Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I finally have my house back in order after my granddaughter's 4 day 3 night visit. We had fun

Dutch, keep reading because it sounds like you are catching on to something very useful to you!
We all have to learn to ignore the inner critic & at the same time we have to forgive ourselves for our imperfections. It really takes the pressure off while we heal.

Pav, the entire month of February is a bummer as far as I'm concerned, always has been.
I don't like the direction my thinking takes each year but at least now I recognize it for what it is. Yes, this too will pass. Hang in there!

j-vo, super heavy rain moved in & melted the ice & most of the snow - yay! Glad you had a good snow day

Daisy, perhaps you need more AF time to strengthen your resolve. You can quit smoking but it has to be the right time. It was a hundred times harder for me to quit smoking than it was to quit drinking - I get that. Use any tool you can find to help. Do you take any probiotics? Strengthening your immune system goes a long way in preventing repeated chest infections. I hope everything is OK with your daughter!

Hi there Kensho & Pauly!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Neo]

I'm nearing Day 8 end and am totally exhausted, useless in the morning, so seeing how I go/feel over the next week as I know it takes at least 2 - 3 weeks to start feeling better.

I'm eating well and wouldn't suggest smoking if you've quit both already. I did both because I didn't want either habit bringing back the other and feel getting all withdrawals over and done with in 1 hit. Haven't had a valium 5 days either which is good

[TJAF]

Neo whatever it takes. Valium is excellent under a Docs care. Your Brain is getting used to the new normal and valium can help with that. Certainly helps with the anxiety I'm sure you are experiencing. It's also ok to smoke if that helps kick the booze habit. One step at a time one day at a time. Hang in there you are close to kicking the physical side of the battle. Your sleeping patterns are screwed right now but this will pass. Exercise will help with that. Take a good B complex along with A, D and C vitamins and drink a ton of water.

[j-vo]

Pauly and Daisy,
I've always had difficulty with my moods from Jan-March. I think I'm not having as much because I'm not drinking, and drinking caused a lot of my depression. I've also been exercising pretty consistently, not overdoing it by any means, but I think that's also had a positive effect on my depressive winter episodes. Hope you start to feel better Daisy. When I start to feel sick, I take lots of vitamin C. We have a huge bottle of 1,000 mg tablets. I would say try taking those and drink plenty of fluids. How about hot chicken/noodle soup. The more fluids, the more you'll flush out whatever is in your system.

Neo, good for you! I know what you mean when you say if you drink, you'll smoke and vice versa.

Lav, enjoy a quiet evening. I know, that's boring! Lots of my young friends who are mom's were doing lots of baking, coloring, building Legos, watching movies in their pj's today because of the snow day. I say 'perfect.' We applied for scholarships! Not as fun, but we were together.

Have a good night all.

[daisy45]

Lav, I do think my immune system needs a boost....gonna ckeck out probiotics today.
All ok with my daughter. The hospital git a heartbeat on the scan and this morning my wee grandbabby is kicking and dancing! I sing to my daughters pregnant belly and baby moves when I stop.....think I'm in love already!
Hi J-vo, sounds like the snow is bringing people together.....when we get a touch of frost here, the kids are trying to make snowballs!

[moni]

My willpower sucks... I completely caved in and ate a full packet of sausages with tomato sauce on fresh bread and butter... bye bye diet. They were bloody delicious!

oh, alcohol and cigarettes - still off them

[daisy45]

Haha Moni....how many sausages? Good on ye'!

[moni]

Haha Moni....how many sausages? Good on ye'!

8!!! - they were Gluten Free so probably 'semi-healthy'!!

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Hump day too

Ha ha Moni, a little food indulgence is not a bad thing! Protecting your quits right now has to be your #1 priority!!
The winter will do that to most of us, hang in there.

Daisy, great news about your daughter & grandbaby!
You surely want to get yourself in super healthy granny mode before the baby arrives. I swear by probiotics, find one that does the best job for you

j-vo, I hope your son appreciates your help with those scholarship applications. I do remember all that stuff with my kids. My daughter told me she just filled out an 8 page kindergarten application for my granddaughter. SO much paperwork, ha ha!!

