Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Pav, the imagine of a mad chicken in one hand and a brick in another is reason enough for me to stay the course! Congrats on YOUR upcoming 800 Day anniversary!!

Let's see, where is my Soapbox? Ah...here it is (climbing up....not as young as I used to be, plus I have that mad chicken in my hand). Here we go.
Ok, so what will be different in your life after X amount of alcohol free time? "Well, I've had some time to rewire my thinking" "New habits only take 21 days, so I should be able to handle AL by now" "Now that I have some time in the bank, I realize what I was doing wrong and now I can correct it" "AL just doesn't have the importance it had when I first got here, so now I should be able to have one or two whenever I want". Do THESE sentences sound familiar? They do to me...I have heard them 1000 times....I have SAID THEM 1000 times!
Let's take a deeper dive....

Call me crazy, but I keep a list of LONG TERMERS (6 months or more) who reintroduce AL back into their lives and end up WORSE OFF than when they got here! This list is sobering. These are people, like me! These are folks who think that TIME will change the wiring in the brain so that AL will no longer hold its appeal. I can sit here till the chickens come to roost and tell you that those pathways in the brain are as ingrained as the Grand Canyon is in Utah (or wherever they put it). It is JUST the way our brains are wired and NO amount of time will change that. We've had people here with 14-20 years of abstinence, and the minute they started back, it was as if no time had passed. Holding on to the HOPE that ONE DAY we will be able to drink normally is really something I had to LET GO. Wishing and hoping doesn't get this job done. If I am diabetic, I sure dam better get my sugar intake under control or it's going to kill me, same with this. It IS what it IS and there is no changing that.

I know that we see folks who appear to be moderating successfully. The key word there is APPEAR. 3 months, 6 months....maybe a year? That is not LONG term, let's see how they do for 25-30-40 years? Can you imagine fighting AL for that long? TRYING to tell yourself WHEN and HOW much for that long? Counting drinks and calculating and manipulating numbers to make yourself feel you are 'still ok'? "I had too many, but I'm not going to beat myself up" (you don't have to, AL will do that FOR you) Oh, do you count vacations? Do you count MLK day since there was a parade? Does .6 of a drink count as one? (who drinks .6 of a drink????) Addiction doesn't care, as long as you feed it occasionally, it will be just fine. Abstaining is easier and I'm ALL FOR simplicity. Life is BETTER now that I don't have AL in it. I'd have NEVER believed that if I hadn't lived it.

If we look at the facts, most of us drank to escape, not to enjoy a sunset or have a toast and sip....we drank to GET AWAY and if you think you can just do that on a controlled basis, I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.

I tried every single way I knew to outsmart this addiction and after years of trying I must conclude that AL cannot be outsmarted....your brain knows where you've been. Let go of the notion of any kind of controlled drinking in your future and you will be miles ahead. Hope is not a strategy. You will find, like I finally did, that life is BETTER without AL calling the shots. I am Byrdlady and I'm an alcoholic.

[upandover]

WOW Byrdlady thank u for that inspirational post, I agree 100%, now I just have convinence my brain and my cravings-- I know I can do it as I have done it before and what a wonderful time that was. One of my steps is to start working out again. Yesterday I put on my work-out clothes, step 1, step 2, put on clothes and actually go to the gym pick up a dumbell, step 3, do reps. Sounds easy!

Everyone have a great day. Those of you in the white winter wonderland -- make a snow angel for all of us.

[paulywogg]

Great post Byrdie,when newbies come we usually tell them to do 30 days and then see how they view where they're at with al,for me I think it takes waaay longer,I couldn't even think straight at 30 days too foggy,but it is a good start now even though I'm dealing with junk I'm even more motivated not to drink! Obviously if its taking this long and longer to heal then I was really destroying myself,I'll never bullshit myself into thinking I "wasn't that bad" I was worse than bad,I'm just glad Pav and Ava posted that it does take time,time,time, I think its shied away from talking about it cuz of course nobody wants to scare off someone who might not even be able to get a week in or even 1 day but it is true, hope everyone has a great Tuesday

[Byrdlady]

Pauly, you make a great point, when folks first come in to the nest with the hopes of moderating it is discouraging to hear the bleak outcomes of it. If you are like most of us, 30 days is a good START, and for many of us, we can see that we are nowhere near being ready to say AL is under control.
When I first started, I went to the threads that told me what I wanted to hear...then after that didn't work, I came to rest under Lav's wing and I haven't budged since!

