Newbies Nest

[LilBit]

Congrats, ActionGirl! :butt::butt::butt: A big full moon to you for your awesome one week accomplishment. In retrospect, I think the first week was the hardest. Just hold tight to remembering why you're doing this and keep on racking up another...and another...and another.

As I wake this morning to the news of the Las Vegas strip tragedy last night (a woman mowing down pedestrians with her car; 1 killed and many injured) I can't help thinking that some kind of substance abuse or mental illness was involved, there. The reports said that she did it deliberately and repeatedly, looking forward with both hands on the wheel. I pray for everyone this season. There's a lot of pain out there, and this time of year seems to put it in hyper-focus.

Byrdie, that was a beautiful post about "one word." I love yours. Mine would be "Grace." Specifically, it's "Grace under pressure." I've been given a lot of Grace in my life, simply to still be here, to overcome some horrendous circumstances and to come up smiling, undaunted and able to say with joy on this Monday morning, "Bring on the day!"

To me, life is like surfing. If we think that we have control over anything, we're deluding ourselves. It's a big, vast ocean that surges beneath us, and we're just tiny, beautiful dots paddling along in it. The best that we can do is to hang on to our boards, revel in the fun and breathtaking scenery, enjoy our buddies and hope for the Grace to navigate the treacherous surf and arrive safely home.

Have a lovely week, everyone!

[Mr Vervill]

Deepest condolences, Ava. You have been a great friend to Robert. Sending thoughts of peace your way.

Getting ready for a vacation with family. Gotta go did in the toolbox.

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Great job, everyone on navigating another holiday weekend! It's got to happen at some point, it may as well be this year! Next year this time, we'll all be old pros at it! Get er done!!!

LilBit, I love your word. I refrain from discussing religious beliefs, but maybe I can do so in the context of your word. As I kid, my folks dragged me to church EVERY Sunday. Our preacher always began his sermons with 'Grace be unto you and peace from God, our father'. It was the Benediction. 'Whatever', I'd say....just get on with the show! It wasn't until I was in my 30's that someone explained just what that meant. Grace would be all of the wonderful gifts that life provides (love, comfort, strength) and grace is the good sense to appreciate them while you have them. Gosh, all those years, all I heard was BLAH,BLAH, BLAH, but what a nice wish to give someone else....life's good things, and the sense to know it. I guess it could be called the ultimate in Mindfulness?

Every holiday, there's at least one crisis at work that will linger...this year is no exception! So I will be on call this week. Hope everyone has his/her PLAN in place for the big doings! Expect the unexpected! Treat AL like the enemy it is! NO THANKS!!!
Hugs to all, Byrdie

[actiongirl46]

Happy Monday! I feel a lot better than last Monday.

Choices, I hadn't heard of GSR before I came on this site either. Makes sense though, doesn't it?? As strong as I sound and as proud as I am of this accomplishment, IF I WOULD HAVE HAD ANY AL IN THE HOUSE LAST NIGHT, I WOULD HAVE DRANK. I'm pretty sure. I was surfing big cravings until I went to bed. I just want to put that out there for any newbies or lurkers, as I have made that mistake many times in the past. I'm not saying it applies to everyone, just a reflection on what I was feeling last night, and the knowledge that "past behavior is the best prediction of future behavior". My AL brain is still here even though the physical symptoms are gone.

We can do this!!

[j-vo]

Yesterday I went to a luncheon and I ended up having a bit of a pity party as I'm the only one that "can't" drink. This thinking was not the way I started my af journey on my LAFQ but these ugly thoughts have re-entered my brain. Deprivation thoughts. I need to remember to be grateful that I have a clear mind, that I don't have to be like everyone else who will wake up day after day during the holidays feeling like shit, and know that I may be different, but it's a good different. I want to be unique, and in this world of alcohol, being unique sounds better than being different. So these thoughts creeped in, and I need to refocus my brain on gratitude and I was able to come home from luncheon, and sit around the dinner table with son, girlfriend, and Mr. jvo, and not worry that I had too much to drink. If I had, son would have been mortified as girlfriend was there. So that's a good thing. No, it's a great thing.

[Overit-still]

Good morning! Just checking in. A snowy day here in my side of the nest. Have a great day.

[Matt M.]

Check in for me.
I know I sound like a broken record, and by no means am I looking for sympathy (maybe a little) anyway I am home off of another double shift 48 hrs.I love my job but the last 2 days were a total beatdown. Holiday season and large, congested, densely populated cities do not mix...Add drugs and Alcohol, mental sicknesses and you have disturbed a big hornets nest.
Other than that imma chill today......

Hug your loved ones and let them know how much you care about them. We are not promised tomorrow....

Hope everyone has a great day and you know-
Stay Hard!

[KENSHO]

Matt, do you think your job caused you to want to drink in the first place? I know mine did. Good to see you in the nest.

Happy Monday all. I have a lot of accounting to catch up on today/tomorrow, and a pushy and unhappy client wanting my full attention Wednesday. Looking forward to Thurs/Fri! Feeling good and happy to be my better self without alcohol.

