Newbies Nest

[TJAF]

Congratulations NS. You are one of my hero's

[Matt M.]

Thank you, Nesters. This is the place that gave me the shelter I needed and I'll always be grateful to the people here who made all the difference: Lav, who opened my eyes to the power of gratitude, Kuya, for helping me face my truth without the BS justifications and excuses, and Byrdie, for seeing worth in me when I was convinced there was none.

It’s been a 3-year adventure from a life of constant dread and feeling disconnected from everything and everyone I used to care about to one of peace, connection, and anticipation. From hiding, sneaking, questioning, doubting , and second-guessing; from over-compensating, accepting unfair treatment and slights as what I deserved; from never showing weakness or illness for fear someone might guess their source; from a life devoid of meaning or emotional range … all to one that is full of ups and downs, good and bad, sickness and health, irritations and joys, moments of blissful connection, periods of sadness, days of contentment, and flashes of anger, love, and every human emotion there is. I had reduced living to existing and I’m so grateful to be alive again.

The first year was about - of course - all the "firsts". I came to enjoy the challenges these presented and in a weird way, missed them when the year was over. I spent the year learning just about everything I could about addiction. For those of you who've seen The Martian, I scienced the sh*t out of it :haha:. Understanding the mechanisms underlying what had happened made it all so much less scary and seemingly uncontrollable. I'm really glad that some of you found that information interesting and helpful. I hope those of you starting out will take the time to learn some of the science and nourish yourselves in a way that undoes the damage from years of drinking and sets you up for a healthy AF life. It can really make a difference.

Year two brought adjusting to normal life without the crutch of alcohol or the excitement of quitting. It was a great time to rekindle old interests and relationships and discover new ones. I am eternally grateful that the people I'd shut out as I circumscribed my world welcomed me back. I had no desire to drink again, didn't miss it, didn't feel like I was missing out, didn't care what anyone thought -- I'd become what I had been until my mid-30s: an unquestioning, unapologetic non-drinker. In the early days my mantra had been, "I don't drink" and thankfully, it had become my comfortable reality. My contentment was marred only by lingering regrets about having allowed "it" to happen and not having dealt with it before it became such an enormous problem.

And now at the end of year 3, I'm almost to terms with that. For one thing, it is hard to remember how limited my life had become. It doesn't seem like that woman who existed from 4 pm to 4 pm each and every day, about the time she allowed herself that one (read:first) glass of wine, was really me. But it was. And I don't ever want to forget that but I do want to forgive myself. Learning about the 3 Principles that govern how each of us operates in the world has made that so natural. Even though it doesn't always look like it, each of us is always doing the best we can given what we understand and are thinking in the moment. As I look back, my "best" was pretty poor for several years. But I'm no longer so angry with myself for not seeing things then as I am able to now, after 3 years of no longer poisoning myself with alcohol and thinking that I was permanently flawed and broken.

I've been puzzling all this time about how MWO works for many of us - we try and try to stop and then BOOM, one day we're done. No drugs, no therapy, no tangible sticks or carrots. How can that happen? I think what changed, at least for me, was simply my thinking. The 3-year process I've been through didn't need to take that long. As soon as we think we are well, we are. None of us are flawed or broken - our human nature is one of health.

A craving is nothing but a thought that we can either pay attention to or dismiss. At the time, I thought I needed to drink, so I did. It didn't seem like there was a choice. But it is within any of us to think of ourselves as non-drinkers at any moment. The painful moments from my drinking days are not happening now. They exist only as my thoughts and as such, I can either go over them again and again and again (as I did for years) accomplishing nothing other than hurting myself or I can let the thoughts happen as they will and immediately let them go. I'm learning to forgive that woman who didn't know she was a prisoner of her own thoughts - and held the key the whole time. We all do. We all are just one thought away from health. It doesn't need to take 3 years.

:heart: NS

Great post NS! Congrats on your outstanding achievement! Thank you for all you do in our little family!

[Lavande]

Good Monday morning Nesters,

It's a chilly 12 degrees in my portion of the nest, oh my!
Looking at all that snow sitting outside makes me feel even colder. Schools are closed everywhere so at least the kids can get outside & enjoy this stuff

Wishing everyone a great AF day ahead, make it a good one!

Lav

[actiongirl46]

Goooooooooood morning Monday!!

So, a little over a month ago, I was convinced I was starting menopause and was already suffering from severe symptoms. Why else was I having night sweats, waking up frequently, mood swings, and (most scary) a day long panic attack?? Had to be those 50 year old hormones right?

After a sobering visit to the dr (pun intended) I was shocked to find out that I am no where near menopause. Nope, wrong answer. I was GIVING MYSELF those awful symptoms by overdosing on AL. Fun times.

Last night I had a restful sleep snuggled in flannel sheets. Slept like a baby and I am ready to start the week.

Have a good Monday all!

[KENSHO]

Good morning! Quick fly by. Feeling nervous here because I got some blood work numbers back that might suggest gallbladder problems or something else. I hate not feeling healthy. Amazing that I felt like crap drinking so long.

Hope everyone has an easy day.

NS - brilliant post; I've read it more than once. Thank you!

