Newbies Nest

[tonyniceday]

Morning all

Eloise - lots of people think that about the UK but between south and north we have a hugely varied climate. I am in the Highlands of Scotland and the place I live is 1112 ft (339 mtrs) above sea level. We are surrounded on 3 sides by mountains and are within easy striking distance of 3 ski resorts!

Off now for quite a busy day - have a great AF day everyone

Tony

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters!

Happy Thursday to all
I am watching my grandsons today although one of them is off at a day camp adventure until 3:30, fun times.

Wishing everyone a great AF day!

Lav

[dejafoo345]

Good morning and thanks everyone for the encouragement. I'm calling my cousin this afternoon, who went into rehab at 18 and struggled with AL and cocaine throughout his 20s until his wife finally said he had to quit or lose his family. I know his journey has been long and intense, but he has been sober for nearly 20 years now. I've never been able to admit to anyone, particularly my family, that I have an issue with drinking. Instead I tried to hide it and make excuses, which has only made things worse. I'm hoping my honesty will be the difference. In the meantime, I'm taking it day by day, moment by moment, and focusing on putting absolutely zero alcohol in my system. I know you all already know it, but this community is really so special to make the rest of us not feel so alone. Will be checking in daily on the roll call!

[tonyniceday]

Deja, my initial decision to quit was because a cousin of mine died as a result of alcohol issues whilst waiting for a place on detox. Another cousin (his sister) had huge issues with Al earlier in life but has been AF for many years. I turned to her initially for help and support. I am SURE you will find an open door there and support,

It has been said before on here that only an alcoholic can truly understand what another alcoholic is going through. I'm sure he will be very supportive and be able to tell you where he got help and how to go about it yourself.

Yes this site is always here and you will get loads of help and advice when you need it but definitely speak to your cousin because he, of all people, is someone who knows you and also knows exactly what you are going through.

Good luck, Deja, look forward to seeing you on the roll call each day!

[Byrdlady]

Tony, we are 13 feet above sea level! Flatlands around here!

My new company laptop came today, loaded with Windows 10. Well, at least I have a jump on it. They have been sending out rather helpful blurbs on how it compares to Windows 7. I should have done the reading the first time, its very useful. AL is sort of like windows you arexright..... sort of like that story '8 blind men and the elephant', each one 'saw' something different.
Eloise, I am overwhelmed because I dont have the product knowledge I feel like I need. I avoided this area of the business with the company I was with. Wish I had paid more attention. Now, Im having to learn all that along with totally different processes. My heart goes out to you having to learn another language! And a new house! Lots of changes for us! I think they will be positiv for us. Nothing worth having comes easy.
Deja, hang in there, each and every day gets better! Stick close!
Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

I can't believe tomorrow is Friday already & the 1st of July! Time flies when you're doing things right, ha ha!

Deja, hang in with us, we are a nice group. Each & every one of us have had to start somewhere & know the difficulties. But you are here now & committed so let's get the job done together

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Eloise]

I am sticking close to my mindfulness and yoga practice now Byrdie. The headaches are gearing up again.
I was at the doctor and got better support and ideas this time. He was very keen on the mindfulness practice and a bit stunned with all the things i have done to try and end the headaches.
he was like 'wow.' Yeah, wow. Now what?

We will make it through Brydie. It is almost funny I think, the idea of learning Chinese!!! omg.
We start a quick starter course mid July, still no idea when we leave as we have to wait for the permits.
Doggies have babysitters lined up until my hd returns mid September. We see what we do from there?
It might be okay to be alone for a few months, really focus on getting up and running with this job.

[dejafoo345]

Good morning all. Day 4 and feeling better physically/mentally. That being said, knowing the long weekend is here and it's a holiday with friends in town and lots of social activities, I feel like I have been having waves of anxiety. Has anyone else experienced this up and down? One minute I'm feeling strong, confident and sure that I can just keep telling myself I don't drink, then the next I am feeling stressed and worried that I will find myself saying, sure why not, just one. Continuing to try and stay focused on the one day at a time mentality, which is not easy for me, but seems to be a HUGE part in sobriety.

Thanks again for all your kind and encouraging words!

[tonyniceday]

Deja
I had a similar situation but my wife and I own a restaurant so we have our own bar which makes things quite difficult sometimes. The advice that almost everyone here would give, would be to do something different for the weekend and avoid situations where Al is available if at all possible.

If you really can't do that, then my advice is to always make sure that your glass is full of a non-al drink, but maybe one that looks like al (I keep a large wine glass of apple juice behind the bar so that if anyone offers a drink I can say "thanks very much, but I've just got one). That way you needn't open up to anyone you don't want to.

