Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

This doesn't mean you'll always be at high risk, Moni. As more time passes, drinking as the answer to anything will occur to you so much less often. We can't forget the situation we're in but what may feel like a burden right now becomes more of a pebble in your pocket. Congratulations on making the right choice! Each time you do that, you become stronger and your load a little lighter. Enjoy your evening :hug:

[Hypernova]

Hi everyone! Hope everyone is having a fine AF Saturday. I have not posted in a bit besides logging my days on Roll Call. I know I need to come on here and be more active but have been down a bit lately. Yesterday challenged me to get to toady AF. Very tough confrontational day at work as I let some steam off at some immature co-workers. Cannot believe the way some people behave or is it (misbehave?). Anyway holding in most of my frustration I was bathed in the stress hormones and am still feeling the effects of them. I know only I can control myself but the stress is overwhelming at times. I really wanted to blot out the pain! I am not wanting to revert to my ways of old so did not give in but wow. It's not as if I wanted to drink but just wanted some relief. Still do. I have been thinking of some changes for a bit but always balk. Alcohol has kept me prisoner and if I can stay AF change will not be an option but a necessity. Don't want to rant on but need to let this out as I tend to bottle the stress and ignore it's negative consequences. I have a very bad anger hangover and believe me I can see how stress kills. I believe it's from resisting change for so long. So even though it's a bit late I am going to lock myself in the basement and jump on the bike before I do something stupid. ~ Well tomorrow is another day and I will suffer through this and hopefully learn something about myself and my coping skills before I get to the point I did yesterday. Suffering succotash I feel like #%$!

[available]

morning nesters

been a busy week with me with work and children. My son had a drink, bit disappointed but had a feeling he would although i lived in hope. he was stressed and of course those al thoughts came up. we talked about moderating and he said he thought he could - so did i. he thought he would only drink on social occasions - so did i. I explained to him that that is what al does, tries to convince us we are ok that al does nothing to relieve stress and we cant keep drinking AT people which was a major problem for me. We will see how it goes but i know it will end badly, al does that, promises us the world and delivers nothing.

My other son grows medicinal cannabis and police raided the property he lives on. It is illegal here and the politicians are promising the world but delivering nothing (sounds like al). So we have a court case to attend and petitions to sign and lots of lobbying to the relevant authorities. I am very proud of what he is doing and the amount of people who he is helping. I have met a lot of his 'patients' and they are just normal people like us. If we dont fight for what we believe in then nothing will change.

My mother is not talking to me again! I now belittle her and she did not make me an alcoholic. Time to move on from that one. She is my mother but i wont be riddled by guilt any more. And of course i had an incredible urge to have that wine to drink AT her but no one is worth that drink. I just cant figure out why she wants to live with me if i treat her so badly.

So a tired and draining week but i knitted, i ate tim tams, i went to the gym, i watched a whole series of Jekyll and kept myself busy and i am still sober and grateful.

Hang in there guys, it does get easier and always know that drinking solves nothing.

Take care x

[daisy45]

Aw Hypernova, sorry you're feeling so crap. Congratulations on your 150 days!
Had a few issues myself today.
At this stage we are still having to trust what the long-termers tell us and believe it will all work out. I wanted a drink last night and even more so tonight. Also, having a bigger number of AF days behind me makes me more reluctant to give in to that AV.
Lav, I suppose it isn't Spring yet but the days are getting brighter......in Ireland we're grateful for sunny days even when there is frost and snow.
Very busy day deep cleaning my mums 2 bathrooms.....absolutely exhausted, which could have prompted the drinking thoughts. The good thing is I am able to be open about it with my daughters. Told them I have wanted to drink for 2 nights now and we talked about it.
Anyway, that's my lot....bed soon....another good thing....after 3 months I am finally getting some sleep....night all!

[daisy45]

Cross-post Ava. Sounds like you're going through it! A pity your son had a drink....but he will get there. The sober seed is planted and it is still good that this has happened at a young age. I never even contemplated quitting until 5 years ago even though it caused me problems way back...I was blind....your son isn't, so there is a lot of hope there.
Families! I also had a situation with my sister today....Mrs Negative, spoilt, woe-is-me, nasty, jealous.....oooooooh. My mum put. Diet coke in the fridge for me as I was cleaning for her....I heard my sister asking mum why she didn't do the same for her when she looks after her garden.....a fecking diet coke?! This is the sister whose daughter lives with my mum. The sister who eats every meal at mums. She looks after mums garden....and so she feckin should!
She then seen that I had dropped a bit of bleach on a cushion....I heard her telling mum that her good cushion was covered in bleach. She knew I could hear....I was in the next room....you should have seen me....mouthing silent obscenities and gestures at her through the wall! I was pissed off by the time I left because I promised myself I would be good and not criticise anyone today......She would suck the happiness out of ye'!
Sorry for ranting .....just letting you know you are not alone Ava.