Wishing everyone a great AF day ahead!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Daisy, congratulations on 100 Days AF!!!!!!!!!!!
(Queue the confetti and the dancing farm animals!!)
inkele:inkele:inkele: What a milestone! We are so happy for you!!
Which daughter is having the baby?? How did I not know this? Congrats on this big news!!!! You have double the reasons for getting/staying quit!! How exciting! So the baby is due in May? I wish I could send you some cookies!!! Is it a girl or boy, do you know?

Settling in for a busy day here....I'm already looking at 3 forms I need to fill out for work...what I've done....what I'm gonna do, and what I'm doing! I spend so much time filling out forms I have no time to sell!

Happy Hump Day, Byrdie

[j-vo]

Moni, great choice in blowing the right thing. Sounds delish!!

Daisy, congrats on your daughter's baby. And congrats on 100!!!!! You'll be so thankful when the baby comes that you're clear-headed and ready to be there at any moment for your daughter. What a blessing. My sister was a new grandma three weeks ago. He's so precious. And I take a probiotic as well. I've been for several months now.

Good luck today Byrdie. Papework sucks, but you can do this.

Lav, I've been online looking for the 'right' scholarships to fill out. FY daughter's info...they have scholarships that are geared for younger kids, too. Lots of money out there, but looking in the right places at the right times is tricky.

Have a good day all.

[KENSHO]

Happy Wednesday! I'm feeling positive here. One third of the way through the eating challenge. The hard part should be done - energy should continue to get better.

Sausages Moni? Well I think life is too short not to indulge once in awhile (in the things that won't kill us). Just don't get addicted to them, huh? We will have to do a sausage intervention with you

Seems quiet here so I hope everyone is ok.

Where is G? Miss ya in the nest buddy.

[jane27]

Hi Nesters,
Below is a blog post that struck a nerve for me so I thought I would share it. It is from the blog, One Crafty Mother. Ellie Strong, the author also hosts the podcast The Bubble Hour. I had never listened to a podcast before this one was recommended to me by NS. It is one of my favorite sobriety tools. I listen to it in the car while I'm driving. Here is the blog entry and a link. One Crafty Mother: Snapshots ~ Before


Monday, February 15, 2010
Snapshots ~ Before
It’s 11:30am on a gorgeous, crisp fall day. I’m sitting outside, soaking in the bright September sun with ten other mothers. It’s our usual Wednesday morning playgroup, and we’re chatting, sipping coffee, keeping one eye on our kids playing on the nearby swing set. I have a moment of clarity, a snapshot of myself: my long blonde hair is freshly frosted, swept up in a fashionable clip. I’m dressed in jeans and a colorful sweater, legs crossed, coffee cup perched in one hand. A friend is telling a funny story about her three year old’s latest tantrum. I see myself tilt my head back, laughing with the other Moms. It hits me, like a punch in the gut: I’m such a fraud.

Oh, God, if they only knew.

Greta, who is two, calls out to me to push her on the swings. I flash the other Moms a knowing glance – so much for adult time – and walk carefully over to the swings. I’m grateful for the interruption: my hands were starting to tremble, ever so slightly, and I was having a hard time holding my coffee steady.

I push Greta on the swings, her laughter coming to me as though from a great distance. My head pounds, my gut churns, and I’m starting to sweat.

“Two more minutes, then we have to go,” I whisper to Greta.

She immediately begins to wail. “NOOOOO! I wanna STAY!” The other mothers glance over, sympathetic.

I grit my teeth and smile wider. “I know you’re disappointed, but we really have to go.”

She jumps off the swing and throws herself on the ground, crying. I’ve got to get out of here. I scoop Greta up, and she clings to me, sobbing. Her cries cut me to the bone, the other mothers’ stares feel like lasers. Do they know? Can they tell? They are all smiling at me, wishing me luck. I give a quick laugh – oh, two year olds, what can you do? - and wave as I scuttle to the car.

I drive home, my hands gripping the wheel, my thoughts racing. I’ll be okay once I’m home. I just need to get home.

I put Greta down for her nap, humming to her until she falls asleep. My hands are shaking in earnest, now, and my headache is blinding. I head downstairs and open the fridge, telling myself I’m going to have a glass of milk to settle my stomach. My eyes fall on the one-quarter full bottle of Chardonnay, glistening at the back of the top shelf. I reach for the milk, and grab the bottle of wine instead. Just one sip, to take the edge off, I think. It’s not like I’m going to get drunk in the middle of the afternoon. Just one to feel better. I take a long swig, and my stomach heaves. I wait a moment, wondering if it will stay down. It does. I take another swig, and the shaking in my hands stops. My body relaxes, my mind is blissfully quiet.

