Newbies Nest

[JackDanielsGirl]

Evening all,

Lazy day here trying to stay warm. Did get out for a min with my daughter to replenish snacks. Really need for it to warm up so I can start moving and stop gaining weight. But I will take the weight over drunk anyday!

Ava - Bless your heart hope you are feeling better soon.

Cheers Welcome! You have found the right place. Check out the toolbox, it has very valuable information. Be kind to yourself over the next few days. Stay hydrated and try to keep something on your stomach if you can. When the fog begins to lift you will see clearly this is the life for you. Stick with us, we can do this one day at a time.

Stay strong nesters. Have a blessed night.
JDG

[lifechange]

Hello Nesters! A grey morning on my side of the world.. yesterday was gloriously white, a perfect day for sledding and today it's gone!

Kensho, beautiful description of the painting. I love how art can affect us like that, in the perfect moment. It happened to me a while ago, as I had to escape (my perceived!) hell at home, I went to the neighbours who were out of town and sat down on the sofa in the little girl's room.. there is a beautiful painting of a gnome sitting on a stump in the middle of the forest with little animal friends all around.. It helped bring me to a completely different state of being, I was able to breathe again, to find peace.. I'm thinking we're celebrating 50 days with you today!!:love:

Ava, thank you for sharing what your son wrote.. he's amazingly clear in his truth for such a young man.. I'm copying it for my physical toolbox. I hope you're feeling better soon..

Lav, you were so smart to do all the shopping and cooking to prepare for the storm.. you can never trust the weather forecast in my neck of the woods.. I always say, peeshaw! Lucky I wasn't where you are!

Welcome to Cheers!!
Good to see you in the Nest, Sunbird!!

And so happy to see you staying put, Actiongirl!

I picked up this idea yesterday from Hip Sobriety.. a Physical Toolbox, a small bag or pouch, that can be carried around in your purse or backpack. I love it! and spent some time yesterday collecting things to put inside.. for instance a couple of essential oils (lemon for cravings, peppermint for clearing the mind, lavender for relaxation.. i've never actually used them for aromatherapy, but it's supposed to help to put a few drops in the palms of your hands, rub them together, hold them up to your face and inhale..), a very strong lakritz lollypop (thanks Byrdie!), a vile of L-glutamine, a list of what to do (1. find a place to sit down, 2. 10 very deep, concentrated breaths, etc..) and now the list from Ava's son, which was also my reality while drinking, a couple of yogi tea bags, a couple of euros to buy a coffee, an energy bar, a special stone my mom gave me.. That's it so far.. it's already too heavy!:happy2: I found some old fabric hiding away and will ask my daughter to sew a small bag for me today..
The most important thing I've done in this quit, my last and final (LAFQ thanks J-vo), is to take drinking COMPLETELY off the table.. I won't drink to escape from sadness or depression or annoying people or stress or to try and relax or because I've had a hard day, or to "celebrate", or because I feel pressured, everyone else is, not because I think I might be able to moderate again, not for any reason.. no matter what and no matter who..
At 80 days I can say I feel a sense of freedom that I never have before.. and I think it has everything to do with my state of mind.
Having said that, I will make sure I am always prepared for that AV to come out and surprise me..

Wishing you all a relaxing Sunday..

[moni]

Anyone one use Fitbit? Let's friend each other for encouragement to move!

I don't but was thinking of using the money I save from not drinking to get one. Do you recommend it?
I'm on a few fitness apps - mapmyfitness, couch25K etc if you are too.
I was going to give my run a miss today but you've just planted the seed in my head to put on my trainers, go out and get it done!

[Lavande]

Good Sunday morning Nesters

It's a beautiful sunny day after yesterday's blizzard, figures! Now all I need to do is figure out what to do with this 2 feet+ of snow.

Ava, sure hope you are feeling better!

LC, awesome on your 80 AF days! Keep that focus going & you'll never have anything to regret!

Today shall be a day of moving some of this snow out of the way aka exercise
Wishing everyone a great AF day ahead!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Quick fly by.
Welcome Cheers!
Hang In, Kensho!
Ava, brilliant post, as always!

Congrats to NoSugar who celebrates 3 years AF today. 3 Years! Nary a drop of wine! I am so proud of you! This is a real turning point, now just relax into sobriety, rinse and repeat! Well done, young lady! :flowers:

Byrdie

[LilBit]

Congrats, NoSugar on your 3-year milestone, and also congrats for your two years, MaryLou. When I read your posts -- and Byrdie's @ 5 years and Lav's & Pav's at ever-how-long (but it must be Quite a While), I think of how strong and happy and settled you are. If I were throwing a party or planning a space mission or plotting world domination, you're the folks I'd want in the room with me. Of course, I'd also want G man but only because he has such good hair -- shhh -- don't tell him I said that. And Matt...I'd want Matt because he makes me laugh and snort coffee through my nose. And Overit for her high spirits and determination. And...oh heck, I would want everyone on this thread. Feck it -- all of you for having the kahonies and bravery to take on the AL beast and show up here to bare your souls & struggles.

