Newbies Nest

[Fin]

Fin- I'm following your progress and keeping my fingers crossed for you. I know you can do it. Set a goal for 30 days and hang tough!!

Will do. My biggest challenge in the coming days is a Spring Break trip with the family and wife's family, a total of 14 people, headed to Kauai. Must be strong and take the little breaks as NoSugar suggests. Those will be key as stress can definitely mount on these trips trying to mobilize so many people, etc.

[KENSHO]

JVO, I'm so sorry about your mom. I feel sad reading your post about her. It must be hard, and I don't blame you for wanting to have a break from how it feels. I know you know where that will lead. All the same, hugs to you.

NS, I *LOVE* "pet the dog". One of my favorite moves

That said, all the chocolate lab licks in the world aren't helping my desire to escape tonight. All of a sudden, and typical of my career, there is WAY too much to do. I really need to stay up the next few nights in order to not delay the project. I often drive home on nights like this and know I should work, and inevitably the thought comes "You could drink to get through it." That's what I did for a very long time. Since I have chosen to NOT do that, I will have to deal another way. Tea, limiting work to an hour (not 4), and THEN more lab wrestling and perhaps stretching will just have to be what gets done. Argh. It's hard when we can't cope like we used to!

[available]

Afternoon nesters

Check in for me. A busy time, drove 3 hours yesterday to be with my son for his court case today and yesterday afternoon the solicitor rings to say it has to be adjourned as he is busy. Well i thought, what a waste of fuel and time but then i thought "no you get to spend time with your sons", it doesnt get much better than that. Had to take a day off work but thats no great loss in the big scheme of life.

Welcome back Fin, take your laptop so you can check in on your holiday. We cant do this by ourselves, we need to be accountable each and every day.

J sorry to hear about your mums health deteriorating so quickly. I remember when Robert was diagnosed with cancer it was about the same time i gave up drinking. I always thought if he can battle this disease then i can battle mine and be there for him sober. I was there for him for two years totally sober and i still am now even though he has been gone nearly 3 months. I promised him i would never drink again for him or anyone and its a promise i intend to keep. I totally wanted to drink some days after seeing him in pain or distressed but i knew i would wake up the next day and his pain would still be there and so would mine. All the drink in the world will not heal your mum or make you feel better.

I think NS the more time we are away from al the more peace we have, its a learning tool for me. At the beginning i thought nothing would fix how i felt but a drink as that was always my fall back to. Now, i just try and appreciate what i have given to myself and my family by not drinking and how much better life is for us all.

Time for a nap. Take care x

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

It's a cloudy & damp start to Tuesday here, but that's OK.

Sorry how things turned out for you Ava but spending time with your boys is a good thing
Being 100% there for an ailing friend or relative is a wonderful & selfless thing. My drinking career didn't start until long after my Mom was gone, I am grateful for that.

j-vo, stay strong & stay connected to us for moral support, OK?

Fin, adopt a zero tolerance policy towards AL & enjoy your vacation. It's all about choices, right?

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Tuesday!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Yes, Lav, it IS all about choices. In my 25-30 year drinking career, no one ever forced it on it. It was ALWAYS self-inflicted. As long as we have the choice, we have the power.

Going to vote today. If there were a candidate who would abolish Daylight Saving Time, by golly, he/she would get my vote!!!

Today counts....it's all we've got!!! Stay strong! Byrdie
P.S. Alcohol Sucks

[NoSugar]

I think NS the more time we are away from al the more peace we have, its a learning tool for me. At the beginning i thought nothing would fix how i felt but a drink as that was always my fall back to. Now, i just try and appreciate what i have given to myself and my family by not drinking and how much better life is for us all.
Time for a nap. Take care x

"Time for a nap" says it all for me. I was always doing something - often it was something I enjoyed and wanted to do but nonetheless I seemed to need to always be busy - except when I got myself into a state that I really couldn't function and so would sit, sneak more drinks, and mindlessly watch talking heads TV until I drifted off. Shows and movies were awful because I'd have to rewatch portions so I could somewhat intelligently discuss them later. I could no longer read books without having to reread the chapters I'd read the night before so I gave that up. Drinking allowed me to just be without seeming to make the choice to be lazy.

My ability to be a human being rather than a human doing now is almost shocking. I can do it even when those around me are scrurrying around doing chores or projects. That would have been unthinkable before. Before drinking was a problem, I guess I was busy because I wanted everything to be perfectly clean, organized, etc. and because I had a lot of interests and activities I actually wanted to do. While it was a problem, I was very busy each day (before 4 or 5 pm) because I had to compensate for the lost hours I knew were to come. Days are very short and frantic when you've only got a few hours to work with and you want to appear perfect and productive so no one will suspect you have a problem.

I'm still not much of one for naps but love just being in my life, often doing nothing other than that :smile:.

[j-vo]

You're sense of peace is awesome, NS. I know I can get there.

Thank you all for the kind and thoughtful words. I appreciate it so much. I know that drinking would make things a thousand times worse, and I never handled life as I wanted to when I drank. I never accomplished anything, and I know life isn't about always getting things done, it's about having that peace. But that would never be a possibility while drinking. This year is super hard, but that doesn't mean I can't do it. I would love some peace, and I know all I have to do is let myself have it. It's there.

