Newbies Nest

[Eloise]

What I find so wonderful about this post is how things can change so radically in a short time period. I think it really gives hope to folks just starting out.
I feel quite similar although in my case stopping drinking has probably allowed my marriage to continue a bit longer than it otherwise would have.
The rest remains to be seen.

Morning nesters

Getting colder and i'm sick so at least i a cosy and warm and not driving in peak hour traffic waiting for the car heater to warm up.

Yesterday i celebrated 2 and a half years of being sober. I had forgotten until a friend congratulated me on another milestone. I thought back to the early days where i plodded along minute by minute and day by day, wanting my best friend al so badly that my mind ached with want. Facing those firsts where i had to have a plan and a mindset of totally not wanting/needing to drink. Telling myself over and over why i didnt want to drink, fighting with the voice that was telling me i deserved one, needed one, wanted one.

Living life without al as a crutch has been a nightmare sometimes. I look at what i faced in those 2 and a half years - sick animals constantly, a friend dying, 3 children breaking up with long term partners, job stressors, mother issues, getting financially back on track, learning to love myself, finding myself, learning to find new activities instead of drinking, losing friends, making new sober ones, growing emotionally and learning to live life sober.

I look back at what i achieved in my drinking career and some memories are shameful, some are sad and some are funny. I did manage to bring up 4 beautiful children so I did achieve something wonderful. Do i wish I had never ever picked up a drink, i certainly do. Can I take back my drinking days? No I cant and I dont want to really, the life I have now is great, i am happy, i am content and I am proud of what I have achieved in the past 2 and a 1/2 years.

In fleeting moments i think i could control my drinking now and i could have that ONE on occasion but I then reflect that NEVER did i have one in the last 10 years, never could i stop drinking for more than a day and never do i want to have a day 1 and start again. That scares me enough and I love and appreciate being sober every single day.

Happy 2 and a half years my quit buddy PAV.

Take care x

[Eloise]

Cool, glad you feel good about it Brydie.
I do think it is great you can meet people. My interviews are all over Skype and leaves me wondering what it would be like to work with these people? To live in a new city? And, do I really want all this?
I am focusing on the fact that I cannot continue to not work and that I need to be grateful I might get to continue teaching art.

Over-it. This is the part that sucks....the rough edges. I promise you that muscling thru these times will put you in smooth waters. You will be able to navigate thru the toughest times you can imagine and NOT even consider drinking as a means of escape. We all had struggles but do whatever itctakes to change your thinking. There is NOTHING romantic about AL for us. I can see myself sneaking chugs of vodka from a hidden bottle in my closet. Nothing romantic about that....more along the lines of pathetic. Hope you made it thru
back home now, I am BEAT. I think the interview went very well, a little stiff at first but it loosened up. The big cheese joined us at lunch and he was very personable. He said that the other company's loss was their gain. Thats a good sign. Im supposed to hear back from him next week. Fingers crossed! Im just glad thats over!!!!
its a good thong I dont drink, I dont know how I would have managed THAT monkey this week! Even with ALL THIS STRESS, at no time have I wished/desired that I could drink it away!!!! THAT'S YOOOOOGE! Hang in everyone!

TJAF, i grabbed a turkey sandwich at the airport (10 bucks) and ate that for lunch and dinner so I didnt get to try any of the stuff you mentioned. Phooey! What a lingo they have! They tawk funny up ere.
Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Thursday to all!

No sun today but also no rain so I guess that's OK!
Not sure yet how I am going to fill my day but I'll figure it out ~ always do

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Thursday!

Lav

[Overit-still]

Good morning. The surprising thing about this 109th time is my husband is supporting me. Have a great day

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, nesters!

Over-it, getting my hubs on board was the last piece of the puzzle. While he was the one that delivered that ultimatum to me, without thinking, he also could undermine me. I know that he didn't understand the extent to which AL had taken over and I was pretty good at telling him I was all cured. I have since amended that, and told him that at no time should I ever consume an AL beverage....it IS just like on tv, when someone falls off the wagon, all bets are off. I finally had to get him ON MY SIDE and life has been much easier ever since. I'm glad your hubs is supporting you, it is important!

Didn't sleep very well, of course I re-enacted my interview all night! UGG, I could really use a good snooze!!!!!

Hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[Need to quit]

I still need to quit. Boy did I aptly name myself. I have quit so many times, had so many day ones; i.e. today. I am so sick of being me. I am so lucky my husband has been so supportive over the years. He is basically a non drinker and he still loves me as I struggle. I don't feel deserving of him. When I drink it is fun but I get drunk every time. I always go home and go to bed. I never drive, the bars are way too close to my home. I won't drink for days on end normally. But I have been actively working on not drinking for a few months (meditation, tea, exercise, trying to forgive myself) I still have cognitive dissonance. I hate myself for not being able to drink. I have extreme social angst. I worry way too much about what others think. And yet I never cease to be amazed and inspired by sober people like all of you who post here. Why can't I get my act together ?

[available]

Morning nesters

Brisk here today and foggy.

