Newbies Nest

[Matt M.]

.

I think I've waited to talk to the girls too much about my drinking because I was afraid of failing again.. I was afraid that the knowing might do them even more damage, if I "decided" to drink again. The older one (14) knows a bit more, also about my mom being an alcoholic because she's at the age I was when I started and I wanted her to know that she could be more genetically pre-disposed to alcoholism.. but I still haven't spelled out the details..

!

Sounds like your doing great LC, I would say that if you are withholding having the "talk" about drinking with your girls, you maybe cheating yourself a bit. What I mean by that is, you mentioned you didn't want to say much do to fear of failure. I struggled with this immensely at the beginning of this quit.
The ones we love the most and fear hurting are the ones we need to be completely honest with, they are the ones that will hold us accountable, and by not telling them we leave a little opening for that possible "slip".
This time around for me I have been more honest with my immediate family, children included, than ever. I have made it crystal clear that no matter what I say it will never be OK for me to drink again..

Just my opinion, and you are definitely on the right track...

[Matt M.]

Hello and best wishes for the year ahead to all. I am new to this thread but not to MWO - a long time lurker who has gained so much from the people who contribute here. But, despite a few alcohol free periods over the years, I have not managed to stay quit - and I know I need to. Feeling pretty flat at the moment after a rinse and repeat Christmas/New year cycle. I have used Antabuse in the past and will see my doc this week for a script. I found it helpful to take the choice of whether to drink or not off the table for a period of time. My typical drinking pattern is nothing during the day but 5 o'clock is wine o'clock and I will have 1-2 bottles of white wine during the evening. I find my consumption has increased since I semi-retired and know I need to stop - period - I know I can never return to "a glass of wine with dinner". That horse bolted about 15 years ago.
Best wishes to All.

Welcome officially, seems you have been lurking for several years. You likely know the drill, keep lurking/reading but post your struggles and check in daily. Latch on to a few of these long term sober winos and enjoy the ride!

[j-vo]

Congrats to Kensho on 30 and Hypernova on 100! :welldone:

Red, I've been diagnosed with clinical depression, and even though I get down every now and then, the difficult depression was lifted with an antidepressant. When I wasn't on the meds, I couldn't eat, sleep, and was a complete wreck. But that's how depression affects me. Take good care of yourself and try to get enough sleep. If it continues, maybe see your doc?

Speaking of being down, I can't call it depression, because it's just more of a sadness. I've been feeling a little low. Kinda know why, but I've had these ups and downs most of my life. I know it's not serious, just a feeling that I hope goes away when I return to work. I think I need work in my life right now for distraction. On Tuesday, I'll probably be finished with the distraction and want some peace!

Hope everyone in the nest is comfy and cozy...

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Just so you know it's nearly 10 pm & the Twilight Zone marathon is STILL ON, ha ha!!

I ended up having a house full of grandkids & all the noise that comes along with them. They've gone home & peace has been restored

Hello & welcome crockster, make yourself comfortable & get a plan together. We're glad to help!

Matt, who are you calling an old wino? LOL
Glad I don't fit that description anymore, ha ha!
Our son informed us (as he was dropping the kids here) that he worked 60 hours straight. Must be nice to be 35 & have that sort of energy/ambition!!!

j-vo, I think it's pretty common to have some low feelings/mood after the holidays, I know I do too. But it's good now to know that these feelings are temporary & won't kill me & don't have to be numbed. Grateful that we have grown past all that, right?

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[actiongirl46]

Hi all - I haven't been posting much but have been reading. Vacation went well but I'm so glad to be home. A routine will be good.

Pass the velcro please!! Happy 2016!!

[j-vo]

Lav,
That's so wonderful you get to spend lots of time with your grandkids. I have very fond memories of my grandparents. We were very close and so special to me.

[Dutch1988]

Hope everyone is having a happy new year so far! I am enjoying my last few days of a 15 day vacation and I have to say it has been great. I watched a Ted talk earlier today on being vulnerable and think one of my New Years resolutions this year is to put myself out there more, know my own worth and not be ashamed of who I am. Al used to make me feel a lot of shame, now I have nothing to feel ashamed about.

