Newbies Nest

[Inthesky]

Tony so happy to hear it was just a dream.

[SnoopyC]

Using dreams are common, so know that it is normal and that the beginning of this journey comes with lots of challenges. Get your plan together and post, post, post on MWO, lots of support and help

[tonyniceday]

Me too, Sky!!!!!

[tonyniceday]

Thanks Snoopy, it's good to know it's normal but still quite scary when you first wake up and think "Oh God, I didn't, did I?". I've seen a few people mention getting a "plan" as I've dipped in and out of various posts, new and old, and I'm not sure where to start with this. At the moment I am just looking forward to being able to come back on here after work tonight, when the clock's past midnight and being able to say I've got through another day. That is as far as I can see at the moment. Should I be looking further ahead? What sort of plans do people make?

[available]

Evening nesters

Raining and cold in Aus land but i suppose it is winter! I went and stocked up on wool today so knitting it is to keep me busy. Wish what i knitted someone would wear but thats life! Some unusual designs of beanies i must say.

Welcome Tony and Sky. Glad you are each others quit buddies. I have a quit buddy and we are both over two and a half years sober. I didnt want to let Pav down and we have had our ups and downs and gone through the same things and its nice to know you are not alone.

Tony the main plan is to get through each day without drinking. I needed a plan for the firsts i did, like going out to pubs/restaurants, holidays, family events etc. Then once i had accomplished not drinking at these events i was comfortable to do it again. The people who would say i could "have one" was so annoying. If i could have had one i would not be on MWO or waiting to get home to drink the hidden al in the house. Now i tell people i am an alcoholic and after they look at me strangely they dont ask again. It took me a long time to say that but now it is a part of who i am and reaffirms why i cant drink. Non drinkers are not normal in society so i always plan when i go out or if i dont feel comfortable i wont go. My quit is my highest priority and now not drinking is "normal" for me.

Been busy with work and gym, hibernating and knitting. Damn i sound boring now but damn i enjoy my life. My kids are having a wine and a laugh and i have my cup of tea. I look at the bottle of wine and have a small twinge of want but why would i want to lose the life i have now. The thought of drinking makes me want to puke. I am glad those days are over.

Take care everyone x

[Inthesky]

Good morning,
Day 4 and so happy I made it through yesterday. Tony with what available said I used some ideas out of the toolbox and spent a lot of time investigating what others do. As like you I can't really be a recluse. I just make a tentative plan but it seems to go sideways and with the overflow of emotions I've found writing in my journal or taking a drive to the ocean and just sitting there in my own thoughts has helped centre me to go back to my daily plan. I personally haven't planned to much ahead just doing day by day. But I have 1 BIG goal for myself and that is to be sober on my 42nd Birthday. Which is going to be my 29th day of sobriety.

[Inthesky]

My husband and I are very social. I'm still looking for different tools to del with this. As with everything yesterday we were invited out to a BBQ I couldn't go my emotional state and hanging out with people drinking just made me see red. Instead stayed home and watched a movie. Another friend stopped over and invited us to dinner on Sunday. (I'm a it apprehensive but after I explained I have appointment at 6pm with psychologist) she was kind enough to change dinner time to 4:30pm and make me a special non-alholic drink to enjoy with everyone on the patio. (Her husband is an alcoholic and didn't drink for 10 months but just started again a few months ago) I thought it would be harder to tell people that I don't drink but in all honesty they seen my problem way before me and want to help.

[Lavande]

Good afternoon Nesters,

I've had a hectic day. It's only 2pm, ha ha but everything is great

Drinking dreams are a normal part of the recovery process. They freak you out but are harmless. I think they serve as good reminders to your subconscious that things are going to be different from now on
Making yourself a bit of a recluse until you feel stronger is not a bad thing. I did not go anywhere for a good three months, it helped tremendously. Fake a headache or virus or skmething if you have to, we've all done that!

Your quit has to be your #1 priority right now. Everything else can & will wait!

Wishing everyone a great AF Friday.

Lav

[Dutch1988]

Hey Sky and Tony, drinking dreams super common. I had them and still do. Eventually it will get thru to your subconscious.

