Newbies Nest

[j-vo]

Good read, Byrdie!

[KENSHO]

Here and making sure I remember that my quit from alcohol is the most important. I am tired. Coffee, here I come! Kids have school off today and I'm taking them up to do my dad's yoga class. Hoping for a somewhat relaxing day!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Quiet day around here? Where us everyone?

Snow plus a thin layer of ice on top means my granddaughter is staying overnight again. I'm not travelling on a night like this!
Grateful for the time together with her, regardless of the weather.

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[j-vo]

Snow and ice here, too! Lav, I can't imagine you would want to spend you night any other way. :heartbeat:

[lifechange]

Morning, Nesters!

My, it was a quiet day in tne Nest yesterday..
In my part it's grey and cold and everyone is getting a bit sick of winter at this point! Kensho, I'm also tired! I hit the snooze button 5 times, falling into deep sleep again during each 5 minute interval.. we should be allowed to hibernate in February.
Today feels like a day where I'll have to remind myself often of what I'm grateful for.. a day where I'll have to work on staying in the moment rather than wishing it would just be done with.. a day for the gym, for sure! Being mindful of what I put in my body, as it greatly affects my state of mind! And going easy on myself.. I have a huge list of things I want to get done today after work.. would be great, but none of the things are totally necessary today..

Byrdie, thanks for the great list of loopholes! Damn! Won't fall for any of that BS again, I'll tell ya!

Wishing everyone a successful February 16th! Let's do whatever it takes, yeah?:hug:

[Lavande]

Good Tuesday morning Nesters!

Good to see you j-vo & LC. I was beginning to think I was alone here, ha ha!
Dark & raining today after yesterday's snow - weird.

Wishing everyone a good AF day. Choosing to be happy & healthy & staying on plan makes for a good day

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Dark and raining in the Southern end of the nest, too! The wind is a-howling!
I hope everyone has an easy day today...I'm working up the stamina to go stand in line again at the military base.

Stick to the PLAN! That's what I'm doing, sometimes it's not easy, but it's always worth it! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Howdy-ho. Where's everyone? Starting day 9 with the food thing, and day 72 with the alcohol. Yesterday, my husband asked me, "Do you think you're done - f o r e v e r?" I said yes. He looked astonished. He's gone without a drink for 7 days with no real complaints except on Friday night. He is unquestionably present and tempered though - and I love it. I sure hope he understands that when he eats grains and sugar, and drinks, he seems irritable and always looking toward that next fix. I see it so clearly. I love the way he is now. I know he will not be a non-drinker, but he does say he will not make it such a priority. I did have to laugh when he said it was because craft beer was his "hobby". In my opinion, any "hobby" around alcohol is a lovely-worded excuse for an addiction.

Hope everyone has a good day! Hope you get some blue sky and sunshine soon LAV and Byrdie!

[j-vo]

No school for my nest mates. Lots of ice. It's one thing driving in the snow, but ice, ain't happening. So me and my baby are home together and I love it. It's could be OUR LAST SNOW DAY together, forever. So I get to enjoy it clear-headed and work more on scholarship essays with him!

Kensho, I think I've mentioned my husband has decreased his alcohol intake a lot since I've not been encouraging any drinking. I realize now that I was the reason we both drank so much and why he was miserable and angry with me so much of the time. If he has one or two beers a week, that would be it. I was the problem, but not anymore.

LC, I liked your post. Some days we do have to focus more on what we need to be grateful for and also remember to live in the moment. Some days it's just easier, and some we have to put these tools and thoughts in place. Thanks for that.

Can't go anywhere today, and for that, I'm grateful. Have a good one.

[Dutch1988]

J-vo I miss snow days, We don't get them out here and I would love to have my family cozy inside of our house with a fire going. I am probably glorifying it in my mind, but that is how I feel.

Kensho good you for saying yes. I know I have been asked by people the same question lately, drinkers in my family, and I just shrug and say I can't start drinking again [I]now[I]. I don't know what I think I am waiting for, when I really look at it I don't want to start drinking again.

I have been reading a very good, life changing book for me called Self Esteem by Matthew Mckay and Patrick Fanning. After 11 months I think I have finally found the reason why I have struggled so long with not drinking, felt the need to replace alcohol with something, and why I abused it in the first place. It turns out, it was low self esteem. Now this was very surprising to me because I always thought I had high self esteem. That simply is not true. Apparently my obsession with achievement is one of the ways I exhibit my low self esteem. I am not enough so I have to achieve more and more to prove to others I am. I exhibit this in many area of my life. I have to make x amount of money because my friends are. I have to train in x and x and x because I don't know enough to be competent in what I teach. I have to adhere to a strict diet otherwise I shouldnt be a personal trainer, etc. These perfectionist ideas I have for myself occasionally are met, and I feel great. I think these are the periods on here I have felt manic because every now and then I do achieve my ridiculous self concept for a short period of time and feel amazing about myself. It's a lot like variable ratio reinforcement for drinking. Every now and then you drink the perfect amount and the night goes awesome. Then you have two weeks of over drinking trying to hit that feeling again.

So we all have a critic voice and a healthy voice so to speak. The critic can be authority figures from your past, or just social constructions you have created for yourself. Mine attacks me all day long, in a non-stop manner. Now the critic voice isn't useless, you get something out of it, just like alcohol does something for us, which is why everyone needs a toolbox for situations alcohol helped them with. FOr example yesterday I took my wife and daughter to the a theme park. My critic was on full alert, every little extra expense, the tickets to get in. It kept calling me stupid for wasting the money and not saving enough. Now it's trying to make me be more financial secure, but this is where I have been getting screwed over. I don't feel financially secure and I mouth off to my wife, I am short with my daughter, I make everyone's life a pain at my house. The whole reason why I want security is to be able to enjoy doing things like this. So I have been working on catching the critic, watching my thoughts and trying to cut him off before he gets me going. It happens all the time, imaginary conversations with people, I am mostly doing it to either find something I said to feel validated(making me feel more anxious over and over again) or I am excessively worrying about the future(hoping to catch one mistake, but then not enjoying the present moment at all!).