[j-vo]

I'm gonna add a bit of my woes right now. Most of the time, during the week, I feel I'm strong in my quit. I feel as though I have a definite schedule, even if it's not a schedule, drinking is not ever considered. It's just not an option.

Then come the weekends...After today's game (a loss) I felt the stress, I felt the 'want' to relieve that stress with alcohol. I kept imagining any end result. It's almost like I knew I wouldn't do it but thought about it. Those feelings put me in a crappy mood, and I'm still feeling like it right now. I had the same feeling after last week's game (after a win) so either win or lose, I felt like this. Is it because it's on a Saturday, is it because others will be having a drink when we go to eat, is it the stress of the game, is it the small sobriety time and I need to strengthen these sober muscles? I don't know, but I also didn't want to do anything this evening. I didn't feel like going anywhere, but after being out the past two nights and then today, I just wanna be a couch potato. Just because it's Saturday doesn't mean we have to go to dinner or go somewhere.

Sorry for the rant. Just annoyed with myself.

Moni, the thing is, you didn't drink. Kudos to you.

Hypernova, hang in there. Glad you posted, and maybe posting more will be good for you so you can get some of this stress out on the table and not keep it in your head. Letting it go is a good thing.

Ava, sorry about your son. The good thing is that he's so young, he knows that alcohol can cause him lots and lots of problems, and he's had a taste of what sobriety is. This is just the beginning for him, and I believe he will get back on board. I hope that your son gets enough signatures for his petition. He's doing good for people that are sick. Isn't it funny how not so sick people get prescriptions for addictive drugs like ocycodon and end up really addicted and sick from them, but something like medicinal cannabis is not legalized, yet it has so many good results when used with certain illnesses. Good luck to him, Ava.

Daisy, drink that Diet Coke and enjoy it, sista!! She's being a bit annoying and I'm using obscenities, too. Get it off your chest. Got your back.:cuss:

Who said sobriety is gonna be easy all the time. It's not! And today, for this minute, or hour, or afternoon, it hasn't been easy, but it also hasn't killed me. I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and be grateful. And right now, I'm gonna have me a Diet Coke! I've been trying to pass on these, but I'm feeling I deserve it.

Peace everyone.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Geez, I hope everyone is OK. Glad you all thought to come on here & share your thoughts & feelings. That's a smart move because we all know now that drinking AT problems & feelings won't make them better or go away even. We are blessed with a fabulous Tool box here so if you are ever feeling stressed, look in there for a while. Let's not forget about the importance of gratitude as well. If it helps, sit down & write out a list of things that are better since you've quit. The list will probably be a lot bigger than you think. Don't ever give up on your quit, protect it with everything you have!!

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

HyperNova, Ava and Daisy - I have managed to REALLY step back from other people making me angry. Of course, it still happens, but I try to remember to turn the behavior around, and notice that it comes from them and is about them - NOT me. HN - maybe your co-workers are jealous and competitive. I have read a lot about leadership at work, and it is true that often times true leaders don't get credit for their work. Can you stay in your lane, do what you need to do, and try to stay above the immature fray? Ava - your mom is probably very sad that you don't want to live with her - she has spent a long time with you appeasing her and drinking at her rather than sticking up for yourself. Maybe she wants you to stay that way so she has more control? And Daisy - oh, the sibling relationships. Maybe your sister is sorry that she does get so much from your mom already and is afraid she loves you more somehow, or is more proud of you because you have it together more than she does? I know that all three of my guesses might be wrong, but my point would be the same regardless. What those people do and say is about them, not about you. I know you all know this, and I know in the moment it is hard to remember, but making myself ask "what in their lives would make them behave this way that has nothing to do with me?"

Ava - I agree with Daisy - my blindness lasted a lot longer than your son's. Hopefully he is on the right path. Sorry for your other troubles, too, but it sounds like you're a great, supportive mom.

Moni - I have come pretty far here, listening to the pearls from NoSugar. She speaks the truth - a pebble in my pocket here. Sometimes it is hard to believe, but part of acceptance for me has been letting go enough to trust that those who came before me are telling me the truth.

Sorry for all of you not feeling well. I am coming out of my funk, and had a great last couple of days. My house is a mess, but life is not perfect, and neither am I. Booze will not solve anything.

xo
Pav

[Lavande]

Wakey wakey Nesters, it's Sunday morning!