Hand broken still. Getting car serviced and bored. No surgery unless I keep doing stupid stuff haha

[Byrdlady]

Ok, finally time to catch up!!
I survived Day 2 of the trade show. Traffic was very slow both days, I had hoped I would hear our 'pitch' over and over as people came in the booth, we had a few demos, but it wasn't as busy as I'd hoped. However, that provided lots of time for me to talk with another rep and try and learn some of the I they require. It was an extremely valuable experience and I am so grateful they flew me up to be there! My flight last night was scheduled for 9:15 but we didn't take off til 11:15 and I finally went to bed at 2 am!! I'm getting TOO OLD for this! Everything hurt!
I did my first Uber!! That worked out great! My taxi from the airport was $34 and my Uber to the airport was $12.34! Plus it was fast! I am now hooked!
I saw lots of old friends but avoided the booth from my former employer and thankfully, didn't run in to any of the guys I was dodging, so it worked out very well. Went to the cocktail party and got a diet coke and no one gave a rip what I was drinking. The lines for the bar were LONG, I was just glad I wasn't dealing with AL on top of everything else. I heard stories of folks who were out til the wee hours and yesterday a lot of them looked rough! And SMELLED like booze!
The show ended at 3 so the other rep and I dismantled the booth and got it ready for shipping. I told him it wasn't in the female DNA to assemble and disassemble stuff, so I did the best I could.
I went back to the hotel for my luggage and ran into one of my former customers and he said he would Uber with me! (he had never done it either). So I must have hit a wrong button when the first car came, it already had 2 people in it and no room for me and my guy. The driver apologized and I assured him it was no problem and the passenger window came down and it was a guy I used to work with when I first started with my old company! In fact, his son was coming onboard and getting some of my old accounts including the guy standing with me! So we Uber'd again and got to the Philly airport and from ticketing, I had to get to Gate F, so I had to take a bus all the way across and when I got to the terminal and asked for #37, this voice said 'it's right next to Gate #38!' It was the same guy in the back seat of the first Uber car! His flight was also at 9 (but his actually took off on time) He said if there was any delay he was going to cry! We were ALL tired! So that was a pleasant way to pass 4 hours! He talked about some of the HEAVY drinkers we had at the old company and how drawn and old they look now. Yikes! It was REALLY nice not to be having this conversation over AL! I can't imagine how tired I would have been if AL were part of the mix! I would have also resented the fact that he wasn't drinking at all! Gosh, how times have changed....

Tony and IntheSky, below is my 'I have a Plan' Speech! Mick told me to add something to it last time, and I have forgotten what it was!!! I meant to make the changes when he suggested it, but alas. This is my take on getting a Plan! Hope it helps:
What is a Plan?
I heard about this thing called a Plan, and I HAD plans, but I wouldn't call it a PLAN, as such....it was more of a HOPE. A GOAL, even. A PLAN sounded way too formal for this thing I was embarking on...after all, what if I failed? Hope is NOT a strategy. Get yourself a PLAN.

#1 Failure is not an option. When you think you are going to fail, guess what? You FAIL! Wrote this book on this one. Get your mind into a mode of THIS WILL BE DONE. Don't be willy-nilly, or your willy will get nillied. Your mind is your best friend and your biggest enemy. Control IT and you will win. Control your thoughts and you will win.

Get all of the AL out of your house/space. Yes...ALL of it. You don't need a safety net because you are not going to fail. I fought this one hard, but I wasn't able to succeed until I did it. No, I was NOT different than everybody else, I could not resist it if it was in the house. GET IT OUT.

Get your story down as to why you're not drinking. This is important. Get a story together you can live with. I actually have ulcerative colitis, so I say that my UC is 1000 times better if I don't drink. If you are a Type A personality, you might enjoy using 'AL kills my ulcers'. If you are a health nuts, "I'm detoxing"....religious nut? "I gave it up for Lent and felt so good I kept going".....you get the idea. Get your story and stick to it.

As Alkies, we aren't used to eating. This is the SILVER BULLET to succeeding. If you have a bad craving and The Voices are knocking, EAT! Eat until you are FULL! Remember those times when you've said, "I can't eat another bite of anything!" That's the full we're talking about. You will not want anything if you EAT!

You are gonna feel like dookey for a few days. I felt flu-like for the first couple weeks, so treat yourself well. Drink plenty of fluids and rest! Your body is changing over from an ethanol burning engine to a food/nutrient burning machine. Have patience as your body makes this transition.

Keep yourself out of temptation. STAY out of the wine aisle at the grocery store. NO, you are not stronger than this thing, protect your young quit with everything you've got. Stay out of bars and avoid booze parties, especially the first 3 or 4 weeks. I don't care how strong you feel, this is a new thing for us and temptation is everywhere. Avoid it at all costs.

Change your mindset from one of deprivation to one of gratitude. Just look at the folks on here who have made C-changes in their lives!!! They are HAPPY and optimistic! Does this sound like someone who considers themselves deprived? It's all a matter of perspective. Thank God, you don't HAVE to drink today!!! Remember, to a worm, digging around in the hard old ground is a lot more relaxing than going fishing! Try not to throw, attend and participate in Pity Parties, they serve no good purpose.

Glue yourself to this site and learn everything you can about this condition we have. Knowledge is power. Nothing we do or think hasn't been done or thought before, so look back on the 7 years of experience here and you will find out what happens if you do such and such.