Went to the doctor about my blood pressure, turns out the electronic ones read me as falsely high, and he took my Bp at 116/68 manually. Funny thing to laugh about, but it definitely stressed me out during my break. Still, a pleasant reminder of why I don't drink, don't have to worry about something like thy as much. Plus I found I really enjoy hibiscus tea, which is said to lower Bp and have all kinds of other benefits, good to mix in with the green tea(which by the way Lav, I drink decaf, but that was because I drink so much coffee during the day usually, which I also cut out).

I am going back to the psychiatrist on Monday to have probably get prescribed something for add and depression just to give it a shot, as well as an echocardiogram just in case all these home readings are catching something that the doctor hasn't been. Otherwise I am clocking 300 AF days in the bag. Making lore money, less stressed and feel stronger from the holidays for once instead of hungover and weaker. I would normally be telling myself this is the last night of heavy drinking, then regretful pound some drinks on Sunday night as well and go into the new work week in a fog. I have my goals made for the new year, working on things for my business already and can't wait to get back into a routine so I don't feel this anxiety/excitement from waiting.

[peppersnow]

Just flying by to say Hi and Happy New Year to all, newbies and old friends. Byrdie and Lav - we also have been doing Twilight Zone most of the day. Forgot how great that show was! All is well here in the white north...am coming up on 2 years in a few months, and loving the gift of sobriety. Everything about life is better sober, without the veil of AL isolating me from the rest of the world. Stay strong, all.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Sunday!

Below freezing but sunny
Feels just like winter, ha ha!

AG, good to see you, stick around for a while.

j-vo, I really do enjoy spending time with the little ones. If I was still hugging the wine bottle I would never have a chance to hug them so I remain grateful :hug:

Dutch, you sound really good!
Glad you are taking care of yourself so you can enjoy the long happy life you deserve. I have removed most of the caffeine from my life & I don't miss it a bit. Congrats on your 300 AF days, we will be celebrating your 1 year anniversary with you before you know it, yay!!

Pepper, great to see you!
Looks like we will have lots of celebrating to do in the nest over the next few months, great!!

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF day ahead!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, Nesters!
Twilight Zone is great TV. It speaks to mankind's weaknesses and the prisons we keep ourselves in. It has been a great reminder of what we do to ouselves!!
Welcome Crockster! Come on out and tell us about your journey. Every post maaters, your story could help someone else, not to kention how it helps YOU. Its great to meet you!
Dutch, you sound STRONG!
Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[ItsJustMe]

Wazzz Up Dudes?

Day 23 (yes I am still counting!) It’s a nice 41F here in God’s country (Hotlanta)! I feel great. I’ve been up for a few hours. Getting up each morning the last three weeks and not being hung over is indescribable. I know everyone on here must know the feeling. But I can’t really put it into words. I hope I never take this feeling for-granted. Last night I was offered a glass of wine. I actually said “no thanks” without even giving it a conscience thought. I mean, my reaction was the same as if someone had asked if I wanted a plate of toe jam… Seriously. There was absolutely no desire at all! The thought of “well, I’d like some but I better say no” didn’t even enter my mind. It was just an automatic no. Pretty sweet.

Well Mrs. IJM and I decided to do something unusual to kick off the year. We are going to take Sumaba dance lessons. Yea, I’m an old white dude with no rhythm at all. This ought to be interesting. But it would be nice to have a little style when we go to clubs. I sent out some emails to different dance studios in Atlanta last night. So hopefully I will get replies over the next couple of days and get something firmed up.

I have a list of stuff I need to get accomplished today. Setting on the couch, in front of the fire, wearing my robe, and surfing the web isn’t on it though so I better get crackin’.

