Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Good Monday morning Nesters!

I am so looking forward to some warmer days this week, yay!
The winter wasn't actually all that bad but it just seemed LONG.

Great pictures there ai & I agree with your assessment on stale farts, ha ha!
Hello to Pav, LC, MrV & everyone.
Let's all have a wonderful AF day, just like we deserve

Lav

[upandover]

Ava, sorry about your baby. Good for you being strong. u/o

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!

As I was getting ready this morning, I was thinking about MWO and support forums in general. The few times I have checked out other AL Abuse forums I was turned off by the sniping and back biting I saw as a visitor. It set me to thinking about "How do we make things better?'.... In the years that I've been here at MWO, I've had LOTS of criticism.....LOTS! My stance is this: If you want to make this a better place....make it a better place! It is within each of us to do! It's pretty easy to criticize those who are doing by those who are NOT.

My former boss didn't have many rules, but this one was a good one: Don't come to me with a problem that you don't have some sort of solution for. It was easy to go to him with problem after problem, but devising some sort of resolution was helpful to both of us.

When I post something here, I post as if this were MY own forum...because it really IS. This place is what we make it. Every post matters.

aihfl, beautiful photos!!
Mr V, great to see you!
Up/Over, so glad you are hanging in!

Hope everyone has an easy day. Byrdie

[JackDanielsGirl]

Morning all,

Great posts as I was reading back. Hubs is back at work so I can spend more time here catching up. I would llike to share something with ya'll and get some good advise. Although my hubs has been AF since 2012, as far as I know, he has been telling me lately, like the last few days, he does not have a problem with me drinking and is ok with it as long as I do not over do it. WE all know as alkys that is not possible. I have tried to explain this to him but he just does not get it. Which brings me to my next issue, he and others have said you are not an alcoholic if you can go over a month without it." When things like this are said the old AL brain starts to kick in. I have not drank and do not plan to but need advice on how to deal with this. I am afraid if this continues I will cave.

Thank you all in advance and have a fabulous Monday,
JDG

[Byrdlady]

Morning all,

Great posts as I was reading back. Hubs is back at work so I can spend more time here catching up. I would llike to share something with ya'll and get some good advise. Although my hubs has been AF since 2012, as far as I know, he has been telling me lately, like the last few days, he does not have a problem with me drinking and is ok with it as long as I do not over do it. WE all know as alkys that is not possible. I have tried to explain this to him but he just does not get it. Which brings me to my next issue, he and others have said you are not an alcoholic if you can go over a month without it." When things like this are said the old AL brain starts to kick in. I have not drank and do not plan to but need advice on how to deal with this. I am afraid if this continues I will cave.

Thank you all in advance and have a fabulous Monday,
JDG

JDG,
Remember my hubs was the one that gave me the ultimatum and later offered me a drink!!! As you were laying out the story for us, I thought your hubs was a recovering alkie also? Maybe he just decided to quit to support you, not sure of that aspect but when you look at the FACTS (not what we WANT to hear) but the cold hard facts, we can see that this is a disease that we, alone, must control. I don't care what anyone else thinks about it, I KNOW what AL does to me. I joined an AL Abuse forum in 2010 (and lurked before that) and I'm still here. I know if I drink again, I'll go right back to my old dangerous levels. It may APPEAR to others one way, but from this side of that bottle I can tell you I do not have any business drinking. Where would that get us? Right back to square one. Keep and protect your quit....we don't need AL to live fulfilling lives, it's just others who are trying to make us think that!! This is a progressive disease, as you know and quitting gets harder every time. Don't fall for this trick, we don't get cured of this disease but we CAN keep it in remission. I finally had to tell my hubs the scoop. "If I EVER try to tell you I'm ok to drink, call X,Y, and Z." I'm in sales and I bet I could make a case to him why I'm ok now, after 5 years I should be able to handle it, right? WRONG! My brain knows where I've been. I told him that NO AL will ever be safe for me to drink and not to listen if I ever tell him otherwise. Now he's got my back. B

[JackDanielsGirl]

Thanks Byrdie, he quit to support me.

[KENSHO]

Hello Nestlings!

JDG, I still struggle with "Other people don't think I have a problem as big as I see it". But the fact is that I could not control alcohol - and neither can most of us here. It controlled me - no matter how much or little I drank or how many "30-days-off" I took. Its hard that we are our only accountability at times - but it is also hugely empowering. When we take that step to OWN our very personal relationship with alcohol and act accordingly, we jump into that life we were meant to live and a feeling of total self-control and self-assurance takes over. I know which end of that double edged sword I want to be on.

AVA, sorry about your furry friend.

Eloise and LC, thanks for the kudos on the diet. I do feel that what we put into our bodies changes the energy and function we get out. The trick is finding the right balance. On day 92 here, so something is working

Thanks for the photos aihfl! Lovely thing to see last night!

Byrdie, thanks for the reminder of the power we all have to create positivity!

Have a great day everyone. I'm reintroducing sugar and non-gluten grains today, so hopefully this doesn't trigger cravings, but I'm ready for them if it does.

