENSHO]

Hi ADP. Welcome back. There are many people here who share your disbelief that alcohol has such a pull. It's addictive - and we got addicted. You can find your way out - posting is a great start!

I will admit that I have taken on too much this week. I saw it coming and I went for it anyway because I was feeling rested and inspired. SO I'm going to do my best and know that the world will keep turning if I don't get "it all" done. I was going to make beef stew tonight, but the recipe I have requires wine. I have successfully cooked with wine in the past and not drank any, but I decided not to go into a liquor store tonight. Or tomorrow. Or for awhile. What to do with the stew beef? I don't like typical beef stew - maybe add grape juice? It's that tang that I like...

Anyway, Happy almost-Friday to you fellow Nesters. Keep up the good work!

[Overit-still]

Fail?

My 'story' is that I retired at 42, live in Spain with the man I worship and have 8 fantastic cats that I adore! But somehow the A word is ruining it by being here! When you read the 'story' I have it all, but when you live it I seem to fall!! Why??

Sounds like most of us. I have failed over and over again for the last 3 years, but I'm here again, just like you. Blaming yourself and feeling guilty just makes it worse. Get up, dust yourself off and give it another go. Be proud that you are here!

[actiongirl46]

Good job Kensho!!! Try beef stroganoff? In a stir fry? Or just leave out the wine . . . it will probably taste just fine. And you won't be tempted.

Pav - thanks for your thoughts. You are helping me realize I really don't know much about addiction. I will continue to read and learn (its in the plan : ) I hope you are able to ride out the stress and enjoy the good. When is your next fabulous trip??

Day 4 is done. The gym was the ticket. I couldn't help laughing in the Zumba class as I felt so awkward (never done it before) and silly. I was laughing my #$% off though because I was thinking how many times I must have looked so much more foolish and thought I was soooooo with it!! While plowed!!

We finished the crossword puzzle. I'm going to buy a new one tomorrow. On a positive note during this stressful week of holiday rush, my hubs bought me a big bouquet of flowers yesterday and said I was doing a good job. He has been incredibly supportive and is not drinking (he is not an addict). I am SO grateful that he recognizes that I am trying and is willing to help.

[Matt M.]

Action Girl - That is how I felt, and to be honest still sometimes feel. However, if you read about addiction you will find that you didn't let it get out of hand. You are one of the millions of people in the world who is vulnerable to alcohol. You were wired to get addicted. If we could avoid this whole thing by shear force of will, we would have. Lav recommends a book called Radical Forgiveness - I bought it but haven't yet read it. I believe we can learn to forgive ourselves for "what happened," and begin to accept the way we are. Let's help each other with that!

Ava - So sorry Robert's family shut you out, but glad you got to be with him earlier. Hope you have a nice visit with your mom.

Cowboy - Sorry about your daughter's writing. I hope you will heal your relationship over time.

I am afraid to try Xanax as I know it would make me feel great instantly, are addictive, and I have OTHER ways of doing that now. However, I know plenty of people who take one from time to time.

I have a lot of stress in my life right now, some of it from good things, some of it from harder things. I was listening to the Bubble Hour today and they were talking about reaching out to your community whether or not you thought you "needed" it. One woman said looking back she can see her relapse (after 5 years sober) coming for a year and a half before she actually drank. Instead of reaching out she thought "I KNOW what they're going to say, I'll just say it to myself." That is why I stay connected here, and tell you all that I feel stressed and anxious. Time of year, work stuff (good and bad), kids (good and bad), darkness, family stuff (good and bad) - so many reasons why. I keep telling myself that I can handle it, but just in case, I'm letting you all know. Getting relief from just typing it out. Phew. I feel better already. Night, Nest.

Pav

This is why you are such a Bad Ass!
And AGAIN we are freely given and spoon fed a recipe for success in long term Sobriety by a member with long term sobriety...
Thanks so much for sharing this Pav..-

[All done drinking]

“Now, granted, some toxic people you just can't get rid of. I am talking about family. They are kind of with you throughout your life. You can, however, distance yourselves from them. Talk to them only when necessary. Take those steps to protect yourself but you can't get rid of them entirely. Well you could I guess. People have in the past. But personally, I could not. Even though they could tell me extremely hurtful things (like disown me for example), they are still family. However, in that sense, I just distance myself. Build up my defences again, make sure I am in a position where I can be around said family members and then distance myself again. It is about self preservation. And not giving a shit when something happens in their life because they shouldn't expect anything from you judging on how they treated you in the past. So, in terms of dealing with toxic people who you can't necessarily push out of your life, adopt the 'I don't give a shit' mentality. It helps. And works.”