[Byrdlady]

Quick check in. Must read back later, just staying accountable. Xoxoxox, B

[j-vo]

Good Monday Morning,
AG, that's great news for you. Kensho, hang in there.

Lav, enjoy being snowed in while you can. Sometimes it's nice being cut off from the world, as long as you have enough milk and bread!

Coming back to work was tough, but much needed. I have loads to do, but it'll get done when it gets done.

Have a good day all.

[JackDanielsGirl]

Morning all,

FINALLY got out of the house for a little while and it was much needed. New busy activity.......jigsaw puzzles with my daughter. It is kinda relaxing and, once we are through we are going to glue them together and frame them for wall art. Nice, inexpensive and beautiful.

Lav - enjoy the snow. I can only imagine how beautiful it is.

AG - I did the same thing, thinking it was menopause and it was AL. Glad you are sleeping better, it does a body good.

Kensho - gallbladder issues suck, had mine out last year. Feel better soon.

Hi Byrdie, J-vo, matt and anyone else I missed.

Have a fabulous AF Monday,
JDG

[lifechange]

hi Nesters!!

J-vo, I've had a bit of an off day today.. feels like your yesterday!:love: Haven't felt that way in a while so I pulled out the old tricks of having a short nap, making a tea, eating bread with nutella, listening to Eckhart Tolle (he's actually new for me but this one was a good, short meditation..about living in the present.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpOWKyhmn2I), turned up loud music while making dinner, short walk with my daughter.. I feel almost ok now. Glad you're settling back into the routine.. I'm super looking forward to celebrating 100 days with you this week!!

Jdgirl, we LOVE doing puzzles here! Mostly wild animal themes.. desert, jungle, ocean, you name it.. I find it so relaxing and easy to just spend time together with a bit of conversation..

AG, I was also having those symptoms! Waking up sweaty at 3 am sharp every morning was such a nightmare.. Happy to hear your getting into some good sleep!

Off to read a bit more around the boards then early to bed and surely I'll be feeling up to par tomorrow..Hugs to all of you..

[upandover]

Marylou, thanks for my tutorial, I was so confused:sohappy:

[Marylou123]

UpandOver -- Welcome to MWO! You have come to a wonderful place. Looking forward to getting to know you!
Hugs,
Mary Lou

[lifechange]

:welcome: UpandOver!!

[moni]

Today was challenging. Work stresses and knowing I had to go to the store for food while feeling I had a weak willpower. I ran in on the way from work, bought just what I needed and stayed well away from the alcohol. Came home and I was itching, couldn't sit still so I put my trainers on and just back from a 5km run.
I meant to ask because I can't remember from the last time I was AF, is it normal for sleep to be so disturbed. I'm only getting approx. 4 hours a night which really isn't enough when I have a day of tough work the next day. Anybody got any advice?

Hope everybody is doing well today.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Quick check in because I won't be able to tonight.

Welcome to you, UpandOver. You've come to a great place to get support.

Moni, I think a lot of people have disturbed sleep. Mine was SO disturbed by alcohol that anything felt better. I am sure yours will even out.

Sorry you're not feeling well, J-Vo. Hope you have a great day.

NoSugar - You're a rock star. Thanks for sharing that wisdom with us.

Lav - Brr. I'm all bundled up for the 50 degree weather here.

Hope you all have fabulous Mondays.

Pav

[crocster]

Good Morning Nesters,

I need to reset my count as I drank last night. It wasn't a celebration and the excuses don't matter - I wanted to feel "comfortably numb" again after some health and business setbacks. The encouraging thing for me was that I was very conflicted about it whereas in the past I would just have said "Fxxx it - I'm getting blitzed because I deserve to". I sat in the carpark of the pub for about 10 minutes with the good voices in one ear and AL in the other. Having to come back to MWO and fess up to you all and reset my day count was one of the good voices so I recommend coming out and committing publicly here to anyone here reading and lurking as I did for many years.

In the end I bought some low alcohol wine and had 3 glasses - so I didn't get drunk and I don't have a hangover - and I didn't really enjoy it! I takes me back to quitting smoking many years ago - at some point after I quit I would still get the urge to light up but a stronger rational voice would chime in and say "You haven't smoked in a while - if you do light up you won't enjoy it much and it won't be pretty the next day" - and so the urges became less strong and less frequent to the point where now I truly know I will never smoke again. I want that with alcohol.

So it's back on the horse for me.

KENSHO: I've had fatty liver and gall bladder issues for some years - caused by AL abuse of course - and all I can say is, if you're dealing with a surgeon, make sure you're happy with the accuracy of the diagnosis if they want to whip it out. Many surgeons are pretty gung-ho about it and the gall bladder is not the appendix. I know several people who've had it done and for about half it went well but the others had a long and messy adjustment period and 2 can no longer tolerate certain foods. I'm trying to hang on to mine a while longer and am doing a gall bladder flush (googling it will give more info) as well as following Sandra Cabot's liver cleansing diet prior to seeing my specialist in late February. Good luck with it anyway. I have more info if you would like it.

Well, over to the roll call to log day 1 folks. Have a good day/night all.
Croc