I was just thinking that perhaps there is a case of the 'end of the winter blues' going around the nest. Soon we will be able to do some spring house cleaning & open the windows for some fresh air & sunshine - we all need that

Pav, glad you are feeling better. I highly recommend leaving other people's problems with them, we don't have to fix everything

Have a great AF day everyone!

Lav

[Dutch1988]

Sorry to hear lots of us are having a hard time, but how many came here and posted instead of drinking? That's pretty damn good I think.

Happy belated 150 hypernova!

I hurt my back yesterday, not as bad as when I used to drink, and I take care of it much better without Achool to numb the pain and make me think I can move at night. I have a random cough though, which makes me want to drop to my knees. Disc problems for the win! Alcohol didn't even cross my mind yesterday for a second, a year ago I would have drank at this thing hard, especially after the day I had. Pretty happy about that, although I did yell at my daughter, I didn't just drink to deal with it.

so I have taken phenibut for about 5 days now, took two days to really figure out the dose, and I took one day off in between the five to make sure this wasn't escalating already. I got it for my brother to help him with his mental illness, but I do think there is some benefit for me. So here's my question, is this the start of a new dependence/addiction? I am making rules, I haven't broken any of them yet, but I am making them(only on days I work/sell, never more than 1.5, etc). It has really helped with my social anxiety and I have felt so much less stress in social situations. I mentioned I had been on benzos before I drank, and got off of them without much difficulty, but drinking my tolerance already seemed so high compared to everyone I know. I am going to finish the 25g packet, but I am going to post on here and be honest about it. I know lots of people don't like mess, but remember I am already on an anti depressant that helped initially and stopped working about 2 weeks in, if I can take something I have autonomy over, that costs 25 bucks for a 4 month supply, it sounds too good to be true. So I am suspicious of myself and skeptical, but I haven't enjoyed the past 11 months very much, and am only just starting to feel better, if there is something for these tough situations I would like to use it.

EDIT: Alright, well that's probably my fastest experiment with a substance I can think of, I am sitting here somehwere between minor and full blown panic attack. Obviously I did not measure it out right or something, or it stays in your system longer than usual. I feel like I am tripping out, which is not something I want to feel. Back to the ol tool box I guess lol

[Byrdlady]

Gosh, Dutch, be careful! I hope you feel better shortly!

Been in the closet....cleaning out stuff again! Dresses...gone. Panty hose, outta here! Long skirts, in the bag! It feels good once you get over the shock. Sorta like quitting AL.

Moods come and go, but I know one thing for sure....AL is not going to do anything to improve my situation. I tried that experiment 1000's of times over the years. It NEVER helped...in fact, most of the times it made things worse. Amazing how I kept going back to it. Thats the power of addiction.

Hope everyone has a better day today! Hugs to all. Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Had my son & grandsons here for dinner & they have gone home.

Dutch, I hope you are OK now.
I am a bit confused as to why you are 'trying out' Phenibut for your brother? That substance is not FDA approved & no one knows how it reacts with Rx medications. Please don't do that to yourself. I just looked & found that Phenibut has a half life of 5.3 hrs/250 mg. dose.
Do you think you may be trying to 'medicate' uncomfortable thoughts & feelings? Perhaps that is something you can bring up with your health care provider.

Byrdie, I should hire you to clean out closets around here - they are a mess, ha ha!!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[j-vo]

Checking in. Was a bit productive today, exercised, but mood is still a little funky. I know that it'll pass.

Dutch, hope you figure out that stuff. I don't know what it is, but be careful.

Lav, yesterday and today were great spring-like treats. We had our back door open all day, and now my little Ramsay is spent because he was outside all day. So glad we've almost made it past the big cold/snows, but I shouldn't speak so soon, as I remember the blizzard of '93 quite well.

Night all.

[Dutch1988]

Yeah pretty sure I just had too much mixed with too much coffee, didn't realize that the stuff would be so strong, even in small amounts. Lav I think I was just hoping to find something like holy basil or l theanine, didn't think it would interact with anything. I just didn't want to give something to a guy who guys through psychotic episodes a few times a year without making sure it was ok first. Guess I'll stick with my teas.

[Eloise]

I am going to add a bit of positivity- am visiting friends, those with whom we drank together over the years. I have made it clear I won't be drinking anymore and it is fine. There is an 'are your sure?' here and there and then outcomes the sparkling grape juice.
I will buy some non- alcoholic drinks today so I can join and remain sane.
I had a cup of tea last night before bed and didn't sleep until 4.
Time to find some camomile too!