Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Lav, I had to break out my wool socks again! Brrrr!
Its been a relaxing weekend and I needed it. A week of my job sucks all the life out of me so I need these weekends to recharge. Next week, we are having a regional meeting and a training day for us then a show place for our customers and our new products. These meetings used to be a real test of endurance, up till all hours drinking with my cohorts. I think MOST of us are alkies, most still active. I can name on one hand the number that dont drink. It will be great to see them, but I will be going to my room at 9:30pm instead of 3 am!
I am so grateful that I stuck out those difficult days. Remember, ALCOHOL is the emeny! Hope everyone has an easy day. Byrdie

[LilBit]

Hi there, old and new friends! It's LilBit, here -- back from the work-sleep-work hamster wheel of 60+ hour weeks that started last October. I missed all of you so much, and can't wait to read back through the pages & see what you've been up to. At last, my life is beginning to return to normal and one of the first things I promised myself was to get my prodigal _ss back here.

That's a good thing, too because -- no matter how strong you think you are or how much AF time you have under your belt -- when you don't regularly bolster your thought life with the importance of maintaining your sobriety, those insidious little thoughts start creeping in... Most of us have many more years of AL-soaked time than sober time in our recent history. It's no wonder that's where our minds go.

Case in point, after a solid year AF, I was recently mentally planning a mini-vacation to celebrate the end of my work project. It included travel-brochure images of watching a sunset over the ocean and, all at once, the thought popped into my head, "Just one glass to complete the picture-perfect scenario -- just while I'm on holiday..."

Immediately, I roused myself to remember all the reasons why I quit: the interrupted sleep, the shaky hands, the sweaty brow, the sick feeling, the shame of lying to myself and everyone...

It occurred to me that the sober life is like a sailboat. No matter how much AF time you have or how clear the horizon is, you simply cannot -- canNOT go below and expect the boat to steer itself. There is no autopilot. The "hand on the wheel" is coming here, helping others, reading and remembering, and keeping a firm grip on how vitally important and precious one's quit is.

'Hope you're all doing well, Lav, Byrdie, Matt, Pav, NoSugar, Dutch, Ava, Eloise, J-Vo, Marylou, Kensho, G-man and all the other "Nesties." Please forgive my absence?

[Need to quit]

Good morning! I am enjoying coffee and back with the living. I almost finished a book, This Naked Mind, it is a good read. I think I'll read it again as it helps to unravel all the misconceptions we have about alcohol, no matter where we are on the spectrum. Our culture pushes this stuff on us. No wonder I have been at odds with myself on quitting for the past few years. Plus I live in a ski town, where, like Vegas, people come her to go wild. No wonder I got sucked in. I pressed the button too many times and now alcohol has ZERO benefit for me. I suspect it has a diminishing benefit for many many others as well. I'm done with regret/remorse alcohol itself is to blame and I say goodbye old frenemy. My best memories are when I can remember

[Pavati]

Good morning (MAE) all:

Nice to see you, Lil. I like that sailboat analogy. Keep steering, even in calm waters...

I went to a big party last night with many folks I hadn't seen in a long time. Everyone kept commenting about how great I look - amazing what alcohol will do to you and you don't even know it. It felt good to feel good, and to have long, meaningful conversations not clouded by beer.

First day of spring up here - sorry Ava and G. It makes me feel better to have more light.

Happy SOBER Sunday, all.

xo
Pav

[SKendall]

Every once in a while I have to send a shout out to Lav, Byrdy, Mr. G., and all the other members who are unfailingly loyal to MWO and it's members. You all give so generously of your time and encouragement. There are many more and you know who you are that are so important to this forum. Love to all.

[j-vo]

Good morning. I'm feeling very low about my recent relapse. It really sucks to feel this way. Then i start thinking maybe I'll be the one to never get myself outa this mess. But I've had many long stretches over the years, I've worked at it, and right now, I'm going to believe those sober times are not for nothing. They've taught me how to live without alcohol, appreciate life with a clear mind, feel good about myself, and I can have that again. I don't want to lose at life, so I'm going to give myself another shot at this and trust that I can be as sober as the next person.