Cheers, you are in a great place. Trust me on this one. Also trust me when I say that the "drinking wine because you're tired and want to take a nap" is a fallacy. I've been there and done exactly that for exactly the same reason -- repeatedly. The wine is the very reason that you're tired. It literally saps the life out of you. You may be sleeping when you pass out, but you're not resting -- not really. When I finally put aside the bottle, one of the first big surprises was how deeply and satisfyingly I slept. Real rest feels amazing. It may take a few days or a week before you experience it, but it's worth it.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

LC - That was a beautiful post. I agree that what worked for me was to take the choice off the table. If I wanted a drink, and I did and do from time to time still, I have any number of things I can do to get my mind off if it. But on thing I CAN'T do, because it isn't one of my choices, is drink. If I ever question THAT premise, I imagine my last week of drinking and how awful and afraid I felt. I can even go back and look at what I wrote during that time to get the FULL feeling. There is NO way I want to go back there, and after reading all of the science about this beast that NS has posted, I know I can't.

And speaking of NS - CONGRATULATIONS my friend, on three years of determination and steadfast acceptance. Thanks for all you do.

Lilbit - World domination? I'm in. Make room for the Stella.

Happy Sober Sunday, Nest. Hope you all have fabulous days, and that you on the US East Coast aren't buried too deep.

Pav

[JackDanielsGirl]

Morning everyone,

The nest has been busy since last night. Awesome! SSDD (same stuff different day) here. UGH! Ready for a slight variance in routine. Warning, warning!!!!!! It is that discontented thing, already told my daughter, so we are gonna mix it up a bit today. Probably cooking or something. I am so thankful for people in my life that support my quit and are willing to help.

NS congrats on 3 years! Way to go. As Byrdie said rinse and repeat.

You guys are awesome, thankful for each and everyone here.

Have a blessed sober Sunday,
JDG

[Cheers]

Wow...thank you all for the warm welcome! Last night I went to a comedy show with my boyfriend which is in a bar. Before this commitment I would have had at least one glass of wine. It WAS SO HARD to see all these women drinking white and red wine out of huge wine glasses. But I wasn't tempted to order one? I didn't sleep as much as I usually do so I am really tired today. However, I will not go buy wine, cookies and take a nap. (I told me friend who recommended this site I had become a closet wino and a closet cookies eater). Laying off all sugar for a while until I lose these 10 pounds of Holiday and binge drinking weight OMG, it's so expensive as well!

[Cheers]

Thank you LilBit! You are right about the sleep thing, it doesn't revive you at all. Last night I did sleep for 6 hours without having to get up and go potty (TMI), alcohol has not been my bladders friend.

[available]

Morning nest

Feeling more human today which is great. Both sons are visiting which was a suprise so today is even better. I cant believe how good my son looks after 5 weeks sober. There is such a light of life in his eyes that he had lost and he is so much happier in himself. He was off to see his best friend who was drinking with no thoughts of joining in, well maybe a couple!

Mary so sorry i forgot to wish you a happy two years. I love it when you pop in and post. Funny how life just gets better when we take al out of the equation. Hugs to you dear lady.

LC congrats on your 80 days, keep up the great work. Nothing is worth going back 81 days ago.

Cheers great work on being strong but please dont put yourself in situations that may get you to drink. I was so jealous of those happy people having a wine but then i thought maybe they can have one and dont go planning where their stash is at home and if they have enough to satisfy themselves. I just hibernated for a few months until i felt safe enough in myself to face the world. Make your priority just not drinking, the rest will fall into place down the track. I ate sugar like there was no tomorrow when i stopped drinking and that was okay as long as i wasnt consuming wine and more wine. Sleep was crap but it sorted itself out eventually and yes i love 6 hours of deep sleep compared to 6 hours of drunk sleep.

xx

[NoSugar]

Thank you, Nesters. This is the place that gave me the shelter I needed and I'll always be grateful to the people here who made all the difference: Lav, who opened my eyes to the power of gratitude, Kuya, for helping me face my truth without the BS justifications and excuses, and Byrdie, for seeing worth in me when I was convinced there was none.

