Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

I heard something tonight that I thought was a good visual. If you've been AF and doing ok with it, your addiction is like a sleeping bear. You could wake him up, if you really want to, and he might give you a big hug --- or he might bite your head off! Just let him sleep :hug:.

[Guitarista]

A bear hug SB, with little chance of escape! What r our safety plans for the next week or so folks? I will have an exit plan for all occasions.

- have my own transport .
- arrive late and leave early
- take my own AF drinks if needed
- stay positive and try to remain relaxed
- breathe
- have a fkn good time and appreciate the little things.

[ItsJustMe]

Day 11 - It's actually getting harder to count. I'm having to take my shoes off to count on my toes now!

I just realized this morning that for the entire day and evening yesterday, Al did not enter my mind once - not once at all. Never thought of it!!! I can't believe it!

I've been going to bed really early these days (early for me) - usually 9:30-10. I read for about 20 minutes. I usually wake up in the morning around 5 with my face pressed against my Kindle. Anyway, I have felt really bad because Mrs. IJM is staying away from Al - just because of me. She has no problem with Al at all. But she no longer has it in the house. But she usually stays up later than I do. This morning I found a wine glass in the sink. On one hand, I am really glad that she enjoyed her wine and did it when I'm not around. But, I have this other strange feeling that I can't really put my finger on; but it's not a positive feeling. It's not being upset with her. It's not sad because I wanted a glass too. Maybe it is one of envy. I'm not sure - but it is some strange feeling. I guess I am just a mental case!

Anyway this is my last day at work till mid next week. If things go as usual, it will be quite at the office then around 2PM we will all leave. That's the plan anyway. Mrs. IJM and the youngest are charged today with taking our three dogs to the kennel for the holiday. What a goat rodeo! I'd much rather be at work. They took the dogs to the vet on Monday for shots. One of the dogs crapped in my sons car on the way. The others were passing gas in a major way. Then all three of them act like a$$holes once they arrive. The ride back home wasn't any better according to my lovely bride. Yes, glad I will be at work!

Hope you all have a fantastic day!
IJM

IJM thought of the day:
If you think no one cares about you, try missing a few car payments

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Happy Wednesday to all
I'm in a rush right now so I will check in later.

Stick to your plans everyone, let's make this a super sober holiday season

Lav

[j-vo]

Eye-opening article, TFAJ. It really makes me think and see that my alcohol consumption was not normal. Ever. And it's good to see how many people, 30 percent don't even drink. I am one of them now.

NS, I won't be waking the bear up anytime soon, as I don't need to take the risk. No way.

It seems with the holidays and early sobriety, we will have these thoughts. But like the oldtimers here say, they're just thoughts. Ignore them and they'll go away.

I had a panicky dream last night. I drank and I was afraid to login to MWO. I avoided it for two days, and was so disappointed in myself. Most of all, I was afraid to tell, ashamed, embarrassed and hating myself, and I remember after I had drank one day, I did it again the next. I was drinking on a hangover, and I remember that feeling. That feeling that nothing else will help but more alcohol (which is a lie) but the initial good buzz never came and it just was an crappy feeling, bloated, blotchy and that never-ending hangover, dazed feeling. This is the only thing that overconsumption of alcohol does to us. This is how we end up feeling. I'm grateful that was a dream, but I'm also glad that it's reminding me of how I don't want to feel and who I don't want to be.

IJM, don't feel bad, but glad that you're doing what you need to do for yourself. Your wife is obviously supportive, and that's wonderful.

Hang in there Overit and action. Don't think about that initial buzz, but think the inevitable drunken mess, depression, and everything we hate that follows the initial 10 minute buzz. Let sleeping bears sleep!

[Samstone]

A bear hug SB, with little chance of escape! What r our safety plans for the next week or so folks? I will have an exit plan for all occasions.

- have my own transport .
- arrive late and leave early
- take my own AF drinks if needed
- stay positive and try to remain relaxed
- breathe
- have a fkn good time and appreciate the little things.

all good points, G!!!

[Overit-still]

So true!

It seems with the holidays and early sobriety, we will have these thoughts. But like the oldtimers here say, they're just thoughts. Ignore them and they'll go away.
Hang in there Overit and action. Don't think about that initial buzz, but think the inevitable drunken mess, depression, and everything we hate that follows the initial 10 minute buzz. Let sleeping bears sleep!

