Newbies Nest

[lifechange]

Gorgeous cake, Byrdie.. I'm really impressed....

See all you Nesters tomorrow.. I'm off to lalaland..

[j-vo]

Big win today for our team. The gym was packed and soooooo insane with crazy fans. Went into overtime and won...omg.

I had a few moments after the stress of the game that I wished I could have a few along with everyone else. Yeah, a little pity party. I managed to eat my pizza and enjoy it with a Diet Coke, pleasant conversation, and instead of doing what I would have done in my drinking days which was get smashed after something like that, I took a nap. My go-to activity when I'm feeling drained. I know that I need lots more time and distance from al, so I won't let this bother me. Of course, even if I did have more time, those thoughts still might happen, but like I've learned, these are just thoughts and they willpass.

Have a good night all.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters from the land of frozen chickens - just kidding!!!!
It is seriously cold here & we may break a record set in 1979, hmm.
My granddaughter is here tonight & tomorrow night so she will keep us busy & not thinking about weather so much.

Lil, I am so happy to see you & hear your good health news - yay
Keep taking good care of yourself, we count on you!

j-vo, congrats on your team's big win!
Thoughts are just thoughts & they won't hurt us. Continue dismissing them as soon as you recognize them. You've got this

Matt, yes it is cold here. I am parked in front of the fireplace as we speak!!!

Wishing everyone a warm & cozy night in the nest!!!

Lav

PS: Byrdie - awesome cake as usual woman!!

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Valentine's day :heartbeat:

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF day!

Lav

[j-vo]

Lav, thank you for reminding me to just dismiss them ASAP. I tend to let them linger and think. Not a good practice.

Happy Valentine's Day to all!!

[lifechange]

Happy Valentine's Day, Nesters!!

We're enjoying a cozy Sunday at home.. movies, school work, maybe a puzzle and crepes.. the second batch already!

Wishing you all a lovely day!

[NoSugar]

J-vo, I read an analogy that helps me. Most of us don't re-watch movies or tv shows that frighten or upset us so why go over and over the same thoughts that do the same? It's one thing if we actually need to make a decision. But with drinking, we've already decided! Much better to just focus our attention elsewhere and move on, just like we choose to watch something else.

[Byrdlady]

NoSugar, that is an excellent way to look at it. We DO know the outcome, and its pretty scary!
Happy Valentine's Day, Nesters! Byrdie

[Struggles 106]

You guys are right of course.
For some reason I'm feeling quite down today. Cannot pinpoint why. I certainly don't want to drink; actually don't really want to do much of anything.
I'm in the process of finding a therapist covered by my insurance to start seeing.
I want some insight into how to stop hating myself. Seems that my efforts at it don't quite manage to stop it

Ann

[KENSHO]

A lovely day to you as well LC! Sounds like a nice Sunday!

Byrdie, beautiful cake. It looks REALLY good to me right now. No sugar for 7 days now. Sorry about the 4 pounds, but that beats the heck out of drinking! Priorities, right?

NS, VERY WELL SAID about food. Not drinking HAS to be the priority. Nothing can change for the better when we are still chained to the bottle. I ate sugar like the dickens when I stopped and it saved me. With a little more sober time under the belt, we are stronger and can focus on other health goals like exercise and diet. TOTALLY agree.

JVO - I had a tough time on Friday too after a very long week, and 3.5 hours in terrible traffic. Ended up at my pedicure and my friend next to me had a tall glass of wine. It looked absolutely scrumptious to me! So glad you are also thinking of those thoughts as nothing more than thoughts. Here's to hoping that someday fairly soon, those thoughts will visit us less frequently. Great job telling them off!! And what a fun game to win!

Actiongirl, how awesome you have more people in your life who are experiencing AF time! It is so helpful! I have SO enjoyed my husband not drinking this past 7 days. It could also be that he is not just consumed with his next fix of sugar & carbs, but we have never been such good teammates. He has never helped so much with dishes, the kids, and he is so present. Unfortunately, he plans to go back to his favorite foods and drink when the 30 days is over, but it is great to have the support while it is here. And hopefully those closest to us learn something about what we are going through and can be of better support in the long run!

Where's that G-MAN?

Have to go clean my kitchen and grocery shop - seems like all I do! Have a great day Everyone!

[Matt M.]

Happy V-Day to everyone

NS- What a great post, thank you!

This morning I was reflecting a bit on the last year or so, and how grateful I am today, that I'm not in the jaws of life grip of addiction. The feeling of wanting so bad to stop drinking and fighting so hard to Not give up drinking all at the same time, day in and day out. Created a paradox that drove me insane. The few failed attempts at quit before this one, never allowed me to get fully released from the grips. And never a chance to experience freedom. Like many in here, alcohol controlled, consumed and occupied nearly every thought of my day.
What were my plans going to be for the the weekend, and how easy or hard was it going to be to drink. If it was going to be hard, that spurned different planning. All the while no regards to my family, the only thing that mattered was ME and how convenient or inconvenient this was going to be for my drink. The planning, conniving, lying, consumed and trapped me. Sound familiar to anyone?

I can say with chills running down my spine, that the freedom from the grips of this thing we have is euphoric, I never really knew the meaning of happiness and "freedom" The thought of a "fun" life without booze was nonexistent. So far from the truth, so very far.
I know this is not original or ground breaking info, just something that hit me today, and how my life has changed in ways that never cease to amaze me.
This is achievable by anyone reading this, with the tools in this forum!
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the things you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
And of course STAY HARD while your doing it!