Overit, i found when i told my children the whole truth about my drinking and asked for their help then i was totally accountable to them and i knew i could not let them down. I felt i had done enough of that over the years. If i wanted a drink i would contact one of them and they would chat to me to get my mind of those thoughts. Asking for help is hard, taking it is easy. Being honest about how much i actually drank to others was a relief in a way even if i did feel ashamed. Now i have no shame, guilt or remorse in my life with regards to al.

NTQ giving up is doable. My 2 children who i lived with let me drink, they enabled me even though they didnt realise at the time. I would send them to the shops to buy al and they never denied me due to the fact i would get very angry as dammit i deserved a drink. You said "you hate yourself for not being able to drink". I hated myself for the amount i drank and the need to drink and not being able to stop, i hated the life i had made for myself. As time goes on the easier it gets to say no. I now never want to drink again, i cant understand the romance i had with al except it blurred out what i could not face in life. Al gave me no happiness only darkness and despair. I cant moderate and I cant drink, well i can drink but i choose not to. Change you way of thinking and ask for support, it cant hurt to try another way.

Byrd you will get the job thats a definite!

Take care x

[SouthLondoner]

Lots of insight at the moment - the usual low mood because of the realisation of the change that needs to be made.

My current focus: changing the mindset of what I am missing out on to what I am gaining and having another important goal to work towards. I am always thinking about what I am missing out on if I say no to a night out.

Goal = to retrain myself to be able to go out to various social situations and enjoy them without needing AL. Which means learning to deal with emotions and self image, and being aware of my self limiting mindset, Slow and steady.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Overit, NTQ & SouthLondoner, make this quit your very last. Look forward to a happy & healthy future without AL. Imagine life as a non-drinker & take the steps necessary to reach your goal. A major change in thinking is always step #1!!!

Ava, hope you are feeling better

Byrdie, are you back on home turf now? I hope you can catch up on your rest. Let go of the angst, things are going to work out quite well for you

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Dutch1988]

I missed 450 yesterday, doing well in the no drinking department. I really do still think about it, but then I pop in here and it always reminds me why I stopped. Hope all is well with everyone. To think I haven't drank for 452 days, pretty stoked.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Friday to all!

Rain in my portion of the nest today but that's OK. It will save me time from having to go out & watering everything, ha ha.

Dutch, good to see you handling those fleeting thoughts & Congrats on your AF time. Great work

Wishing everyone a great AF day ahead!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good morning, nesters!

Yes, Lav, I got home late Wednesday night. I wish I could say Ive slept but that still isnt coming quite yet. Maybe I dont need as much sleep as I thought I did.

South, that FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) is classic for us here. It seems like the whole world and all its inhabitants can drink when, where and how much they want with NO consequnces. Oh, if that were only true. It reminds me of when I was a freshman in college. I have average intelligence.....nothing comes natually to me. Numbers? Forget it. Foreign languqge? NO way. Georgraphy? I cant find my butt with both hands. I had to study. I would resent my suite mates because they always seemed to be partying or socializing and rarely cracked a book! Life was unfair, I decided. How can all those others have such full social calenders when I was always holed up in a library cubicle? I cracked the code during second semester. The real party girls flunked out. The ones that remained actually didnt party every night, they went out when their schedule permitted. Because I was always buried in a book, to ME, it seemed like everyone was having a high old time ALL the time. That just wasnt the case. When we are in the grip of addiction, we think that if we cant drink we are missing out. We always want what we cant have. In reality, I am not missing out at all! In fact, I participate more than ever! Maybe I dont hang out at bars anymore but I sure dont miss that at all. There are 1000 more fun things to do! Its a perception that people who drink are having more fun. There is NOTHING fun about how I drank.
Here's the good news. If you take the focus off what you cant have and put it on what you CAN, it flips the paradigm on its head. Today, I am nearly 2000 days AF and if I had felt deprived during all this time, Id tell you! I feel better and sharper than I ever did when I drank! Time and distance will be your best friends here. Take a leap of faith and give it a try. Its much better than repeating the same ole song. Byrdie

[Laeot]

Day 79 here..

A testing day today as this is the day of the annual end of year party in work ...

A lot of people asking why I'm not drinking... Or 'come out for a few beers' ...

I'm at home instead.

It would be embarrassing to tell them if I went out drinking this evening then I would be already planning where my first beer would come from tomorrow when I woke up with a hangover ...
And then rinse and repeat for days on end. They wouldn't understand because they can go out drinking tonight and not need to go out drinking again tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow ...

Keep well folks ...

Still sober.

[SHADES_of_IDAHO]

Your absolute honesty with urself has kept u al free. I admire ur struggle with honesty and ur truth is so inspiring!
SHADES

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I had a fun evening with my two grandsons. Makes me grateful for the choice I made 7+ years ago to kick AL out of my life forever
I am not missing a thing. Having no regrets & complete access to three grandkids is everything, believe me.

Laeot, protecting your quit is so vital & it does get easier with time, I promise.

Hi there Byrdie & Shades!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav