Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Tony and Just, I apologized for stealing Eloise's thunder and then didnt take it! Here are your prizes for those first 7 days! :butt::butt: This is your FULL MOON! The worst is BEHIND you! We are so proud of you!

My meeting went great....beginners luck! Thanks for all the good wishes! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Eloise, instead of cutting out those rust rings maybe you could paint them - turn them into welcome signs, ha ha!!
Honestly, the older I get the less I care about house cleaning. I'd rather use this precious AF time doing fun stuff

InTheSky & Tony, be sure to thank Byrdie for those special 7 AF day prizes, LOL
Congrats to the both of you!

Kensho, welcome back. I'm not sure why you decided to drink on vacation. Is this going to be an on & off again thing? Sorry, I'm confused.
Just glad you are OK.

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[tonyniceday]

Eloise
To get rust stains out of a carpet, firstly let it dry COMPLETELY. Then take a butter knife, or the non-sharp side of a dinner knife and lightly scrape the stain to loosen any rust particles...hoover them up and if necessary repeat this.
Then get some lemon juice (if you use the bottled stuff then make sure it has no added sugar - if you can't find sugar free then just squeeze some lemons) add a pinch of salt to the juice and stir to dissolve the salt.
If you have a trigger spray bottle then best to put the juice in that and lightly spray the stain. You want it damp but not wet. If you don't have a spray then just lightly dab it on with a sponge or cloth.
Then go and have a cup of tea (ie leave it for 10 to 20 minutes)
Take a dry clean cloth and dab the stain quite heavily but DO NOT RUB IT. This should lift a lot of rust stain.
Let is dry completely again and if the stain has not completely gone then just repeat this method.

There is another (actually slightly better) method but as this involves using alcohol I'm not even going there!

Tony

[Eloise]

I tried the lemon method and salt Tony and it sort of worked, but now the stains are getting darker again.
I will re-read your suggestions and try them out later, thanks!!!
Lav, I have never cleaned in my life but I like the house clean, so I am giving it a try. I have decided it is pretty clear cleaning is not one of my strengths.
I am not sure which makes me crazier, cleaning or living with dirt? A lose lose situation. Thankfully I will be working again soon and plan to hire someone who does like to clean and does it well. As it should be!

Okay, so Tony- you have your eye on day 15, awesome!

Brydie I keep forgetting about the :butt: for day 7 award,so thanks for the reminder!

[tonyniceday]

Or you could always buy a rug!!!

[Byrdlady]

Eloise, I know you are neck-deep in rusty rug issues so no problem on the moons! It's a favorite of mine, how many times do you get to see that wiggly butt emogee? It has SASS! (what? I said SASS...)

Those first 7 are tough, I found that when I got to Day 13, things got exponentially easier for some reason. I had fallen twice at Day 12, so I had a mental line to cross the third time. Something just clicked for me and I knew I could do it from there on out. Once you get those AL blinders off, the world sure gets clearer. AL is trying to sell us a bill of goods and wants us to think we can't live without it, but I got some news.....not only can we survive but we can THRIVE without it! I could just kick myself for all the times I thought, 'Oh just ONE MORE time' or 'This is my last one, I promise' and then I just kept falling back. In the end, it gets us nowhere except back on Day 1. No THANKS, I say to that. Been there, done that. One drink or even one weekend of drink holds no allure anymore, that stuff is out to kill me. It was hard to do but once I finally stopped BS'ing myself about my relationship with AL, things really became easier. I am an alcoholic. NO AL is the cure for me. There is no amount of AL that is safe for me except NONE. My motto is, 'Not one, not ever' and so far, it's working! I HAD to slam the door on it, otherwise it kept weaseling in! Am I a hard-liner? YES. I have to be. This is the most insidious disease I've ever encountered. JUST when you think you've got it beat, it comes crawling back begging for things to be different this time. Are they? Well, yes, they are....they are WORSE! As a progressive disease, we just don't miraculously get better it takes work to heal. Sometimes the work is hard.
I do not feel deprived or like I'm missing out at all. In fact, when I drank I felt that way! I WAS missing out, on life!!! Deprived? See the list of stuff my hubs said I missed when I drank. I made appetizers and sat them on the counter while I passed out on the couch...missing the event. When I woke up, I remember seeing the look on my hubs' face...I don't know if it was fear or disgust, but I never want to see it again.....I hardly remember my 40's!!! I HATE AL.
Do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF. Rinse and repeat tomorrow! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Hi Lav. No, I don't intend sobriety to be an on and off thing. I don't want to be a drinker. Sorry to be short and passe about it in my post. The long story is complicated. The first night in Puerto Rico was very hard. I was in a fragile mindset leaving for this trip. I worked 70+ hours with 3-2am'ers trying to please a client, all the while trying to be there for my kids during their last week of school and dealing with a husband going through a mid life crisis - not sure how I held it together. Girl hormones hit and then a long overnight flight with kids. I was not my strongest self.