[j-vo]

I like that analogy NS. Thank you.

Struggles, I don't think life will ever be without struggles, but I do believe that talking with someone about your feelings and where you are will help a lot.

Great post Matt. I know that length of time is so important in being free from alcohol. It's all about one day at a time which allows us to heal. We can't heal or grow any faster than that. But it is nice to know that after a good amount of this af time, we won't have as many thoughts about al, they won't be as strong, and it'll be much easier to shut the door on them when we do have thoughts and shut it very quickly. I sometimes (still) think that having the buzz is more fun, adds a little relief than not having it. But having that little buzz, little relief is not where it stops with me. It never did. It led to so many bad things, bad decisions, hangovers, GSR's, looking bad, feeling bad, being unproductive, hating myself. On the other hand, just feeling normal, without a buzz going on is what sobriety is, but it's also feeling happy, discovering life, enjoying life, food, people, doing things that make us happy, and being able to do things for others. So if we're weighing the pros and cons, life without al is soooooo much better for me.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Had a busy day with grandkids, etc. My granddaughter is spending night #2, so far so good!
I mention this a lot but I'll say it again - none of this real life stuff with my grown kids & grandkids would have been possible if I had continued BS-ing myself then way I had for 10 years. I am grateful for all of it, I have learned

j-vo, life is truly soooo much better without AL!

Struggles, finding just the right person to talk to should be very helpful. I wish you luck in your search.

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest. I hear there's more snow on the way tomorrow even though I didn't order any!!

Lav

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, wakey wakey

I hope everyone has a fabulous AF Monday.
I will be hanging out with my almost 5 yr old granddaughter all day & we will be busy!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Struggles...I'm sorry you are in deep water. I betcha that if you took a poll, YOU are the only one that thinks that about yourself. I imagine a good therapist can help you work thru all of that. How long since your last drink?

I found this in my drawer this morning looking for something else, I thought it might be helpful, I have lost the page with the author's name, and I am adapting it somewhat for us.

ALCOHOLIC LOOPHOLES (Breaking your own good habits)

1. False Choice Loophole: "I can't do this, because I'm so busy doing that." I pose two activities in opposition, as tho I have to make an either/or decision, when in fact, the two aren't necessarily in conflict. I remind myself that whenever I'm inclined to think "Can I have this OR that?" I should stop and ask, "Can I have this AND that?" It's surprising how often that's possible. Is the habit that I want to foster really in conflict with my other values? Usually, if I'm honest, it's not. Like Narilly's byline says, "I can have the life I want, or I can drink."

2. Moral Licensing Loophole: We give ourselves permission to do something "bad" (drink) because we've been "good." We reason that we've earned it or deserve it, or that some "good" behavior has offset something "bad." "It's Friday and I've had a long week, I deserve a drink!"

3. Tomorrow Loophole: This loophole depends on "tomorrow logic." NOW doesn't matter much, because we're going to follow good habits tomorrow. Tomorrow logic undermines good habits by making it easy to deny that our actions clash with our intentions.

4. Lack of Control Loophole: "I can't help myself." This is a very powerful loophole. We argue that we don't have control over the situation, and circumstances have forced us to break a habit. However, we usually have much MORE control than we admit. I have found in the 5 years I've been sober, no one ever held a glass to my lips and forced me to drink, it has always been MY choice.

5. Planning to Fail Loophole: It's odd. When it comes to keeping our good habits, instead of fleeing temptation, we often arrange to succumb. We make a chain of seemingly insignificant decisions that allow us to covertly engineer the very circumstances that we'll find irresistible. As Daisy's byline says, "The relapse starts long before the drink is drunk."

6. This Doesn't Count Loophole: "I'm on vacation." "I'm sick." "It's the weekend." "How often does my son get married?" We tell ourselves that for some reason, this circumstance doesn't count. In fact, while we can always mindfully choose to make an exception to our good habits, there are no magical freebies, no going off the grid, no get-out-of-jail-free cards, nothing that stays in Vegas. It ALL counts.

7. Questionable Assumption Loophole: This is a very popular loophole. Consciously or unconsciously, we make assumptions that influence our habits-- and often, not for the better. They often become less convincing under scrutiny.

8.Concern for Others Loophole: "How can I NOT take the glass of Champaign and toast my friends' retirement?" "I don't want to make my coworkers uncomfortable by NOT drinking at the company dinner." We often use the loophole of telling ourselves that we're acting out of consideration for others and making generous, unselfish decisions. Or, more strategically, we decide we must do something in order to fit in to a social situation.

9. Fake Self-Actualization Loophole: "You only live once, embrace the moment!" This loophole comes in the disguise as an embrace of life or an acceptance of self, so the failure to pursue a habit seems wrong. But for most of us, the real aim isn't to enjoy a few pleasures right now, but to build habits that will make us happy over the long term. Sometimes, that means giving up something in the present, or demanding more from ourselves.

10. Growing Heap Loophole: This is the most insidious loophole.....because it is absolutely true. The argument of the growing heap is "If ten coins are not enough to make a man rich, what if you add one coin? What if you add another?" Finally, you will have to say that no one can be rich unless one coin can make him so. It's not just one day that makes our Quit, but an accumulation of all of our 'One Days' that makes the difference.