Cowboy,

My thoughts are with you. Thank you for sharing your pain about this but in a way it seems as if you felt the drinking gave her the reason to inflict this pain upon you. Could be reading it wrong but the way you wrote it gives me that impression. Please remember that a lot of young folks this day and age can be very manipulative and tough love is as they say...tough. I am sure I will read something like this from my son one day and he will try to put blame on my past drinking for all of his inappropriate and bad behavior. They always want to blame somebody else. Your point is well stated as it's important for all of us to know that our drinking harms our families and there certainly can be repercussions from that, but I still tend to think this one was never 100% you my friend.

Hugs, :hug:
Addy

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Friday too!

Welcome back ADP, you know this is the place to be
Let's brush off your plan & make some revisions for success.
I could probably sit & list a thousand reasons why I drank but none of that matters now. Knowing & accepting that we need to change our coping behaviors has to be our main focus. AL does not improve our lives in any shape or form.

Wishing everyone a terrific AF day!
Let's keep ourselves busy & grateful for another day without AL is our lives

Lav

[ssd858]

cowboy

“Now, granted, some toxic people you just can't get rid of. I am talking about family. They are kind of with you throughout your life. You can, however, distance yourselves from them. Talk to them only when necessary. Take those steps to protect yourself but you can't get rid of them entirely. Well you could I guess. People have in the past. But personally, I could not. Even though they could tell me extremely hurtful things (like disown me for example), they are still family. However, in that sense, I just distance myself. Build up my defences again, make sure I am in a position where I can be around said family members and then distance myself again. It is about self preservation. And not giving a shit when something happens in their life because they shouldn't expect anything from you judging on how they treated you in the past. So, in terms of dealing with toxic people who you can't necessarily push out of your life, adopt the 'I don't give a shit' mentality. It helps. And works.”

Last night was the first time in 11 months that the thought of drinking crossed my mind, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that drinking caused the above. What you just read was part of a post that my daughter wrote in her online blog and it was about me. A nice thing to come home to and read eh! There is a story and history behind those words, but those words are the end result of what drinking can do for you. But I knew that I deserved it because of the things that I said and did to her a year ago while drunk. If I could take it all back I would, but words said, drunk or sober, can cut like a knife, and may never heal….

I printed that last night and put it in my wallet, a reminder of what my friend alcohol did for me. If you’re struggling about quitting, think you need to reach rock bottom, trust me, you don’t need too. Stop now before you have to read something like I did! And trust me, if you keep drinking, you will read words like the ones I read last night, it will happen.. I used to wonder about the old-timers in my AA group who said it’s easy to talk the talk, but do you have what it takes to walk the walk? I wish now that I would have walked the walk before the bottom reached up to me.

You can print those words as well if you like, and when you feel like you have the best excuse in the world to drink, imagine yourself reading those words said to you by your spouse, son, daughter, mom or dad. Maybe that excuse won’t seem important any more…

Where do I go from here? I keep doing what has kept me sober for 11 months, prayer and gratitude. I have a few more things to pray over now, and I have a long way to go to rebuilding the relationship with my daughter that anger and alcohol destroyed, but I won’t give up and I will continue to hope and pray that she will in time, in her own way, forgive me…..

My heart goes out to you cowboy. I know that you will do whatever is necessary to rebuild the relationship with your daughter and that in time she will forgive you. You are an amazing person!
Thank you for all that you do here for this community.

[ssd858]

Happy Friday all,
I am back at day 1 after moderating for a week. Got some bad news about my sister and of course the pull to al grew. She is in jail after having been picked up for another dui and while wearing the ankle monitor had 3 different issues. I have gathered my brothers together and we are planning an intervention of sorts when she gets out. I need to be 100% sober for this and I know it is going to be rough. It is the last week of the school semester so the timing is awful. I cannot focus on my students at all.
Any ideas about how to reach her would be greatly appreciated.