Let go of the past... don't look back. Let it go. ALL of it. Forgive yourself and move on....nothing to see here. There is NOTHING we can do to change what we've done, but we can start today and make things better for our future.

Did I mention gluing yourself here? Read and Post!!! This is key! Being part of a group is important. Like so many have said recently, we find that we actually don't have a much of a life outside the bottle! So learning to trust others again is part of our emotional growth and healing. Yes, the Nest does move fast, but we are always on point. You just regained about 4-6 hours a day back, so spending 30 minutes catching up here should be no problem. Staying connected here is a real key to STAYING sober. The world out there is telling us to do something totally counter to what we know we must do. Staying connected with like-minded people is vital. We are swimming upstream on this one...it's nice to have fellow fish to make the journey with us.

I feared someone giving me a drink by mistake....if they ever do, I'm spitting it back in the glass. My quit is my foundation. No one can take it from me.

That's my take on The Plan. Byrdie

[Ginger999]

It's been a while since I've checked in. Just wanted to stop by for a quick "hi!". Loving this non drinking life. I get so much done in a day. Had my second AL free anniversary in May. Life is so good without AL. All you newbies, hang in there and keep coming back! You will get there if you stay close to this great group of people! Now off for my next adventure!

[Inthesky]

Thank you so much for your post Byrdie it has given me a lot to process. It is helpful my hubby is jumping on board with me so that no alcohol will be in the house. He is a bigger drinker than me and just started tapering down today and has started the withdrawal. I'm able to empathize as I'm only on Day 4 just being able to reassure him the symptoms are normal gives me hope. I don't know if he wants to have one once in awhile socially but I do know I don't. This forum really helps me get through my days and nights but most of all lets me know AF life is possible. So again that you all who are being supportive of this new chapter in my book of life:heartbeat:

[tonyniceday]

Hi all, got home from work to see all these posts. Thanks to you all for the answers and support.
Sky, my biggest initial goal/plan was to get through Friday as it was going to be a huge challenge. As I've already said, my wife & I own a restaurant and therefore have our own bar as well and it's very close to home...An alcoholic with the keys to his own bar down the road is probably not the best tool for quitting. Unfortunately our staff know about my problem but that has also meant that this time I have been able, after advice from my Psychiatrist (God knows I never thought I would ever use the words "my Psychiatrist"!!) I have made them aware of me quitting alcohol and tonight (well technically last night, as it is now nearly 2 am here) was the BIG test. Quite often, for other work reasons, my wife is away for 1 or 2 nights each week. Tonight was one of those nights and, since I acknowledged I had a problem a few months back, each time I have quit I've had in mind that I'd be home alone again in a few days for a night or 2 and also at work in the restaurant/bar without anyone there being able to tell me what to do or not to do, so it was like I was planning the "relapse" before I'd even quit.

This time it's different and I've got through the night without my old friend AL.

I was still able to interact with customers in the same way but on the couple of occasions when someone asked me to have a drink with them I just said "thanks, but I've just got one" and produced my large wine glass which was filled with apple juice, which looks exactly the same colour as one of the dessert wines we sell. OK it may be sly but it got me through tonight. We also had a mini crisis in the kitchen when our Chef had to suddenly leave during service so, because I was sober, I was able to go into the kitchen and take over immediately which I would not have been able to do before.

SO it's now officially day 5!

Byrdie - thanks for that about the plan. I'll look the whole thing through again when I get up later this morning but I'll obviously have to adapt it slightly due to the fact that I cannot absent myself from the bar!

Anyway, goodnight now all and, from the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone who has taken the time out to comment here.

Tony

[tonyniceday]

Sky, just before I go for the night, I've just seen your latest post FANTASTIC news that your husband is joining you in this. I'm sure that will make a massive difference to you. All the best to you both.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

Sorry to drop off the face of the Earth for a while. I have been BUSY - but not in the "I'm so busy" kind of way, rather in the "I'm so busy doing really amazing things I probably wouldn't be doing if I was still drinking" kind of way. Pretty amazing and VERY full spring. Things should slow down in a couple of weeks. We'll see...

Byrdie - I got tired just READING about that adventure. I still haven't used Uber, but I'm sold now. Imagine if you had been at that show and facing all those people - how insecure and intimidated you would have been (or at least I would have been). So great you could muster through with your brain in tact.

Sky and Tony - welcome to a great place to get sober. I am the aforementioned quit twin of Ava. We promised to at least virtually "get together" when we hit 1,000 days (sometime in August this year!). It helped me so much to be able to relate to someone who had such similar feelings. Stick together, and stick to the nest. Lots of support and advice here.

I have little inclination to drink these days. Went to a nice meal with the hubs the other night and I LOVED my delicate and delicious fish. I could taste it, wasn't worried about finding a place with a bar, and the price tag was significantly lower. All the positives of not drinking.

No time to really read back. I hope all is well here in the nest.

Pav