[j-vo]

JDG, you're right. When you hear someone say you're fine, just don't overdo it, or if you can abstain for a month you're not an alkying, we want to believe it and it must be so if someone is telling me that because they're smart and I'm not! I would believe it and within minutes would be getting my fix. But The joke is on us if we believe the nonsense. My husband, who has called the ambulance on me twice has changed his mind about who I really am, and I believe he was missing our old times together. Yeah, he can tie one on once in a great while at the right times, but he can also turn it off. I've had to explain to him when he makes those suggestions to take a ride down memory lane. Really... It's so easy to want to believe we're ok and can drink a few here and there. But it's so far from the truth.

[aquamarine]

Hi Everyone. If its ok I'd like to join in. This is day1 for me . Ive been at day 1 many times before. Feeling so horrible about myself that I can't stop this . This place has helped me immensely in the past. Just going to take one day at a time.

[TJAF]

Morning all,

Great posts as I was reading back. Hubs is back at work so I can spend more time here catching up. I would llike to share something with ya'll and get some good advise. Although my hubs has been AF since 2012, as far as I know, he has been telling me lately, like the last few days, he does not have a problem with me drinking and is ok with it as long as I do not over do it. WE all know as alkys that is not possible. I have tried to explain this to him but he just does not get it. Which brings me to my next issue, he and others have said you are not an alcoholic if you can go over a month without it." When things like this are said the old AL brain starts to kick in. I have not drank and do not plan to but need advice on how to deal with this. I am afraid if this continues I will cave.

Thank you all in advance and have a fabulous Monday,
JDG

JDG your husband's perception about alcohol addiction isn't new. Many people, including some folks here on this forum, think of addiction as a crisis of judgement...a personality flaw. If you can quit for 30 days you are cured, or you never were an alcoholic to begin with. This perception is something that Dr. Thomas McLellan, a nationally recognized expert in addiction, is fighting. He believes that addiction is a chronic disease and should be treated as such. I love his point when he states that we would never think that we can give a diabetic medications for 30 days, and then pronounce that diabetic cured. Why do we think that we can do the same with alcoholics? If anyone is interested the following is a link to Dr. McLellan's recent interview on NPR. Good stuff:

http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/02/25/468085130/treating-addiction-as-a-chronic-disease?utm_campaign=storyshare&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_medium=social

[TJAF]

Hi Everyone. If its ok I'd like to join in. This is day1 for me . Ive been at day 1 many times before. Feeling so horrible about myself that I can't stop this . This place has helped me immensely in the past. Just going to take one day at a time.

Welcome Aquamarine. Since you been on this site before you know the drill. Plenty of resources to help and good people to offer encouragement.

[NoSugar]

You know, TJ, I think about this a lot because if I eat gluten, I'm "celiac", if I eat a lot of sugar and carbs, I'm "diabetic", and if I drink, I'm "alcoholic". The only one of the 3 that is considered my "fault" or due to a defect in my character is the latter. I suppose all 3 of them are diseases (they all certainly put me at dis-ease!!) but they seem to me more like reactions my body has to specific things I put in it. So, as long as I don't consume them, I'm fine.

I don't think these types of things can be cured per se but they certainly can be (chronically) managed. I ran the experiments with gluten (accidently) and sugar (purposefully) after I'd given up each of them for months. My reactions were the same as they had been and worse. I have no intention of running the experiment with alcohol. And that is where I think "a crisis of judgement" does come in. With what I now know about addiction and my response to alcohol, it would be completely irresponsible for me to choose to drink - for any reason.

Thanks for the link, NS

[JackDanielsGirl]

Aquamarine - welcome and pull out a twig. Great job on Day 1. Stick with us and let us know how you are doing.

Thanks Kensho, J-vo, TJAF and others. You are all right, this thing is chronic and I will treat it as such. I am going to put these ideas out of my head and if the hubs can not get it, then I am going to say I don't need/want a drink to enjoy life. It is much better without mind altering substances that slowly kill us.

You guys rock! Thanks for all the support, info and advice.

JDG

[Byrdlady]

Thanks Byrdie, he quit to support me.

So he hasn't had a drink since 2012 to support you, but he is telling YOU it's ok to drink?

This is just my opinion, but it will go a LONG way to sit him down and have an OPEN and HONEST talk to him about your relationship with AL. If he is choosing NOT to drink, it looks as if he would be encouraging YOU not to, also. Things got a lot easier over here when I finally came clean with my husband and got him on my side. The whole world (it seems) is working against us, getting him in your corner will help. Obviously, he knows you have a problem or he wouldn't have stopped himself to try and help. Let him know how to help further...guys are better at that than we think....they like to fix things, and this is something they can do to help.

Give it a try! B

[moni]

Hi Everyone. If its ok I'd like to join in. This is day1 for me . Ive been at day 1 many times before. Feeling so horrible about myself that I can't stop this . This place has helped me immensely in the past. Just going to take one day at a time.

Welcome back. Like you, I've had many day ones. The last time I 'rejoined' here, it was day one of what is now 55 days. Like you, I've taken one day at a time. They all add up though.
I just keep reminding myself why I'm doing this and who I'm doing it for... me.