I was starting to wind down and enjoy being in an amazing place and my husband said, "I hope you can indulge a little on this trip" (meaning alcohol), which made me really mad. We were already feeling very distant with each other. He has been going through a lot of stuff of his own, trying to understand the cause of his anxiety and depression - he has considered his career choice, his past and even me - saying that he wishes I were more fun and would relax and let my hair down more and be less tightly strung. I felt boring and broken. And hormonal. And really bad about myself at that moment. We were traveling with his family who continually push alcohol on me. I wanted to relax and "let go" and "be fun".

I realize now that that moment was the emotional build-up of many factors, and the feelings would have passed had I just chosen not to drink. I was excited to be there, to finally relax and I DIDN'T need alcohol to do it if I had just allowed myself one good nights sleep.

Instead, I had half a glass of wine at dinner in the hopes that I would - what? - be more fun? Then I began to feel my face droop, my affect flatten and my mood shift. I said 'no' to more and the FIL said "of course not" - with snarky sarcasm. A grown man! First drink in 175 days. It all hit me at once then... I withdrew, got very sad. I was supremely disappointed in myself and very, very angry at my husband and his family. My husband made some comments about my "attitude" and we got home and I lost it. I found a room downstairs and cried and cried and cried. I was coming down from my adrenaline high of the week past, surging with girl hormones and feeling completely and utterly depleted, deflated and alone. Finally he found me and through bitter, angry tears, I told him that I HATED alcohol and that I didn't care if I EVER drank it again, and if he finds me boring, he can leave me. He said my step dad told him to give me a drink this vacation to "loosen me up", and that neither of them felt I had a big problem with drinking - that I was making it larger than it really was. I really respect my step-father, so I wondered if they were right. I was not thinking straight. I felt confused. I was in a foreign place with people who didn't support me and were calling me an exagerator, and high strung and I was missing a lot of sleep. The truth is on both sides. I HAVE been boring - AND they don't know enough of the whole story to make an accurate assessment about my drinking.

For whatever reason, I allowed myself a rum drink each night there and at the island resort. I had already broken the string of days. Lucky enough, I didn't go crazy, I didn't feel sick and, honestly, I had a really amazing time there. The trip was not about alcohol for me - it was about sailing, paddle boarding, yoga, beaching, trail running, shell diving, snorkeling, sunset cruises, happy, laughing children and family. My husband and I hiked and talked and I told him I was afraid of returning and wanting to continue drinking. We had some good conversations and connected again and that felt really good.

I have not been the best partner. I have been so caught up in my career demands and in keeping up with all that I take on that I have not opened up to him - I've been essentially just trying to "stay afloat" without nurturing our marriage. Not that he has always been the best listener, but he is now choosing to deal with the shit from his past and be vulnerable to me and is more comfortable with me being vulnerable with him. When I shut alcohol out of my life, I also shut my husband out. I didn't - couldn't - talk with him much about it. He saw me on this site "on the computer with whoever you talk with all the time"... and he felt out of the loop. I have explained this site to him and offered him access and reassured him that it has been strictly a positive support forum. He has not been in a place to be supportive, but I also hid a lot from him. I hid my alcohol use, and so I did not share my recovery with him. I have mostly kept this a private thing - mostly to just protect myself. I feel we have begun to heal and I have begun to open up more.

I hesitated to share this whole story here because then I get in a habit of opening myself only here and not with him. SO I talked to him this morning. I told him that I didn't like drinking since being back, and that I had already snuck AL in the basement twice. I told him I drank on the trip mostly because of his pressure and how sad that made me, and that I didn't want to go back to sneaking and hiding and obsessing about it here. He listened to me. And he said he smelled it on me last night and then he said THIS: "I actually prefer the you who doesn't drink, and if you want to, I think you should stop." He said he would support me. He apologized for his behavior on the trip and asked if we could continue communicating the way we have been. He thanked me for opening up to him and for being "wise and supportive" to him regarding his challenges.