Hope everyone has an awesome, beautiful, blessed Sunday!
IJM

[Byrdlady]

IJM,
When I had the feeling you are describing, I posted that it was like on The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy stepped into OZ and her world went from Black and White to Color. It was amazing to see the world with such clarity. So happy for you! Byrdie

[All done drinking]

Good morning, Nesters!
Twilight Zone is great TV. It speaks to mankind's weaknesses and the prisons we keep ourselves in. It has been a great reminder of what we do to ouselves!!
Welcome Crockster! Come on out and tell us about your journey. Every post maaters, your story could help someone else, not to kention how it helps YOU. Its great to meet you!

This conversation led into my post on the Quit thread that was inspired by The Twilight Zone. Go here if you have the time and/or interest to read it: https://www.mywayout.org/community/ge...t-love-20.html "The Monsters are due on Maple Street".

I always hate it when folks disappear as you fear that they've gone back to drinking when they quit posting. Not the case here. I am just going to post more regularly on a site that has better forum moderators. Byrdie, I will drop in from time to time to read your inspiring posts to keep others strong. I have had a great ride here on MWO since 08!

Love & hugs,
~Addy

[idefineme]

Addy, you've been a tremendous support to me and a whole slew of others and I do hope you come by regularly! Your analogy in the quit we love to that TZ episode was spot on and invaluable so thank you for writing and sharing that!! I hate it when people leave here too, so please don't stray too far and come back to visit often!

[peppersnow]

Good Morning, Nesters...popping in again, as I want to share an interesting conversation/realization (for me) with my 20 yo daughter on NYE. My girl has a pretty healthy outlook toward AL...she is in college and will occasionally have a hard lemonade with her friends at college, but 2 at a time over several hours is the most she's ever consumed. She had a few glasses of wine during Christmas with my family, but mixed it with gingerale (1/4 wine, 3/4 gingerale...my mom, who had brought this expensive wine, was just cringing:happy2. Thanks to me, she has a fear of being drunk.

I waited up for her and when she came home she told me about a kid she graduated with who she said ruined the party. He showed up around 11:00 and was very drunk already. He didn't drink at the party, but he began vomiting all over the place around 12:30 a.m. and fell down, coudn't walk, a friend carried him to the couch and they tended to him so he wouldn't aspirate. She came home right after that. I was concerned that he needed medical treatment, but she insisted he just had the "flu" and the AL just made it worse. And she was paranoid she might have caught flu germs and wanted to shower and bake a garlic bulb for immunity (yeah...that's a belief she has about garlic). We went back and forth with me insisting there was no need to bake garlic at 1:30 a.m. and that he was very drunk, until she said, "But mom, he didn't start throwing up until like 2 hours after he stopped drinking, so it had to be the flu!" Geez, that stunned me! She's SO inexperienced that she thought you vomit immediately after drinking too much, so in her mind, obviously he had a stomach bug. We talked more about that and I explained alcohol poisoning to her and how it works. She had no clue. What I didn't tell her is that I drank to the point of dry-heaving all day probably every weekend in college. And more than I care to count during her lifetime, although I would hide it from my kids (I'd be okay when they came home from school) or if they were home, I'd just say I had the "flu". That's the part I didn't tell her about - me, and all the times I had the flu. I even went through the facade of disinfecting our house when I felt better -- lysol on the sink handles and doorknobs - to play out the role of the mom trying to protect the rest of the family from the stomach bug. Although those last few years, I hardly ever had the flu because my tolerance was so high, but had very regular migraines.

Now that I'm free from AL, I can see it from her perspective. Why would anyone do that to themselves, intentionally, knowing for certain that they were going to become very, very sick? It makes no logical sense whatsoever. I wouldn't deliberately expose myself to someone with the stomach flu, actually planning on getting it. Or if migraines were a virus, I wouldn't seek out someone with that virus and try to spend time with them. That's how destructive addiction is and how it twists our brains. We engage in behavior we know is self-destructive, convince ourselves we're enjoying it, knowing full well we are going to be ill when it's over.

If you're like me, anyone here who knows there is no such thing as "just 1" for them knows they can't drink ever again or have to stop now. So when you get that pull to have a drink, think of it as a glass full of the stomach flu. Early in my quit I don't know if that analogy would have helped me, but I think it would have after the first few months when the pull still came on occasion.

Take care!