It's a fine line to walk. On the one hand, I don't want to discourage anyone from even trying...but on the other hand, telling someone that after a period of time they may be able to drink moderately is just giving them false hope and something I have never seen in the years I've been coming here. Getting sober is a mindset and as long as there is HOPE of drinking again, then that interferes with that mindset (in my opinion...at least it did for me). Until I shut (SLAMMED) the door completely and took the option off the table for good, I just wasn't getting anywhere. It was torture.

I was a very resistant case. B

[JackDanielsGirl]

Good Morning everyone,

Byrdie AWESOME post. I have done 30 days multiple times and even 6 months (my personal record). Any from experience I can say 100% it never changes. That first drink always starts the rollercoaster all over again. For those who can moderate successfully bravo to you. I wish I could but I now realize, that is NOT an option for me. I am an alcoholic and will forever be. It is not sad, depressing or anything like that. It is a fact of life, much like being a diabetic or having hypertension, I chose to treat it as such. Do not indulge or even think I can ever again, if I want to live and see my children grow up, get married and have children of their own.

Life is good, even being an alcoholic, it is what you chose to make it. We can live in denial and be miserable, sick, hung over and always chasing that next drink OR we can accept it, deal with it, make a plan to prevent it and have a wonderful, happy, normal life.

I chose the later. Great day ahead because I chose to believe it will be no matter the circumstances. Don't be sad because of the rain, instead learn to dance in it.

Have an awesome AF day my friends,

Hugs to all JDG

[Matt M.]

Good Morning everyone,

Byrdie AWESOME post. I have done 30 days multiple times and even 6 months (my personal record). Any from experience I can say 100% it never changes. That first drink always starts the rollercoaster all over again. For those who can moderate successfully bravo to you. I wish I could but I now realize, that is NOT an option for me. I am an alcoholic and will forever be. It is not sad, depressing or anything like that. It is a fact of life, much like being a diabetic or having hypertension, I chose to treat it as such. Do not indulge or even think I can ever again, if I want to live and see my children grow up, get married and have children of their own.
Hugs to all JDG

JDG - I could take that paragraph and simply sign my name. That is/was me. If anyone reading this is wavering or on the verge of going back out, and you can relate to stories or descriptions like this, you likely have what I have- Alcoholism - or whatever you want to call it.
By looking at this thing as a DISEASE and not simply a crutch, social issue, Yada,yada. Look at it for what it is, an aggressive, progressive disease that affects both mind and body, and gone untreated WILL lead to death. A massive part of treating this disease is by stopping the daily feeding of the mass/tumor we call alcohol.
If any of us were diagnosed with cancer or any other progressive diseases, that by going untreated would kill us, and the Doctor said -I have 2 treatment plans in front me of me, one is a ticket to remission, and a fresh start, 2nd is some "pills" created to feed your disease, make it bigger and stronger, and will be your demise sooner than later, or in other words put the bottle to your head and pull the trigger.

When I look at that it's a no brainer? I have just been given 2 choices option one awesome option 2 horrible. Anybody in there right mind would take the first choice. When I started this quit, this is were I was, it was do or die. Thank God I chose option 1!

If you have what I have, moderation will not work, and you will quit one way or the other, but make no bones about it, you will quit
Make it on your terms...

In rambling
Stay Hard Freaks!

[lifechange]

Hi Nesters!!!

Super posts.. I'm definitely part of the gang that will never drink again. (and proud of it!:happy2 It's been difficult for me, too, hell even, to come to terms with the reality that I'll never "be able" to moderate.. though each day I'm seeing more clearly the lie that moderation was for me... what began as couldn't drink is slowly becoming don't wanna drink..
It's still hard at times.. but if I stop and take a good look at why that is, in the moment, it always has to do with my state of mind.. this growth thing is a process, isn't it?

Right now I'm going to escape with a bit of netflix and then hit the hay.. Good job on all of you getting into better nutrition and exercise!! I'm joining that gang as well!

[daisy45]

Just a quick check-in to mention a great article '13 signs of relapse' that you can find on Sober Nation on facebook.....worth a read.

[moni]

Good Morning everyone,

Byrdie AWESOME post. I have done 30 days multiple times and even 6 months (my personal record). Any from experience I can say 100% it never changes. That first drink always starts the rollercoaster all over again. For those who can moderate successfully bravo to you. I wish I could but I now realize, that is NOT an option for me. I am an alcoholic and will forever be. It is not sad, depressing or anything like that. It is a fact of life, much like being a diabetic or having hypertension, I chose to treat it as such. Do not indulge or even think I can ever again, if I want to live and see my children grow up, get married and have children of their own.