I made the choice to drink and I do not want to continue to drink. I am lucky that I didn't spiral out of control and that I have my husband on board (at least more than in the past). I know this will always be MY thing to deal with - but it feels really good to be open with someone who is supposed to be your own private champion. I really want that kind of relationship. I can say for sure that drinking is not going to lead me to the life I want. Alcohol is a lie. It does not bring us clarity or health or wisdom. It did offer me a sense of belonging with his family - but what a sad way to have to gain it. And I think he finally gets that.

Thanks for listening. Day 1 tomorrow am.

[Eloise]

Precisely what I was thinking Tony- the ole rug coverup trick!!!
:bigwave:

[Lavande]

Good afternoon Nesters,

I've been busy taking care of a new flock of baby chicks & doing everything else. I'm glad to finally have a minute to sit down.

Kensho, I am sorry, I didn't mean to push you in a corner last night.
I am also sorry that your family is exerting so much pressure on you to drink. Why do people do that? It makes no sense to me that adults are not willing to respect your wishes & boundaries. I am happy that you brought your husband to the point of understanding. You deserve respect in your own home & family. Wishing you the best :hug:

Have a great AF rest of the day everyone!

Lav

[Inthesky]

Good afternoon all,
Day 8 and a beautiful day. Tony you sound like the cleaning wizard....I'm just like a 18 hour flight away lol. Hubby and I have been renovating house to go on the market, with fingers crossed tomorrow will be our day.
Kensho, your struggles are familiar and brought a tightness to my chest as well as tears. My husband has just started to support me also. Keep it up lovely lady.
Everyone have a great day afternoon tea time is calling

[actiongirl46]

Kensho - I'm just popping in to give you a hug. :hug: No wait, let's make it two. :hug: You got this girl, you know you do.

Tony and Inthsky, welcome! So happy for your "moons", great job!

[tonyniceday]

Hi Sky
Over a number of years I've had management roles with different hotel/leisure companies including one large corporation who had a training course for everything - including stain removal, but I am afraid I have no direct training or experience with domestic daily cleaning (ask my wife - she'll definitely confirm that!) So I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind invitation to fly half way around the world to do your cleaning but, on this occasion I must decline....you are going to HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF lol :exclaim:
Yet again, because of working hours it's now gone midnight here so it's DAY 9 !!
Seeing the Psychiatrist later - should be a good one as I know she'll be expecting me to say how badly things are going but I can't wait to see the look on her face when I tell her I've been sober for 9 days...

[Byrdlady]

Hi Sky
Over a number of years I've had management roles with different hotel/leisure companies including one large corporation who had a training course for everything - including stain removal, but I am afraid I have no direct training or experience with domestic daily cleaning (ask my wife - she'll definitely confirm that!) So I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind invitation to fly half way around the world to do your cleaning but, on this occasion I must decline....you are going to HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF lol :exclaim:
Yet again, because of working hours it's now gone midnight here so it's DAY 9 !!
Seeing the Psychiatrist later - should be a good one as I know she'll be expecting me to say how badly things are going but I can't wait to see the look on her face when I tell her I've been sober for 9 days...

AND, got a prize for it!!!! So happy for you!

[SnoopyC]

Kensho,
Thanks for sharing your story...so happy you are doing what is right for you, you described beginning to slip down that slippery slope already, and it is not worth it. It is horrible that your inlaw would make a snarky comment about your not wanting more to drink. Be a bit**, tell him in the future to MYOB, or something. He did not care about your feelings, I think in this AF lifestyle, we have to take care of our feelings ourselves. To heck with anyone wanting us to drink, would they push food on you, or anything else? I usually find that if someone is pushing me to drink, it is because they have issues themselves. Period.

I guess I am a little heated about this because I have read your posts in the past and know how you have suffered and struggled to get to a good place. We are here to support you.

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters & Happy Hump day

Looks like a hot & sunny day shaping up in my portion of the nest! I'll do what I can outside today before the rain moves back in tomorrow.

Tony, if you ever change your mind about the house cleaning gig ~ just let us know, ha ha! Great on your 9 AF days, yay!

Kensho, I hope you have a good day! Be kind to yourself, OK?

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF day!

Lav