[KENSHO]

It's a good thing I'm close to 100 because the shit has officially hit the fan. Deadlines seem impossible. Even more stressful is my husband's behavior. I got so mad at him last night for being upset at me for leaving dishes in the sink and a coffee cup on my desk and in the garage. REALLY?!? Are you f-ing kidding me? I cook EVERY meal, get the kids to school and run out of the house to drive 1.5 hrs. with a client up to their new-build in the mountains at 7:45, get stuck in winter weather, sit through a 1.5 hr. standstill on the interstate - and I'm in trouble for leaving dishes? We're not talking about mountains of dishes, we're talking about about 5 dishes. His morning was about getting in a workout, being fed, picking up his coffee and lunch that I made and leaving. I snapped and said things I shouldn't have. In front of the kids. Part of me thinks its ok to teach them that his behavior is not ok, but my handling of it was not ok either. I am OVER this part of him. The house and ME will never be perfect - and neither will he no matter how hard he tries. And it is NOT ok for him to treat me that way. Not sure how to handle it. To top it off, I had a stomach ache all night and didn't sleep - and now have 3 days work to get done this morning. Sorry to rant.

[JackDanielsGirl]

Morning everyone,

Jvo you are so right the peace is there just claim it and I claim it with you for you!

Sunny day here and windy. Sorry for the clouds and dampness Lav sounds like a good day to read a good book.

Started slowly getting into a exercise routine walking, hope to progress to running one day.

Have a great day,
JDG

[lex]

kensho- its ok a husband has to be put in his place every now and then. it is good for him. I am one so i know this.

[Fin]

KENSHO - love that handle, btw. Buddhist, right? You're awaking. So am I and that process definitely brings up new emotions for all of us. It's obviously because we've suppressed so many feelings with AL for way too long. I've had similar outbursts in my household where I think my spouse is crossing the line. It's actually opening up a new dialog again which is so-so overdue. Anyway, I'm glad you stood up for yourself. No one else can do that better and my sense is once we get in better alignment with our partners in sobriety, the rest will take care of itself. In the meantime, best of luck...

[NoSugar]

Kensho, would you have left those horrible :wink: dishes strewn around before you quit drinking? I know I wouldn't have because I was pathologically committed to leaving no room for any criticism of me. Now I often let things that can wait go undone when there's something else I need or want to do. Possibly you have changed and it will take some time for your husband to catch on. And if the dishes matter to him more than they do to you, he can pitch in and take care of them to help you out when you're under extra stress. Or he can let them be (with his mouth shut) until you have time to deal with them (and any that have joined them in the meantime). Unless there are health code issues , dishes don't really matter in the greater scheme of things. I know this makes me sound really old but I've finally learned to choose my battles and it turns out that very few are worth fighting - especially with someone you love.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Kensho, can you guess how many times I've said this in nearly 43 years of marriage? I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER! CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF!!
Honestly, it's frustrating & I have no problem telling him to stop being lazy. It doesn't change him any but at least I am speaking up. We really do have to redraw the boundary lines from time to time. Things change, people change & it doesn't have to be a bad thing. Tale lots of deep breaths

j-vo, you have all of our collective strength behind you, I hope you know that!

Byrdie, we don't vote around here for a while yet. This election process is raising my blood pressure. It's the worst I have ever seen

Hang in everyone & have a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Lavande]

Good Wednesday morning Nesters, happy hump day

Wishing everyone a terrific AF day!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Kensho,
I HEAR YOU on the work issue. I don't know if you work for yourself or not, but I can tell you that working for a big company has its challenges, too. Due to 'restructuring', we have fewer people than ever! One person does a job and when that person is out, you are SOL. In January, we implemented a new policy of only retaining email for 90 days!! We are in the process of implementing a policy where we can't talk on our cell phones while in the car (even on Bluetooth). Last week, we got a new mandate that we can't do any more overnight shipping...the only exception is if it's the end of the month and the company is trying to make its numbers. Yesterday, I discovered that all our prices increased!! I have 6 customers and their pricing is established, so I CAN'T increase their price without risk of losing them to a competitor. My commission is calculated on how much I discount from list price, so when we have a price increase, I am the one who suffers. I was so angry and frustrated yesterday I wrote a SHARP and POINTED email to my boss. I did NOT send it. This morning, I'm glad I didn't. I know my voice will not be heard, and I need this job. I feel insignificant, irrelevant and I'm frustrated beyond words.....but at NO time, did I consider drinking AT my job. What a revelation that was when I was taking stock last night. I wanted to say, 'At LEAST I have that!' but I gotta tell you this is the BEST news of the day! I worked HARD to be at this point...it was NOT always easy, there were many times I had the Feckits. Professionally, I'm a train wreck, but PERSONALLY, I'm good!!!! That's NOT a bad tradeoff!

We are having a regional meeting next week. ALL the big wigs will be there, I plan to make this underhanded price increase known to the rest of the salespeople. Monday will be my 28th anniversary with the company....it may be my last (if I get fired!)

Hang in there, everyone! Breaking free from AL is NOT easy, but I promise it's worth it! Byrdie