Another, slightly perverse, side effect of this is that it is quite funny watching other people get a bit drunk and start to do some silly things when you are stone cold sober!!!

Did you talk to your cousin?

On the anxiety thing and the "mood swings" this is absolutely normal for a few days while your brain gets used to the fact that you are NOT going to feed it Al!! Again, your doctor can prescribe you some medication which greatly reduces this effect.

Keep strong Deja - you CAN beat this!

Tony

[dejafoo345]

Thanks, Tony! I'm trying to avoid AL situations as much as possible, but it will definitely be hard to not be around AL this weekend. I'm starting with little goals each day - today is to only drink water and/or cranberry juice if I'm needing something with flavor. My best friend is coming into town, and I am planning on letting her know that I've decided to go AF so she understands and doesn't feel like she needs to pressure me. Plus, who doesn't love having a DD?

On Sunday we have a cook out and I'm bringing plenty of my own AF drinks (probably club soda w/ limes) so I don't feel empty handed or have to ask for water AND no one will be any the wiser that there's no AL in it. Great point about being sober and seeing people start to drink and do silly things - I've gotten past the first few drinks before and when I started seeing some of the nonsense, I was so thankful I wasn't part of it.

I did speak to my cousin. It was tough, but it was extremely helpful. He mostly just told me his story, how he went through feelings of shame and remorse, and how hard it is to change, but how worth it is. I love the camaraderie and compassion in this community, but I will say it was nice to finally say some of these things out loud to someone who has known me since I was born, and knows my family and where I come from. I think it peeled away just a tiny bit of the layers of shame that have been building the last 10 or so years.

A big thing he mentioned was projecting his fears by thinking ahead to the next event, party, trip, etc, which has ALWAYS been an issue for me. I've always heard and tried to take it day by day, but something in the way he explained it to me sort of clicked. He said he woke up one day, said to himself he really wanted to try this and find out who he was sober, and would do his best to get there. He didn't think about the next day, if he would drink, or if he would fail. He just kept his focus on the present. He let me know I could call him any time, day or night, and he would always be a support system.

I am humble, yet hopeful today.

[tonyniceday]

Deja
We don't use these words much in the UK but it's truly AWESOME that you've spoken to your cousin... it took me ages to pluck up that courage. I'll reply more fully later because I am working and expecting a busy night

[Justme Again]

Wow! Friday is over! This week is done and dusted!

I really need this weekend...

Took leave for next week and will only work one job in the afternoons. Looking forward to it.

Deja - glad to see your progress and good plans for the weekend. It is really strange to fake drink and watch the effects of al on others. Mega fun actually...
I hid my second pregnancy for a while and diluted apple juice till it looked like my wine. NOBODY knew! By that time everybody knew it MUST be wine. Lollest of LOL!!

Enjoy your sober Friday evening Nesters

[EMZ80]

Hi all. Another newbie here. Move lurked on and off here for years. I've been trying to stop drinking basically since I started 15 years ago. My poison of choice is red wine. I'm a closet drinker though I'm only fooling myself. I drink to ease my depression and boredom. I'm sick of being this way and having no self respect or self love. I want to quit for my family too. I hate being this way. I'm attempting Dry July as a start.

[Lavande]

Good afternoon Nesters

Waiting for thunder storms to start so I'm stuck inside for a while. Good time to jump in & see how everyone is doing

Hello & welcome EMZ80!
Glad you decidec to join us, we are a nice group.
Put together a good working plan for yourself, you can do this!
Quitting was the best thing I ever did for myself. Living without remorse, guilt & shame is wonderful & you will see for yourself too!

Hello to Justme, Tony, Deja, Eloise & everyone dropping in today!
Wishing a great AF Friday for all.

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Afternoon, Nesters!
Welcome aboard, EMZ! We are so glad you're here. Be sure to check out the Tool Box (link in my signature line). Its full of tips and tricks to help you thru these first challenging days. Stick with us and you will only have to do this once!

Speaking of the long holiday weekend, remember, Its just another day! We normally get an influx of people after a holiday like this. People come in full of guilt/shame/remorse, having done things that they regret. All we have to do is play it forward, there will be NO good consequence if we have 'just one more'. All it does is take us right back to square one. Who wants that? Do whatever it takes to yet thru THIS day AF. I promise, it'll be worth it.
Our friend, Mick celebrates his 4 year sober-versary on July 4th, so its totally do-able. Slam the door on that stuff, its out to kill us!
Great to see everyone, hope you have a peaceful day! Byrdie