[Byrdlady]

Action, I have heard that 1000 times from Nesters (If there had been any AL in the house, I'd have consumed it). I have also heard 1000 times that there WAS AL in the house and they DID drink it. I resisted this 'rule' for a long time, but only when I put it in place did I succeed. Why, you ask? I guess it's the same reason the Flying Wolenda's (sp?) don't use nets. If you take the option of failing (or falling) off the table, you have no choice but to succeed. That's the way it happened in my head. When I start a diet, I say 'I can resist anything....except TEMPTATION'. Same with this, only this is ADDICTION and when booze is involved, all bets are off.
I'm so glad you pushed thru all those thoughts!!! You got this!!!

J-Vo, every single one of us face that same feeling from time to time. All I can say is that it gets easier over time. Nowadays??? I think I'm the LUCKY one for NOT drinking! How twisted up is that! But it's true! Poor saps wasting 8 bucks on a glass of wine, do you know how many cookie cutters that will buy? Very proud of you for 'getting over yourself'. Those Pity Parties suck. But so does a peanut allergy or diabetes....it is what it is! Hugs dear lady. We are standing right beside you. B

[NoSugar]

This thinking was not the way I started my af journey on my LAFQ but these ugly thoughts have re-entered my brain. Deprivation thoughts.

It was great when you were thinking the way you were, J-vo - mostly because you seemed to be living the life you want. At any moment, we all get to choose how we feel and I doubt if many of us want to deliberately feel angry or deprived, at least very often. Of all the emotions available to humans, those don't add much quality to life. As you already said, what hit you yesterday were just thoughts and the feelings they caused. Nothing else had really changed about you, alcohol, or your relationship to it. I'll copy here what I wrote to someone in another thread on pretty much the same topic:

But they're nothing but thoughts, and they change all the time - otherwise how could we have 60k of them every day? I hope putting those thoughts down here can be a way for you to release them - they aren't going to serve you well so why give them anymore attention?

You don't drink, J-vo, and you're not going to drink now that you've quit for the last time, so there are all sorts of reasons for you to let go of that train of thought that leads no where and make your AF life as pleasant and rewarding as possible. You do that by paying attention to the thoughts that take you in that direction and just letting the others go. They'll pop up - sometimes more often than others - and that's ok. Just don't waste your time and energy on them. xx, NS

[4theboyz]

Finally going to try what I should have all the other times and that is to start with Newbie Boot camp.

[available]

Morning nesters

Thanks for your kind words about Robert. I went to work thinking i could cope and nope that didnt happen so i came home. It was very hard knowing he was not a few hundred metres away from me in his bed and realising i would not be spending my lunch time with him or popping over with a coffee. So i was very gentle with myself and slept and cried and remembered. Today is a better day and even though i miss his face the memories are there and the good memories will replace the last few weeks seeing him in pain.

Action 7 days woo hoo. Dont give in to those al thoughts, they send you right back to day 1 and i still remember how bad the first few weeks were. I never want that again and it does get so much easier as the days and weeks go by.

J, i still sometimes feel deprived but shit happens. I cant drink just one, i am addicted and my life is so much better now. It does become the norm not to drink.

Well last day of work for me. the break will be much needed. not sure when roberts funeral is but that will be the final aspect of our journey together. An eco friendly funeral so that should be interesting.

welcome 4the and glad you posted. HOpe to see you around and around. This is my second home.

Take care, off to work i go!

[Guitarista]

Hope u have an easy last day Ava. Congrats Action girl on 7 days and surfing the urge. Grace ( Lilbit) Unique (Jvo), 2 words for me for this week. Close to drinking myself last night but surfed the urge successfully . A bit scary , and rapt this morning that I didn't! Thanks to a couple of folks around the boards at the time who reached out. Thinking back, it helped me to actually write down and post I was struggling a bit. Another reason this joint Rawks. take care there Matt. Well done Jvo and AG on pulling through. They are only thoughts and we can watch them pass like clouds in the sky right NS? L8tr g8trs

[j-vo]

Thank you for your thoughts on this. I guess I ignored these thoughts that went through my mind in my last quits, or worse, acted on them. I want to be honest, because I need this to be my life. A sober one. One of the women that was with us yesterday has lupus and she has flare ups and is on meds for it. So we all have something to deal with. Life ain't easy, and we were dealt this hand of cards...Acceptance.

[Matt M.]

Matt, do you think your job caused you to want to drink in the first place? I know mine did. Good to see you in the nest.

Happy Monday all. I have a lot of accounting to catch up on today/tomorrow, and a pushy and unhappy client wanting my full attention Wednesday. Looking forward to Thurs/Fri! Feeling good and happy to be my better self without alcohol.

Hey Kensho- There is absolutely zero doubt that my job, or actually the stress and the years of horrific, things that I have seen. My therapist said unequivocally that I suffer from PTSD -a term/title that I never really felt worthy of having, for lack of a better word. I always held that for the true Heroes, our men and women serving our country. Yet some vivid pictures of things I have seen and dealt with and haunted me over the years is pretty much the definition of PTSD
I found in past quit attempts that I could typically keep those feelings in check for a few months, as they began to haunt me, I inevitably drank. I'm not saying that is the sole cause of my relapse but it Damn played a massive part in it. Me sharing some of these with a therapist and a fellow nester that I have become close to has helped me immensely.
Thanks for asking and glad you're Rocking Right along!