Life is good, even being an alcoholic, it is what you chose to make it. We can live in denial and be miserable, sick, hung over and always chasing that next drink OR we can accept it, deal with it, make a plan to prevent it and have a wonderful, happy, normal life.

I chose the later. Great day ahead because I chose to believe it will be no matter the circumstances. Don't be sad because of the rain, instead learn to dance in it.

Have an awesome AF day my friends,

Hugs to all JDG

Yes, my first big success back 2012/2013 was a year. During that time I drank Alcohol free beer and alcohol free wine. Personally, this was a big mistake on my part as I never lost the 'taste' for it therefore it was never far from my mind. I recall back then people on here even saying they didn't think it was a good idea.
I remember being in the store one evening and they had no alcohol free wine but had a very low alcohol wine, 4% or something. I thought to myself it couldn't be too bad, after all I hadn't had a drink in a year, I have it all under control and it's only 'low' alcohol. That was the start of my downward spiral again. I stayed on low alcohol until I went to the store one evening and they were out of that too... of course I could handle full alcohol but just drink one... Well, we all know the rest of the story. We've all been there.

I couldn't control alcohol. Alcohol controlled me, regardless of my intentions, it always reached a point of over drinking, getting messy, saying/doing things I regretted and losing control of my life.

I'm on 4 weeks now, wish I had stuck at it when I had the year clocked up back then but I'm glad to be back and no tricks this time. I have no desire to drink (or smoke!)

[Guitarista]

Great day ahead because I chose to believe it will be no matter the circumstances. Don't be sad because of the rain, instead learn to dance in it.

Hi Nesters! Brilliant post JDG.

I am never sad because of the rain. My selection of toupe's keeps me looking sharp no matter the weather.

Congrats on 4 weeks Moni! And congrat's on 800 days Ava and Pavi!

Take it easy out there.

[daisy45]

One thing I done this quit that I think made all the difference, was to take the pressure off.
Every time I have quit before I think my expectations for myself were too high...exercise, prayer, attention to family, money, weight, and more....
When some of these weren't met I immediately was disappointed in myself .....I believe that my striving for perfection was my downfall.
This time I made a decision to be sober with no other requirements. If I have a lazy day and do nothing that is ok as long as I don't drink. Yes, I can berate myself sometimes because I want to be doing more with my time but I have accepted now that the positive changes in lifestyle from sober living do not have to happen right now....I can see and feel changes, I am confident that all I have to do is be sober and the rest will come.
It has taken me until now to start feeling comfortable in my sober self. Other quits that happened earlier, yet I went back to drinking so there must be some connection there.
How come it is working for me this time?
Anyway, just a few of my thoughts....feeling very much at peace and happy in the place I am at right now....

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,
Crap, still snowing here & it's been about 24 hours. The good news is it's only accumulated about 3 or 4 inches, yay!

Daisy, I am happy you are feeling solid in your quit. I guess this was just the right time for you

I joined here 7 years ago this month knowing I needed to do something but I wasn't exactly ready to quit forever! That thinking changed during the course of doing my first 30 days AF. I really didn't know how messed up I was until my system & brain cleared. Then I just knew I had to stay quit, once & for all. I am so grateful I had my awakening when I did & I will protect my quit forevermore!!
I know that you can all do the same if that's what you choose to do. You have nothing to lose & a whole lot to gain by kicking AL out

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[j-vo]

Right on, Moni...
.
I couldn't control alcohol. Alcohol controlled me, regardless of my intentions, it always reached a point of over drinking, getting messy, saying/doing things I regretted and losing control of my life..

Daisy, ME TOO!! I always thought I had to do EVERYTHING perfectly. Let's agree to be perfectly imperfect.

Lav, I think the idea of "protecting my quit forevermore" needs to always be in the forefront of my mind. I need to think about protecting it every single day...forever.

Matt, I'll choose treatment #1.

Lots of food for thought here today. Thanks all.

[KENSHO]

Falling over tired tonight. Second day of the whole eating (no grains) and my body is shifting from burning sugar to burning fat. Supposed to feel tired - and I DO! No desire to drink, which is great. Generally feeling pretty good. I am enjoying reading all of your posts. Will update more soon!

Have a good night!

[TJAF]

Good discussion! IMHO the only people who can successfully moderate are non-alcoholics. The idea that an addict can control their addiction by continuing with their drug of choice is just ludicrous. An addict on methadone is still an addict and an alcoholic that continues to drink is still dependent on alcohol. Just how I see it.