[NoSugar]

Listening to these podcasts might help you, J-vo, and remind you that you're not alone:

https://soundcloud.com/thisishomepod/episode-12-relapse

https://soundcloud.com/thisishomepod/episode-13-relapse-part-2

This might also be helpful:

https://podfanatic.com/podcast/the-born-happy-show-happiness-self-help-personal-development-success-self-improvement-love-your-weekly-download-of/episode/how-to-break-a-bad-habit-a-happy-hour-conversation-with-dr-amy-johnson

[Guitarista]

It occurred to me that the sober life is like a sailboat. No matter how much AF time you have or how clear the horizon is, you simply cannot -- canNOT go below and expect the boat to steer itself. There is no autopilot. The "hand on the wheel" is coming here, helping others, reading and remembering, and keeping a firm grip on how vitally important and precious one's quit is.

Hi Lil! "Philomena awoke with the gentle rocking of her sailboat to the rythym of the sparkling deep blue green of the ocean, where she was anchored a couple of miles out from 'Frisco. She rejected the auto pilot option when purchasing the second hand majestic 20 foot trailer sailer "Maeve" as she knew her journey is in her hands. She is the Captain of her soul'. (outtakes from early drafts found blowing down a city street yesterday)

Good morning (MAE) all:

Nice to see you, Lil. I like that sailboat analogy. Keep steering, even in calm waters...

I went to a big party last night with many folks I hadn't seen in a long time. Everyone kept commenting about how great I look - amazing what alcohol will do to you and you don't even know it. It felt good to feel good, and to have long, meaningful conversations not clouded by beer.

First day of spring up here - sorry Ava and G. It makes me feel better to have more light.

Pav

Hey Pav. Gr8 stuff. BTW, 23C and sunny here today. :congratulatory: Glad spring has sprung. Maaarvellous time of year.

Good morning. I'm feeling very low about my recent relapse. It really sucks to feel this way. Then i start thinking maybe I'll be the one to never get myself outa this mess. But I've had many long stretches over the years, I've worked at it, and right now, I'm going to believe those sober times are not for nothing. They've taught me how to live without alcohol, appreciate life with a clear mind, feel good about myself, and I can have that again. I don't want to lose at life, so I'm going to give myself another shot at this and trust that I can be as sober as the next person.

Great to see you Jvo. There have been studies showing that sober time such as your recent magnificent run actually rewires some internal stuff for the better even when we have interrupted that AF time briefly , so def no loss there. I think if someone where to go back to boozing for a few weeks/months though, many of those benefits would be lost. Rawk on my friend. You are so worth it! So am i.

Blue skies here on this fab monday morning. Day 13 for me. This is the day it all turns around. Today i embrace the number 13 and all it's connotations and rumours. 13 reps on the weight bench, Relaxed breaths in and out for 13 seconds. The angels and demons can have their squabbles on this auspicious day. That is for them. The G man will just forge the unwalked trail through it all, with no attachment to the outcome, just a quiet strength, increasing sense of peace, and trust in my truth. There are no negatives in being sober.

Have a bewdy out there Nesters. Where is Jane?

[j-vo]

I listened to the first podcast and I like that the two women have different perspectives in al issues. The point is clear...no one is wrong in believing what they want to believe, if what you believe will keep you on the sober train. I found myself saying "yep" to one girl sometimes and yep to the other at other times. We all have different routes to sobriety, but figuring out what route is for you will make all the difference. Two things I didn't do when I made the choice to drink...
1. I didn't let the burn of this overwhelming feeling sit with me. I hated the feeling andd let it go.
2. I didn't play it forward in detail. I mean, find a quiet space with a cup of coffee, a journal to write specifics of the inevitable unfortunate things, feelings and outcomes of making such a wrong choice.
3. I didn't call someone.
I feel a bit better right now, after I listened and absorbed some stuff. Maybe not completely new stuff, but my workout doesn't change every day or week either so repetition is a good thing for learning. Applying that knowledge is even better.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Can't believe I am sitting here wrapped up in a blanket in front of a fire & just trying to keep warm on this FIRST DAY OF SPRING, ha ha!!!
It is what it is I suppose.

Lil, I figured you were still busy & would pop in eventually. Glad you are doing well!

j-vo, forgive yourself & move forward with us, OK? We work better together, group hugs & all

Glad to see lots of folks popping in today, a busy nest is a good nest.
Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest for all!