It’s been a 3-year adventure from a life of constant dread and feeling disconnected from everything and everyone I used to care about to one of peace, connection, and anticipation. From hiding, sneaking, questioning, doubting , and second-guessing; from over-compensating, accepting unfair treatment and slights as what I deserved; from never showing weakness or illness for fear someone might guess their source; from a life devoid of meaning or emotional range … all to one that is full of ups and downs, good and bad, sickness and health, irritations and joys, moments of blissful connection, periods of sadness, days of contentment, and flashes of anger, love, and every human emotion there is. I had reduced living to existing and I’m so grateful to be alive again.

The first year was about - of course - all the "firsts". I came to enjoy the challenges these presented and in a weird way, missed them when the year was over. I spent the year learning just about everything I could about addiction. For those of you who've seen The Martian, I scienced the sh*t out of it :haha:. Understanding the mechanisms underlying what had happened made it all so much less scary and seemingly uncontrollable. I'm really glad that some of you found that information interesting and helpful. I hope those of you starting out will take the time to learn some of the science and nourish yourselves in a way that undoes the damage from years of drinking and sets you up for a healthy AF life. It can really make a difference.

Year two brought adjusting to normal life without the crutch of alcohol or the excitement of quitting. It was a great time to rekindle old interests and relationships and discover new ones. I am eternally grateful that the people I'd shut out as I circumscribed my world welcomed me back. I had no desire to drink again, didn't miss it, didn't feel like I was missing out, didn't care what anyone thought -- I'd become what I had been until my mid-30s: an unquestioning, unapologetic non-drinker. In the early days my mantra had been, "I don't drink" and thankfully, it had become my comfortable reality. My contentment was marred only by lingering regrets about having allowed "it" to happen and not having dealt with it before it became such an enormous problem.

And now at the end of year 3, I'm almost to terms with that. For one thing, it is hard to remember how limited my life had become. It doesn't seem like that woman who existed from 4 pm to 4 pm each and every day, about the time she allowed herself that one (read:first) glass of wine, was really me. But it was. And I don't ever want to forget that but I do want to forgive myself. Learning about the 3 Principles that govern how each of us operates in the world has made that so natural. Even though it doesn't always look like it, each of us is always doing the best we can given what we understand and are thinking in the moment. As I look back, my "best" was pretty poor for several years. But I'm no longer so angry with myself for not seeing things then as I am able to now, after 3 years of no longer poisoning myself with alcohol and thinking that I was permanently flawed and broken.

I've been puzzling all this time about how MWO works for many of us - we try and try to stop and then BOOM, one day we're done. No drugs, no therapy, no tangible sticks or carrots. How can that happen? I think what changed, at least for me, was simply my thinking. The 3-year process I've been through didn't need to take that long. As soon as we think we are well, we are. None of us are flawed or broken - our human nature is one of health.

A craving is nothing but a thought that we can either pay attention to or dismiss. At the time, I thought I needed to drink, so I did. It didn't seem like there was a choice. But it is within any of us to think of ourselves as non-drinkers at any moment. The painful moments from my drinking days are not happening now. They exist only as my thoughts and as such, I can either go over them again and again and again (as I did for years) accomplishing nothing other than hurting myself or I can let the thoughts happen as they will and immediately let them go. I'm learning to forgive that woman who didn't know she was a prisoner of her own thoughts - and held the key the whole time. We all do. We all are just one thought away from health. It doesn't need to take 3 years.

:heart: NS

[j-vo]

Happy three years NS. You are a gem, and I appreciate you so much. :hug::love:

Cheers, welcome to the Nest. Stay close because lots of great posts from people that know what it is to be sober.

Ava, so great to hear about your son. I loved the Memories post. I met my great nephew today and he's beautiful. Yes, maybe some knitting is in order. My aunt knits, crochets, makes quilts, scrapbooks, and any and every crafty thing. She can teach me.

Feeling quite low today. Took two naps, and not related to drinking at all. Just not myself. I go back to work tomorrow and I think it'll be good for me to get my head thinking of others things. I'm worn out from thinking.

Have a great Sunday.

[Marylou123]

Congrats on three years NS! And thank you for a fantastic post.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Apparently we have survived snowmageddon but now I am hear talk of another storm next Friday, WHAT??

NS, I am so happy for you! Thank you for such an eloquent post. Our true nature is health & happiness & that's what we should strive for each & every day

Ava, glad to hear your son is doing so well. Long may that last, huh?

j-vo, moods come & go, don't let this one get under your skin.
Schools around here are closed tomorrow. The roads are not exactly in usable shape just yet.

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!
I remain grateful for the warm fire in my fireplace at the moment

Lav