I am excited to realize this, even if it took so long into recovery(I just did it again, I compared myself to folks on here who might make a similar discovery sooner, oy). I know everyone has blue days, but I like the idea of having more control over how I feel, I am so tired of going through the day feeling lousy, like nothing I do matters or that I am not living up to my potential and therefore not good enough. If I can get myself to believe I am good enough without meeting anyone's expectations/certain achievements, I will have come a long way in not wanting alcohol at all. Alcohol was an escape from this voice, it made me feel better about my self worth with that inflated feeling that I could handle anything, only to wake up and be even disappointed even more because that is even tougher with a hangover. So I am going to try and stop this madness. I am going to start a thread on here to keep me accountable for situations during the day I catch my critic busting my balls. If anyone wants to join me feel free.

[Pavati]

Hi, Everyone:

Sorry for going MIA - I've had a weird couple of days.

First, I have felt unusually anxious and depressed. I don't really want to do anything, and I simultaneously want to do everything. Both conditions have me feeling guilty - and feeling sort of being in between. I'm neither doing nothing nor everything (nice double negative), which logically seems ok, but I am ill at ease for some reason.

Second, I am having my recurring dream this week - every night. It is different, but always involves the ocean/ floods/ big waves/ undertows, etc. I long ago translated this dream for myself as my "I don't have control" dream. I had a crazy, crazy couple of weeks the last two weeks - good and bad. I guess I really didn't have control over a lot of it, and my subconscious is feeling it.

Third, I wanted a drink on Sunday more than I have in a while. I never feel like I'm close to drinking, but I have heard of people who relapse who NEVER saw it coming. I am heeding my own advice, and observing my feelings and thoughts with caution. There are clearly some things I need to deal with so I can get out of this funk.

and Fourth, I wasn't posting here, and getting my support. I naturally think it is all linked. I wasn't purposely not posting, I would just find myself in bed for the night, and deciding to skip checking in. My place is very small, and we share computers and space. I don't like posting in front of everyone, so sometimes I lose my self-imposed window.

Anyway - all of this to say, I'm here, I'm ok, and luckily I know that this, too, shall pass. Thanks for being here for me.

Pav

[daisy45]

Pav, hope it passes soon....
I decided to stop smoking...forced on me by another chest infection. So I got up today after theowing my last cigs in the fire before bed. Come 2pm today I had reached for coffee, biscuits, sweets, just something to fill the void. Then that old AV popped up! I had to look at my situation and think. I know I seriously need to stop smoking....I know I physically cannot afford to drink again.
I bought cigs and have had a few.....but, the AV is still there.....it rarely pops up any more....I feel I started this chain of thinking......just annoyed and needing to get my health in order

[j-vo]

Dutch, first of all, I may be a bit jealous of you as you're so young and smart and healthy!! The book seems to have made you realize really important stuff. It makes complete sense to me as I have the same critic voice, always have. I've always known, though that I have low self-esteem which caused major anxiety and depression. I have those same conversations with my critic voice, and make up imaginary conversations thinking I'll make sure I don't make the same mistake by doing or saying something. What a waste of my time and NOT living in the moment. Thanks for sharing all of that.

Pav, sharing what you are is what this site is all about. Sobriety doesn't equal a perfect, worry-free life. Recognizing dips in our moods and using tools that will help us get past these difficult times is what's important to protect our sobriety. I know that having 2 months, 2 years, or 20 years sober that we'll be faced with the same difficulties in life. I guess it's getting better at it, recognizing what we need to do when we hit these times is why lots of sobriety time is valuable. It does seem to me that when I'm actively drinking, the difficulties seem like I'm in quick sand and there's no way out. But when I'm not drinking, these times feel more like walking through mud. I'm not going to sink, but it's a little messy.

Daisy, hang in there. You're 100 tomorrow and this may be in the back of your mind and causing some anxiety. I say smoke, even if it's just a little, to get your mind off the Al. I know that's probably not the popular, healthy choice, but that's what I do if I get too stressed. I know that drinking will kill me before cigarettes do, too. Do you have a patch or any smoking aid that can help you? The Nicorette gum? Hang in there, pretty lady.

[paulywogg]

Daisy,have you tried vaping? Might be something to look at,I wanted to ask you and J-vo how your energy levels are? I still feel zombieish,I know we can't compare ourselves to others but just wondering, Pav,hope you feel better soon,I hate bad moods!

[daisy45]

Thanks J-vo and Pauly. I have patches, vaper, the lot....just not ready. I need to give up but feel I would be more motivated if I felt better and could exercise.....that would improve things moodwise.
Pauly any other quit I have felt great but this one energy levels are low. I have been sick on and off since Christmas....feel crap, then ok for a couple of days and sick again. Don't understand it. Just want to feel well and get back to my exercise......patience! A nurse friend said it can be common to get sicknesses after quitting drink, yet I didn't on previous quits.
My daughter is just away to the hospital. She has pain in her back and legs for 2 days now, so bad she has difficulty walking. Told me tonight the baby hasn't moved in 24 hours, so just waiting now to hear all is ok. She is 6 months pregnant.