Great reminder of reality

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
I survived the party last night. Of 20 people, I was the only non-drinker, but as Mr. G says, who's counting. Nobody gave a toss, I had my diet coke in a plastic wine glass and felt just as classy as the next person! Bah! It is such a relief to not have to worry about these parties any more. As I say, staying sober is a skill and it can be learned!! I had a very nice time, too much to eat, and we got home by 9.
IJM, my hubs still drinks, but I have asked him to house his stash downstairs and out of my immediate grasp. This works well for us. This is MY problem, not his. We used to feel self-conscience when he drank in front of me, but we are way passed that now. I look at it like this...if he had a peanut allergy, it wouldn't be a problem for me to give up peanuts for him. Right? I wouldn't think anything much of it. I had a bit of resentment about it at first....after all, it was HIS ultimatum to me that started this whole thing. ( Believe it or not, he actually offered me some wine after I seemed to have it under control.) I had to have a heart to heart with him and explain that my addiction doesn't take vacation! Like the peanut allergy people, I will ALWAYS have it. Normal drinkers don't get our obsession with it. That's ok, that's why we have MWO!!!

TJ, it's nice to know that 30% of folks don't drink at all! I like being in that group because I was in the 10% and that group's got PROBLEMS! Thank you for finding that....I'm going to put that article in my personal Tool Box.
Hope everyone has an easy day! Stay out of harm's way! Where is Dutch????? Byrdie

[rednose]

Hi All.
Wow I have 7 days. in the bank. I like the visual of the bear. He for sure would bite my head off. I will let the monster sleep.

Lot of running around to do today. Just wanted to check in and say a big hello to all and keep up the good fight as they say.

Have a good AF day .

[Matt M.]

Good morning
Heading out to do some last minute shopping with the wife, there is a good chance I may start cutting myself, so pray for me. ....
That's all for now!
Hasta Luego, mi Familia

[KENSHO]

Running out the door again. Yesterday was a lot of work on our house, and no private time to post. I read - and started posts - but holy cow it was a DAY. Some of what I remember -

G - please do shake that ass. It's good for the soul!

PAV - gaining, what?, 1 minute a day? Celebration! I love the light too, this time of year makes me feel like I'm in a hole! I've also been paying attention to my thoughts as something passing - not ultimate truths. Helpful.

Byrdie - good job at your party! Of course, I didn't expect anything different, but it's always nice to hear of the successes!

JVO - Glad you're posting! Take all actions you can to shift your thinking. If you think you will drink, you will.

I have that meeting with the demanding lady today - have to drive in not so great weather 40 min. south to shop, then 1.5 hrs. north to her - and paying a sitter $80 to watch kids for the day. Profitless - and why am I doing it? I know she's tired of waiting, but its kind of stupid.

Husband is also being a poop head. He seems so unhappy - and I can do nothing right. I stay up until 2am working and then say I'm tired the next day, and he offers me NO sympathy because he says HE doesn't sleep well. I guess I tend to be a good sleeper when I do sleep - now that I'm not drinking - so I can't entirely relate to the anxiety sleeplessness - but OMG is he difficult to live with right now. It has been a REAL relief to handle him with a clear, calm head while not drinking, but when I get so tired - my coping is about as good as it was when I was drinking, so we have struggles. I just have no respect for moments we have the option to help our situation and repeatedly AVOID the opportunity - oh wait..... I did the same thing drinking for years....

Alcohol thoughts have crossed my mind the last couple days - I actually imagined what it would be like to drink a specific drink - and it scared me, until I remembered that thoughts are NOT reality. SO I let it pass, and refocused on why I am not drinking. This is the hard part for me - when the thoughts start to creep. It is my primary focus right now to get past those thoughts to the other side, where my brain will forge enough new pathways that this part isn't as hard. Coincidentally, the times these thoughts "creep" is almost always when I feel very tired or hungry. GOSH - getting enough sleep and eating right is going to be CRITICAL for my sobriety success.

I know why I don't drink, and I am happy for that.

SO, not as easy to post during break! But very excited to get this client done for the day, and enjoy the long weekend! We are going to Star Wars tomorrow night, and the kids want to do more clay projects. Santa also told me that I was getting a few new skeins of yummy wool yarn to work with, so that's my plan!

HAPPY HAPPY WEDNESDAY EVERYONE! I am thinking of you all daily and glad to be a part of this group!

[Dutch1988]

Finally on break over here and loving it...mostly haha

congrats rednose, actiongirl, and IJM hanging in there in the early days during this trying time of year. I am 9/12 months in and this month is still hard. Al thoughts just keep drifting into my head as an escape from my thoughts and stress.