An hour later the bottle is empty. How did that happen? I don’t feel drunk, or even a little buzzed. I feel normal, finally. Without thinking about what I’m doing, I go to the sink, fill the empty bottle one-quarter full with water from the tap and shove it in the back of the fridge. I’ll have to buy some more later, I think. Before Steve gets home I’ll replace the water with wine, and pour the rest down the sink because tonight I’m not going to drink.

And at that moment, I mean it.

My daughter wakes up from her nap, and we sit on the floor and do puzzles, play games. My body is warm, glowing, and my patience is infinite. Again, a snapshot flashes through my brain: a happy, involved mother playing with her child. A good mother, an engaged mother. Not an alcoholic mother. I think: alcoholic mothers don’t play with their kids like this.

At 6pm, we sit down to dinner. I’m smiling, slightly flushed, animated. My husband and I chat about our day and Greta babbles along with us, pleased at her growing vocabulary. I have replaced the bottle in the fridge, up to the same level as before, pouring three-quarters of it into a large water bottle now stashed in the bathroom closet. Steve and I have a glass of wine with dinner. I have promised him I’ll cut back on my drinking, so I make sure he doesn’t notice when I duck away to the bathroom to nip from the water bottle filled with wine.

It’s my turn to put Greta to bed. I’m in an expansive, buoyant mood, and I make a game out of brushing her teeth and putting on her pajamas. I kiss her good night, tell her I love her, and head back downstairs thinking: see? I can control my drinking. I played with my kid, fixed dinner, put her to bed. I am so much more patient after a glass or two of wine.

It’s 10pm, and I come out of a grey-out. I’m yelling at my husband about something – what? – I can’t remember. He looks at me with hurt and disgust and heads upstairs to bed. I’m crying, but I don’t know why. I turn on some sad music, flop on the couch and sob. Nobody understands me. I’m unlovable. I need a drink. I tiptoe to the bathroom and rummage around under the folded towels until I find the hidden water bottle. It’s empty. I begin to panic. I can’t be out, I’ll never make it, and then I remember another stash in the back of the coat closet.

One last snapshot: me, on my hands and knees in the coat closet, drinking straight from the open bottle, full of relief that there is more wine.

I think: tomorrow is a new day. It’s just that today was extra stressful. I won't drink tomorrow.

I don’t know it, of course, but I still have two more years of tomorrows to go.

[Dutch1988]

Damn Jane, I have to laugh, that was a buzz kill in the middle of my Wednesday! I am glad I never got to that level, but God knows that's why I stopped, to make sure I never did. Who knows how long it would have taken, a few more year, maybe?

Congrats Daisy! Happy for you and your 100 days, that was my first real big goal I was excited about reaching. It motivated me through a lot of negativity, and I still binge on ice cream and have had a chest cough for 2 months, not telling you to smoke or anything but celebrate the progress, right?

Moni, really, only eight? You make me feel bad about the ben and jerry's pint I crush almost everyday!

Still working through this critic voice. Sitting here telling me I am a fraud, not good enough at martial arts to be teaching, I should be training more, yadda yadda yadda. Testing days are especially tough, I judge myself on how well my 4-6 and -10 year olds are doing. Give me a break, my value is based on some kids who are gonig to train for 6 months and then quit and try swimming. I really need to get over myself.

So I am trying this phenibut stuff, and I immediately regret it. I feel stoned, or buzzed, like I am high or something. My main incentive was to try it for my bro who has lots of auditory hallucinations with his schizoaffective disorder. He has never found anything that helped him with it so I was hoping this could do it. Course I didn't want him to have a psychotic episode or something so I said I would try it for him. Now I am worried about going to work I feel so out of it. Neo, how much of this stuff are you taking? I feel like a zombie.

[Byrdlady]

Yikes, Jane...I DID make it to that level! Holy spit, and I glad that's NOT me any more. I had a belly full of making promises about AL and them breaking them all! No more rules except one....NO MORE. It is working for me. Thank you for that very graphic reminder where I don't want to go again!! Byrdie