Lav

[daisy45]

So glad I popped in tomight.....I see a couple of good pals are back and feeling strong. G-man, when I fail I am so ashamed I feel I don't have the right to participate, but what you just wrote made me see it differently.....thank you for that. J-vo, so sad to see you drank but we can do this.
One thing this time is I have not gone back to how I was , BUT, I know and see the damage already. Reading tonight I realise I am still in a good place and have hope.. It is not good to see fellow sobriety partners cave but at least we can get our shit together, together!
Been really sick.....again......smoking is wrecking me.....really thinking about doing a two in one....

[available]

Evening nesters

You rub those grandkids in Lav lol. My energy and enthusiasm left after sanding for an hour and doing a square the size of a laptop.

JDG sending you an 8 seater table so you have a project and when done you can return it please and thank you.

Nice to see you Lil, my reminders of my drinking days are my photos. drunk, eyes 3/4 closed, leaning to the side, puffy face. Not a pretty sight i must say.

J, i never thought i could stop drinking for good when i quit. I looked at others numbers and wondered how the hell they did it and i kept waiting to have that drink so i would fail. I just took it day by day as we say. I knew i had to want it as if my life depended on it and it did. I was accountable to NS and Byrd and Roxy who kept in contact with me on a daily basis. I thought to myself how the hell can i let them down when they are putting so much time and effort into me, me who i thought did not deserve the attention as i was going to only fail and i not only would fail my family i would fail them also and myself. At that stage i didnt really care about myself, i drank to get drunk and to block out the world. To have NS and Byrd actually care about me and give me encouragement meant the world to me so i took their advice and kept on here, told them honestly how i felt and gained friendships that i now realise i deserve. Of course they could never stop me from drinking, no one can stop us except ourselves but i let so many people down in my life that i didnt have the energy to let them down also. So i plodded each and every day i plodded. The first year has more ups and downs than a brides nighty. I was told the 2nd year would be better and thankfully I listened and i plodded. I feel the first year we feel more emotionally than we have ever done in our life as we dont have the blocker of al to take the pain away, we actually learn to feel again and that is so f**king hard.

Sure i have days where i still want to block out the world and the shit that goes with it but i have learnt to deal with life sober and its hard but its not scary anymore. Nothing is too scary that i cant cope and i have to drink. If i am overwhelmed with life i will do nothing and i did for 3+ months.

Dont ever think being sober is impossible and you wont do it as you will. As i will always say and a lot of others on here, if i can do it bloody anyone can, god even Byrd did it and i was sooooo NOT as bad as her!

Take care x

[blink]

Sure i have days where i still want to block out the world and the shit that goes with it but i have learnt to deal with life sober and its hard but its not scary anymore.

sure its hard, but not as hard as dealing with it pissed. its only when you have time away from it that you come to realise that.

[Lavande]

Good Monday morning Nesters,

The sun looks nice shining on the covering of snow we had overnight, geez. I am so ready for some spring weather

Ava, you are using some sort of electric sander aren't you? No way I would do without!!
Kicking AL out of our lives is tough but really only the first step. The hard work comes after when we have to learn to deal with life with no filter. Knowing that our feelings & fears may be rough but they won't kill us helps a lot. Changing our thinking is mandatory for success

Wishing everyone a great AF day!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Ava, as bad as I was, I combed MWO for others who were worse and said I wasn't as bad as THEY were! Misery loves miserable company.
As many times as I got burned with AL, I would have to be OUT OF MY MIND to give it a try again. AL ALWAYS wins. ALL WAYS.

J-Vo, I'm not sure if your relapse was another attempt at moderating or just the 'feckit's'. I hope it was the latter. NO amount of AF time is going to change the wiring in our brains. Time and distance give us the opportunity to see more clearly. Active addiction keeps us locked in fear. After 5 years of nary a drop of AL, I can tell you with certainty that if I picked it up again, I wouldn't miss a beat. Instead of grabbing one bottle, I can already hear myself saying, better grab 2. AL is TOXIC to me. This is just like the peanut allergy people. No amount of time off peanuts is going to change the fact that they can't tolerate them.
This may be an unpopular stance for a site that was built on achieving moderation, but if we look at the facts, they expose the truth. Moderation, even on this site, was by using the high powered meds, with all the associated side effects. Honestly, the jury is out of their effectiveness.... I wasted a YEAR of my life chasing that unattainable mirage. Don't do what I did! I got sober at 51 and my BIGGEST regret BY FAR is that I didn't do it sooner.

Hitting the road tomorrow for my regional sales meeting! Lots to do today in preparation. Hope everyone has an easy day. Byrdie