Went to a psychiatrist yesterday, I had been thinking about it for awhile ever since the whole miscarriage thing but I did not want to thinking most of what was going on was just from getting off alcohol. I finally caved because I wanted to have her evaluate me for a.d.d., just tired of small f* ups at work that I think could be avoided. She was going to give me an anti-depressant that helps with a.d.d. I don't want to get on pills but i feel like it might be a good idea to try something for a.d.d. and see if I can't do better at work. The pill she prescribed could increase bp, she took it and my blood pressure ended up being too high to try it anyway. It's been really high lately, and I don't know why, scheduled an appt with the doc and she said I should try a low dose of blood pressure medicine and try to limit my salt.

I'm too young for high blood pressure, so I must be doing something wrong in my diet, so I will work on that with a low salt. I thoguht I was being healthier switching 4 eggs for milk and cheerios but I guess that's an extra 500-800mg of salt there. I have been drinking protein powder too, and at night I have hamburger helper/pizza/carne asada/etc. So I guess I have to limit my salt from now on. I am not gonna lie, I hit pity party mode pretty hard, but I am not going to let this get to me. I stopped drinking so I could be healthy, I can stop eating salty foods to be healthier. I refuse to get on bp medicine in my 20's, I am sure I can control this better.

One of the most important things I have learned during all this AF time is being my own booster, I have to talk positive to myself, show myself love and patience, as soon as I give myself a hard time(and yesterday I did, feeling like crap telling a psych person all my problems, then having high bp to boot) I really needed to show myself some love today. I came on here to bitch, wrote all my complaints out, and rewrote everything with a positive spin. I feel 300% doing it this way, and highly recommend doing that to anyone struggling with their problems. Happy hump day!

[Byrdlady]

RedNose, may I be the first to drop my pants for your amazing accomplishment!! (unless LilBit has beat me to it!)
:butt::butt::butt:
There's your FULL MOON! Each day of the week conquered! We are so glad you've parked your cheeks in the nest! Stay put and keep it going!!! Well done, Mister! B

[Overit-still]

Good morning. Everyone sounds great but I do sense a little anxiety in the group. Let's just all breathe through our noses and into our bellies....shall we? I'll start

I'm feeling a little better today. I keep running the drinking scenario through my head. I have "a" drink but of course that won't be enough because I like to get drunk. Why drink if I'm not going to catch a buzz? And then to keep that buzz you have to keep drinking. I won't sleep. I'll wake up with a hangover and have to pretend like I'm really sick to cover it up. I'll waste the whole day feeling miserable and make my husband mad at me. Then I'll feel lousy, depressed, angry at myself for having let that happen, all because I thought I could enjoy a drink when I haven't been able to do that in years. Then to make myself feel better I'll drink the next night of course thinking that it could be any different from the first night and then I'll get the f&ckits and drink the next night and the next and the next, etc. Where will it stop? Maybe New Year's Day is a good day for a clean start but of course I said that last year. Then I drank that day just to celebrate the New Year and was going to stop after that but of course here we are a whole year later and that hasn't happened yet. And then the torture of stopping again. Getting it out of my system. Getting over the shakes and the night sweats. The red eyes. The weight gain. Whew! I'm tired just thinking about all of it.

Last night I was going through pictures to put together the famous memory board for my mother's funeral. I came across so many pictures of the skinny me. They were from 20 years ago but still. When I look at that person who had beautiful skin, a great smile, a cute body that didn't have to be worked for, and believe it or not, that person didn't drink and didn't miss a thing about it. (I didn't start drinking until I was 35) My husband, at the time, drank a lot. It didn't phase me one bit. I didn't desire it, didn't miss it, didn't like the taste, nothing about it turned me on. I'm kind of intrigued today. There was a time, 30-35 years old where I worked out like crazy, I did have a killer body, I wouldn't eat or drink anything that would counter all the hard work I was doing in the gym and I was the happiest in my life. Never felt deprived. hmmm......

Anyway, really random thoughts today. I hope everyone has a great day and stays sober.

Thanks for all the words yesterday. It really does help.

[Byrdlady]

I don't recall seeing anyone's quit date January 1!! Look at mine, for 2 years in a row, I promised myself I'd quit as a New Year's resolution, but it didn't happen. We always find an excuse to put it off!
It's 1000 times easier to maintain a quit than to start over!! Stick with us, no matter what and no matter who! B